In the End
by Ainaof
Summary: How did Sam get out of the Pit? Dean and Sam are trying to figure it out when Castiel shows up and insists they meet a young woman.  Can they trust her?  Seasons 1 - 5 spoilers.  Angst, pain, & just general beating up of characters will ensue. Complete.
1. In the Beginning

_Thank you to everyone for the reviews of my previous story, "Forgiveness". Though these two stories are tied together (a little bit) it isn't necessary to read "Forgiveness". That story answers the question of how Sam and Dean reunite. This story looks at who or what might have sprung Sam from Hell. I am trying to get it finished before Season 6 starts (can't wait!) because I'm sure the story will become AU at that point. It is turning out to be on the long side._

**Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Supernatural and the characters therein belong to the actors, writers, directors, producers, and technicians that bring it to life. Rated T, just in case. **

The young woman drove into an empty dirt field in the middle of nowhere, looked around, and decided it would do as a meeting place. She made her preparations, made a phone call, and recited a few prayers. Then she waited.

Before long, a late model luxury sedan drove toward her spot in the field. A middle-aged man got out. He was of average height, average looks, and average in every way except his luxury clothing. Oh, and the fact that he was a demon.

"So. Alexa. Got your message. Very cryptic and spy-like. Gotta say, I was impressed. You've got balls, summoning me." The demon approached the woman sitting on the fender of her grey '70 Dodge Challenger, her feet resting on the wheel.

"So happy to be of service to you," she answered, voice heavy with sarcasm. "We're waiting for one more."

"Really? Who might that be?" He took a few steps closer, then stopped. Looking down at the dirt surrounding the woman's car, he smiled, but it wasn't friendly. "A salt circle around the car? Darling. You wound me."

"Nothing less than what you'd like to do to me. Just wait for a moment or two. He'll be here."

Even as she spoke, another figure appeared in a rush of wind.

"Ahadriel. Of course. Although I'm not sure what game our dear Alexa is attempting to play. Oh, do put that away." The demon gestured at the sword the angel unsheathed as soon as he appeared.

"I do not take orders from you, filthy creature." Tall and golden, with dark chocolate brown eyes, the angel looked like a male model for the cover of some fashion magazine. But the young woman on the car knew better. Just like the demon, he would kill her if she gave him even half a chance. He left his sword out, and shifted so that he was still facing the demon when he spoke to her.

"Why did you seek to contact me?"

"Are you both able to make deals? Important, powerful deals?"

"What kind of deal?" The demon asked, even as the angel shouted, "Ending your life is not a matter for negotiations."

"Calm down for a moment, would you? You'll hurt yourself if you keep that up." She shook her head at the angel. When he stepped forward, she told him, "Uh-uh. Careful where you step." Alexa held up a bottle of holy fire. "You see those circles surrounding the car? Moats of holy fire and salt. You both stay out there. I have a few other surprises too, just in case you don't go for this deal. But I think both of you will agree to the terms."

The angel glowered at her, but the demon smiled.

"What do you want, Alexa? What could you possibly want?"

"I want Sam Winchester out of the pit, completely free of Lucifer, alive and healthy, with no trace of demon blood inside him, and in the present day. I want his brother Adam out of the pit, free of Michael. I know that because he died already you can't return him, but I want him safely brought to Heaven. I want the assurances of both Heaven and Hell that the Winchesters, Bobby Singer, and Lisa and Ben Braeden will be allowed to live out their natural lives without angels and demons trying to constantly kill them, use them, or manipulate them. I want Sam Winchester dropped off right outside his brother's house. Sane, and with his memories intact."

The angel, unable to really exhibit human emotions, still managed to look shocked.

"You filthy, cretinous, despicable excuse for life! How dare you!" He took another step closer to the figure on the car. She promptly lit a matchbook with her lighter and tossed it into the moat of holy fire. Ahadriel glared, but kept his distance.

The demon just kept smiling. "So, if we give you all that – which is quite a bit to ask for, I must say – what do we get in return? It must be something from the extra special secret recipe if you think you can get so much in return."

She answered, "That's easy. You both get exactly what you've wanted more than anything else. Wanted for years now."

The demon's grin grew impossibly wider. "Really? Oh, that is special. Let the negotiations begin. Ahadriel, I'm sure we can come to some kind of arrangement that will satisfy us both on this count. Don't you agree?"

This time, the angel smiled back. It was a chilling, battle-hewn smile. "For this prize? Yes. For this, we can definitely reach an arrangement."

She waited in the sun, inside the rings of salt and holy fire while the two unlikely allies discussed what constituted satisfactory arrangements.


	2. Puzzles and Pieces

_Sorry about the fact there was no Sam and Dean in the last chapter. Necessary for setting up the story. But they're back in this one (smiles)! Hope you enjoy the story. Thanks for reading (and many many thanks to those who have reviewed). Please, if you do see a typo, let me know. As soon as I stop banging my head against the wall in humiliation, I'll fix it. And I'll be extremely grateful.  
_

**Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Supernatural and the characters therein belong to the actors, writers, directors, producers, and technicians that bring it to life. Rated T, just in case. **

Lisa was in the kitchen, helping Ben with his homework while dinner cooked. Dean was in the living room, talking to Sam. She shook her head in amazement. The incident with the – thing – that had come after Ben had introduced her to Dean's world, but the thought that Sam could die and return? It was still taking some getting used to. He had been staying with them for the past three days, ever since Dean's email had convinced him to come back. Bobby had left the night before, telling them not to be strangers. Surprisingly, Ben was very sad to see Bobby go. The two of them had gotten along quite well. Ben seemed to be viewing Sam as a sort of consolation prize though. Bobby left, but Sam stayed. Since Sam knew about computers, and therefore computer games, Ben was okay with the trade.

She got up to get the green beans ready to go with dinner, glancing back at her son to make sure he was still working. As she rinsed the beans and snapped the ends off, she thought back to her own reunion with Sam a few days before. Dean had called her, finally, after what seemed like hours.

"It's really him." He told her over the phone.

"You're sure?" She immediately headed toward the exit of the mall, where she had been wandering aimlessly for hours.

"I'm sure. Why don't you come see him?"

Dean had smiled at her when she came into the kitchen. He and Bobby were both seated at the kitchen table. There, in the corner, his back to the wall, was the tall young man Lisa recognized from years ago. He rose awkwardly from his spot in the corner and said, "Hi, Lisa."

"Wow. You cannot even begin to imagine how glad I am to see you."

He'd ducked his head a little and responded, "Thanks. For all of this, I mean. Taking care of Dean, inviting me here. I don't deserve..." His voice trailed away.

"Sam." She said sternly, using the same tone that always got Ben's attention.

His head snapped up and he looked at her, eyes wide. Even Dean's eyes got a little wide. He knew what happened to _him_ when she used that tone.

She moved over and placed a hand on Dean's shoulder.

"Dean told me a little about what happened. I don't think it's even close to all of it," she squeezed his shoulder, "but some. Thank you, Sam. It couldn't have been easy to do. You deserve to hear a thank you. I've already said it to Dean. As for you staying here? You're family, Sam. So for now, you stay." Something told her that Sam wasn't ready for a hug from her yet, she was too unfamiliar, and there was too much wariness in his gaze. But she continued to look him in the eye until he murmured, "Thanks," and sat back down.

Pulling herself away from reminiscing, Lisa put water in the pot of green beans. Ben was humming softly as he continued to fill out a math worksheet.

"Dinner in ten minutes, hon. Go tell Dean and Sam, please? Then come back in and clean your work up. Maybe you can get the guys to help you set the table."

Ben snorted. "Fat chance! Dean hates setting the table. Maybe Sam will..." His voice faded as he walked into the family room to relay her message.

A swirl of air brushed past her shoulders and Lisa thought to herself she needed to have Dean check the thermostat on the central air. It shouldn't be coming on at this point. She turned to get the dishes out for Ben, and caught sight of the man standing in the center of her kitchen. A man she did not know.

Lisa's scream had Dean and Sam moving instantaneously. Dean shoved Ben behind him, and issued a terse order. "Ben, your room. Now." Ben, understanding that this was one of the serious times Dean had told him about, obeyed without question.

The delay with Ben meant Sam was two steps ahead of him getting to the kitchen. His brother stood like a wall in the doorway, blocking Dean's view.

"Lisa!" He yelled as Sam stepped out of the way.

"I'm okay. It's just – him." She pointed to a dark haired man in a khaki trench coat, who was busy staring at Sam.

"Castiel?" Dean said.

"Sam. I am glad that you are well." The angel sounded grave and serious.

Sam looked surprised. "Umm... yeah, Cas. Thanks? And, I'm sorry. For, well, you know."

Castiel's head tilted a bit to one side. "Oh. For exploding me? That was not you, Sam Winchester. That was my brother." Before anyone could respond to that, Lisa cleared her throat.

"This is Castiel? The one you told me about?" Lisa asked.

At Dean's nod, she turned to openly stare at the angel.

"You. You're an angel?"

He nodded and said awkwardly, "It is my pleasure to meet you, Lisa Braeden."

Lisa actually blushed at this, causing Dean to shoot her a perplexed look. _It's just Cas, what's the big deal?_ He shook his head at her, but smiled to lighten his censure, then turned to focus again on the angel.

"Cas, what are you doing here? Did you get Sam out?" Dean asked.

"I did not. I have orders to take you and Sam to meet someone. It is extremely important. We need to go immediately." The trench coat flared as the angel stepped forward, the first two fingers on his right hand extended.

"Freeze!" Dean yelled, trying to yank Sam back a step. _When did Sam turn into a tree?_ He thought. _I used to be able to pull him out of the way_. He tugged again, to no avail. Sam didn't even look at him. He was too busy gaping at Cas. Actually, Lisa was still looking a little shell-shocked too.

"Yes, Dean? You have concerns." Castiel had his 'I'm-listening-very-carefully' face on.

"Concerns? Yes, you could say I have a few friggin' concerns!" Dean gave up trying to move Sam back and shifted to stand in front of him instead. He continued, getting louder as he went. "Let's list them, shall we? First off, Sam just got home three days ago, after a year – a year! – in that hole because your bosses decided that they wanted a war and they tricked us into jump-starting it for them. Then they tried to make us play according to their rules and when we wouldn't, they dicked us around until the only way to stop it was for Sam to..." he stopped, then tried again, "and for me to..." Glaring at Castiel, "I know it wasn't what you wanted Cas, but it sucked and it was wrong and you work for them. So unless you're here to say 'Hi Dean, how have you been? And hey Sam, sorry, but I'm glad you're out' I don't really want to hear it!" The sarcasm was in full force now, and both Lisa and Sam winced a little as Dean shouted the last sentence.

Uncharacteristically, Castiel just waited until Dean was done, then gave him a hard look.

"Are you finished?" He asked, coldly.

Dean's eyebrows just about hit his hairline. "Finished? I am not even close to finished. You left him there, Cas. After everything, you left him there. All of you, because you couldn't be bothered with one insignificant human. So insignificant that he saved your sorry asses. And apparently you couldn't be bothered with me, either. Because you left me too."

Something like chagrin actually passed over the angel's face.

"It was not my choice, Dean. But I am sorry. I do not possess the power needed to free Sam. I left you alone because I believed it was your wish. I apologize if I misinterpreted what you wanted. It is imperative that we move quickly. My orders are that you must meet this woman by tonight."

"What orders? Who gave you these orders? What woman? I'm not part of this anymore, Castiel. I'm out. Once Sam was gone..." Dean stopped and glanced at his brother. He reached out and tapped him on the arm, just to reassure himself Sam was really there before he continued, "Even with Sam back, I'm not so sure I want to get back into the life."

Castiel nodded and began pacing in front of the kitchen table as he spoke. "This is not about getting back into 'the life.' This woman may be of help learning how Sam was released. She is a hunter of sorts, I believe. I have orders to bring you to her, from my superiors. Such orders do not come lightly. She must know something."

Before Dean could begin sputtering out his many objections, Sam cut in, saying, "Whoa, Cas, slow down. Where is this girl? Who is this girl? A hunter of sorts – what does that even mean?"

Castiel stopped his pacing. "The girl is in Massachusetts, north of Boston. Her name is Alexa. I have orders to bring you to see her. I've been told that it is absolutely vital that the three of you meet. Now."

Dean looked over at his brother, with a 'back me up on this' expression, but Sam just shrugged.

"Seriously, Sam? You're ready to just drop everything and go off on some wild goose chase?"

Castiel looked confused and asked, "Why would you chase a goose?" at the same time Sam answered, "What exactly is the 'everything' I'm dropping, Dean? I've been sitting around for the last three days watching tv, playing video games, and eating good food. I don't have anything going on. Besides, I think it's important to get as much information as we can on how I got out. I need to know. I'll go, then come back here."

"No way! No. You are not going anywhere by yourself." Dean grabbed Sam's arm.

Sam looked exasperated, but then saw Dean's face. His brother looked a little desperate and a lot in pain.

"Dean. I'm coming back. It's okay. Quick trip for information, then I'll be back here. Trust me." Sam grasped Dean's forearm.

"I do trust you, Sam. It's them I don't trust." He flicked his gaze up to the ceiling, indicating who he meant.

"You can trust Castiel. He's proven that. And we need to know how I got out. We need to know if there's something out there expecting a favor in return."

"My orders are that you must both meet her."

"Screw your orders! Dammit, Cas, just give me a second here, would you?" Dean turned and took a step away from all of them.

Lisa's waited, then crossed to him and slid her hand up Dean's back to stop at his shoulder. She tugged gently to get him to turn toward her. He looked at her and just shook his head. She smiled in return.

"I'm not going to pretend to be okay with this. It scares me to death, the thought of something hurting you. Ben and I have gotten used to having you here. We're used to depending on you. But Sam is right. You need to know. And based on what you've told me, you can trust Castiel. Dean? You'll never forgive yourself if something happens – to any of us – and you could have prevented it by getting this information. I hate to say this, I really do, but I think you need to go meet this girl."

Dean gazed into her eyes for several moments. Finally, he nodded slowly.

"Why are you being so calm and understanding about all of this?" he asked.

She flashed him a tough, but nervous smile. "I'm not really all that calm. Inside right now, my stomach is in knots and there's a part of my brain that is yelling 'Bad idea, nonono!' I don't understand this part of your world – our world. Not really. But being hysterical about it won't do any of us any favors. Besides, I figure if I'm calm about this, I get to be hysterical about other things. Like the fact that you sometimes forget to take out the trash. Or the way you use three towels every time you shower and then leave them in a heap on the floor of the bathroom."

Sam smirked while Lisa continued, "Or that ridiculous thing you do where you pretend to be..." Dean cut off the rest of the sentence by kissing her, and Sam snorted. Lisa pulled away and looked over at him.

"You know the thing I'm talking about."

"Unfortunately, yes. One of my recurring nightmares."

"I don't know, I think it's kind of cute. Mind you, cute in a really weird way."

"Ugh, no." Sam shuddered. "Maybe to you, but he's my brother. High up there on the list of things I wish I could un-see."

Dean said, "Do you two mind? I'm standing right here!"

Sam thunked him on the back once. "Distracted you though, didn't it?"

Dean just growled at both of them. He looked over at Castiel.

"Fine. Okay. Sam and I go with you to meet this girl, and then come back here. We need to gear up first."

The angel nodded, then said, "Hurry."

Dean rolled his eyes and muttered, "Everybody's a critic," as he walked out to the garage to open the safe where he stored most of their old hunting equipment.


	3. Meetings with Remarkable Men

_Thanks so much for the reviews and those of you who have added this to your alerts, etc. You're all so kind! Hope you are enjoying the story. Thanks for reading._

**Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Supernatural and the characters therein belong to the actors, writers, directors, producers, and technicians that bring it to life. Rated T, just in case. **

Thirty minutes later, everyone was standing in the living room of the house. Dinner had been taken out of the oven, but was sitting uneaten on the counter. Sam and Dean both wore multiple weapons garnered from the stash in the garage safe. Sam had pulled on a hoodie, and Dean grabbed his army jacket. Lisa had gone upstairs to talk to Ben while they were in the garage, then brought him downstairs to say goodbye. The young boy was now next to his mother, openly staring at Castiel. She and Dean were talking. Sam noticed that every once in a while, when he thought no one was looking, Ben would reach out and touch the trench coat. He didn't say anything to Ben, understanding the motivation to see if the angel were real. _There sure were some days when I didn't believe any of it was real. Days I still wish that_. Lisa finally noticed though, and pushed Ben's hand away with a frown and a look. He looked guilty for a moment, but then caught Sam's eye, who shrugged and smiled a bit at him. Ben grinned.

"Cas, why don't you shake Ben's hand? Introduce yourself," Sam suggested.

"What? Yes, of course. Benjamin Isaac Braeden, I am very pleased to make your acquaintance. I am an angel of the Lord. You may call me Castiel." Castiel held his hand out.

Ben reached out and took it, grasping it firmly, the way Dean had showed him. He kept grinning.

"This is so cool!"

Dean narrowed his eyes, but said nothing.

"How come Dean and Sam get to call you Cas?" The intrepid eleven year old asked.

No one spoke for a moment, watching Cas struggle to answer that question. Finally Lisa took pity on him and said to her son, "Because they're grown-ups, Ben."

"That's what adults always say when they don't want you to do something. It's lame." He complained.

Dean took over. "Yep. It is lame. So. Here you go. I call him Cas because I can be a disrespectful jerk sometimes, especially about stuff like this. It's called a defense mechanism. Sam does because the nickname stuck. Your mother wants you to be more respectful."

Everyone looked at Dean in shock. "What?" he asked.

Finally, Sam answered, "Nothing. Just surprised, you know?"

"I can read. I have evolved." Dean griped.

"Yeah. Yeah, you have." The two brothers gazed at each other, silently acknowledging the changes time had wrought upon them both.

Castiel broke the moment. "We need to go."

"Alright already. Give it a rest, would you?" Dean swallowed hard and looked at Ben.

"Behave for your mother. Take out the trash for me. Do your homework. I'll be back soon." He nodded, already expecting agreement.

"Okay. Have a good time. Be careful. You too, Sam." Ben returned Dean's nod, then looked at Sam.

Dean turned to look at Lisa. She kissed him softly and quickly. "Stay safe." She said. "Sam." She looked in his direction and smiled.

"I'll keep him safe, Lisa." Sam told her. Dean shot him a look, but said nothing.

Dean sighed, then looked at Castiel. "Can we take the car?"

"No. There is no time. We need to leave now, and get to her tonight."

Dean groaned. "This is going to suck. I hate wild goose chases."

Castiel sort of shrugged, and said, "We don't have time for that." He reached out and tapped both Dean and Sam on the forehead. Instantly there was a familiar swirling sensation, then blackness.

A second later that were standing in a nearly empty parking lot. The sign on the window read "Charlie's Pub" in green neon. Castiel headed for the entrance to the pub. Dean hurried after him.

"Dammit, Cas! I hate traveling angel express. Okay, Lisa and Ben are gone. Why are we really here? What's going on? Where is here anyway? Hang on a second." Dean caught the sleeve of Castiel's trench coat and swung the angel around to face him.

"She is here. We need to go inside." Castiel entered the pub.

Dean sighed and looked over at Sam, who had walked over to stand beside him. Sam shrugged his shoulders and said, "I guess we go inside."

"Yeah. I guess so. Be ready for anything though." Dean waited for Sam's nod, then pushed open the door. Inside, the place seemed pretty stereotypical. A few stools lined the bar, a few booths pressed close to the wall. At the far end of the bar a small stage was set up with a piano and a guitar on a stand. The bartender was an older man, grey-haired and buzz-cut. He looked fit for an older man, and the Marine Corps tattoo on his arm gave Dean an idea why. There were only a few customers scattered between the booths and the barstools so it was easy to locate Castiel settling into a booth. Dean and Sam headed for the booth and slid into a seat just as a young man came over with menus in hand.

"Hey guys, welcome to Charlie's. We have a short menu, but the food is good and we actually have some great entertainment tonight. Can I start you off with anything?"

"Beer. Something on tap. Thanks." Dean flipped open the menu.

"The same, please," Sam said.

Castiel looked at the waiter. "I would like a glass of water please. We are looking for Alexa. Is she working?"

The waiter smiled and nodded. "Like I said, fantastic entertainment today. She'll be on soon."

Castiel nodded and watched the waiter walk away, then turned to Sam and Dean.

"What does he mean?"

Dean pointed at the stage as Sam answered, "I think she'll be on the stage."

"Oh." Castiel looked at the stage intently.

Sam smiled and shook his head a little. Dean snapped his fingers at Castiel to get his attention. When the angel failed to respond, Dean gave up and read the menu a second time instead. He didn't notice as first Castiel, then Sam, went still as a figure stepped on to the stage and took a seat at the piano. It was only when the first chords were struck that he turned toward the stage and noticed her.

The woman was tall, judging from her height sitting at the piano, probably close to six feet. Dean thought she might be about Sam's age. Her hair was long and amber colored, a deep golden with glints of red when she shifted under the lights. It was wavy, and brushed back over her shoulders. Her skin was pale, almost paper white pale. She was beautiful, but not in a 'hot chick' kind of way. Dean just realized the more he looked at her, the more he wanted to look at her. He glanced at Castiel and saw the angel was literally gaping at the girl. Sam appeared mesmerized as well, but he did manage to stop staring long enough to say to Dean, "I think I know her. She looks so familiar."

Dean nodded, and looked back at her just as she began to speak, "Hi everyone. Thanks for coming tonight. This first one is an old folk song about love and what happens with the choices we make. Hope you enjoy it." Then she started singing. Her voice was quiet, but powerful, easily filling the small pub, but seeming so intimate you could imagine she was singing just to you.

The song was slow and eerie, the type of thing Dean normally would have immediately tuned out on the radio, but there was something that he couldn't put his finger on, something that made him want to hear the end of the story she was singing.

As she began a second verse, Sam shifted uncomfortably in his seat. There was something... He could _feel_ the emotions she was singing of. The pain, the desperation, the fear in the story were all naked and exposed in her voice as she begged and unknown power for the life of her lover. Painful memories flashed through his mind, of Jessica, of watching Dean die, of fighting Lucifer and being in the Pit, and the pain that never quite healed was suddenly there, as fresh as the day all of it happened. He struggled to hold it inside, not sure why a simple song was affecting him so strongly. He felt the muscles in his back go bowstring tight as he tried to hold himself still.

The song wound to a close, and the melancholy plea for her lover brought with it a feeling of resignation, acceptance, and understanding. His tension eased and the pain of memory, so fresh only moments before, now felt almost peaceful, as if some measure of relief had been received. Sam unconsciously placed a hand over his heart as the song ended and looked over at Dean, who was rubbing his hand over his chin.

"That was... wow. Intense. Cas, did you get anything from that? Can you tell anything about her?" Dean asked.

Castiel turned back toward the table and faced the Winchester brothers. Tears streamed down his face.

Startled, Sam leaned forward, asking, "Cas, are you okay?"

Dean shoved a few of the napkins from the dispenser at the angel.

Castiel nodded, ignoring the napkins. His blue eyes seemed to brighten for a moment as he said, "It was like my Grace," in a voice filled with awe. "What I lost when I rebelled, I felt the pain of losing it, then the joy of gaining it again. How it felt to be whole, complete. I think she..." he stopped speaking as the girl began to sing again. The young man came over to take their order, but Dean waved him off. Castiel stood slowly and walked toward the stage. The girl didn't seem to notice at first, absorbed as she was in the music. When she did see him, her fingers faltered on the piano keys, then recovered. Her face seemed to pale even more, and her body adopted a sense of stillness it hadn't possessed before. She watched him step closer, until he finally stopped at the edge of the stage. They continued to stare at one another until her voice faded to a hushed whisper at the end of the song.

Castiel moved first, stepping onto the stage and sitting on the bench beside her. He took her hand between both of his.

"Thank you. Thank you for that wonderful gift."

"Hello, Castiel. You're welcome."

"You know who I am. You know what I am." The way he said it wasn't really a question.

"Yes. And I know why you're here, as well." She looked over at the table where Dean and Sam were seated. Dean raised his hand and shook it a few times in greeting. Alexa looked dubiously at him and turned back to Castiel.

"Why don't we step outside to talk?" She rose, gently pulling her hand from Castiel's grip. First she put the guitar in a case and latched it shut. She carried it with her as she walked off the stage and paused at the bar, next to the bartender. "Charlie, I'm sorry, but a family matter has come up. I'm going to need some time off."

"Like we talked about before? That kind of family matter?"

"Yeah, Charlie. Just like we talked about." Sam, watching from the booth, thought her answering smile to Charlie seemed a little sad.

"Sure thing, Alexa. It's not like we're that busy anyway." He made a gesture at the near empty bar.

"Thanks, Charlie. I appreciate it." She reached behind the bar and grabbed a bag.

Charlie put his hand on her arm. "Hey, you stay safe, okay? Come back if you can."

Dean started to slide out of the booth, but Castiel waved him back. "Not yet, please. I would like to speak to Alexa alone first. There are things I wish to ask her." He followed her out the door of the pub as Dean shifted to the other side of the booth, so he was facing Sam.

"He was so gung ho about how we had to meet her immediately, and now he wants us to wait? This is so weird." He waved to the waiter, then said to Sam, "I'm hungry and since we didn't get dinner we may as well get something to eat. Who knows how long they'll be?"


	4. Devil in the Details

_Whew! This chapter turned out longer than I expected, but Sam and Dean are finally going to get to meet Alexa. Hope you have fun reading it. Please, if you find any typos, or mistakes, let me know! I read through it a few times, but my brain has this annoying habit of substituting what it wants to see for what is really there. Many thanks!_

**Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Supernatural and the characters therein belong to the actors, writers, directors, producers, and technicians that bring it to life. Rated T, because there's a bit of cursing.**

Dean was finishing up his cheeseburger when Castiel returned. The pub didn't have salads, so Sam had ordered chili, prompting a few rude comments from Dean. The angel walked through the door and strode purposefully to their table. Dean jammed the last of the burger into his mouth as he approached. Sam just pushed the chili away.

"Cas, what did you find out? Any idea why you had orders to bring us to her?" Sam asked.

"You should come and speak to her."

"Oh-kay. Not really an answer to my question, Cas. But I'm guessing that it's important we meet her?"

"Yes, Sam. It is important. Follow me."

Without waiting for an answer, Castiel turned and walked back out of the pub. Dean reached in his pocket and pulled out enough money to pay for their meals, and then he and Sam followed. Castiel was turning around the corner of the building, moving quickly through the darkened parking lot to a small grassy area at the back of the pub. The young woman, Alexa, was sitting at a picnic table situated beneath the parking lot's only lamp. Two cars sat in the shadows, glinting vaguely in the lamplight.

She stood up as they drew near and wiped her hands nervously against her shirt. _Or maybe she's making sure she can keep a good grip on a concealed weapon,_ Sam thought. He concentrated for a moment on the weight of the weapons he carried. Three knives and a gun. _Ought to be enough to kill her, if necessary_.

Dean, apparently, wasn't worried about that necessity. He walked over, clasped her right hand, and shook it. "Alexa, right?" When she nodded, he continued, "Any idea why the angels gave orders for us to meet you?" He looked her right in the eyes, daring her to lie to him.

"Because collectively, they have a crappy sense of humor?" she answered.

Dean stared for a moment, not used to sarcasm in answer to his own. She sighed.

"You don't know anything about how Sam got out? I'm just clarifying things here." Alexa sat back down at the picnic table, palms pressed against the marred wooden surface.

"No." Sam maneuvered onto the bench across from her. "I showed up outside Dean's door about ten days ago. Three days ago, we saw each other again. There was no indication of what got me out of the Pit." Dean sat too, straddling the bench next to Sam, while Castiel looked on from the head of the table.

She frowned at them both. "Only three days? You were out a week before you saw Dean again? That wasn't the way it was supposed to happen. He was supposed to be left in front of Dean's door. What happened?" She turned to Castiel, questioning.

Before the angel could answer, Sam interrupted, "Wait, you know about that? I _was_ left in front of Dean's door that first night. I just couldn't go in. I wanted to see him, but I thought that it would be better to stay away for a while, until I found out what was going on. I made sure he knew I was okay. I just don't think I deserve..." He stopped, suddenly aware how much he was confessing to this stranger.

Her eyes flared with anger as she snapped at him, "Samuel Winchester, don't you dare say you don't deserve to be back! You don't get to decide that. Stop beating yourself up. Obviously someone thought highly enough of what you'd done to get you out of there."

Dean looked surprised at her tone, and then even more surprised when Sam answered her in anger.

"Or something decided that I could be a useful weapon and sprung me so that I would owe them a favor." Sam glared back at her.

She closed her eyes for a second before speaking. "Stupid, stubborn Winchesters. Always have to argue. Relax, okay? You don't owe anybody. That isn't what happened."

Dean and Sam exchanged a look at her outburst, but didn't respond to it directly. Instead, Dean asked, "You know the details of how Sam got out? You know what happened?"

"It was part of a deal. Someone made a deal to get Sam out."

"Who?" Dean demanded.

Sam groaned. "Not another deal. 'Cause you know, the last one turned out so well."

"I can't tell you who." Alexa looked at each of them in turn. "Glaring at me isn't going to change my answer! I can't tell you. I can only say that you don't owe anyone anything. You paid the debt already."

Sam almost snarled, "That isn't good enough," at the same time Dean said, "How do you know all this?"

Castiel interrupted at that point. "Alexa has dreams, or visions. Much like Chuck. She sees what happens to you."

"Are you kidding me? Another prophet? I so do not need this crap in my life!" Dean slapped his face into his palms.

"A prophet? Hardly." Alexa snickered. "The angels would no more want me recording events for them than the demons would want me on their cheering squad. The visions are a side effect. Why they focus on the two of you, I couldn't say. But for the last few years, they have." She waved her hand in the air as if to say 'I have no clue'.

"A side effect of what? And how come both sides consider you the enemy?" Sam asked.

"And if they consider you the enemy, what the hell are we doing here, with Cas, with orders to meet you?" Dean added.

"It was part of the deal." Alexa chose to answer just one part of Dean's question.

"Wha... huh? What do you mean it was part of the deal? Some kind of weirdo deal going on there. Sam gets out and we have to meet you?"

"Sort of."

"What's 'sort of' mean?" Sam asked. He stood up and started pacing, searching the shadows of the parking lot for danger.

"I'm not just supposed to meet you. For the next – well, not quite a year at this point – I'm supposed to... God, this is awkward. I don't understand how this became a condition of the deal." Alexa looked up at Castiel as she said the last part, with an almost pleading expression on her face.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Dean demanded.

Now it was Alexa's turn to stand up. Sam tensed and swung to face her. She held her hands up, showing that she wasn't reaching for anything.

"You aren't going to like this. _I_ don't like this." She looked at each of them closely, waiting for a reaction. Neither answered. She made a face and continued, "I'm supposed to stick near you both for the next year. I have to see you both on a regular basis. Hunt with you occasionally, or hell – maybe go see a movie. Who knows? That sort of thing."

"You have got to be kidding me!" Dean exclaimed.

"I'm not exactly thrilled with this turn of events either. It certainly wasn't part of my plan." Her quiet voice belied the weight of emotion her tone carried.

"What happens if we refuse? Or if you refuse?" Sam asked.

Alexa gestured for Castiel to answer the question, then crossed her arms in front of her. Both brothers looked at him expectantly.

"The terms of the arrangement were that Alexa needs to see at least one of you every day for the next year, starting with today. She must become a significant part of your lives. If that does not happen, Sam will be returned to Hell and all the protections afforded to the rest of you will be removed."

"All the protections afforded? Explain that please," Dean said.

"You, Bobby, Lisa, and Ben have been declared off limits to both angels and demons. You cannot be harmed or your lives interfered with. Apparently my involvement in your lives is an exception."

"So someone got that, and they got Sam out? Not to sound self-absorbed or anything, but who has that kind of currency? I mean, Sam being in the Pit, everybody coming after me for refusing to be Michael's meatsuit, I thought we were at the top of everybody's hit list. Messing with us seems to pretty much be your national pastime. And what could get both sides to agree to the same deal? I know you think God saved you, Castiel. But this? What the hell is going on?"

Sam watched Alexa carefully. _I think she's telling the truth, but at this point, I could be so screwed up I'd never know the difference_. He walked around the table, stepping close to her. She met his eyes and didn't flinch from his scrutiny. He noticed absently that her eyes looked gray in the lamp light and wondered what color they really were. Watching for her reaction, he said "You really don't want to go with us, do you?"

Still looking at him, she huffed out a breath. There was a long pause, then she finally answered, "I don't think it's in my best interest, no. But there isn't an alternative. Refusing would mean sending you back, and leaving the rest of you in danger. I won't do that." She kept her arms crossed in front of her, but lifted her chin a little.

Sam continued to maintain his gaze as he said, "Why isn't it in your best interest?"

"I'm pretty sure both sides made it part of the arrangement because they thought it would hurt me. It was a bonus for them. I figure they're probably right, and since getting hurt isn't something I generally look forward to, no, it's not in my best interest."

"Why would they want to hurt you?" Dean asked, distracting Sam and breaking the stare between the two.

"They don't like me much." She turned away, stepping into the shadows, and dragged a hand through her hair.

"Why is that?" Sam picked up the conversation again.

"Probably because I'm not quite entirely human," she answered quietly.

Dean stood up quickly, untangling himself from the picnic table. Sam's hand was on his gun. Castiel put up a hand, motioning for Dean to be still, and said, "Sam." When Sam didn't respond right away, the angel repeated his name, a little more forcefully.

Sam swiveled his head toward Castiel, but his hand remained on the gun.

"She is not your enemy. I can guarantee that to you. She is not an evil to be hunted." The angel spoke softly.

Alexa turned back to them and asked Castiel, "If I were to die before the year is up, would it negate the terms of the deal? If I died either by accident or on purpose?" Dean and Sam exchanged a confused look.

Castiel seemed to listen to the air for a moment, his eyes sliding closed, but moving and shifting beneath the lids. When he opened them, they glowed briefly.

"If you were to commit suicide, the terms of the deal would be void. If you are killed, either accidentally, or by someone else with malicious intent, the terms will still be in force."

Alexa watched Sam, who still had his hand on the grip of his gun. Her gaze remained fixed on the gun, but her focus was obviously elsewhere. She raised her eyes and looked at Sam.

Calmly she instructed him, "Shoot me."

"What?" Dean said.

Sam said nothing, just watched her. When he didn't move, she uncrossed her arms, and hands outstretched at her sides, she took a slow step forward. Reacting to the threat, he pulled his gun out and held it in front of him. As she took a second step, he flipped the safety off. Her next step forward placed the barrel of the gun in the hollow of her throat. Alexa reached up slowly, wrapped her left hand around the barrel, and pulled it gently down until it rested over her heart. Her hand dropped.

"Sam, don't," Dean said.

Alexa kept looking into Sam's eyes and said, "Pull the trigger, Sam. Kill me. Please. I swear this isn't a trick. You know I'm telling you the truth. Just kill me."

Muscles in Sam's jaw clenched and his finger tightened a fraction on the trigger.

"Sam! Don't. This could be a set-up. We need to know more. Cas, help me out here." Dean had moved closer to his brother, but not close enough to stop him if he pulled the trigger.

Sam's gaze flickered over to Castiel.

"Is she telling the truth? Or is it a trick? Does she really want me to shoot her?"

The angel's answer seemed sad. "It isn't a trick. She really does want you to shoot her and she really does believe that the deal will still be intact if you do. But you forgot one thing, Alexa." He stayed silent until she turned to look at him.

"By asking Sam to shoot you, you are technically committing suicide. That negates the deal."

Realization crossed her face, and she closed her eyes in pain. Sam watched a single tear streak down her cheek as she turned away, cursing. Her shoulders slumped for a moment, then stiffened as she whirled around. She advanced on Castiel, yelling, "You guys suck, you know that, don't you? You suck!" She poked him in the chest.

"I did not negotiate..." Castiel began.

Alexa interrupted, "I'm aware of that. I'm talking to the ones you work for, Castiel." She made a frustrated noise, then tipped her head back so she looked at the stars and shouted, "Do you hear me? You. Suck!" She spun in a circle as she yelled, ending so she was facing away from them.

No one spoke into the silence that followed her outcry. Finally, Dean cleared his throat. Sam flicked the safety back on his now lowered gun and put it away. Alexa heaved a deep sigh, then tipped her head forward.

"What else do you need to know before I drive out to Cicero?" she asked, sounding defeated.

"You are not staying at my house. Lisa's house." Dean was adamant.

"I don't expect to. I wouldn't ask that of you. I'll stay nearby at a motel until I can find a room to rent. I don't need to ever step foot in the house if you don't want me there. Whatever will make this easiest for you. Both of you." She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Maybe I can just buy you both a cup of coffee every morning, say hi, and you can pretend I don't exist for the rest of the day. I can do that for a year. Sound like a plan?" She actually looked a little hopeful.

Before either Winchester could answer, Castiel cut in. "You need to see one of them every day, but you also need to become a significant part of their lives. Delivering coffee each morning will not achieve that."

"You've obviously never known anyone with a significant addiction to caffeine then. Delivering coffee every morning can be pretty significant. Even vital." She snarked at him. One corner of Dean's mouth tilted up a bit at that.

Castiel's head twitched a bit to the side. "Nevertheless, you must be more involved than that."

She just looked at him for a moment, clearly at a loss for words. Finally she made a disgusted noise and tossed her hands in the air.

Dean and Sam waited. She looked at them, shaking her head at the same time.

"Well. You've seen me today. I can start driving to Cicero now. It will take me about..." she paused to think, "sixteen, maybe seventeen hours depending on how fast I go. I'd get to Cicero around two or three o'clock tomorrow afternoon. Where do you want to meet me?"

"What do you mean, meet you? I'm driving with you." Sam answered.

Dean said, "Wha... no, you're not," at the same time Alexa said, "You don't need to do that."

Sam responded to both of them. "Dean, I'll be fine. It will be a good time to talk to Alexa and learn more about what's going on. You go back to Lisa with Cas, and I'll see you tomorrow afternoon."

"Uh, no, Sam. You come with me to Lisa's. We'll both see Alexa tomorrow afternoon. Let's be smart about this."

"Dean. I am being smart about this. We need to know more. Driving to Indiana is a good time to get some of the information we'll need. I'll be fine."

"Anything could happen! She could be some crazed killer _thing_ for all we know." He looked at Alexa and said, "No offense." She just shrugged. Turning back to his brother, he continued, "You heard her say she's not entirely human. We still don't know what that means. Come on, Sam! You don't even have a cell phone yet. There's no way for us to talk while you're on the road. No way for you to call for help. You're coming home with me!"

"No. I'm not, Dean." Sam didn't even try to argue with his brother's points, which were good ones. They stared at each other, stonewalling.

"I agree with Dean. It's probably better if I drive alone and just see you there. But, because I know that probably won't happen, here." Alexa said, breaking the silence. She tossed a cell phone at Sam, who caught it. "Keep it on you, so you can make a call whenever you want. It isn't a problem, I have another." Looking over to Dean, she said, "The number is 978-555-0308. Or, as a second option, you can ride along in the car too. The more the merrier, right? But I warn you, my car is a two door. Whoever gets the back seat gets the fun of climbing in."

"What do you drive, a Gremlin?"

"Haha. Very funny, Dean."

"Fine. I'm coming with you. And I call shotgun."

Alexa rolled her eyes and Sam snorted.

"Yeah, yeah. You're both hysterical. I'm going to go call Lisa, let her know I won't be back until tomorrow. She's going to have to call my boss too. I'm so going to owe her for this." He started muttering as he walked several feet away.

Alexa sat on the edge of the picnic table, placing her feet on the bench. Sam eased onto the table next to her, bracing his own feet on the bench as well. She didn't say anything.

"Okay, so I'm going to ask the million dollar question." He began.

"What did I mean when I said I wasn't entirely human?"

"That would be the one."

"The dreams. There aren't the only thing that I can do that isn't quite normal. I can heal. I can't bring back the dead or anything, but I can heal injuries, ease pain, that sort of thing. And other, little things."

"Like what?"

"I'm a little stronger than I should be. Just little things." She shrugged, not looking in his direction.

"Can you prove the healing thing?" He asked, choosing for the moment to ignore her lack of an answer about 'other, little things'.

"If you trust me enough. I'll have to touch you. Got a bad knee or something?" She turned to face him for the first time since they sat.

"Yep. You can take care of that too."

"What do you mean 'too'?" She asked, eyes going wide as Sam pulled out a blade.

"I mean this." He put out his left arm and quickly dragged the knife lengthwise up the middle of his forearm, biting deeply into the flesh. Blood immediately welled up and dripped onto the asphalt below.

Alexa leapt off the table. "Holy hell, Sam! What did you do?"

A touch of something – off – danced at the edges of his eyes when he looked at her. "Prove you can heal. Fix it."

By this time, Dean had hung up the phone and rushed over at Alexa's outburst. Both Castiel and Dean took a step forward, clearly intending to help Sam, who was losing blood rapidly.

"No. She fixes it," he said to them. "Unless she can't," he added to Castiel, who nodded understanding.

"Just so you know, Winchester, your version of 'prove it' sucks _ass_." She slapped both hands around Sam's forearm, splattering both of them with blood, then closed her eyes. Though she squeezed tightly, the blood flow continued at first, but shortly it tapered off and stopped. She continued to hold onto his arm for another couple of minutes. In all, the process took about five minutes. When she finished, she stepped back, hands covered in blood. Sam's arm also sported a topography of smeared blood.

"If you ever do anything that stupid again..." She was clearly at a loss for how to end the threat.

"You'll answer to me." Dean finished for her, shooting his brother the glare that usually stopped Sam in his tracks, at least temporarily. Sam just shrugged it off.

"It wasn't stupid. It was a quick way to prove or disprove what Alexa said. Cas was right here. He could have fixed me up if she failed."

"If I failed? If I failed?" She was shouting. "This isn't school. You are not my life lesson coach. You weren't brought back so that you could go around stabbing yourself to prove a point. Stop risking your life unnecessarily!"

In a flash, Sam stood right in front of her, shouting back. "First of all, I get to decide what risks are necessary! And second, what do you know about why I was brought back, huh? What don't you share with the rest of the class, Alexa?"

Dean opened his eyes wide and blinked a few times at the vehemence in Sam's voice. _Crap, is Sam suffering from PTSD or something?_ he wondered.

"You were brought back because you deserved it. You deserved a second chance. God, you idiot! Do you think that the angels would have allowed for the deal if they thought you weren't worth it? Screw what the demon's reasons were for accepting it, but trust Cas. Arrgh!" She managed to shove Sam back a few steps and turned away.

Taking a deep breath, she faced Dean and Castiel calmly. "Castiel, could you please reach in my jacket pocket and get the keys to my car? I don't want to get any more blood on this jacket. I've got a towel in the trunk. But you'll need to give the keys to Dean. You won't be able to touch the car."

"I can help." Castiel answered. He waved his hand and the blood was gone from Alexa and Sam.

"Wow." She looked at her jacket. "Even the jacket is clean. Thanks for the dry cleaning service."

"Why can't Cas touch your car?" Dean asked.

"There are sigils on it to prevent angels getting near it. And devil's traps to keep the demons away."

"Why would you want to keep angels away from your car?" Both brothers asked the question.

"I told you, they don't like me all that much."

Dean said, "Yeah, about that."

"I know, I know. Why? Why don't they like you? Because I insult their finely tuned sense of precision, okay? The fact that I exist pisses them off, because most of them enjoy being righteous and pissed off. Just leave it at that." She stomped off to the corner of the lot where the two cars sat. She stopped at the passenger side of a grey 1970 Dodge Challenger, unlocked the door, and reached down to flip the seat forward so someone could get in the back. Then she went to the trunk, popped it open and began going through a backpack. Sam noticed a devil's trap and sigils painted on the inside of the trunk, just like he and Dean had done to the Impala.

Sam and Dean followed her, trailed by a quiet Castiel. Dean stopped a few feet away.

"This is your car?"

"No. I have the keys to a complete stranger's car. Of course it's my car."

Dean smirked at her. "This is sweet. Details, please."

Alexa rolled her eyes. "1970 Challenger. 383 block. V8. Pulls about 335 horsepower. Custom paint job," she said, gaze flickering to the symbols on the trunk interior.

"Base model? Why not the R/T or the T/A?"

"Too conspicuous. Not that this isn't, now. But it isn't as flashy as the others. She's elegant."

"Goddamn sexy is what she is." Dean responded.

"Careful, Dean. The Impala will get jealous." Sam teased.

"I would never cheat on my baby. But, come on. This is a thing of beauty."

"Ugh. Dude, you're drooling."

Alexa slipped a wallet into her pocket and closed the trunk.

"Okay, last chance to catch the angel express home." She pointed at Castiel.

"Nope." Sam responded. He walked to the open passenger door and paused, looking back at Dean.

"You coming?" he asked.

"Yeah, yeah. Just admiring an amazing machine, Sam. Just admiring."

"It's fine, I just wanted to know if I should get into the back seat or not." He ducked down and squeezed into the back. In an effort to get comfortable, he sat on one side, and stretched his legs across to the other side.

Alexa slid into the driver's seat. "Sorry. Car isn't really made for back seat passengers. Especially tall ones."

"I'm used to being cramped in most cars."

She started the engine as Dean pushed the passenger seat back into place and sat down. He closed the door reverently and put the window down to talk to Castiel.

From the back, Sam asked, "So if the sigils are in the trunk, how come Cas can't touch the rest of the car?"

"The sigils are painted on all of the panels of the car. On the interior, where they're hidden. There's one right here, you just can't see it because of the covering." She tapped the roof over her head.

Castiel said to Dean, "I will follow your progress and see you tomorrow in Indiana."

Dean nodded. "Great. Thanks, Cas. See you then."

He eased back in the seat in time to see Alexa plug an mp3 player in and turn on the radio.

"No, no! You can't do this. That thing does not belong in this car."

"This 'thing'" she mimicked Dean's tone perfectly, "has all my music on it. And this is my car, so my rules." She made a face at him. In the back, Sam laughed.

Dean groaned and said, "Fine. But if that thing starts playing some new age crap, I am tossing it out of the car, no matter what you say."

Alexa didn't bother to answer, just backed out of her parking spot. As she was leaving the lot, she tapped the play button on the mp3 player. Dean winced, expecting the worst.

The guitar solo from the middle of "Travelling Riverside Blues" blasted out of the speakers. Dean actually gasped. Sam snickered.

Alexa just smiled at Dean's shocked expression. She turned the volume down a little.

"I'm guessing you have no objection to the music?"

"If I wasn't with Lisa, I'd be proposing to you right now." He responded.

She laughed. "That's okay. I'd say no anyway. You're just not my type."

"That seems like a good place to start playing twenty questions. So tell us, Alexa, what is your type?"

Alexa glanced in the rear view mirror at Sam, but neither Winchester noticed. She answered Dean with a "not you, Dean. Next question?"


	5. Nightmare

_Moving right along. Sorry this is a bit short, well, compared to the last chapter. It just seemed like a good place to end before the chapter became monstrously long. __Many thanks for reading!_

**Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Supernatural and the characters therein belong to the actors, writers, directors, producers, and technicians that bring it to life. Rated T, because there's a bit of cursing.**

They played twenty questions for over an hour, Dean insisting that since there were two of them, he and Sam got forty questions. Alexa got just the twenty. She told them she'd reserve her questions for later use. Both Winchesters tried to pry information from Alexa with the questions, but didn't have as much luck as they hoped. She managed to maneuver her answers away from the deal, or much of anything about what she meant by 'not entirely human.' They did find out, however, that she preferred Coke to Pepsi, enjoyed cooking, loved computers, and took care of her own car. Her taste in music was all over the map, annoying Dean and amusing Sam. When Dean jokingly asked, "How much do you love this car?" she took the question seriously.

"The car is great, Dean, and I've had it for years. I'd miss it, but it's just a car. I'd hate to lose all my things though. Everything I own is in the trunk."

"But, I mean. Just a car?" Dean thought of the Impala, how it was home for him and for Sam. How it was tied up in all his memories for the past years.

Almost as if she knew what he was thinking, she said, "This car is just a car for me. A great one, but ultimately it's just a thing. It isn't home. I don't have a home. Not for a long time. I just have places where I stay. I learned very early not to get attached to things, or to people. They just get taken away."

"What about your family?" Sam asked. Dean was still processing 'just a car.'

"The family that I had died a long time ago. I'm alone." Her answer was matter of fact, but Sam thought he heard pain there.

"Friends?" he asked, softly.

"Like I told you. Don't get attached. Hanging out with the two of you will probably be the most consistent contact with other people I've ever had in my life." She flashed Sam a sad look in the rearview mirror. "But hey, at least I know the two of you won't get taken away, right? That would mess up the deal."

"Yeah, I guess." Sam settled back into the seat while Dean resumed the questions.

Just before three am, Dean's need for sleep exerted itself, and he drifted off. Alexa switched the music over to something mellow, and drove without talking. Sam stared out the window of the back seat, determined not to sleep. Vulnerable. Sleeping would leave both of them unprotected. _Besides, going to sleep just means having nightmares, and I don't really want to have one cramped in the back seat of this car. Kind of hard to rush to the toilet and vomit as soon as you wake up from the back seat of a moving car, _he thought_. _Sleep had been difficult since he returned. Most nights he woke from memories, muscles twisting in remembered agony, screams locked in his throat. So he stared out the window instead, wondering what new surprise was going to be dropped into his life. He was failing miserably at letting Dean have a normal life. Back in his brother's life three days, and already the Winchester curse was reasserting itself. Trying not to focus on the guilt and regret that followed that train of thought, he let his mind drift, lulled by the tarmac rushing past. The rumble of the engine didn't match the Impala's, but it was enough to trick his tired brain into the illusion of safety. Without realizing it, against his will, Sam relaxed, and fell asleep.

The nightmare was a familiar one. Pain started at his feet and slowly twisted upward. Sam winced in his sleep, and made a soft sound of distress. He twitched, trying to fight his way out of sleep. Suddenly, everything shifted. A warmth started at his knee and spread out to cradle his entire body. Then he was no longer in that nightmare place. Instead he was in a field, with Dean. They were sitting on the hood, drinking beers and watching a meteor shower. Tension uncoiled inside him and he stopped fighting to wake up.

Alexa pulled her hand away from his knee and muttered to herself. "I should have asked for no nightmares. You two can't do anything the easy way, can you? I'm so sorry. I should have thought."

She quieted, afraid to wake them by talking, and just watched the miles slip past instead. Both Dean and Sam continued to sleep. The road slipped past and the hours melted toward the sunrise. Alexa watched the sky brighten and glanced over at Dean, sleeping beside her, and then at Sam, also sleeping, sprawled across the back seat. Another mile passed, and she muttered, "I still can't believe you're both here. And sleeping." A smile briefly showed on her face, then faded as she looked back toward Sam again. He huffed, his breathing hitching in his sleep, then he muttered something unintelligible.

"Oh, Sam." Her voice was a whisper. "Another nightmare? You have to let it go." Alexa snaked her hand between the seats and gently touched his leg. Holding it there, she kept her eyes on the road as pain flickered across her face. After a minute or so, she sighed quietly and pulled her hand back to the front, grasping the steering wheel with both hands again. For a moment, there was only the sound of Sam's now even breath. Then Dean spoke, hushed.

"What did you just do to my brother?"

Alexa looked over at him.

"I thought you were sleeping."

"Uh-huh. What did you just do to Sam?"

"I... it's a bit hard to explain."

"Figure it out. I want you to tell me exactly what you just did to Sam, right now." Dean eased up from his slouched position.

"I didn't hurt him."

Dean just looked at her, the look he usually saved for Sam when he was being particularly annoying about getting Dean to share his feelings.

Alexa knew Dean didn't trust her yet, which meant that he wasn't sure whether or not he believed her. The fact that Castiel trusted her carried some weight with Dean, but when it came to Sam and his safety, Castiel's assurances weren't enough to keep big brother protective instincts at bay.

"I took away his nightmare," she told Dean.

"You what?"

"I took away his nightmare. He was having a nightmare."

"I know, that's what woke me up. How do you take away someone's nightmare? I mean, do you just scoop it out of his head? And your answer to that question had better be no." Unconsciously, Dean slid a hand inside his coat, toward his gun.

"Dean, no, it isn't like that. Nightmares are memories and emotions wrapped together. The emotions are what make it a nightmare. Emotions like fear and pain and loneliness fuel nightmares, not the memories attached, if there are any. I leave the memories alone, but I separate them from the emotion: the pain and the fear. I take those away and replace them with different emotions. Things like hope and compassion. I remind him of how much you love him. Without the negative emotions feeding it, the nightmare fades and he can just deal with the memory. Or he can just get some rest. Which he needs, badly."

Dean stared at Alexa's profile. "Prove it," he finally said.

"What? How? Your version of 'prove it' better not be like Sam's version. Especially not while I'm driving."

"Prove it. Do the same thing to me, right now. Exactly what you did to Sam. I want you to take away a negative emotion from me, and replace it with something better."

"Are you sure?"

"Do it. Now." For a moment, Dean's father flashed before his eyes. He had sounded just like John then, issuing orders. He'd seen bits of his father in the way he talked to Ben sometimes too. Most of the time he thought it wasn't such bad a thing. He just tried to remember what Bobby told him, and temper his father's stern demeanor with his own personality. _Take the good, leave the rest behind, right?_

"Umm, okay. You need to think of a bad memory, then take my hand." Alexa held her hand out, palm down, hovering between them.

"You touched Sam on the leg," he told her.

She looked at him, then pulled a face. "Because that's what I could reach." When he just continued to wait, she said "Any excuse, huh Dean? What would Lisa say?" He still didn't respond, so she rolled her eyes and said, "Have it your way."

He smirked and answered, "Always do. Don't worry though, I'm a one woman man now."

Alexa scoffed at him and shook her head, then lightly rested her fingertips near Dean's knee.

At first there was nothing and then, "Whoa." His eyes drifted shut and he sank back against the seat. Alexa flinched in pain, and her lips tightened once as she winced. Dean was remembering holding his dying baby brother in his arms, knowing he hadn't gotten there in time, hadn't been able to protect Sam. Knowing that he had failed. He replayed the moment as Jake's knife slid into Sam's back over and over, guilt riding him as he urged himself to run a little faster, to shoot Jake as soon as he moved toward Sam. Alexa could feel the anguish as he yelled Sam's name. It shifted, kaleidoscope-like to another Sam, older, mouth covered in blood, apologizing, then again, shifting to another Sam, standing beside a yawning pit, ready to fall off the edge of the world. The physical pain Dean felt at that moment was washed away by the mix of pride and horror he was experiencing. Pride at what Sam was doing, how strong he was, and horror at all it meant. She concentrated on driving, and sending Dean as much happiness as she could. Focusing on the tiny moments of love she had witnessed between the brothers in her dreams, she eased away the sting of failure and defeat, slipping compassion and love into its place. As they passed a mile marker by the side of the road, Dean sat up and said, "Enough."

Lifting her hand away, Alexa asked him, "How do you feel?"

"I feel, ugh, no easy way to say it, but I feel - bliss. Such a chick flick word, but it works here. I feel blissful. Wow. That's what you do when you take away nightmares?"

She nodded.

"That could get addictive."

She chuckled.

"How long will it last?"

"That depends. It's like any normal happy feeling. If we were to get attacked by something right now, it would be gone instantly, because your adrenaline would overwhelm it. If you stay awake, then it will last for a few hours, just slowly fading as time passes. If you were to fall asleep, then it will help you sleep well, and wake up feeling good. That's one reason why I did it while Sam was asleep. Not because I was trying to hide anything from you, but to help him get some sleep. I don't think he's had any since he got back. I mean, how long did it take you, when you came back?"

"Too long. So what does he have nightmares about?" Dean didn't sound upset, just curious.

"I think that's a question you should ask him. I can tell you what your nightmares are about." He nodded for her to continue.

"Most of the time, you have nightmares about Sam. Hurt, dead – and you can't get to him, can't fix it. Sometimes you dream about Hell. Both of you in Hell."

Dean was quiet for a while. Alexa just let him think, knowing that he needed the time to consider what she said, and what she was doing. Finally, he spoke.

"Okay, here's the deal. I'm telling Sam tomorrow about this. And I'll talk to Castiel at some point when we meet up with him. If I'm sleeping on the couch or something though, and you notice I'm having a bad dream, you have my permission to do your thing. Until I say otherwise. I'll tell Sam to let you what he wants. Good?"

Alexa nodded. "One thing?" She looked over at Dean, who motioned for her to continue. "Could you tell Sam he only needs to talk to me if he doesn't want me to help? I mean, there isn't really any point in him saying 'keep doing what you're doing', is there?" Eyebrows raised, she looked over at Dean, almost hopeful.

"I guess. What difference does it make? Talk to him, don't talk to him." He looked over his shoulder at his baby brother, now sleeping peacefully, if not comfortably, in the back seat of the Challenger. Alexa kept her eyes on the road as Dean turned back toward her.

"I'll think about it, okay?"

She nodded, and forced a quick smile, relieved that Dean seemed willing to let the conversation end.

"I'm going to go back to sleep. We stopping in a while for breakfast?"

"We can. Breakfast and gas for the car. Sleep well."

"Thought you just took care of that," he muttered as he drifted back to sleep.


	6. Things Goin' On

_I seem to be alternating the length of my chapters. Well, maybe not next time. Chapter seven is looking to be as long as this one. Hopefully I'll get that one posted soon as well. __Many thanks for reading and to everyone who has added the stories to their updates list. I appreciate the cyber applause!_

**Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Supernatural and the characters therein belong to the actors, writers, directors, producers, and technicians that bring it to life. Rated T, because there's a bit of cursing.**

The rest of the drive was uneventful. They arrived in Cicero around 4pm the next day. Alexa stopped at a small motel, and Castiel returned Dean and Sam to Lisa's house. Every morning for the next two weeks, all three met at the coffee shop across from the motel where Alexa was staying before Dean went to work. Dean was amused by the fact that they met in a coffee shop even though Alexa wouldn't drink it. She ordered hot chocolate or chai instead. Sam and Alexa would then sit in the shop for a few hours, using their computers. Sam researched, still trying to figure out what freed him. He was never quite sure what Alexa worked on, since he didn't ask, and she never volunteered the information. Though Dean had told him about Alexa and the taking the nightmare, he didn't mention it to her. He kept meaning to, but it never seemed like the right time. Since he hadn't slept well since the few hours he caught in the car, he thought it might be time to discuss it with her. He knew he needed to sleep, and if she could help... But first he wanted to talk to Castiel about it. So he said nothing, and they fell into a routine. One morning, the routine changed.

Alexa was already in the coffee shop, talking to Dwight, the owner. He was a sweet bear of an old man, charming and chatty. He enjoyed talking with Alexa, mainly because she listened to his stories without seeming like she had more important things to do. Today they were discussing real estate, since Alexa was still looking for a room to rent. Her phone rang, and she excused herself, slipping out the rear door of the shop so she wouldn't disturb anyone.

She recognized Dean's number.

"Hey, what's up?"

"You need to get here, fast." Dean's voice was tight with anxiety and urgency.

"What happened? Is everyone okay?" Alexa moved through the side alley to the front of the shop, then jogged across the street to the motel lot. She was unlocking the car when Dean answered.

"It's Ben. There was an accident. He's hurt. The address..."

"I already know it. I'm on my way." She hung up, got in the car, and concentrated on driving as quickly as she could.

* * *

Five minutes later, Sam opened the door as soon as Alexa pulled up.

"How's Ben doing?" She asked as she rushed around the car.

"He's in a lot of pain. Lisa and Dean are with him. He fell down the stairs to the basement."

"Which way?"

Sam led her to the basement stairs. She saw Ben lying at the bottom of the steps, his right leg twisted at an odd angle beneath him. His head was bleeding, and one wrist was swollen and purple. Lisa held a towel against his head, gently stroking her son's face with her other hand. Dean was gently touching Ben's chest, stomach, and unbroken limbs, checking for other injuries. Both of them were talking to him, soothing him. Alexa clambered down the steps, muttering, "oh no, no."

Dean looked up at the sound, his eyes a little wild.

"Can you fix this? I don't know how to reach Cas."

"Yes, yes. I can help. Move over." She knelt next to Ben and looked down at him. "Hey, Ben. My name is Alexa. I know Dean and Sam. I can help you feel better, but I'm going to need to touch your chest and head for a second, okay? I need to see exactly what you did to yourself." He answered softly, "S'ok."

She placed both hands on his chest, eyes shut in concentration. Everyone was quiet, listening to the sound of Ben's hitching breath. Lisa kept stroking her son's face.

After a minute, Alexa opened her eyes. "Whew. You did a number on yourself here, Ben. But I can help. So first question. Do you want to sleep through this, or be awake, and just pretty numb while I fix you up? It's probably going to hurt some, even though I'll try to help with that."

"No sleep." Ben answered, voice cracking.

"Okay. Awake and numb it is. Hang on." She reached over to his forehead and rested her hand there, almost like she was taking his temperature. Seconds later, Ben's breathing eased, and he looked at his mother.

"It stopped hurting."

A relief filled smile covered Lisa's face.

Alexa said, "That's good, Ben. Now just stay still, okay, kiddo? No moving just yet. We need to fix you up first. I'm going to try and keep it from hurting, but some of this isn't going to be pleasant for you. Sorry."

For the next quarter of an hour, Alexa knelt beside Ben, slowly fixing each of his injuries. While she worked, she distracted him by keeping him talking about school, lacrosse practice, and his favorite video games. She even got him to tell her about the crush he had on a girl in his class, surprising Lisa. Alexa worked from the top down, stopping his bleeding head first and dealing with the concussion as well. Then she moved down to his broken collarbone and wrist. Throughout the process, Ben stayed calm, wincing only occasionally, and answering Alexa's questions. Lisa held his hand, still speaking reassurances, which Dean echoed. Sam was a silent figure on the steps. Finally, only Ben's twisted leg was left.

"Ben, it's time to heal that leg of yours. This one is going to hurt, and I won't be able to take it all away. Are you sure you want to be awake for this?"

"Yes." The boy gulped, then glanced over at Dean.

Alexa nodded. "Okay." She smiled at him. "Take Dean's hand. Squeeze his hand and your Mom's as tight as you can. They won't mind. Don't look at what I'm doing."

Ben nodded again, and turned his head toward his mother.

"Sam, can you help me with this?" Alexa said.

"Yeah. What do you need?"

"We need to set the bones so that they'll heal properly. Put your hands here," she placed Sam's hands around Ben's ankle, "and when I say, pull towards you. Quick and fast. Can you do that?"

"Like snapping Dean's shoulder back in." Sam said.

"Just like." She nodded.

"Give me a second." Alexa put her hand back on Ben's forehead, and extended the other toward his knee. She took a deep breath, then said to Sam, "Now."

Sam yanked and Ben whimpered. Alexa tensed and bit her lip. She stayed still, breathing hard, chin against her chest. Then she lifted her head and placed both hands on Ben's leg. Lisa kept talking to Ben, Dean just held his hand tight.

Alexa sat back and said, "So Ben, you should be okay now. I want you to get up slowly and tell me how you feel."

The youngster sat up, then got to his feet, bracing himself against Dean as he did so. Lisa stood next to him, watching for any sign of distress.

"I feel, umm... not hurt, I guess. It's like it didn't happen." He shuffled in a little circle, swinging his arms and tilting his neck. "Wow. Thanks, Alexa. This is awesome."

"No problem, Ben. I'm glad you're feeling better. Take it easy at school today. It might be a good idea to skip lacrosse practice too, just for today."

"No practice today. So, what are you? Like, a psychic or something?"

Lisa shushed him, but Alexa just flashed a tight smile at Ben and said, "Or something." She realized everyone was waiting for her to get up. "Oh, uh, I'm just going to sit here for a second, if that's okay. The healing thing can suck up my energy a little. I need to kinda recoup. Sorry. I'll get out of your hair in a few."

Dean nodded. His face was grave and serious as he told her, "Thank you." He hustled Ben back upstairs, talking to him about being careful, and urging him to call from school if he felt anything wrong at all. Lisa squatted down in front of Alexa.

"I want to thank you for helping Ben. What you did, it's like a miracle. When I saw him at the bottom of the steps, I just panicked for a second, but Dean said he knew who to call. I'm Lisa." She stuck her hand out and Alexa shook it. "I would have liked to meet you under other circumstances, but I'm glad we finally got a chance to meet. I'm going to go check on Ben. Come upstairs for a cocoa when you're ready." She walked up a few steps. "Are you sure Ben is okay to go to school?" She turned back and asked.

Alexa nodded. "He should be fine, as long as he doesn't do anything too crazy."

Lisa laughed. "He's eleven. Nothing is too crazy, as far as he's concerned. And everything is, as far as I'm concerned. Thank you again. I'll see you upstairs in a few." She climbed the rest of the stairs.

Alexa and Sam were alone in the basement, listening to the distant conversation between Lisa and Dean. They heard pounding footsteps running up the stairs. Lisa shouted, "Ben!" and Dean said, "Not twice in one day, Ben. My heart can't take it." A "sorry!" echoed down. There were more footsteps, softer, then silence.

Sam said, "They took Ben out to wait for the bus." He crouched beside Alexa. "Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine. He was hurt pretty badly. Healing so much all at once is just a drain on my energy, that's all. I need something to eat and a nap. I'll grab something on the way back to the motel."

"Was it healing Ben, or taking away his pain? Because I noticed that when I yanked his leg back in place, it seemed to hurt you more than it hurt him. And you bit your lip so hard you drew blood." Sam gave her a level look. Alexa flushed and pressed the back of her wrist to her mouth.

She sighed. "Ah, Winchester. You're too smart for your own damn good. Yes. Taking away his pain tires me out faster. But he's a little kid. He didn't need to feel the pain of having his leg bones yanked back into alignment."

"You could have just put him to sleep." Sam argued.

"I could have, but he didn't want that. And at that moment, he needed to feel like he was in control of something, anything. I gave him back a little control. So what if my nap will be a little longer? He feels better, physically and mentally." She struggled to her feet, ignoring Sam when he rose and offered her a hand up. He noticed she was favoring the same leg Ben had hurt. When she stepped forward, she got dizzy and put both hands out for balance. Sam put a hand on her shoulder blade to steady her.

"Thanks." She said.

"It's almost like you took his injuries yourself. How long will this last?" He walked behind her as she made her way slowly up the stairs.

"About a half an hour. If I'm not napping by about an hour after that, I'll feel like crap for a few days. It's ever so pleasant." She reached the top of the basement steps and headed for the front door.

"Where are you going? You can't drive like this. And you said you needed to eat." When she didn't stop, Sam walked around so he was in front of her. Alexa continued limping forward, trying to maneuver around him. He sidestepped and blocked her. Lisa and Dean came back in from outside, where they had just sent Ben off on the bus to school.

"Oh good, you're back. Could you please get this walking carpet out of my way?" Alexa quipped.

"I know his hair is long, but I didn't think it was quite that bad." Dean said.

"It's a line from the first _Star Wars_ movie, Dean." Sam shook his head at Alexa and remained where he was.

"I know that. I've seen the movie." Dean sounded exasperated.

It took Lisa to ask the obvious question. "What's going on?"

Sam's answer completely overrode Alexa's mutters. "Alexa used up a lot of energy healing Ben and she needs to eat and sleep to recover. She wants to just drive herself back to the motel, but she's not in any condition to be driving right now."

Alexa snarled at him. "What are you, my mother? Move." She tried to sweep Sam's legs out from under him, but her bad leg gave out, and she crumpled instead. "Crap." She muttered.

Lisa immediately sprang into action. "Oh my god, Alexa, I'm so sorry, I had no idea. Sam, get her into the kitchen. We can get some food into her before she sleeps."

"No. Please. I don't want to be a bother. I'll be fine. I just need to get back to the motel. Please don't fuss over me." Alexa slapped away Sam's outstretched hand. He stepped behind her, slipped his hands beneath her arms and hoisted her up.

"Ow! Crap, crap, crappity crap. Holy hell, that hurts." She hopped on one foot.

"C'mon." Dean told her. "Come get something to eat, then Sam can drive you back to the motel to sleep. Nice move by the way. Would have been real nice if it worked." He looked back at her as he walked toward the kitchen. "Oh, and crappity crap? Really? You swear like a girl."

"I am a girl, you jackass. And it makes me feel better." She relented and limped back to the kitchen.

"Why?" Sam asked.

"Because it's stupid. So I feel stupid saying it, which makes me laugh a bit on the inside, which makes me feel better."

Dean just shook his head at her. They reached the kitchen and Sam guided Alexa over to a chair. She sat down heavily and closed her eyes, sighing.

"Alexa, what would be best thing for you to eat?" Lisa asked.

"Please, just an apple or something is fine. A granola bar? Don't go to any trouble." Alexa looked uncomfortable and apologetic.

"Considering what you just did for my son, getting you something to eat is no problem. So, what works best?"

"Sugar and carbs," Alexa answered quietly.

"Okay then. That's easy. Start with this." Lisa placed a banana in front of Alexa, then went to the freezer. She pulled out a box of frozen blueberry waffles and slipped four into the toaster. A glass of orange juice was poured and handed off to Dean next, with instructions to give it to Alexa. The waffles popped up in the toaster, and Lisa brought them to the table along with butter and maple syrup.

"Thank you." Alexa said as she smeared butter on the warm waffles, then poured on the maple syrup.

"You're welcome. Will a nap on the couch work for you? I have to leave for work soon, and so does Dean, but Sam will be here. Or if you'd be more comfortable, maybe Sam would drive you back to your motel?"

"She can take a nap in the room you're letting me use." Sam said.

Alexa coughed. "The motel is good."

"No. You told me you needed to sleep right after you ate, or you'd feel bad for days."

"I told you I needed to sleep within about an hour. The hotel is maybe 10 minutes away. I'll drive myself there. You don't need to bother."

"You're going to sleep upstairs if I have to carry you up there myself and tie you to the bed." Sam argued.

Dean looked at him. "Sam, what the hell? Calm down. C'mere." He motioned to the sliding glass doors, then walked out to the deck with Sam, closing the glass door behind him.

Turning to look at his brother, he said, "I didn't ever want her here in the first place, Sam. And now you're inviting her to nap in your bed? What's going on? And what is up with your attitude? You're – hostile – to her."

Sam looked ready to swing at him. Dean just gazed back steadily, not sure what was going on with his brother. Sam breathed deep, and the tension drained out of him as he exhaled.

"I forgot you didn't want her to know where you and Lisa lived. Sorry. She hurt herself, healing Ben. She kept him from feeling the pain by feeling it herself. That's why she's so wiped out. I don't know why it's so important that she sleep here. It just is. Or it seems like it is. I can take her back to the motel. I'm sorry for yelling at you." Sam dragged his hand through his hair and looked back through the glass at Alexa, who was eating the waffles as quickly as she could. Lisa was sitting across from her at the table, chatting.

"I'm not the one you threatened to tie to the bed. Did she tell you about the pain thing, or did you figure it out?" Dean responded.

"I figured it out, but she admitted it when I asked."

"Hmm," was Dean's only response. Then he said, "That reminds me" and went back inside.

"Hey Alexa," he said. "How did you know where we lived? You were here in 5 minutes flat, so you obviously knew the way."

Alexa gulped down the last of her waffles. "From the visions. And Lisa's listed in the phone book, you know. It's not a huge secret."

Lisa covered her mouth with her hand, chuckling. When Dean scowled at her, she just lifted her eyebrows in response, as if to say, "Yeah, and?"

He continued to scowl. "You know, I used to gank demons on a regular basis. A little bit of respect wouldn't be such a bad thing."

"Neither would a little bit of humility. She's right. I'm listed in the phone book. But now, I've got to get to work, and so do you. Sam, I'll see you this afternoon. Alexa, I hope to see you as well. Love you, sweetie." She got up and kissed Dean on the cheek, then left.

Dean rubbed the back of his neck and watched her leave, shaking his head. When the front door closed, he looked at Alexa.

"It's okay with me if you stay here today to rest. Or not." He paused, obviously wanting to say something else, but didn't seem to know what it was he wanted to say. Finally he said, "Screw it. I'm going to work." He gave Sam a hard look. "Call me."

Sam nodded. "Yeah, okay. No problem."

Dean stayed for another moment. Finally he seemed satisfied and went off to work.

Alexa got up and brought her plate over to the sink. The maple syrup got washed off and the dish and silverware placed in the dishwasher. Sam put the bottle of maple syrup and the butter away in the fridge.

"I'd really like to drive back to the motel. I'm even willing to let you drive me and take my car for a while, if you want." Alexa tried one last time.

For a second, it looked like Sam was going to get angry, but it passed. Instead, a pleading look was sent her way and he said, "It's really important to me that you stay here. I don't know why. It's just... it's important."

She watched him, trying to figure out an argument to use against him. After a moment or two, she gave in. "Fine. I am too tired to fight the puppy dog eyes. Where's the couch?"

"The guest bed is upstairs. Let's go."

"You're a pain in the ass, you know that, don't you?"

"So Dean constantly tells me."

She just grunted at him, the burst of energy from the sugar already wearing off. Sam led her to the stairs and they made their way to the second floor. By the time they reached the guest room where Sam had been sleeping for the last two weeks, Alexa was practically sleeping on her feet. He guided her to the bed, pulled back the covers, and got her situated. He tugged off her boots and smiled a little at her socks, which were covered with pictures of various dog breeds and the words 'I love dogs.' Somehow, it didn't match the knife sheathed at her ankle, which he placed on the nightstand. The knife made him think to check for a gun, and he placed a hand at the small of her back. Alexa muttered, "Gun's in the car. Locked glove box." Nodding, he drew the covers back up over her, and tucked them in gently. Alexa huffed and rolled onto her side. She reached out and snagged the pillow from the other side of the bed next and pulled it against her chest. Before she slid completely into sleep, she turned back to him.

"Thanks, Sam. Night." She buried her face in the pillow, and Sam knew she was asleep.

"Sleep well," he said anyway. Then he walked over to the chair in the corner of the bedroom, dragged his laptop onto his lap, and put his feet up on the trunk at the foot of the bed. He was still there when Alexa woke at lunch time.


	7. Notbroken

_Many thanks for reading and to everyone who has added the stories to their updates list. I appreciate the cyber applause!_

**Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Supernatural and the characters therein belong to the actors, writers, directors, producers, and technicians that bring it to life. Rated T, because there's a bit of cursing.**

Dean called Sam twice while Alexa was asleep. The conversations were short, basically just updates on the fact she was still sleeping. Just after noontime, Sam noticed she seemed to be waking up and sent a quick text to Dean. He waited to see what she would do.

Alexa stayed still in the bed, letting her sleeping brain catch up to being awake. Waking up in a strange location with the feeling she was being watched put her on alert, but some part of brain eased her fear, telling her she was safe. Keeping her eyes closed, she tried to figure out why.

_Ben. Ben got hurt. I'm at Lisa and Dean's house. Sam made me sleep. It's probably him I feel watching me._ For the first time she noticed the scent tickling her nostrils. It was the same one she noticed whenever she sat near Sam for a while in the coffee shop._ Of course it smells like Sam, you dolt. You're sleeping in his bed._

That thought was enough to propel her into a sitting position. Her legs tangled in the sheets as she struggled to swing her legs off the bed. She swore and yanked them out of the way viciously.

"Easy. The sheets didn't do anything to deserve that kind of vitriol." Sam put his laptop on the floor beside his chair.

"Dean must love it when you talk like that. Besides, I'm not abusing the sheets. They're attacking me." She finally succeeded in getting her legs free and put both feet on the floor.

"Knife's on the nightstand." Sam told her.

"Thanks." She retrieved it and slipped it back into place, pulling the leg of her jeans over the sheath.

"Nice socks."

"Huh?" Alexa looked down at her feet. "Shut up, Sam."

He smirked. "Redirecting your vitriol at me instead?"

"Go. Away." Combing her hands through her hair, she tried to ignore him.

"Nope. Lunch time. You want turkey or tuna?" He walked out to the hallway and headed for the stairs.

Alexa stretched out her leg and used her foot to pull her shoes over, then bent to put them back on. "Neither, thanks. I'm leaving now. Thank you for the nap. I'll see you tomorrow at the coffee shop."

When she was done, she looked up to find Sam standing in the doorway to the room.

"Turkey or tuna?" He asked again.

She stared at him. "You aren't going to let this go, are you?" He just shrugged a shoulder in response.

With a sigh, she responded, "Turkey, please."

* * *

A few minutes later they sat down at the kitchen table with turkey sandwiches and water.

"Thanks." Alexa said.

"No problem. How are you feeling?"

"Fine. Good. No after effects."

Sam didn't respond, and there was just the sound of chewing.

Alexa finished up her sandwich, then looked over at Sam, clearing her throat. He met her eyes.

"So, do you think Lisa and Dean would mind if I made everyone dinner tonight? Would you? I'd like to do something to say thank you to everyone. For helping me out this morning, after..." Her voice trailed off awkwardly.

"I think they'd rather thank you." Sam watched her for a second. "You really don't know what to do with people helping you, do you?"

"Umm... no. I'm not good at that. Not a lot of practice. I've been on my own for so long. Anyway, do you think it would be okay? I'll go get some groceries and come back. What time do they usually get home? Would Lisa be ticked off at somebody messing with her kitchen?"

"I have no idea. I'll call Dean." Sam pulled the phone out of his pocket. Several phone calls later: Sam to Dean, Dean to Lisa, Dean to Sam, Lisa to Alexa, and the dinner was deemed acceptable. Sam had orders from Dean to watch Alexa make the meal, to make sure she didn't poison them all.

"She's going to be eating it too, Dean. But I'll watch anyway."

Sam went with her to the grocery store, trailing behind her, pushing the cart as she made her selections. A mom in the produce aisle kept trying to flirt with him, but he never noticed. The woman finally left for the frozen foods. Alexa rolled her eyes at Sam and told him he was a doofus. She didn't bother to explain when Sam asked why.

Back at the house, Alexa putzed around in the kitchen. First she made cookies, telling Sam that dessert always came first. She cleaned as she went, then started on dinner. He just sat at the table, using his laptop and watching her make the food.

Lisa, it turned out, was incredibly appreciative that someone else made her dinner. She repeated over and over that Alexa had nothing to thank them for, but that the gesture was a welcome change. She made a joke that the only thing Dean knew how to cook was peanut butter and jelly. "Breakfast of champions," Dean responded.

Dinner was broiled marinated chicken, roasted potatoes, fresh green beans, and a salad. There were kitchen sink cookies for dessert. Dean filled his plate with chicken and potatoes, made a brief face at the salad, and set in. Sam told him, "You know, Dean, it wouldn't kill you to eat a vegetable once in a while. You should set a good example for Ben."

Dean looked over at Ben's plate, filled with both potatoes and beans, with a bowl of salad on the side.

"Ben's doing just fine. Besides, I'm eating vegetables now. Potatoes are vegetables. And so are the lettuce, tomato, and onion I eat all the time on my burgers. Great dinner too, Alexa. Thanks. Seriously, this is awesome. Almost as good as Lisa's cooking." He recovered quickly, smiling at Lisa.

"You're allowed to like other people's cooking." She said airily. "Especially when you're right. This is good."

Alexa said, "You're all very welcome. Food always seems to taste better when you don't have to cook it yourself. And Dean, tomatoes are fruit, by the way."

He looked up in surprise, then looked for confirmation from the others. Even Ben nodded at him. Grimacing, he said, "You too? Now I have to deal with two walking encyclopedias? How much can one man take? And Sam, see? That just proves my point. I eat vegetables and fruit all the time. So quit hassling me." He smirked as Sam looked resigned. Everyone talked about mundane matters for the rest of the meal, mostly listening to Ben talk about his day at school or Lisa's about her day at work. When it was obvious everyone was done, Alexa began clearing the dishes.

"No, sit down. You cooked, we'll clean up," Sam said.

Lisa added, "House rules."

Dean said, "Speak for yourself." At a look from Sam, he continued, "I'll help when I finish what's on my plate."

"I can clean up. It's okay. I want to feel useful and..." Alexa stopped talking as Sam took the plate from her hand. She watched him put the dishes in the sink and add some dish soap. She gulped suddenly. Lisa was the only one who noticed.

"Are you okay, Alexa?" Lisa asked.

Alexa nodded, not trusting herself to talk. She pointed to the sliding glass doors. "Sorry. I'm going to go sit out there for a minute, okay?" At Lisa's nod, she turned and hurried out.

Sam and Dean stared at each other for a moment. Dean shrugged.

"What was that about?" Sam asked.

"I have no idea what's bothering her. Chick flick moments are your domain."

"Dean!" Lisa smacked him on the shoulder.

"What?"

Lisa tsked at him. Then looked at Sam. "You should go talk to her."

"You think so?" He asked. Lisa nodded. Dean just shrugged again and went back to his plate. Sam shot him a bitchface.

"Fine, Dean. You clean the dishes then," Sam said as he left the room.

Lisa laughed at Dean's groan. Ben joined in when Dean made a face and said, "you think it's funny? You're helping me, little man."

Together, the three of them cleaned up dishes and put the extra food away.

Lisa had two lounge chairs set up in the far corner of the yard. Sam found Alexa sitting with her legs criss-crossed in one of them. She was leaning back and gazing up at the stars. Sam sat carefully on the chair next to her. Though she didn't acknowledge his presence, he could tell she was aware of him. There was a subtle shift in her breathing, and a slight tension in her body as he settled into the chair.

He stretched out, feet hanging over the edge of the chair. For a while, he was content to just stare up at the stars with her, waiting for the tension to leave, waiting for her to relax. When he decided he'd waited long enough, he spoke.

"Dean and I used to sit and look up at the stars all the time. Especially when we were visiting Bobby. I used to make wishes constantly. I used to love finding the constellations too."

"Like Orion, the hunter?" Alexa joked.

Sam laughed, and answered, "Yeah, like him. But Dean and I called him John. Not that we ever told dad that."

"I used to wish on stars all the time too, but I stopped when I found out that the light was thousands of years old, and the stars I was wishing on were probably dead already."

"It does take some of the fun out of it, doesn't it?"

"I used to think that, but I changed my mind. Now I think it makes wishing even better."

"How does it make it better?"

"It's stupid."

"Doubt that. C'mon. Try me."

"Fine." She paused, then went on. "Because now, the stars represent hope – the hope that maybe the one you picked is still there, even though the light you're seeing is from ages ago. The belief that things go on, they continue. The idea that light and maybe love can still be there, long after the thing that created them has died."

A ghost of a smile touched Sam's lips. "I think I like your version better." He waited, then asked, "So what do you wish for?" and turned his head to look over at her.

Alexa smiled, but it seemed sad. "I don't."

"But you said..."

"I don't deserve to wish, so I don't."

"Why would you think that?"

"Please, Sam, just leave it. It's not important in the grand scheme of things." She paused, then plunged into the conversation she'd been dreading. "I'm sorry I left that way. Everything reminded me of my family and it was too much. Our house rule was that the cook never cleans, too. When my brothers were mad at me, they'd volunteer to cook and turn the kitchen into a disaster."

"How many brothers did you have?"

"Two."

"You said before your family was dead."

"A long time ago. Still hurts though."

"What happened to them?"

She shook her head no at him, signaling she wouldn't talk about it. Sam considered pushing her, but decided he wouldn't. Today was the first time she'd opened up at all. So he decided to change the topic.

"I've been thinking about the thing with the nightmares."

"Very subtle change of topic. And you want me to stop."

"I'm not sure yet. I don't know. I have some questions I'd like to answer first, if that's okay."

"Of course. Anything." She turned her head and looked in his direction. The lone light for the back yard filtered through the tree, so her face was shrouded in darkness. Sam just looked at her for a minute, trying to decide how to approach this.

"Dean told me that you take the negative emotions away, and that you replace them with more positive ones. Keeping things in balance?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Where do the emotions come from? The positive ones, I mean? The negative ones come from me – well, me and Dean. So where do the positive ones come from?"

"I should have known that would be your first question." She sighed, and turned back to the stars. "I guess they come from me."

"So you're giving your happiness to us, and taking our pain and fear. If we're feeling your happiness, does that mean you're feeling our pain? And if we're feeling your happiness, how do you get to experience it? Does it work the way healing Ben did today? Man, this is a weird conversation."

Alexa half laughed, half snorted. "Tell me about it. But, no. I still get to feel happy. I'm just sharing it with you."

"What about the pain?"

"It's not that bad... It doesn't last as long for me, because – I'm not sure really. Maybe because it isn't really mine? Maybe because I learned to push it away."

"But you do feel it?"

"Briefly. Not enough to be a problem."

"How did you learn to control it?" Sam asked, more out of curiosity than a real need to know.

"My mother helped me with some of it, before she died. But mainly I learned to deal with the nightmares from a family I stayed with. Their daughter had nightmares. The healing? Hospital. At first, I went to the older patients, the terminal ones. I eased their pain, or for some, their loneliness. Then one day, I met a girl. She had cancer. I went every day for almost a month to see Rachel. I told her what I could do. Every day I took her pain away, and every day I tried to heal her. The healing never seemed to work. I would think I made progress, but the next day, things would be as bad as the day before. Finally, Rachel told me to stop. 'Take the pain,' she said, 'but stop healing me.' She knew she was dying and that I wasn't strong enough to save her, but she told me that it was okay, because everyone dies. She said, sometimes dying was the right thing. But she also knew that I would come in every day to try and help her, so she made me promise to stop. We talked for hours that day. I left and the next morning when I went to see her, she was gone. She died during the night, with her parents there beside her. It was what she wanted, but I hated it. I still do."

"How old were you?" Sam's voice was no louder than a whisper.

"I was fifteen. Rachel was 19. She died just a few days after her birthday." Alexa smiled bitterly, then said, "She was the only friend I ever had, and I let her die, because she asked me to let her go."

Sam could tell that Alexa was crying now, tears slipping silently down her face. He moved on the chair, ready to comfort her. Immediately her body tensed up again.

"No, please. Don't."

He ignored her, and shifted over to her lounge chair. He nudged her knee until she relented, unfolding her legs and hanging them over the opposite side of the chair. They ended up left shoulder to left shoulder, facing opposite ways on the chair. Sam wrapped his left arm around her and pulled her close. A tremor ran through her body, then another. They continued, and Sam could feel her shivering, but he thought it was from the tears, not from cold. He felt the sleeve of his shirt get wet. When he wrapped his other arm around her and pulled her closer, the shivering stopped. Alexa could hear Sam's steady heartbeat beneath her ear. Closing her eyes, she concentrated on the sound, unconsciously reaching out to him with her mind. She felt the stiffness in his back, the old twinge in the wrist he had broken a few years earlier. Fingertips tingling, she pulled away from Sam, before she inadvertently healed those minor pains without permission.

"Thank you." Tugging her shirt sleeves down, she wiped at her wet face.

"Is that the first time you've cried about it?"

"The second. I cried the day she died too, but there wasn't anyone around."

"You know that her death wasn't your fault."

Alexa just gave Sam a skeptical look. A sheepish look crossed his face.

"I know, I'm the worst person to be giving that advice. Everything that happened was my fault. I almost destroyed... everything."

"Actually that wasn't all your fault. But if you want to play the blame game, I'd be happy to go a few rounds, even if it is kind of pointless. You killed Lilith, but Dean broke the first seal. You died, but Dean made the deal that sent him to Hell and left you feeling horrible, but you felt horrible because Dean went to Hell in order to save you, etc. etc. It could go on forever. And then there's the angels involvement in the whole mess. There are larger forces at work here. And yes, I know you were part of 'Team Free Will'. But isn't that what free will is? You make the best choices you can at the moment, in that particular set of circumstances."

"Yeah, but that's part of what worries me, getting back to this nightmare thing. I thought I was making the best choice with Ruby, drinking demon blood so that I could get rid of the things without hurting the people they were in. It might have been the right reasons, but the rest of it was wrong." He shook his head. "So wrong. I'm worried that's going to happen here. To you maybe, doing the right thing, or so you think. Or maybe it's wrong for me, and for Dean. What if we need that pain somehow, to learn a lesson or, I dunno, something?"

"Sam. You've both learned the lessons, over and over. And I'm not taking that away, the memory is still there. I'm just distancing you from the pain, that's all. But I'll stop if that's what you want."

"No. This is the plan I came up with earlier. Tonight, just before bed, you take a nightmare while I'm awake, like you did with Dean. I want Castiel there, to get his take on it. If he's okay with it, and I'm good with it, then you can go ahead. How does that sound?"

"It sounds like a plan."

"Okay, good. Should we go back in?"

"You can if you want to. I'm going to stay for a bit more."

"Something still bothering you?"

"No. Yes. Sort of." Pulling her legs back up, Alexa turned and face Sam, sitting cross-legged again.

"I know that you want to hunt again. And I feel so useless. But I know how to hunt, I know how to use a gun, and I know how to use a knife, and I know how to fight, and I sure as hell can handle researching. I know what kinds of things you could be up against. I'm not an idiot and I think I'm supposed to be helping you. If helping you is confined to sharing cooking duty every once in a while, or healing a few broken bones though, I'm going to go crazy. Especially since Dean's culinary tastes severely limit the menu." The last muttered sentence sounded petulant, and Sam's lips twitched upward. She glared at him for a second, then half smiled. "What is it with him and salad anyway?"

"Sometimes I think it's just him. Other times I think that because I like them, he hates them. Purely out of brotherly love."

"Well, that's just dumb."

Sam's lips twitched again. "Yep, I suppose it is."

Alexa rolled her eyes at him, and flopped against the back of the lounge chair, staring up again at the stars.

Placing a hand on her knee, Sam said, "Hey," and waited until she met his eyes. "Come help me with some research. The rest... we can talk about. Dean and I, we'll need to see you fight before we bring you anywhere near a hunt, but we can talk about it. For now though, let's go do a few hours of research, figure out how to get Castiel here, deal with this nightmare thing, then get some sleep."

"Sounds like a better plan."

"So let's head in?" Sam started to rise, but Alexa's next words stopped him.

"Do you think Dean finished the dishes yet?"

He smiled and moved to sit down on the other chair. Getting comfortable, he said, "Let's look at the stars a little while longer."

"That's Cassiopeia." She pointed to a constellation.

"And there's Perseus." Sam pointed to another.

* * *

A few hours later, everyone except Ben was gathered in the living room. Ben was already asleep, his bedtime having come and gone while they waited for Castiel. Sam was sitting on the couch. Dean was casually sprawled across a chair. Lisa was perched on the armrest.

Sam quickly explained to Castiel why they had called him.

"I am sure what Alexa is doing is acceptable, Sam, but if you wish me to bear witness, then I will do so."

"Umm, okay, Cas, that's great. Thanks. Alexa?"

"Worst job interview ever. Evaluated by an angel." Dean smirked and turned off the television. The angel just looked at her blankly.

"Job interview?"

"It was a joke. A bad one, I guess. Not important. So, should we just get to it?" She raised her eyebrows, looking at each of them in turn.

"Sure, sure. What do I need to do?" Sam asked.

Moving to sit beside him, Alexa said, "Relax, first of all. You look like you're going to jump out of your skin. Then think of a bad memory or something you've been having a nightmare about."

"Sorry. I usually try to avoid thinking about this stuff, you know?"

"It'll be okay. Did you think of something yet?" When Sam nodded, she continued, "take my hand."

Dean interrupted, "You should touch him on the leg, like you did before." A blush rising on her face, Alexa shot a look Dean's way could only be interpreted as 'I swear you will pay for that.' Knowing that everyone would hear her anyway, but wanting to distract Dean and especially Sam from the rising color on her cheeks she whispered to Dean, "I will carve bad words into the hood of the Impala."

Dean's eyes widened and he answered, "That's just uncalled for."

Sam chuckled and said, "Good one. Wish I thought of that."

"Bitch." Dean said to him.

"Jerk."

"I am not witnessing anything worthy of worry here. Are we finished?" The angel asked.

"No, Cas, sorry. Think of something bad, take your hand." Sam closed his eyes and after a few seconds, held out his hand. "Got it."

Alexa reached out and took Sam's hand between both of her own. She pulled it into her lap and curled her fingers around his palm. Castiel watched, then bent down to observe more closely. Sighing, Sam grasped Alexa's hand more tightly. Flickers of pain danced over her features, but Dean was too busy watching Sam, and Castiel said nothing. Alexa relived the moments of Dean's death through Sam's eyes. She watched him get ripped apart by the hellhounds, watched Sam sit beside his brother's cooling body for hours, despite Bobby's attempts to move him. She watched when Sam and Bobby finally buried Dean and felt the tearing pain as Sam walked away from the grave. Everything moved forward and she felt it as Sam literally fell into Hell. There were no words, just images and sensations of pain and agony. Everything hurt and it never stopped. Gently, she tugged at the tangled threads of memory, teasing the wild despair caught between the strings out into the open. She passed along the feel of Dean's love for Sam, captured both in her visions and when she eased Dean's nightmare that first night. It rose to engulf the despair and anguish that was still there every time Sam thought of Dean's death and supported him through his memories of Hell. Soothingly, she smoothed the jagged edges of pain with love and hope. Emptying herself of everything positive, she soaked up everything that was negative in Sam at that moment. Alexa wanted desperately to prove to Castiel that this was a good thing, that it couldn't hurt the Winchesters, because if she was denied this small connection with them, this one moment when she could do something to make life easier for them, she thought she might just go crazy. It didn't matter how much it really hurt her, didn't matter that she knew for hours afterward she would be cold deep in her bones, aching in body and spirit, but refusing to show any of it. Because if they knew, they would stop her, never allow her this small sacrifice.

She heard Dean's voice say, "Uh, Cas, is everything okay there? I don't think it took this long when Alexa did it before."

"It's fine, Dean. Sam picked a very difficult memory, and Alexa is being thorough."

Sam must have heard them too, because he squeezed her hand gently and said, "Alexa, you can stop now. I feel... okay."

"So, Cas, what's the verdict?" Dean asked.

"There is nothing to be concerned about. Alexa is well versed in what she is doing, and there is no danger to it. It cannot hurt you. You may choose to let her continue or not, without any fears." After a long look at her, there was a whoosh, and the angel was gone.

"Awesome. Okay then, Sammy, off to bed with you. A good night's sleep will do you a world of good. Alexa, we'll see you tomorrow. Lisa and I are going to watch a movie or something." Dean had a sparkle in his eyes as he pulled Lisa from the armrest of the chair into his lap.

She yelped and giggled.

"Okay, leaving now." Alexa said and quickly got up and walked to the front door.

"See you in the morning, Alexa." Sam called as he headed up the stairs to the second floor.

* * *

Later that night, seated on the bed in her motel, Alexa was getting ready to sleep when there was a knock at the door. She peeked out and saw Castiel. Cautiously, she opened the door and let him in.

"Alexa, I have questions."

"Oh-kay."

"Thank you. First, can you use this as a weapon? Can you take away happiness and replace it with fear or pain? Have you ever done so? Why did you not tell Sam you were healing him as well? And why do you not tell them of your feelings? Human emotions are very important, I am sure they would both like to know that you are coming to care for them. Why do you deny them this?"

"Hush, Castiel, hush. I swear that is the longest speech I ever heard you make. And nine-tenths of it was questions. What has gotten into you?"

Castiel looked confused, peered down and patted his chest as if he were expecting to find something growing from it.

"I do not understand."

"And he's back." Alexa shook her head gently, looking at him. "Okay, let's see if I can answer those in order. Yes, theoretically I could use this as a weapon, taking away happiness, blah blah blah. But no, I've never done that, and I sincerely hope I never have to. I don't think I should ever do that. I didn't realize I healed Sam. I knew about his back and wrist from earlier, but I didn't consciously heal it."

"You healed Dean and Lisa as well," Castiel interrupted.

"I did? But I never even touched them." Surprise was evident in her tone.

"Yes."

"I healed them tonight?"

"Yes. Of minor aches and pains."

"How did I do that?"

The angel didn't answer. After a long moment, Alexa decided that he wasn't going to answer and continued.

"Huh. I've never unconsciously healed anyone before. That's strange. Where were we?"

"Why do you not tell Sam and Dean of your feelings?"

"Because they would _not_ appreciate it. I've only known them both a few weeks. Weeks, Castiel. Just weeks. I feel strongly because of the visions and because of what I picked up when I helped with the nightmares. Honestly, I'm not even really sure what I feel. It's just I feel like I know so much about both of them, things they even hide from each other. But they know almost nothing about me. They are tolerating me because of the deal. You've told them my presence is necessary and they trust you, so I'm here. But right now, I'm a nuisance to both of them. I am quite certain that if you were to mention anything about feelings, Dean would run for the hills, screaming about chick flicks, and Sam wouldn't be far behind."

Castiel gazed at her for a moment, stoic. Then he said, "I believe you are incorrect."

"You are entitled to that belief. But I think talking to either of them about feelings right now is a mistake." She just looked into the crystalline blue of the angel's eyes.

He looked back, then began speaking again, "I think you are wrong. I do not think they would 'run for the hills, ' but I will respect your wishes in this, unless their ignorance threatens them."

"Can't see how that would happen."

"Perhaps. I have a final question. Who takes your nightmares, Alexa? Who takes your pain?"

Startled, she didn't answer for a few heartbeats. The angel waited patiently until she said, "No one does. The nightmares, the visions, the pain. Some things you just have to carry on your own."

He looked sad for a moment, then told her, "I think you are mistaken about that as well. And I am sorry you must carry such a heavy burden alone."

She said, "Thank you," to empty air, for Castiel had already gone. "I'm starting to hate that you do that," she told the ceiling.


	8. Too Much Time on My Hands

_Well, this chapter was starting to get super long, so I cut it off at a slightly weird point. Hopefully, I will be able to get the next chapter up very, very soon so you can find out what happens! Sorry about that! Please let me know if you see any typos. I love the reviews and talking (just in general) to the other authors on the site. Thanks again!_

**Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Supernatural and the characters therein belong to the actors, writers, directors, producers, and technicians that bring it to life. Rated T, because there's a bit of cursing.**

The next morning, Sam showed up at the coffee shop alone. Alexa was talking to Dwight again. He had a lead on a house for rent on the edge of town. Sam just sat down across from Alexa at the table and listened.

"Hiya, Sam. Gina, get Sam here his coffee, could ya?" He waved at one of the workers behind the counter. "So anyway, this friend of mine, he doesn't know what to do with the house. It was his daughter's house, but then she died of cancer a few months ago. Such a sad thing. Still tears him up inside. Parents aren't supposed to bury their children, you know? But he cleaned all her stuff out of the house, 'cept for the furniture. He isn't ready to sell it yet, but he can't seem to find anyone to rent the place. You interested?"

"Absolutely! Would you mind calling him and asking if it would be okay to see the place?" She looked over at Sam and raised her eyebrows. He shrugged and made a 'whatever' face.

"On one condition." Dwight said.

"What's that?" Alexa asked.

"You agree to keep coming here at least, let's say twice a week for your hot chocolate."

She grinned. "It's a deal." Dwight smiled back at her and said, "Give me a few."

He returned a couple of minutes later with an address and phone number on a piece of paper.

"Hank said he'd meet you there in a half hour, or you can call him and let him know what time might be better."

"This is amazing. Thanks so much!" Dwight nodded at her, then walked back behind the counter.

Alexa turned back to Sam, her eyes bright and shining. "I'm going to head over there. I'll see you later okay? Maybe we can actually work on researching that case we found last night? Oh, wait, speaking of last night, how did you sleep?"

"Pretty solid for the first half of the night. Nightmare came back after about five hours of sleep though. But five hours in a row is more than I've had since I got back, pretty much."

She looked crestfallen. "Damn. I was hoping it would last all night. Maybe if you nap during the day and I can show up at night right before you go to sleep..." Her focus turned inward as she considered ways to help him get some sleep.

He watched her for a second, then shook his head. "C'mon. Let's go see this house. We can deal with the rest of it later. I'm happy with the five hours of sleep I got last night, so I'm not complaining."

"You want to come look at the house with me?" She looked surprised.

"Yeah, why not? Besides, what if he's some crazy ax wielding murderer? Somebody's got to protect you."

"Right. Because that's a likely scenario. If he's Dwight's friend, he's probably in his seventies at least. Even if he has an ax, I'm pretty sure I could outrun him."

* * *

As it turned out, Dwight's friend was just past his fiftieth birthday. He explained that the house had originally belonged to his mother. When she died a few years ago, she left it to her granddaughter, Hank's daughter. Though only 23, Hank's daughter had died of cancer a few months before. He didn't want to sell the house, but he didn't want to leave it empty either.

The house itself was half cottage, half cabin. It sat on the center of a mostly uncleared four acre lot, right at the edge of Cicero's wildlife preserve. A tall pine forest surrounded the yard and lined the driveway. In spite of seeming remote and secluded, it was only a fifteen minute drive to either Dean and Lisa's place, or the coffee shop. From the outside, most of the yard was overgrown. Hank's daughter, "Kathy", he told them, loved to keep a flower garden on the side of the house in the summer. The remnants could be seen through the weeds now. Hank had obviously been keeping up with mowing the lawn, but not much else.

He handed Alexa the key and told her to go in. "The place is probably dusty. I haven't been inside since last month. I went around then and checked all the pipes and whatnot. Being in there, even without her things around, it's just too hard." Hank sighed and looked off into the distance.

Alexa went and stood in front of him. "I'm so sorry about your daughter. I know there's nothing I can say to take away your pain, but I can tell you from personal experience you learn how to carry it. It never stops hurting, but you adjust, and you just... learn to manage it, I guess. At least, I hope that happens for you."

"Thank you. You're the first person who hasn't said 'time heals all wounds' or something similar." He choked up a bit, and grabbed for her hand, patting it. She placed her other hand on top of his and smiled gently. Sam stood off to the side, just watching the exchange.

He told them, "Take your time looking at the house. I think I'm going to go pull a few weeds out of Kathy's garden."

"Thank you, Hank."

He pulled his hands away from Alexa, nodded to Sam, and walked off to the side of the house, seemingly less burdened.

Sam waited until he was gone, then asked Alexa, "Did you mean that, about how it never stops hurting, you just learn to deal with it?"

"Dean's alive, Sam. But the fact that he died and you lived without him for months still hurts you. Just like the fact that he lived without you for a year will probably always hurt him. My family died years ago, but as you saw last night, it still hurts. I think our threshold for grief just grows to encompass each new hurt." She sighed. "I'm depressing myself. Time to stop. Do you want to come in, or wait out here?"

"No, I'll come in and check it out." They walked up a sturdy wooden staircase, which led to the wraparound porch. The front door of the house was actually situated closer to the right side of the house instead of being centered. Inside, there was a great room which housed a kitchen, eating nook, and living room. The kitchen was in the far left of the house, next to the breakfast nook. The living room part was actually split into two sitting areas, one near the fireplace and television, the other a small reading area close to the stairs. The back right corner of the house had a staircase. Behind them there was a full bathroom, storage closet, entrance to the basement, and downstairs bedroom. Alexa guessed this was where Hank's mother had slept when she lived in the house. There were built in wooden bookshelves everywhere, contributing to cabin-like feel of the house.

They headed up to the second floor. The hallway was open to the first floor. Actually, before they went up Sam stood by the balcony on the first floor and held his arms up, and found his fingertips just brushed the bottom of the railing. In spite of the low ceiling in the kitchen and bedroom, the first floor didn't feel cramped. There were four doors off of the hallway. The first two, over the downstairs bedroom, were another full bathroom and closet. The other doors were two more bedrooms, both with their own small closets. The whole house was bright and well lit. The furniture looked comfortable, but wasn't falling apart. Each bedroom had a bed, nightstands and dresser, but no linens.

Alexa stood in the upstairs bedroom at the center of the house and looked out the large picture window on the rear wall. "Wow. This is a great place. I can't believe no one will rent it from him."

"Maybe it's haunted." Sam joked.

"Nah. I don't think so." She smiled.

"You gonna take it?"

"Oh yeah. If he'll let me." Alexa went back down and poked around in the kitchen. Sam heard her say something about 'still dishes here, this is great' as he followed.

"Alexa, how are you going to pay him the rent?" He asked, leaning a hip against the cabinet.

"With money. That I earned from jobs, like singing at Charlie's. I've got enough saved up, unless he's asking for some ridiculous amount. Hmm, maybe that's why he can't rent the place. I'm going to go find out." Before Sam could respond, she was out the door, walking around the house to where Hank was weeding. Sam watched her through the windows. He eyed the empty bookshelves, itching to fill them with books. Every wall in the house would be covered in books. His own private library, but shelved neatly so he could find everything, not stacked haphazardly like at Bobby's house. _How nice would that be? Maybe Alexa will let me keep some books here._

When he got outside, Alexa was shaking Hank's hand. "I feel like I'm robbing you, Hank. Honestly, I've been looking around, and you can easily get two or three hundred more a month for this place. Please let me give you a fair month's rent."

"Young lady, I want this house taken care of. I want good people living here. I don't need to make any money off it. The mortgage is paid for. My wife and I have simple lives. The price I gave you is fair and honest. I'll hear no more on the matter." He looked at her sternly. "Now then, would you like to move in today? It's fine with me if you do."

Alexa nodded like a little kid being offered ice cream. "Yes, please. I'll get you the money for the first and last month's rent. I can bring it back after I check out of the motel. Where should I bring the money?"

"Let's see. Today is my day off, so I can meet you here anytime. You've got the key, and Dwight speaks well of you, so that's enough for me. Some would say it's a bad way to do business, but I don't care. I like to expect the best in people. What's say I stop by around four this afternoon to get the money. You think you'll be back by then?"

"Definitely. I cannot thank you enough for this, Hank. This place is beautiful, and I know it will work out perfectly. Thank you."

The older man looked deep into her eyes for a long moment. He seemed to be looking for something specific. Apparently satisfied, he smiled and pulled Alexa into an abrupt hug. She stood awkwardly in the embrace. At first her arms were at her sides, but she lifted them and touched Hank's back tentatively. He patted her a few times on the back, then stepped back. "My Kathy would have liked you," he told her.

"Thank you." She didn't seem to know what else to say.

He nodded again, and the mood shifted. "Well now, off with you. I'm going to talk to the young man here for a moment." Hank told her, making 'move along' motions. Alexa looked at Sam, curious. He made an 'I don't know face' and stayed where he was. Alexa walked back to her car and poked around in the trunk for something. Sam turned to Hank and asked him, "Can I help you with something, Hank?"

"You going to be staying here too, son?"

Sam was surprised by the question. "Uh, no sir. We...we're just... friends, I guess. It's up to her, really." He stammered.

Hank looked up at him. "Not to pry into private business, but are you gay?"

Blushing, Sam answered, "No sir."

"Just an idiot then, huh? If you change your mind, you staying here is okay with me. Just so you know."

"Thank you?" Sam just looked uncomfortable.

Hank just laughed at him. "Go on with you then. She's going to need some help bringing her things in. See you at four." With those final words, he got into his battered Ford truck and drove off, waving out the window to Alexa.

When Sam got to the Challenger, Alexa asked, "What did Hank want to talk to you about?"

"He wanted to know if I'd be staying here too." Sam eased into the passenger seat without looking at Alexa.

"Oh." She waited a few beats. "What did you tell him?"

"That we were friends." He made sure he was looking out the passenger window as he said it.

"Oh." Alexa turned the car so they could get out of the driveway and reached over to switch on her mp3 player.

"I also told him it would be up to you." Sam spoke into the silence just before the song began, still facing out the window. Alexa didn't answer, so he wasn't sure if she heard him. They drove back to the motel just listening to music.

* * *

Back at the motel, Alexa packed quickly. Toiletries and a few clothing items were tossed into a large backpack, along with a pair of shoes and her guitar case. As they walked out to the car, Sam asked where everything else was. Alexa opened up the trunk of her Dodge and showed him two duffel bags. "That is everything. Well, except for weapons and supplies." She pointed at the milk crate holding a large bag of rock salt and a tool box.

"Weapons?" Sam peered into the trunk.

"Under here, like you and Dean." She lifted a panel in the truck. Beneath were guns, knives, and various other hunter's accoutrement. "There's a stash under the back seat of the car too. And a Walther PK .380 in the glove box. A second one in the guitar case."

Sam looked surprised. "Hey, they were having a two for one sale!" She said, intentionally misunderstanding his surprise.

"It's not that. You're just as bad as me and Dean, that's all. Well, as we used to be. Everything is locked up in the garage now, except for what I carry. I'm not even sure if Dean still carries his knife."

Alexa's head tilted to the side. "He does. You carry two, as well as your gun."

"Yeah, well." Sam didn't say anything else.

"Right. Okay, well, I'm going to go shopping for sheets and cleaning supplies and stuff. And I need to get the money for Dwight. I'm assuming you don't want to come with?" The trunk slammed shut and Alexa turned to face him.

"Shopping? No thanks, I'll pass. Maybe I'll look around for a case. We could meet up later, over at your new place, talk about what I find. I could bring Dean, Lisa, and Ben with some pizza or something. Lisa would probably like to see the place. Doubt Dean will care much, but he'll come."

"Okay. That works. You've got my number if you need it. See you later." She swung the driver's door open and got in. Sam closed the door for her, and leaned over into the open window.

"Have fun," he said.

She flashed him a mega-watt grin. "Oh, I plan on it. Later, myndarlegur."

"Huh? Hey, wait, what language was that?" Sam stepped back as she eased the car out of it's parking spot.

"Figure it out, Stanford. See ya!" Her hand waved goodbye as she pulled out onto the road.

* * *

Lisa was delighted at the prospect of going to see Alexa's new place. Ben and Dean weren't so enthusiastic, but cheered up when Lisa reminded them that pizza was part of the deal. Lisa ordered three pizzas, knowing that Ben and Dean would eat at least one between them. She didn't know what Sam's appetite for pizza was, nor did she know what kind of pizza Alexa liked. The four of them piled into the Impala and picked up dinner. Sam gave Dean instructions from the back on how to get to the house. Ben bounced around in the back, occasionally chanting 'pizza pizza'. When they pulled into the dirt road that served as the driveway to the house, his eyes widened. "Look at all the trees! This is awesome. Wow! Is that the house? It's smaller than I thought it would be. The whole place is surrounded by forest. So cool!" Ben was actually bouncing in the seat now. Dean stopped the Impala next to Alexa's Challenger and Ben was out of the car like a shot.

"I'm going to go see if I can find some salamanders and stuff in the woods, okay, Mom?"

"Eat first, crazed woodsman later. Come inside and eat some of this pizza before it gets cold. And carry in the soda."

Ben sighed and grumbled, but did what she told him.

Even from where they were standing, they could hear music blaring through the open windows of the house. Dean nodded his approval. "Styx." Ben smiled and said, "Awesome."

"Yeah, Dean." Sam shook his head. "She's never going to hear us knock over that."

"Well, try it. If she doesn't answer we'll go in." Lisa started for the steps.

Sam and Dean exchanged looks at that. Dean hurried to get in front of Lisa without unnerving her. He took the pizza from her as an excuse. But the real reason he wanted to be ahead of her was that he and Sam both knew you didn't walk into a hunter's house casually. Ever.

The music was louder by the front door. Sam pulled open the screen door, knocked on the main door, and called Alexa's name, but got no answer.

"Open it. I'm sure she won't mind." Lisa's hand snaked out and twisted the door knob. The door swung open, and they could each feel the pulse of the music now. Sam saw Alexa across the room, in the kitchen area. Her back was to them, and she was singing with the music while she put dishes away. Alexa had obviously been working most of the day. She was wearing an old t-shirt and loose cargo pants. Her feet were bare, hair in a ponytail and pinned up. The singing continued as she grabbed a spatula from the ceramic jar next to the stove and started singing into it while dancing around like an idiot, eyes closed.

"Is it any wonder I've got too much time on my hands? It's ticking away with my sanity. I've got too much time on my hands!"

Even just belting out the lyrics for herself, they could still hear the quality in her voice that had affected them so much the first time they heard her at the pub. Dean stepped in next to Sam. Lisa watched from between them, and Ben poked his head around so he could see as well. He giggled. "She dances funny." Dean grinned at him and said, "You should see Sam dance. Like llamas mating." Ben giggled even louder, just as the song faded.

It only took a few seconds, but for Dean, it felt like everything slowed down. Alexa heard the giggle, and reacted like a hunter. She dropped down to make a smaller target, pulling out a gun and whirling to face them as she did. Sam swept Lisa and Ben back out the door, shielding them with his body. Dean pressed his back against Sam's, covering him, and shouted, "Whoa! It's us, stop!" even as Alexa was coming out of her crouch and pointing the gun at the floor. She reached over to the counter and slapped the music off. The gun was tucked away.

"Sorry. That was my fault. I didn't think you'd be here this early and... I'm sorry. God, I'm such an idiot. Are you all okay? Did I freak Ben out?"

Lisa eased past Sam. "No, but you freaked his mom out a little. What just happened?"

Sam answered, "We screwed up. Alexa's a hunter too, Lisa, and you don't sneak up on hunters."

"Unless they're playing music way too loud and acting like idiots. Are you sure everyone is okay? Dean, are you breathing?"

He swallowed hard. "I'm good. Yep. I'm... good." He held up the pizza boxes. "Got dinner."

"Yeah. Okay. Thank you. I'll get some plates." She turned to the cabinet, then turned back to them. "I'm really sorry. I wasn't going to use it until I knew you were a threat. But I'm still really sorry."

Dean sighed. "I noticed that you dropped the gun as soon as you saw it was us. Didn't miss that. And Sam's right. We shouldn't have come in like that. Forget it. Won't happen again, so let's eat."

"Okay. Go ahead and put the pizza on the counter." The tension eased and they entered the house. Dean set the pizza down and Lisa helped set the table. Sam got silverware and napkins. Ben put soda next to the pizza, sat at the table and focused on Alexa. He started giggling again. She quirked an eyebrow at him and asked, "The dancing was that bad, huh?" Dean sat next to him.

"No, it's not that. Well, I mean, you were bad, but that isn't why I was laughing. I like your shirt." He pointed. For the first time the rest of them read the green and purple letters against the black background. It said 'Zombies don't call shotgun.' Dean snorted and was surprised to hear Sam laugh. It was quick, but it was a laugh. _Haven't heard that in a while_, he thought.

Alexa looked at Ben, very serious and businesslike. "Ben, this shirt isn't meant to be funny. It's an extremely important warning." She held the serious look for about five seconds, then laughed along with Ben.

"So what _do _zombies call for, anyway?" he asked. They were all sitting around the table now, digging into the pizza.

Alexa scoffed at him. "Brains, of course."

Ben kept laughing and proceeded to tell a dozen horrible zombie jokes in between bites of his pizza. Everyone groaned appropriately.

Suddenly he stopped. "Have you ever seen a real zombie, Alexa?" Dean froze, a piece of pizza halfway to his mouth. Lisa set down her glass and hissed her son's name.

"What? Dean won't tell me about it because you told him not to, and I don't want to bother Sam. But Alexa's cool. She'll tell me about zombies and hunting and stuff, won't you?" He turned eager eyes back to her.

"Ben, if your mother asked Dean not to tell you about those things, what makes you think that I will? I'm sure she has excellent reasons for..."

He cut her off, "Because she still treats me like a baby!"

Dean barked, "Ben!" and dropped the pizza slice he'd been holding up. The eleven year old stopped, guilty, and glanced at his mother. She pointed to the door and said, "Outside. Now. Let's talk." He got up slowly, shoulders slumped, dragging his feet. Lisa called, "back in a few" over her shoulder as they exited. Dean exhaled loudly and scrubbed his right hand across his face.

"It makes her crazy, you know? He knows about it because of what happened when he was younger. He's been researching on the internet, and when I showed up again, he begged for months for me to teach him everything. Lisa flat-out refused to let me tell him anything, and I don't blame her. I don't want him learning about this stuff if I can stop it either. Thanks for backing us on that, by the way."

"Least I could do, considering earlier. And I am the one wearing the zombie t-shirt."

"That you are. Weirdo." But he was grinning when he said it.

* * *

Lisa and Ben came back in and they all finished dinner without any problems. Ben ran outside to explore the woods, since it was still daylight. Alexa showed Lisa around the rest of the house. Together, they made up each bed with the linens Alexa had picked up earlier in the day. Sam and Dean sat out on the porch, drinking beer while keeping an eye on Ben. Lisa and Alexa joined them when the beds were all made.

The four of them chatted a bit, letting the conversation ebb and flow. Sam said into one of the silences, "I found us a case."

Lisa and Dean both tensed, for different reasons. Alexa just said, "Really? What is it?"

"Should be a simple salt and burn, up in Michigan. Looks like a haunted highway kind of deal. Men and women keep disappearing on a stretch of road on the same three days every year. They turn up later, dead, apparently frightened to death. Their hair has been turned pure white, hearts seized, stuff like that. I figure it's a ghost."

"You're going on a case?" Lisa asked Sam.

"Yeah, Alexa and I are getting tired of sitting around, so we figured a hunt would be something to do. It will probably only take a few days, plus a little driving time." He looked at her sheepishly, "At least it will keep me out of your hair for a bit."

A bit of the tension eased out of Lisa, but apparently seeped right into Dean. Lisa told Sam, "You aren't in my hair, Sam. You've been helping around the house. It's only been a few weeks. You're entitled to a little bit of recovery time."

"Thanks, Lisa."

"Sam, can I talk to you?" Dean got out of his chair as he asked the question. He stayed on the wraparound porch, but moved down to the other corner of the house with Sam trailing behind. With a glance at Alexa, now sitting alone with Lisa, he started in on Sam, keeping his voice a harsh whisper.

"What are you doing? I thought we agreed you wouldn't go on a hunt with her until we knew more about what this deal was, and what she is, and how good she is. If she's a crappy hunter, she could get you killed. Were you even going to talk to me about this? You can't start keeping secrets again, Sam. That doesn't work for us, you know that. I mean, come on, man. Help me out here. Why do you trust her? Are you even a tiny bit worried about a repeat of what happened with Ruby?"

Until the mention of Ruby, Sam had been listening patiently to Dean. But her name sent a flash of fury across his face, and he glared at Dean before answering.

"We," he pointed at Dean's chest, then his own, "didn't agree that I wouldn't go on a hunt until later. You said," he pointed just at Dean now, "that I wouldn't. I get that you're concerned, Dean. It wasn't a secret though. I mean, I just started talking about it in front of you. If I was hiding it I wouldn't do that. In terms of trusting her, I'm not sure yet. I don't want a repeat of anything like what happened with Ruby, so I'm being careful. But you have to admit, Dean, she's helped us. We know she's tied in with this deal somehow, she healed Ben. She helps with the nightmares. Cas doesn't have a problem with her, and she isn't a demon. As far as how good a hunter she is? Not as good as you, but since you're the best hunter in the known universe," Dean smiled at the old joke, "she's got a high standard to live up to. But the reflexes are there. We've seen examples of that, including tonight. I'll be okay, Dean."

Dean harumphed. Sam just waited, giving Dean time to think. Finally, Dean turned back to the other end of the porch. "Alexa," he called down, "you up for a little sparring match?"

"Uh, sure, I guess. Down on the lawn okay with you?"

"That's just fine," he answered with deadly calm, then vaulted over the porch railing, landing softly in the grass below.


	9. No Quarter

_Thanks to my continued readers and reviewers. You are all amazing. I'm already hard at work on the next chapter, so hopefully I will be able to post it soon. Thanks again!_

**Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Supernatural and the characters therein belong to the actors, writers, directors, producers, and technicians that bring it to life. Rated T, because there's a bit of cursing and some description of violence. **

Dean wasn't really in a sparring mood, as it turned out. He was in more of a fighting mood. The thought of Sam going with Alexa on a hunt scared him half to death. Of course, it was more the thought of Sam hunting again, potentially getting hurt, or dying that had him so angry, but he wouldn't admit that to himself. His baby brother, _and dammit, yes, I do still think of him way_, was going out on a hunt and he, the big brother, was not going to be there to serve and protect. To do his job. Nor would he admit that he was torn about hunting again himself. _I want to go with them. To hunt. But I don't want to leave Lisa and Ben. Or put them in danger. Or risk losing Lisa because I'm hunting again. She's made it clear that me going hunting makes her uncomfortable. And for so long, I didn't want to, so it didn't matter_. _But now...?_ All these thoughts churned in his head. So although it wasn't fair or right to make Alexa the target of his anger, he did it anyway. It was an outright sucker punch and Dean was ashamed as soon as he threw it.

Alexa touched the side of her mouth, dabbing at the blood. She lifted her eyebrows a bit and looked at him. From the porch, Sam barked, "Dean!" with that tone of disapproval and irritation he sometimes used. Neither fighter responded to him. Ben heard though, and wandered back from the edge of the tree line where he had been flipping logs and rocks in his search for salamanders.

Lisa asked Sam, "Is that how a sparring match usually starts?" Sam didn't answer, waiting to see what happened between his brother and Alexa, ready to step in, though he wasn't quite sure who he was planning to protect.

"Dean? Did I do something to piss you off?" Alexa asked carefully, taking a step back out of striking range.

"We're sparring."

"You're fighting. I just want to know if you're mad at me or something."

"Or something," he said and lunged for her. Managing to catch her right arm as she twisted away, he wrenched it up behind her back. He slipped his left arm around her neck, going for a choke hold. Alexa turned her head to the side and tucked her chin down, getting her other arm into the crook of his elbow before he could lock the hold. She lifted her foot and rammed it down hard on his instep. His grip on her head loosened and she pushed his arm away. Her left elbow came back down and hammered his ribs. He let go of her other arm, but as she pulled away, he punched her in the kidney.

Dropped to her knees in pain, Alexa managed to roll away before Dean could use her distraction to cause more pain. Lisa gasped and Sam started again to move toward them. Ben didn't seem to know quite what to do. He kept looking at each adult, trying to get some signal as to what was going on.

Alexa completed the roll and got on her feet, shakily. Her eyes were watering and she was favoring the side Dean had punched. She stopped Sam by holding up her hand, but he didn't look happy about it. "I'm okay." She told him. Her eyes shifted to Dean. He did have the grace to look a little sorry, but he didn't look ready to stop. That was confirmed when she said to him, "How dirty do you want this?" Dean's scary grin came out to play. "As dirty as you can make it," he answered and took a few steps forward.

They traded a few punches, Dean obviously intent on doing real damage and Alexa proving that she knew the proper way to punch someone, nor was she afraid to hit back. Then, suddenly, she stepped close to him, turned slightly so that her back was against his chest, and grabbed his arm. In a single fluid motion, she used her hips and the power of momentum to flip him over her shoulder. She held on to his hand as he went down and ended the move with her heel in his right armpit, his right arm extended and twisted in her grasp. He winced as she applied a bit of pressure.

"I can keep going," she said.

"What would you do from here?" He wanted to know.

"Do I want you dead or talking?"

"Dead."

"Snap your arm, dislocate your shoulder. Straddle you, grab your head, break your neck. Or maybe knife you. Actually, you know what? Right now, I think I'd just pull out a gun and shoot you."

"What if a second person, say like Sam, came up behind you?"

"Kill you, then him. Except since I'm supposed to help you both, I think I'll end the little demonstration there. Is that okay with you, Rambo?" His arm fell to his side as she let go and took a step back.

"Yeah. It's okay." Dean sat up, rotating his shoulder.

"Hurts?" Alexa asked him.

"Yep. But I deserve it. Sorry I came after you like that."

She scoffed at him. "No, you're not. You're sorry that you took your pissed off mood out on me, but not that we did this. Because now you have an answer or two. Now you know that I can fight and that yes, Dean, I have killed things. To protect other people. To protect myself. Don't get me wrong. I get it. I really do. You want to protect Sam. And Lisa. And Ben. But I am not the enemy here. I know you don't have all the pieces to the puzzle and that you can't trust me. You aren't even sure if you want to trust me. But I think a part of you does, and it scares the crap out of you, because trusting people isn't something you do easily. I just wish..." She stopped, at a loss for words. "I don't know. This is ridiculous." She stepped close again, and knelt beside him, slapping her hands on his shoulder. A searing heat snapped through his muscles and he yelped. Alexa rocked back on her heels, temporarily unbalanced. She closed her eyes and sighed. Dean rubbed his shoulder, which no longer hurt.

"You healed it?" he asked.

"Yeah. Quick burst healing. I know exactly what's wrong in an injury like the one I just gave you, and I can just send a pulse to heal it, after I read you to make sure that's all that's wrong. So yeah. You're healed."

"Thanks. Wasn't looking forward to working with a bad shoulder."

"Are we good?" She looked at him intensely.

"I'm not too happy about some of what you just said and I don't know if we're _good _yet. But yeah. I guess we're good." He rose and held out a hand to her. She took it and stood as well. Alexa nodded her head toward the porch, indicating Lisa and Ben. Dean turned to see both of them, mouths hanging open. Both were in shock, just for different reasons. Ben, being young and unaware of the undercurrents in the air, was the first to break.

"You've gotta teach me to do that!" He started off at a normal volume and pitch, but by the end of the exclamation, it was practically a squeal of excitement. "I mean, holy cow, you were all like," he motioned a few jabs, "and she was all like," he mimed flipping someone over his shoulder.

Still looking at Lisa, Dean answered Ben. "Not tonight, kiddo, okay? Your mom and I need to talk about it first. Right now, we need to go home."

He whined, "What? But why? This place is so cool. There are tons of salamanders and I even saw a garter snake and I really want you guys to teach me how to do that stuff."

"Ben, I'm sorry. But right now, we need to go home." Dean's voice was stern, but his eyes held an apology that the youngster recognized. He relented without further argument.

"Lisa," Dean tried to talk to her.

She stood, shaking her head at him. "Not... here. Not yet. I need to think. I need to reconcile what I just saw with who I thought you were. I – you hurt her, Dean. You're going to have to give me more than a minute to process this. But you're right. We need to go home now."

"Okay. Let's go then." Dean was subdued and quiet as he moved around the side of the house to the Impala. He didn't bother to say goodbye to anyone.

Lisa said to Ben, "Go get in the car." He went without argument, aware of the tension, but uncertain of its source.

She waited until her son was around the corner, then turned back to Alexa. "Are you alright?" Alexa nodded. Lisa gave her a look that clearly indicated she wasn't sure whether or not she could believe her. She crossed her arms and glanced at the corner Dean and Ben had gone around. "I don't mind admitting that was a little frightening. I've never seen that side of Dean. And you were pretty scary too." Her eyes met Alexa's.

"I'm sorry, Lisa. I wish I knew something to say that would make you feel better. Maybe just this: he didn't really want to hurt me, only what I represented in the moment. And he is truly a good man. What you saw tonight doesn't change that. Try to remember that tonight – or whenever you talk to him about it."

Lisa looked unsure, but she nodded once. "Okay. Goodnight. Congratulations on the house." She started walking to the car, waving once to indicate she heard Sam call, "I'll be right there."

Sam reached for Alexa's chin, nudging her head to the side so he could get a better look at what Dean's punches had done. She flinched and a tremor ran through her.

"Sorry, didn't mean to hurt you." He pulled his hand away.

"No, it's not that. I'm not used to people touching me, unless it's a fight. I've probably had more human contact – never mind the fact that it was non-violent – in these past few weeks hanging out with you and Dean than I've had in the past few years. I'm not used to it. Strangers don't normally touch you, and I don't usually get to know anyone well enough. I don't know how to react to it. And so soon after the end of a fight? It's adrenaline. I'm sorry I flinched." She looked at the ground, feeling awkward and embarrassed.

"Why are you so isolated?"

"It's safer, Sam."

He started to ask another question, but she cut him off by saying, "You should probably get going. Dean and Lisa must want to leave." She still wouldn't look at him, so he waited, not moving.

When she finally lifted her head, he spoke. "Are you going to be able to heal everything?" She nodded, and he continued, "Do you need any help tonight?" Alexa shook her head no, and he sighed. "Okay then, pick me up in the morning around seven thirty and we can head up to Michigan. Work for you?" She nodded again, still not speaking. The ground was suddenly of interest to her again. Sam frowned at her, not that she saw it.

Realizing that talking to her now wasn't going to accomplish anything, Sam said, "I'll see you in the morning then. Goodnight, Alexa." He turned and headed for the Impala. He was almost to the corner of the house when a whispered, "Night, Sam," echoed back to him.

* * *

The next morning when Alexa pulled up in front of Lisa and Dean's, the Impala was already gone. Hoping that Dean was just bringing Ben to school, Alexa grabbed the coffee and muffins she'd picked up at Dwight's and headed for the front door. She knocked softly, and Lisa answered. Lisa looked tired, and her eyes were rimmed in red, but she smiled at Alexa and told her to come in.

"Let's go in the kitchen," she said. Then she called upstairs, "Sam. Alexa's here."

"Down in a few," he called back.

The two of them went into the kitchen. Lisa took one of the coffees and a muffin. Alexa sipped at her hot chocolate and grabbed a cranberry walnut muffin for herself.

"How are you doing this morning, Lisa?"

"I'm... not sure. We talked for a long time last night, after Ben went to bed. I cried. I think I scared Dean. He didn't know what to do when I cried. Sam hid in his room. I think he and Dean talked a little after I went to bed, finally. It's all so strange. In my head, I always knew that Dean doing what he did meant he was capable of hurting things. Seeing it in action was different though. It wasn't intellectual anymore. He was frightening, Alexa. The intensity, the capacity for violence. Honestly, like I told you last night, you were pretty scary yourself. It made me question this – all of this. I mean, what have I let into my life? Into my son's life? Would he do that to us, if either of us made him angry enough? God, I can't think straight." Lisa seemed on the edge of panic.

"What did Dean say when you told him all of this?" Alexa asked.

"That was the scariest part. He said that he understood. And if I wanted him to, he would leave, no questions asked. But it looked like it was killing him to say it. Or maybe I just wanted it to be a problem for him, because I don't want to believe he could leave so easily after all we've been through this last year."

"Lisa. Leaving you and Ben would be horrible for Dean. Trust me on this. The healing thing I do? It lets me see into a person's mind a little. He loves you and Ben. The only person he loves more is Sam. If he said he would leave, it's only because he wants to do what the best thing is for you. He doesn't want to cause you any pain. But he doesn't care about the pain he inflicts on himself. Think about it. Think about the things he's done in the past. He'll do anything to avoid hurting the people he loves. You and Ben are safe with him."

"But what if he gets angry? Now that I really know what he can do?"

"Has he been angry before? It's been a year. The two of you must have had a fight or two, right?"

"Of course."

"When you fought, did you ever feel not safe? Did you ever think, for even a second, that Dean would hurt you?"

"No, never, but that was before I saw with my own eyes what he could do. He could have killed you last night. And it was casual, like it meant nothing!"

"First, no. He couldn't have killed me last night, unless I screwed up royally. And I egged him on, Lisa. I knew he needed to vent, and I gave him a target. This whole thing with Sam going on a hunt scares him. Especially since Sam will be going with me."

"How do I know that Ben and I won't become targets?"

"Because it's Dean. Think, Lisa. Close your eyes for a minute and picture Dean. Think about how he makes you feel. Have you ever, even once, felt like you were in danger with him?"

She sighed. "No. Just the opposite. He makes me feel safe. Even when we first met, I felt safe with him."

"Last night, you said you talked. Did you get angry? Yell at him? Did he yell back?"

"Quietly, but yes. We yelled."

"Did you still feel safe?"

Lisa opened her mouth to answer, then stopped, thinking about Alexa's question. Slowly, she answered, almost thinking out loud. "I did. I never worried once last night about him hurting me during the fight. I was so focused on the future and what ifs."

They heard Sam coming down the stairs, and the rumble of the Impala in the driveway.

"I'm the last person you should be taking relationship advice from, considering I've never really been in one, but I think you should focus on that, Lisa. Even fighting with him last night, after what you saw, you still felt safe. He's a good man. He would do anything to protect you and Ben, including leaving you, if you asked. And I can tell you that he loves you and Ben very, very much. He'll work with you to get through this, if you give him a chance."

Lisa sipped her coffee thoughtfully. "Thanks. I think it helps, maybe, to put things in perspective like that. We'll see. We definitely need to talk more."

Sam came in quietly, obviously a little unsure of where he stood in Lisa's world at that moment. Lisa smiled at him and said, "Alexa brought coffee and muffins. Be safe, and make sure you check in while you're gone. Not just with Dean. I want to talk to you once or twice myself, okay?" He nodded his assent as he retrieved his coffee. They all heard the front door open, and when Lisa turned toward the sound, Alexa mouthed to Sam, "We should go." He nodded again and grabbed a muffin, wrapping it in a paper towel. Dean entered the kitchen just as he was finishing.

Alexa greeted Dean first. "How's your shoulder?"

"Good. Thanks. How 'bout you?"

"No problems."

Lisa stood up from the table. She went and gave Sam a kiss on the cheek, making him stoop so she could reach and telling him again to be careful. She said to Alexa, "You be careful too." As she passed by Dean on her way out of the kitchen, she gave him a gentle kiss on the check, resting her fingertips lightly on his wrist. "We should talk before you go to work," she said, then moved off, maintaining her touch on his wrist, trailing her fingertips down his hand until the distance became too great. They all listened to her go upstairs.

Dean rounded on Alexa. "Did you talk to her?" There was a note of desperation in his voice.

"Uh, yeah. We spoke for a few minutes before Sam came downstairs. What, you think just because I'm a girl I can automatically be best buds with Lisa, have a heart to heart with her and fix all this for you?"

"Can you?" He looked absolutely miserable. "Ben asked if I was going to leave this morning. I didn't know what to tell him."

"It doesn't work that way, Dean. Yes. We talked. I tried to remind her of a few things she already knew about you. But you need to talk to her to fix this. I can't do it for you."

"I don't know how."

"Well now is a good time to learn. I'll see you in a few days. I'm going to wait out by the car." She followed actions to words and left the kitchen without saying anything more.

Sam looked at his brother. "I heard a little of what she said to Lisa. She's on your side. And I think Lisa listened to her. Why don't you go find out? See you in a few days, okay? I'll call later today and let you know how things are going. I promise to check in."

"Every day." Dean said to him sternly.

"Yep."

"Don't trust her yet, okay, Sam? I worry that there's more going on."

"I know. I'll talk to you later. Good luck with everything here."

"Thanks." They hugged briefly, a silent acknowledgment they both wanted reassurance. Sam balanced the muffin on top of his coffee and then went to retrieve his duffel and messenger bag from the couch. He went out into the sunshine. Alexa popped the trunk of the Challenger open and he stowed his things inside.

"You want to drive?" She asked him.

"Nah. I'd rather finish my coffee and muffin. Maybe later."

He turned to see Dean standing by the front window. He waved, and his brother waved back. Then Sam got into the passenger side of the car. Sam didn't look back again to see if Dean was still standing there as he and Alexa drove away. He knew Dean would be. Pulling out his phone, he sent Dean a quick text message.

"I'll be fine. Go talk to Lisa and fix things."

His phone chirped a moment later. He hit the button to read Dean's message back.

"I will. Stay safe. Bitch."

Sam typed back, "Jerk," and put the phone back in his pocket. He sipped his coffee and settled in for a long drive.


	10. Gimme Back My Bullets

_Thanks to my continued readers and reviewers. You make me smile!_

**Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Supernatural and the characters therein belong to the actors, writers, directors, producers, and technicians that bring it to life. Rated T, because there's a bit of cursing and some description of violence. **

Checking into the motel in Michigan proved to be awkward. Sam went in and from habit asked for a room with two double beds. As he walked out of the office, it occurred to him he should have asked for two rooms, maybe adjoining ones, instead. He stood outside the office door for a second, contemplating. He turned to go back inside and get a second room, then changed his mind and turned back toward Alexa and the car. When he had done this a few times in rapid succession, Alexa honked the horn and called out the window, "What are you doing?"

He walked over to the open window. "I'm trying to figure out if I should get two rooms. I got one out of habit. But you're not Dean. I wasn't thinking. I'll go back inside and fix it." Without waiting for a response from her, he went back into the office, emerging a few moments later with a second key. "We're all set," he told her, "they're adjoining."

Since it was close to lunch time, they went to a local diner first and got something to eat. Then they headed to the library for research. And found nothing. Or at least nothing helpful. There were no odd deaths on that particular stretch of highway. No murders, no suicides. A few car accidents, but none that fit with the details of the haunting. The only odd thing they found was an article talking about a skull that had been found alongside the highway a few years before the haunting started. Sam filed it in the 'interesting but probably not important' file in his head. The library closed and they went out to the Challenger to debate their next move.

"Until we figure out who this ghost is, we can't do much to stop it."

"I know, Sam, but isn't tonight supposed to be the first night this year someone dies? Wasn't it this time last year, and the one before that?"

"Yeah. What do you suggest we do?"

"Go cruise the highway tonight. See if we can catch a glimpse of this thing. At the very least, maybe we can stop it from getting someone. Hell, maybe we'll get lucky and it will tell us where it's buried."

Sam snorted. "Not likely."

"I know, but can we at least try to stop it from killing someone tonight?"

"Absolutely. Better go fill the gas tank."

***'

They spent the night cruising the same stretch of road. Nothing happened until just before sunrise. Passing through a valley they had seen dozens of times during the night, Alexa noticed a car by the side of the road. It hadn't been there before, and it was obvious the car had been left in a hurry. The lights were still on, driver's side door open. They pulled over to the side of the road to take a look. As they walked over to car, weapons in hand, they kept an eye on their surroundings. Everything was quiet. The only sound was the wind moving through the trees. Alexa leaned into the car without touching it to take a look. She pulled her head back out and said to Sam, "Keys are still in the ignition, purse still in the passenger seat. It's a woman, alone."

"How do you know she's alone?"

"Most women keep their purse on the passenger seat if they're by themselves. Somebody else in the car? It goes behind the driver seat. At least in my experience."

Sam nodded. "Makes sense."

"Any sign of her?"

"No. Nothing."

"Yeah, me neither. So what's our next move?"

Sam didn't get to answer. An unseen force threw him away from the car. He landed on the embankment and rolled to the bottom. _At least I didn't hit a tree or a wall this time_, he thought. Alexa yelled his name and appeared at the road above.

"Are you okay?" She called down.

"Fine. Keep an eye out. I didn't trip."

A ghost appeared a few feet away. It was a middle age man, handsome and fit. He had dirty blond hair and muddy blue eyes. His smile creeped Alexa out when she turned to look at him. It was like he knew a nasty secret and he planned to share it with her.

"She's mine now. Poor little rabbit. So scared. She was shaking the entire time." Alexa could hear Sam struggling up the embankment. She tightened her grip on the crowbar, waiting. Maybe the ghost would tell them something after all. The ghost suddenly rushed at her, stopping just inches from her face. "Mine now. You're a pretty rabbit." He reached out to caress her cheek and she swung the crowbar through his midsection. Sam reached the road just in time to see the ghost dissipate.

"Are you okay?" He repeated her earlier question back to her.

"Yep. But that ghost is a sick bastard." The sunlight broke over the top of the trees as she spoke. "I don't think he's coming back right now. He already got what he wanted tonight. He said, 'she's mine now.' And he called her 'little rabbit.' Eech." She mock shuddered, then asked, "Think we should go look for her down there?" and pointed back down the embankment Sam had just climbed.

He looked out toward the woods, then up at the dawn sky. "No. Whatever he did tonight, it's already over. Let's go catch a little sleep, then see if we can figure out who this bastard is."

"Yeah. Okay." They both trudged back to the car, feeling angry and tired.

***'

They were both awake and showered by 10am, having slept a few hours. They grabbed a quick bite to eat and went back to the library, scouring the microfiche stacks and the local papers. It was almost closing time and they still hadn't found anything helpful about the identity of the ghost when Alexa happened to walk past a plaque hanging outside the children's section of the library while she was searching for a bathroom. There was a picture of a pretty young woman with the inscription, 'Beth Anne Calendish: We miss you. You were taken too soon.' There was a date from a several years before under the inscription. Working on a hunch, Alexa went over to the librarian in the children's section. She was middle-aged, her brown hair escaping the barrettes she'd used to keep it out of her face, most likely because she kept skimming her fingers over her hair as she worked.

Alexa waited until the librarian looked up and gave her a huge smile. "Hi. I know this may seem an odd request, but I used to live in this area. I'm trying to find this girl I used to know, and I thought I remembered that she worked here, or volunteered maybe? Her name was Beth Anne." At the mention of the name, the other woman gasped a little.

"Oh dear. You were friends with Beth Anne? It's so sad what happened to her. Oh my goodness – you don't know, do you?"

The woman continued when Alexa shook her head no.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but Beth Anne was murdered. By a serial killer, they think. They caught him with Beth Anne's body in his trunk, so he was put on trial for her murder. The police thought he'd killed a bunch of other people, but they never could prove it. Then he died in prison, oh, maybe four or five years ago. Good riddance, I say. But it's sad for the families of those others. No closure for them." The woman tsked and shook her head.

Alexa spoke to the librarian for a few more minutes, reminiscing about Beth Anne and speaking in general on the evils of serial killers. They parted and Alexa went back to microfiche machine stacks. She pulled the roll for the dates surrounding Beth Anne's murder and brought it to Sam.

"I think I found something. Beth Anne Calendish was murdered by Philip Cearenson. The police thought he was a serial killer, but could never prove anything. He died in prison a few years ago, I'm guessing just before the haunting started. I can't figure out what the connection is to the highway, but it's worth a look."

"Okay, I'll look on the microfiche. You see what you can find on Cearenson on the computer."

Sam loaded up the roll and began scrolling through the newspaper accounts of Beth Anne's murder and the trial for her killer. Alexa typed Philip Cearenson's name into a search engine and found several articles. The first just mentioned his name on a list of believed serial killers. She knew the second would be useful as soon as the page loaded. It had his picture.

"Sam. It's him. Cearonson is the ghost from last night. Look." She turned the laptop in his direction.

"I didn't really see him, but I'll take your word for it. Does the article say how he died, or where he's buried?"

"Hang on, lemme look." She scanned the article looking for pertinent information. "Well here's one piece of the puzzle. When he was killed in prison? He was attacked five years ago, on yesterday's date. But he lived two more nights, dying on the fourth morning from his wounds. That's why it's three people for three nights in a row. It's the time he spent dying."

"The timing fits too. The haunted started four years ago, so the year after he was killed. Anything to tie him to the highway?" Sam leaned over her shoulder to scan the article at the same time, placing his left hand on the back of her chair.

"Oh. Eew." Alexa said.

"What?"

"This." Alexa pointed to a paragraph on the screen. "It says he was a rabbit breeder and farmer. That's what he said last night. He called her little rabbit. You know, I hate it when the ghosts are mega-creepy."

Sam's breath warmed her cheek as he huffed. "Yeah, cause the non creepy ones are so much better. Wait, where was his rabbit farm?"

"Umm, I saw that. Wait... here. Exactly where he's been attacking people now. Red Arrow Highway. Do you suppose those were his hunting grounds before?"

"No. We would have found something about a string of disappearances off the highway. I think they were his burying grounds. Remember that article about the skull they found? It could have been one of his victims. The area is isolated. There are plenty of animals around. It would be an easy place to get rid of a body."

"I repeat what I said last night. Sick bastard. We need to figure out where he's buried and take care of this. Maybe check the newspaper obituaries for his death?"

"Yep." Sam circled her with his arms so he could reach the keyboard and type in the information they were looking for. When it popped up, he put his hand back on her chair.

They both scanned the obituary. "He's buried on his rabbit farm? That's just sick."

Sam nodded his agreement. "Let's get the address and go take care of this bastard."

They had just enough time before the library closed to look up Cearenson's address in an old phone book. Hoping to find exactly where his grave was and get it dug up before it got too late, they went directly to his old rabbit farm. The buildings were old and looked like they might have been falling apart even when someone lived in them. They were obviously the target of vandals now. All the windows were broken and someone had spray painted words like 'killer' and 'die scum' on the side of the house.

"I don't suppose anybody gave him a marker stone?" Alexa asked hopefully as they got out of the car and went to get shovels, salt, and gasoline from the trunk.

"No, it just says that he was buried in the field behind his rabbit barn, per his request. Remember? He said it was his window to the world, and he supposedly told them exactly where to put him. But they probably didn't want to put a marker out because they were afraid people might dig him up and desecrate his body."

"Oh, you mean like we plan to do?"

"Just like."

The field where Cearenson was buried was large. They could dig all night and not find his body unless they had a better idea of where to look.

"Walk around, look for a mound? Or disturbed ground? Maybe we can get lucky." Sam suggested.

"Best plan we have at the moment. Let's go." They split up, staying in visual contact and looked around for the better part of a half an hour. Alexa stopped at one point, frustrated. _He could be out on that highway right now, finding some other girl._ Movement over at the old rabbit barn caught her attention. The door to the hayloft had been left open, and as she watched, an owl swooped out framed by the doorway. _Of course_, she thought, _his window to the world_.

"Sam!" She called, crossing the field quickly to meet him.

"Find something?"

"Look up there. What do you see?"

"An old hayloft entrance. Why?"

"Does it look like a window?"

Sam gazed at it intently for a moment, squinting a little and cocking his head to one side.

"Yeah, maybe. You think that was the window he was talking about?"

"You have a better idea?"

"No. So, you go up and look out, tell me where to start digging?"

"On it. Meantime, why don't you kind of center yourself to the window and we'll see how close you get from the perspective up there."

"Okay."

Alexa left her shovel with Sam, but kept the crowbar. She had a salt container in her pocket as well. Watching the field carefully, she made her way to the barn and climbed the ladder to the hayloft. Standing in the loft doorway, she looked out to the field for Sam. He wasn't quite centered in the doorframe, so she motioned for him to move back and take a step left. She gave him the thumbs up and he started to dig.

"Down in a minute!" She yelled. Fetid breath filled her nostrils and Cearenson was suddenly there, leering at her.

"Oh, pretty rabbit. You came to me. I didn't have to go looking. You're mine now." He grasped her hair and yanked her head back. The ghost caressed her exposed neck. Alexa shrieked in surprise and disgust. Sam looked up and saw them both. He yelled for Alexa.

"Keep digging!" She yelled back, swinging the crowbar at the ghost. The ladder for the loft wasn't far and she scrambled for it, wanting to get down to the barn floor below where there would be more room to fight Cearenson. Standing at the top of the ladder looking down was her worst mistake. Memory swamped her and instead of seeing the dirty cluttered floor of Cearenson's old barn, she saw the neat, orderly barn of her parents. She saw her father, dead, her brothers struggling against their captors, and her mother desperately signaling for her to stay up there, stay quiet. Cearenson took advantage of her distraction, reappearing beside her and shoving her over the edge.

The barn floor wasn't far below, and Alexa managed to catch a rung of the ladder as she fell. Splinters dug into her hands, and she knew she'd be bruised from slamming into the ladder, but she didn't much care at that point. She got her feet on the ladder and hastily climbed the rest of the way down. Distantly, she heard Sam shoveling. Joining him would be a mistake though. As long Cearenson was after her, Sam could dig and be safe. So Alexa decided to stay in the barn and taunt Cearenson instead.

"Hey sicko. Is that the best you can do? Creeping up behind people and pushing them. I'm not impressed." She bent to retrieve the crowbar she'd dropped when the ghost pushed her. Cearenson's voice floated in the air, but she didn't see him.

"Pretty, pretty rabbit. I'm going to slit you open and skin you. Peel back the layers. It's so much fun to watch you tremble – so scared. Shh, rabbit. Don't scream just yet. Let me cut you first."

Alexa whirled, looking for the ghost. She saw him in the corner and moved toward him.

"You're pathetic. I'm not going to scream for you. I've been tortured by masters; you think I'll break for you? Please, you can't hold a candle to them. You'll be the one screaming when they get their hands on you." She yelled, "Tell me where you buried the bodies of those people!" and swung the crowbar at him.

His ghost reappeared almost immediately, shrieking at her in rage.

"Rabbit!" He lunged and she swung, yelling again, "Tell me where they are!"

A maniacal laugh filled the barn. "Guardians at the gates. Watching, watching."

He lunged again, dodging away at the last moment to avoid the crowbar. _I hate smart ghosts_, Alexa thought. Something at one corner of the barn caught her eye. It was another ghost.

"What the hell?" Alexa said, recognizing Beth Anne Calendish from her picture at the library.

Cearenson followed Alexa's gaze. He gasped, delightedly. "Ooh. Another rabbit. I remember you. Good screams. Beautiful, creamy skin. I didn't get to finish the job though. They found you and locked me up. But you were so scared. Pretty."

Beth Anne's ghost glared at him. "I'm not afraid of you anymore!" In a rush of light, she streaked toward him. They seemed to blend and meld together, struggling against each other. Then Cearenson began to glow orange. He turned to ashes and was gone. So was Beth Anne. Sam came running around the corner, calling Alexa's name.

"I'm good. I'm fine. Phew. Glad that one's over. Good job, Sam." She smiled brightly at him and walked to the car. She put the crowbar in the trunk and headed for the shovels, next to the burning gravesite.

Sam came and joined her, watching the fire.

"Beth Anne, the last girl he murdered, she was here." Alexa told him quietly. "She fought him. Disappeared when Cearenson did."

"Maybe she was just waiting for revenge."

"I think she was. I hope she feels like she got it." They watched the fire for a few minutes more. "Hey, I tried to get him to tell me where he buried the bodies, so we could leave word for the police. The only thing he would say was something about 'guardians at the gates'. Any clue what he could have meant?"

Frowning, Sam said, "No. Why did you ask him about that?"

"Eh. It was something to discuss in between attempts to kill me. I was hoping to give the families some closure, I guess."

"Nice thought. Too bad it didn't work out."

They waited until the fire died out, then shoveled dirt back into the grave. Everything went into the trunk and they started back to the motel. As they reached the end of the driveway, Sam suddenly sat up straight in the passenger seat.

"Stop. Stop!" He said.

"What?" Alexa hit the brakes and put the car in park.

"Look." Sam pointed at the entrance to the driveway. Overgrown with weeds and vines, two wrought iron gates framed either side of the drive.

"Guardians at the gates. You think he buried them here? Along the driveway?"

"So they could watch him drive past every day. Yep. At least it's worth telling the police to come out here and check."

"Yes, it most definitely is."

***'

Back at the motel, they both agreed showers, food, and sleep were in order. The drive back to Cicero could wait until morning. Sam checked in with Dean, telling him about the hunt and assuring him that everything was fine. They talked for a few more minutes about Lisa and Ben. Dean asked how Alexa did on the hunt, and Sam said, "She was good, Dean. It was good." After he hung up, Sam grabbed clean clothes and headed for the shower, pretty sure Alexa had already done the same in her own room.

Dressed in a t-shirt and sweats, Sam towel dried his hair as he walked barefoot over to the adjoining door between his room and Alexa's. He opened the door on his side and knocked at hers. A moment later, she opened it. She was wearing jeans and a loose button down shirt.

"Good timing, I just got back." She told him.

"Huh? Where did you go?"

"Across the street to get some food. I wasn't sure if you liked breakfast for dinner, so I got salad with grilled chicken for you in case you didn't want the pancakes."

"How do the pancakes look?" He asked, sitting at the table. He poked at the bags.

Alexa's grin was huge. "They look really good."

"Yeah?" Sam's dimples flashed.

"Oh, yeah."

***'

They ate and crashed, leaving the door between the rooms open by tacit agreement. Alexa just managed to change into pajamas before she fell asleep. Her sleep was bombarded with a mix of memory and vision. Flashes from earlier in the barn, her own family barn superimposed over Cearenson's were at the forefront. A vision collided with it, pushing it aside. She was with Sam and Dean, hunting something in a sewer maybe. Other memories seeped in then, these of torture and pain, so much worse than anything Cearenson would have been able to achieve. With a jolt, she surged up out of sleep into the waking world.

Looking at her watch, she realized she'd only slept about two hours. "Well, crap. Guess I won't be going back to sleep again tonight." She rolled off the bed and padded over to the bathroom. On the way back, she grabbed a book out of her bag. Flopping on the bed, she started to read. Some time later, a sound from Sam's room caught her attention. He was having a nightmare. She went in, planning to soothe it away and let him keep sleeping. The nightmare was obviously a bad one. He was tossing on the bed, sweaty and groaning in pain. Muttered words slipped out, but Alexa couldn't tell what he was saying. She sat beside him on the bed and gently touched his arm, ready to take the nightmare.

Before she could react to it, Sam had grabbed her, yanked her down onto the bed beside him, and put her in a chokehold. Her back was pressed against his chest as he practically growled at her, and started to squeeze the chokehold tighter. His other arm circled her waist, trapping one arm by her side. Every muscle in his body was tense and vibrating. Alexa tugged at his arm, trying to breathe. Knowing it was a losing battle, she gave up quickly, instead focusing on his nightmare and trying to make it go away. The only other choice was to hurt him and force him to let go, but that, she decided, was a last resort. She kept one hand on his arm and pressed the hand he'd trapped at her side against his hip. This time, the nightmare was Hell.

Pain. They were torturing him. Horrible, unimaginable pain. But it wasn't the physical pain that was the worst part. It was the mental anguish. Because Sam knew this was what Dean had experienced, because of him. They had done this, and worse, to Dean, because Sam hadn't been good enough, strong enough, hard enough to kill Jake when he had the chance. He'd been soft and let Jake live. And his mistake had cost Dean his life. Lucifer was crooning in Sam's ear, telling him that the pain could go away. "Just let me back in, Sam. It will all go away if you just let me back in." Every day he asked, and every day Sam said no. Sometimes he screamed it, sometimes it was barely a whisper. But it was always no. Because of Dean. He would never disappoint Dean again. And the pain just grew until he thought that his skin would explode from the pressure of it.

Some part of his brain registered that this was a dream, and he fought to wake up, the way he had other nights. Tonight was different somehow. He felt the pain ease away, a pleasant warmth sliding against his tense muscles instead. Following the warmth, he fought his way up out of the nightmare. He woke to find Alexa gasping and lying halfway across him, one of his arms wrapped around her throat, the other across her ribcage, pulling her in tight and preventing her from fighting him off.

"Jesus!" He shouted, practically pushing her off the bed in his haste to let her go. The familiar nausea rose and he rolled off the other side of the bed. He sprinted for the bathroom and slammed the door shut just before he started heaving.

"Sam?" Alexa was on the other side of the door.

"Go away!"

"No. I'm coming in."

"No. Go away."

She opened the door. "I said no. I can help you." She knelt beside him on the floor.

"Are you crazy? I hurt you. I could have killed you." He heaved again, then sighed when Alexa pressed a cool washcloth against his head.

"Silly Sam. You wouldn't have killed me."

He looked over at her. "There are bruises forming on your neck that would disagree with you."

"You wouldn't have killed me. It was my own fault, Sam. I shouldn't have surprised you like that while you were in the middle of such a bad nightmare. My fault. Stop blaming yourself for everything bad that happens in the world. You're gonna get a complex," she teased.

The heaving had eased off. She handed him another cool washcloth, and took the other one back.

"C'mon. Get up. Take a cool shower. I'll go get you some clean clothes." She helped him stand, then reached past him and turned the shower head on.

"Sam. Get in the shower. It will help you feel better. I'll be right back." She eased out of the bathroom, not quite shutting the door all the way behind her. He pulled his t-shirt off, and stepped out of his sweatpants, reasoning he didn't have the energy to fight with her. _Besides, a shower would feel good right now_.

He heard Alexa come back in with the clean clothes, but didn't say anything. Almost a half an hour later, he crept out of the bathroom, dressed, damp, and ashamed. His hope that Alexa would have gone back to her own room was short-lived. She was sitting on his bed, back against the headboard, reading.

Before he could say a thing, she asked, "Feel a little better?" He just nodded. "Good," she answered. "Come lie down."

"I'm not going back to sleep."

"Sam. You need to sleep. Come lie down. Let me do my job. I promise you won't have anymore nightmares tonight." At his look, she repeated, "I promise."

He sat next to her on the bed. "I don't want to go back to sleep tonight. I need to stay awake."

"Oh, holy hell. Would you stop being so stubborn, please. You don't need to stay awake. You need to sleep. I will not let the nightmare come back. Please, trust me. I can help you with this. Just lie down and try at least, okay?"

Petulantly he responded, "Fine. I'll lie down, but I'm not sleeping."

She refrained from rolling her eyes at him, but it was a near thing. Instead, she tugged the covers back and patted the pillow. "Head on the pillow. Close your eyes. Give me your hand." He got into bed, lying on his right side so he could face her. He closed his eyes and held out his left arm. She grasped his hand and gently guided it to her leg, placing her right hand atop it. Her left hand gently played with his hair. It felt so good, he didn't protest.

"Thought you weren't good at the whole human contact thing," he muttered sleepily, fighting to stay awake.

"I'm not, Winchester. You bring out the human in me, I guess. Like I said, hanging out with you and Dean is proving to be pretty life altering. On a side note, you need a haircut."

His sleepy brain couldn't seem to come up with an answer to that. He just drifted on the warmth that spread from his head to the rest of his body, anchored by his hand pressed to Alexa's thigh. She started singing a lullaby, soft and gentle. He stopped fighting sleep and just let go.

***'

They didn't talk about it the next morning. The circles under Alexa's eyes proved how she kept her word. That, and how tired she was. They showered, walked over to the diner and got more pancakes. After breakfast they packed up the car. Alexa tossed Sam the keys, slid into the passenger seat, and slept most of the way back to Indiana. Sam let her. Once, she moaned in her sleep and frowned. He reached over and took her hand in his, rubbing his thumb in small gentle circles over her palm. Though she quieted, he took the opportunity to hold her hand a little longer, letting go only when he thought she was waking up.


	11. Darkening Sky

_Thanks to my continued readers and reviewers. You are all fantastic! So, lots of angst (sorta) floating around in this chapter. Poor characters. We torture them so. _

**Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Supernatural and the characters therein belong to the actors, writers, directors, producers, and technicians that bring it to life. Rated T, because there's a bit of cursing and such. **

It had been a month since the serial killer case. Sam showed Alexa an article detailing how an anonymous tip had led police to the bodies of Cearenson's other victims buried along the driveway of his rabbit farm. "At least the families of his victims know what happened now. Not that it helps," was Alexa's only comment. Lisa and Dean seemed to reach a sort of balance or understanding about the reality of Dean as a hunter. Sam and Alexa went on two other hunts, still getting adjoining rooms in the motels. The first case was another haunting, this one at a fraternity. A boy had died during his hazing, and apparently hadn't been happy about it. His ghost came after the fraternity brothers responsible for his hazing. Alexa almost felt bad about the salt and burn on that one. The second case had been a small nest of vampires. Hunting them down had taken nearly two weeks, more in terms of finding them than actually killing them. This particular group had numerous hiding spots in the area and made sure never to spend two days in a row at the same place. Perseverance won out however, and eventually they managed to follow one of the vampires back to the nest.

When they weren't on a case, Sam stayed at Lisa and Dean's, but slowly began spending more and more time at Alexa's. She gave him a key and told him he could come and go as he pleased. Dean expressed his unhappiness on the subject a few times, but didn't push. Books began appearing on the built in wooden shelves all around Alexa's house. She just smiled and let them be. Dean still wasn't certain what to do with Alexa, but he didn't object to her joining them for dinner, or them going to her place. Lisa and Alexa did errands together, and though Dean was on edge the first few times they went out alone, he slowly got used to the idea. The biggest problem was that when Sam or Dean asked about the details of the deal, she only answered she couldn't tell them. She deflected most questions about herself, generally managing to steer the conversation in a different direction.

Most nights, Sam still couldn't sleep. Sometimes he woke up choking on screams and already halfway to the bathroom where he would vomit until he was sore all over. Those were the nights he hated most, because he didn't want to disturb Dean or Lisa. Somehow, letting Dean know exactly how bad it was seemed like the wrong thing to do. Dean was happier (for the most part) than Sam had seen him in years, and a reminder of Sam's problems could ruin that for him. The idea of keeping it a secret from Dean bothered him too, so Sam tried to avoid any mention of it around Dean and Lisa, reasoning that if it came up, he'd talk then. When he was with Alexa on a case, it was fine. She'd sit with him as he was falling asleep. If he woke up from a nightmare, she was usually there already and she would help him get back to sleep. But at Lisa and Dean's house, after he woke up on those nights, nothing could get him to go back to sleep, and the nervous energy had him pacing or doing something physical. If he tried to just sit in bed and relax, he would start shaking so badly that he made the bed rattle. He could usually tell when those nights were coming, because the nights before got progressively worse. Sometimes though, the worst nights came without warning.

It was a night like that, without warning, that Ben found him curled up around the toilet, heaving and coughing. He was sweaty and his sides ached. He heard a shuffle in the hallway outside the batroom and put his head down against his arm. _Damn. I don't want Dean to see me like this. I don't want him to worry._ There was a soft knock at the door and it cracked open a little.

"Sam?" Ben's voice said softly. "Do you need me to get Dean or Mom?"

"No, Ben. Thanks. I'm sorry I woke you up. Go ahead back to bed." Sam voice was a croak.

"Ok. Night." Ben's footsteps shuffled back down the hall to his bedroom.

_Thank God that wasn't Dean, _he thought. Once in his room, he sat on the edge of the bed, elbows on his thighs and his face buried in his hands. He was thinking about how he was going to keep hiding what was happening from Dean, and wondering if he should. Then the thought occurred to him, w_hat if Ben had heard me having my nightmare tonight and come in here instead of hearing me in the bathroom? I could kill him without even being awake._ That simple realization started a tremor deep in his body that grew until his whole frame radiated with it. _That's it_, Sam thought as he dragged himself to his feet. _I've got to get out of here for tonight. I'm not going to get any more sleep, and I refuse to wake up Dean and his family._ He wrote a note to Dean and left it on the pillow, explaining where he was. After gathering some clean clothes, his laptop and a few notebooks, he crept down the stairs and out the front door to his car. He pulled out of the driveway and dialed Alexa's phone. When she answered he said, "Hey, it's me. Can I come over? Right now?" He waited while she spoke, then said, "Thanks. I'm okay. But I can't go back to sleep. See you in a few."

Alexa opened the door as soon as Sam drove up. She waited as he parked and trudged up the steps. Looking at him critically, she tried to judge which he needed more, sleep or talking. The dark circles beneath his eyes suggested sleep, but the haunted and hollowed out look in his eyes suggested talking took precedence this time.

"Spill it," she said after settling him on the couch.

"Sleeping sucks. The nightmares – they aren't fading with time. It seems like they're getting worse. Tonight was pretty bad. I was in the bathroom before I was even awake. It woke up Ben and he came to check on me. At first, all I could think about was that I didn't want to bother Dean and Lisa. Part of me wants to talk to Dean about it, but the other part? I mean, he's leaving this all behind. I don't need to remind him of it. But then I started thinking about Ben. What if he had come into my room instead to check on me, before I woke up? I might have hurt him, killed him even. Or Lisa? I'm dangerous when I'm like this. I'd never forgive myself if I hurt either of them. Dean would never forgive me either." He pressed his face into his palms and just sat, breathing deeply, trying not to feel anything.

"I wish I knew what to tell you. You're right about Lisa and Ben. It's harsh, and I'm sorry, but you're right. You could accidentally hurt one of them. Which is all the more reason why you should talk to Dean. He needs to know. If you tell him, he can warn them about what not to do when you're having a nightmare. And you shouldn't be keeping secrets from him anyway. That just eats you up inside."

Sam said, "Yeah, I know." He leaned back and rested his head on the rear edge of the couch, eyes closed. Neither of them spoke for some time. He was thinking, and Alexa just sat curled up on the easy chair, patiently waiting.

Finally Sam spoke. His voice was so quiet that Alexa strained to hear.

"I'm scared." He left his head on the back of the couch, eyes still shut. "What if I returned – wrong? The amount of blood I drank before I said yes... Castiel said once it would change me and that the changes would be permanent. What if I'm like a bomb, just counting down to the explosion? I'm so afraid that I brought something evil back inside me and that it will hurt people. I'm afraid I'll screw up again." His hands were clenching and unclenching into fists on his legs. He lifted his head to look at her. "What do I do, Alexa? What can I do?" Tears slipped down his face.

Alexa fought down the urge to gather him in her arms and soothe him. That wasn't what he needed, not yet. Instead she looked at him and said, "You aren't evil, Sam. You're not. Keep doing what you're doing now. You acknowledge that you're afraid. Ask people you trust for help. And you fight it. Every day you make choices that show you didn't come back with evil inside you. Every day you do the best you can. It's the only thing any of us can do, Sam. We're all fighting something. You aren't alone. You have a family that loves you, that would do anything for you. Remember that. Use that. A family like that? They make you stronger."

At her words, he nodded, still crying. "I'm just so scared."

This time, Alexa got out of the chair and moved over to the couch, kneeling beside him. As soon as she was close enough he leaned against her, wrapped his arms around her waist, and buried his face in her hair. She ran soothing hands over his back, murmuring "you'll be okay, Sam," over and over until he fell asleep.

* * *

Alexa was dozing lightly in the easy chair when the rumble of the Impala woke her. Sam was still resting on the couch. She pulled a blanket off of the chair and covered him up, then took another and wrapped it around her shoulders before going out to meet Dean.

The protective big brother aspect of Dean's personality was in full on attack mode. The car was barely in park before he was out the door, slamming it shut behind him, yelling, "Where the hell is Sam?"

She came down the stairs of the porch, blocking him. "Keep your voice down, he just got to sleep."

He gave her an incredulous look. "Excuse me? Keep my voice down? I don't know who you think you are, but I'm going to see my brother right now, so get your ass out of my way or I will move it for you. Sam!"

"Shut up and listen to me for a minute, you pig-headed troglodyte. I never said you couldn't see him. I said don't wake him up. He needs to sleep, Dean. Or haven't you noticed the circles etched under his eyes? Go ahead inside – he's on the couch. But don't wake him up!" As she was ranting at him, she poked him repeatedly in the chest, pushing him back a step or two each time.

Stunned, he stared at her. "Pig-headed troglodyte?"

"Yes!" She crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at him. He shook his head at her and exhaled sharply.

"He's on the couch?"

Alexa nodded yes and opened her mouth to say something, but Dean interrupted, "I won't wake him up." He went quietly up on the porch and then into the house. Alexa could see him through the front window. Dean went and sat on the coffee table by the couch. He watched his sleeping brother for a bit, studying his face, and brushing a lock of hair off Sam's forehead once. Eventually, he came back out to the porch and sat beside Alexa on patio chairs.

"How bad?" He skipped the preliminaries.

"Pretty bad." She shook her head and made a face. "He needs you. Part of him needs to talk to you about this because he thinks you're the only other person who's been where he's been. But he doesn't want to upset the balance you have going with Lisa. He doesn't want to upset you. God, Dean, there's so much I could tell you, between what he's said and what I've read from him when I take away a nightmare, but I don't feel right telling you what he told me in confidence. Besides, he needs to be the one to tell you. And I think you need to hear it from him. I don't care if you hate to share your feelings – he needs to talk to you. He needs you."

"Tell me one thing, something you got from a nightmare. I need to something to judge how bad he is."

"Dean, I told you, I don't want to betray his trust."

"It's me. You aren't betraying his trust to me. And from a nightmare? He didn't actually tell you that, you just sort of, saw it."

"All the more reason why it should be left private. He never even intended to share that information with me, I just sort of overheard it. You have to talk to him yourself."

"Please. Something."

Closing her eyes, Alexa sighed and bit her lower lip. Dean could tell she was fighting with herself over what to tell him.

"Okay. Maybe I can give you an idea. This is going to sound weird, but just work with me." She looked at him, and he nodded. Taking a deep breath, she asked, "What was the best part of Hell for you? Mentally, I mean."

"What? There was no good part. What are you talking about?"

"There was no single good thought that you clung to while you were there? One thing that helped you feel a tiny bit better? Really think about it."

"No. It was Hell. There wasn't..." He stopped abruptly, remembering something. "Sam," he said. "Knowing that I saved Sam, that he was alive because I was there. Sometimes that helped."

She nodded. "Other than the obvious, what was the worst part of Hell? I don't mean the pain, or missing Sam. What was the worst thought you had there?"

Dean considered for a while, delving into the memories he tried so hard to relegate to the far reaches of his mind. Finally he said, "The worst was probably the day I realized my dad had suffered the same kind of pain I was suffering so that he could save my life. Knowing that he had been tortured like I was being tortured, because of me."

Alexa gave Dean a long, meaningful look. "You and your brother are very much alike." She waited while he worked it out, then nodded. Dean's breathing hitched and he shut his eyes against the pain. "Talk to him, Dean. I think it will be good for both of you."

The conversation effectively ended there. They sat together without talking until Sam shuffled out onto the porch, rubbing his eyes. Alexa rose and said, "I'm going to go make breakfast. Oh, and speaking of food, Lisa had mentioned something about having dinner here tonight. Let me know if you're still interested." She went inside.

Sam took her empty chair, sitting next to Dean.

"I'm sorry I bailed last night. What did Ben say this morning?"

"He told me that you were throwing up in the bathroom, but that you said you were okay and sent him back to bed. I found the note on the bed right after that. Got dressed and came over here. What's going on, Sam?"

"What did Alexa tell you?"

"Not much. She's almost as protective of you as I am." Dean chuckled. "She told me that we need to talk, but she wouldn't tell me anything you told her because it would be a betrayal of your trust. She did remind me that deep down, we're a lot alike."

He waited for a response, but Sam just gulped and looked sad.

"Hey. Little brother. Talk to me. Tell me why you aren't sleeping."

Finally, Sam closed his eyes and whispered, "Nightmares."

"Keep going, Sammy."

Sam smiled at the old nickname, suddenly realizing that it was Dean's way of saying 'I love you' without actually saying the words. _I'll never complain about him calling me Sammy again_, he thought fiercely.

With that thought, it all poured out of him in a torrent of words. "The nightmares are bad, Dean. The pain... hearing his voice. Remembering what he did, how it felt to be in my head with him. When I first wake up, I don't know where I am. And it all comes rushing back and I have to vomit to get rid of the memories. But they don't go away. Last night, I woke up in the bathroom with my head in the toilet. One night in the motel, I had a nightmare and woke Alexa up. She came in to help, and I... I almost killed her. I had my arm wrapped around her throat and I was choking her to death. I woke up that way, because she wasn't fighting me, she was trying to take the nightmare away. I wasn't awake when I attacked her, I wasn't in control. And that scares me to death. Last night, all I could think about was what if Ben had come into my bedroom to try and wake me up? What if I attacked him while I was still inside the nightmare? I'd never forgive myself. I'm terrified that I came back wrong, Dean. That I brought back something evil. Or maybe I'm just evil." He looked at his brother with desperate, pleading eyes that reminded him so much of when Sam was a baby that Dean literally felt his heart stutter and clench.

_I would give anything for him to be a baby again, and find a way to keep him from this pain. I tried so hard to protect him from this_. His vision blurred with tears. Sam made a pained sound and shifted on his seat. Dean looked at him again and saw the adult this time. The adult who thought his big brother was angry with him and was retreating, emotionally at least.

"Hey. No. Listen to me. We will get through this. Whatever it takes, we will get you through this. You are not evil. I will help you fight this. I'm here with you, but you gotta tell me. I can help, but only if I know what's happening, okay?" He put his hand over Sam's arm, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I've got your back. Just stay, please. I can't lose you again. Not again."

Sam nodded at him, signaling acceptance and understanding of what Dean said. "Okay," he said shakily.

"Okay." Dean said. He hesitated, then asked, "Was it like with me? Did they ask you to pick up the knife yourself?"

"No." Sam said softly. "They never asked me that." Dean waited, knowing there more. Sam struggled to finish, but it took Dean's question, "What did they ask?" for him to finally answer.

"Every day, Lucifer would tell me that it would all stop if I just let him back in. I just had to say yes again. I mean, I already had once, what would it hurt to say it again. Every day. I knew I couldn't though, this time. And I couldn't disappoint you." The tears were back in his eyes as he gazed at Dean.

"That was the only choice they ever gave you?"

Sam just nodded.

"And it wasn't really a choice at all. God, Sam. I'm sorry. I wish I could hunt them all down and kill them for you. But I'm here, and I'll help you get through this. You just have to let me."

Sam nodded again, and they fell into silence, readjusting to the newly shared bond.

They sat silently, readjusting to the newly shared bond.

"What did you mean when you said Alexa's protective of me?" Sam finally asked, glancing at her through the window.

Dean smirked. "She called me a pig-headed troglodyte when I first showed up. Was bound and determined that I was not going to wake you up."

Sam actually laughed. "A what?"

"Pig-headed troglodyte." He made a face to keep Sam laughing, enjoying the sound. "I don't what I'm going to do if she shares that little tidbit with Lisa. That's all I need."

With a grin, Sam told him, "she's not the one you should be worried about. I think I'll tell Lisa that one myself."

* * *

Dean went home a short while later, with a promise to bring Lisa and Ben back for dinner and a movie that night. Alexa and Sam did some research on a possible shape-shifter case, but stopped when Dean showed up with Lisa and Ben earlier, rather than later. Enjoying the late autumn sunshine, they all went out to the yard and played tag football, then Alexa and Sam worked on dinner together while Dean showed Ben a few fighting moves, under Lisa's watchful eye. After dinner, Lisa and Dean went outside and lit a fire in the fire pit. Ben and Alexa sat on the porch, outside the kitchen window, which was open to let in the fresh air. Sam washed the dishes, (even though he'd cooked too) and listened to Ben's meandering conversation with Alexa. They talked about school and lacrosse and the project Ben had to work on for his history class.

"We're studying World War II and the Holocaust. It's pretty creepy, actually."

"Yeah. It was a terrible time. People were horrified by what happened. I met a survivor from one of the camps once. Words don't work in situations like that. You just can't hold that kind of pain in a few words."

"Yeah." Ben sighed, trying to look very adult, acting as if he truly comprehended what she meant. Alexa smiled at him.

"You remind me of my brother."

Ben interest was piqued. "You have a brother?" In the kitchen, Sam was listening hard, hoping to hear something about Alexa's family.

She smiled sadly at Ben. "I did. I had two. They both died."

"Sorry."

"It's okay, Ben. It was a long time ago. I've learned to live with it."

_Come on, Ben, ask her something else_, Sam thought from the kitchen.

"What were they like?"

This time her smile was sweet and nostalgic. "Sebastian was like you. He was smart and liked to talk to people. He wanted to know everything. And he wanted to be just like my other brother, Tristan. You want to know a secret?" Ben nodded rapidly. "Dean reminds me of Tristan. I think if my brother had been able to grow up, he would have been a lot like Dean."

"Cool."

"Yeah. It would have been."

"What happened? Was it a car accident or something? I mean, sorry, I probably shouldn't ask that. Mom would say I was being nosy. Sorry."

"Not a problem, Ben. It's okay. Uh, no. Not a car accident. They were murdered. By something supernatural, like the things Dean and Sam used to hunt."

"Like what you and Uncle Sam hunt now." Inside, Sam froze in shock at being referred to as 'Uncle Sam'.

"Yeah. Kinda like that."

"I'm sorry about your brothers."

"Thanks, Ben. Me too."

Over by the fire pit, Dean called out, "Hey Ben, what time was that movie you wanted to watch on television?"

Ben checked his watch and answered, "It starts in five minutes."

"Well, let's get inside then."

They all went inside and gathered in front of the television. Alexa curled up at one corner of the couch. Lisa and Dean shared the other side. Ben chose to sprawl on the floor in front of the tv set, leaving the easy chair for Sam. Not long into the movie, Alexa drifted asleep.

About halfway through the movie, Alexa twitched in her sleep. Lisa and Dean didn't notice, too busy watching the movie. Ben was dozing himself on the floor. Sam noticed, but when she didn't show any other signs of distress, his gaze returned to the screen. A few minutes passed, enough time for him to get engrossed again in the movie.

Suddenly, Alexa's right arm shot out over the arm of the couch as she simultaneously screamed, "SAM!" Dean and Lisa bolted upright as Sam shoved the chair back about a foot. He and Dean looked at each other, then over at at Alexa. She was on curled on her side, stretching her arms over the side of the couch. Ben looked up sleepily.

"Hang on, Sam." Alexa didn't appear to be awake.

"Can you grab my other hand so that we can swing you up? Or swing your leg up?" She stretched her arms out a little more, fingers holding tightly onto air. "That's it, Sam. If we can just get your leg – whoa!" Alexa gasped and looked behind her.

"No, Sam, it's okay. You just have to lay off those salads. You're heavy." She tried to laugh at her joke, but it didn't sound convincing.

"Should we wake her up?" Dean asked.

"I don't think she's sleeping. I think it's a vision. She told me once she had them when she was asleep."

Dean chuckled, then smirked. "She dreams about you."

Sam looked exasperated. "Shut up, Dean. It doesn't sound like anything very good is happening."

"That's true."

"What's going on?" Ben wanted to know. Lisa said, "She's having a dream, honey. A very realistic one. But Dean and Sam aren't sure if they should wake her up."

Alexa was muttering platitudes to 'Sam' about hanging on. Then real panic crept into her voice.

"What? No, it's not that bad. I'm not slipping. I can pull you up. Of course, this would be easier if you hadn't broken your arm, Winchester. I mean, could you make this any harder on me? Shut up, that was a joke. Yes, I mean it. Shut up! No, I did not just slip more. You are not going to pull me down too. You can't. No, Sam, no, no. Stop. I can't heal you if you fall that far! I can't heal you fast enough. Oh God. Sam, stop! Please!" She was screaming now, tears and panic choking her throat.

"Don't you dare let go. Don't you dare! Promise me. Please, Sam. Hold on. Please hold on. I'm going to pull you up." She was begging him now. Alexa's right hand was a tight fist, her left reaching and pulling at something only she saw. She stretched as much as she possibly could, grabbing at the air.

"No! Listen to me. Don't do this, I can't heal you, Sam, it's too far, please. SAM!" Her voice cracked as she screamed the final word even louder, almost shrieking in pain, then gasped. The brothers looked at each other, not sure what to do. Ben pressed himself against Lisa's side. Alexa curled into a ball, one arm still outstretched and sobbed out, "Sammy." It came out sounding broken and tortured.

Tentatively, Sam reached out and touched Alexa's arm. She yelped and opened her eyes. Her gaze was wild and disoriented, and filled with grief. After a second, she focused on Sam, seemingly recognizing him for the first time. She grabbed desperately at his shirt and clutched him in a tight hug. Her entire body was shaking and she didn't seem to be breathing. After a moment though, she started hitting his arm, and when he pulled away, his chest.

"You bastard! You let go. How could you? You let go! You let go! Don't you dare let go! Promise me!"

"Alexa, calm down. What happened? What did you see?"

But she would only say over and over, "You let go. Promise you won't let go."

Dean took his concerned but confused family home shortly after, telling Sam to call him. Sam stayed, trying to get Alexa to talk, or at least comfort her. She sat on the couch, her legs pulled up to her chest, head on her knees. He tried to hold her once, to comfort her, but she pulled away and went back to her curled up position on the couch. After an hour, Sam got her to drink some hot chocolate and actually look at him. Her eyes looked devastated. He noticed again absently that they were gray, shot through with touches of blue and green.

"What happened?" He asked softly.

"I watched you die." She looked at him so sadly, then went on. "We can't go hunt this shapeshifter. Or we need to have someone else there – Bobby maybe? But it can't be the two of us. I don't ever want to see anything like that again."

"Alexa, it'll be okay. We know what to avoid now. We can fix it."

She nodded. "Yes. I can."

"Why don't we get you to bed? I can crash here tonight."

"Go ahead. Both of the extra beds are made up. I'm not going to sleep."

"You have to get some rest. You didn't sleep much last night either."

"I'm not going to sleep. I'm going to go bake cookies or something." She followed actions to words and marched herself over to the kitchen, pulling bowls and ingredients out of the cabinets. Sam just watched her, figuring he'd wait until the exhaustion overtook her, then get her to lie down and rest. Exhaustion got to him first though, and he fell asleep on the couch. Alexa occasionally paused in her baking long enough to soothe away his nightmares.

When Sam woke up in the morning, there were three pies on the counter top, and at least six dozen cookies of two varieties including oatmeal chocolate chip, a personal favorite of his. Alexa was sitting in the easy chair, a book in her hands, finally asleep.


	12. Falling Inside the Black

_Thanks to my continued readers and reviewers. You are all fantastic! It's such a great feeling to read the reviews or see that people have added it to their alerts and know that someone is enjoying this little tale of mine. So, the pain and heartbreak continues. Don't say I didn't warn you. _

**Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Supernatural and the characters therein belong to the actors, writers, directors, producers, and technicians that bring it to life. Rated T, because there's a bit of cursing and such.**

Sam went out to the porch to call Dean. The phone rang only once before he answered, demanding, "What did she see?"

"I didn't get much out of her last night, Dean. You saw her. She shut down. It's got something to do with this shape-shifter case we were looking at. She said either we skip it, or bring someone else with us. We can't do it alone, because if we do – I die."

"You won't skip the case, will you?"

"No. This thing is hurting people. Killing them. It needs to be taken down. I'll call Bobby."

"No. I'm going. I already talked to Lisa last night. If you're in danger, I'm going. She's not happy about it. Hell, I'm not happy about it. And actually she's pretty pissed, but she said something about how she can't admire me for being protective of people and punish me for the same thing. Whatever that means."

"It means she doesn't want you to go, but she isn't going to force you to choose."

"Great. Thanks for the clarification, Samantha. So, should I bring your stuff with me, or do you want to come back here?"

"Are you sure about this? Coming with us, I mean? I thought you wanted out."

"You need a third person, apparently. And if you're in danger, do you really think I'm going to sit on the sidelines?"

"No. I guess not. I'm sorry, Dean. I know you don't want this."

"It's okay. Part of me does want this. I miss it, a little. Besides, I hate those shape-shifting bastards. So, previous question. Where are we meeting up?"

"We can meet you over there. Can we take the Impala? There's more room."

"Abso-freaking-lutely."

"I'll call you when she wakes up."

* * *

A few hours later, Alexa woke up. She was quiet and withdrawn, answering Sam in monosyllables. Sam mentioned packing up for the job, and panic crept into her eyes.

"We aren't going."

"Dean's agreed to come with us. It'll be fine. Nothing's going to happen."

He couldn't tell if she believed him or not because she wouldn't answer. She packed some clothes, then went out to the Dodge and dug around in the trunk for a while. Eventually she came back in, showered quickly, and they went to meet Dean. They brought the pies and half the cookies. Dean insisted on eating two pieces of pie while they filled him in on the details of the case. Lisa let Ben have some too, mainly because she was distracted by how worried she was.

* * *

Once they got to Slippery Rock, Pennsylvania, figuring out who the shape-shifter was proved to be the easy part. Catching it though, was something else entirely. The three of them were currently pelting down an alley trying to keep up with a shape-shifter that apparently thought it was a racehorse.

"Dammit! This thing is fast. Why won't it just stay still and let me kill it?" Dean complained.

"Probably has something to do with the whole wanting to kill it thing." Alexa snarked back at him.

"Yeah, yeah."

Sam shouldered his way through a door and ran into an abandoned building.

Behind him, in the alley, Alexa put on a burst of speed. "No, no. Sam! Wait!"

"Alexa, what's wrong? Hey!" Dean panted, running faster to catch up.

"This is it. The building from my vision."

Sam was already halfway up the stairs by the time they got inside. They both screamed at him, but he just kept going, yelling down, "I see it!" They heard the clang of the rooftop door opening and Sam's pounding feet. He reached the rooftop door when they were about two floors below. They both heard the door open. Then there was a crunch against it, and Sam cried out in pain.

Dean and Alexa hit the rooftop door together, Dean searching frantically for any sign of the shape-shifter or Sam. Alexa went right to the edge of the roof and flattened herself on her stomach, grabbing for Sam's hand. The shifter had broken his arm as soon as he came through the door and pushed him off the side of the building. Sam had managed to hold on, but with only one working arm, he wasn't holding on for long.

"You never listen, Winchester. I told you this was a bad idea. Told you to wait." She wrapped her right hand around his wrist and started hauling on it. "Well, I was prepared for you not to listen. And I'm not about to give you a chance to let go." With her left hand, she slapped one side of a set of cuffs around his wrist. The other side she locked on her own wrist.

"There. You fall, I fall. Try letting go now." She turned and looked back at Dean, still searching for the shifter. "I'm going to need some help."

Dean came over and dropped to his stomach beside Alexa, reaching for Sam.

"Swing your leg up," Dean told him.

"No, don't." Alexa said, but it was too late. Sam tried to swing up, Dean missed the grab, and the momentum of Sam's leg swinging back down dragged Alexa's body a few inches forward. Of course, that was when the shape-shifter chose to attack, tackling Dean and rolling across the roof with him. Dean pulled out his gun and used one arm to pull the creature closer. He pressed the gun, loaded with silver, into the creature's stomach and pulled the trigger rapidly four times. Pushing the body off of himself, he yelled for Sam and Alexa.

"I'm slipping," she called to him. He rushed over and found Alexa has slipped further. Her hips and legs were visible, and one arm. Her torso hung down the side of the building. She was holding onto a pipe that came up out of the roof, but Sam's weight was slowly pulling her down.

"I wrapped a rope around my waist. Put a loop in the end for Sam's foot, then use the pipe as a sort of pulley." She slipped forward another inch. "Hurrying would be good."

Dean pushed her jacket and shirt up and found the rope. He managed to unwrap it without her losing any more ground on the roof. He made the loop, got Sam's foot into it, and used the pipe the way she had described. Slowly, she and Sam inched upward. Together, Dean and Alexa managed to drag Sam back up on the roof.

Once they were all sitting on the roof, Dean held up the rope. "Why did you have this around your waist?"

"I had a feeling we might need it."

He nodded, then eyed the cuffs. "Where did you get those?"

"The trunk of my car before we left. I also had a feeling that the Winchester stubbornness was going to make an appearance." Alexa told him, though she was giving Sam a look.

"You have handcuffs?"

She held up their handcuffed arms and said, "Well, duh."

"Kinky." Dean grinned. "Can I borrow them?"

"Oh, eww! Gross, Dean."

Sam held up his handcuffed arm. "Unlock me, please. You do have the key to these, right?"

"Yes, I have the key." She unlocked the cuff and reached for Sam's broken arm. He swiveled to the side, moving out of reach.

"Whoa, wait until we get to the motel."

"Why? That's just stupid."

"You're going to need to eat and sleep after, right?"

"No. Healing an arm isn't that big a deal. Shut up, Sam, and hold still."

"Why won't you need to eat and sleep? You did when you healed Ben."

"This is just a broken arm! You didn't fall down the basement stairs. Or off a building! So shut up already and let me fix it." She reached for his arm and he moved away again, standing up this time.

"Fine! You want to walk down the stairs with a broken arm and drive to the motel with a broken arm? Fine. Be my guest." She got up and walked away, slamming the rooftop door behind her on her way to the stairs.

Shifting his arm, Sam winced and looked at Dean. His brother was wide-eyed, looking a little shocked.

"What, you think I should have let her heal my arm?" Sam asked.

"Dude, I'm just glad she's not pissed at me. Because she is pi-issed at you." He shook his head and followed Alexa. Sam moved slowly, cradling his broken arm. Dean ended up waiting for him and they made their way to the car together. Alexa was there already, leaning against the stone wall surrounding the parking lot, arms crossed. Saying nothing, she opened the front passenger door for Sam, then closed it once he was inside. She got in the back seat.

"It isn't that bad, Alexa. I can wait until we get back to the motel."

"Mm-hmm."

Dean pulled out his cell and called Lisa. "Hey, it's me. I know it's late, but I wanted you to know that we got it, and we're all safe. Yeah. Love you too. Talk to you in the morning." He hung up and put the phone away. He glanced at Sam in the passenger seat, then in the rearview window at Alexa.

"So. I'm hungry. How's about a food run on the way to a motel? My treat?"

Sam said, "I could go for something to eat."

"Food is fine," was the response from the back seat.

The drive through was deserted because of the late hour, so it was a quick trip. Just before they pulled into the parking lot at the motel, Alexa leaned forward and slapped Sam on the back of the head.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Being a gigantic pain in my ass."

Dean, smirking, put the car in park. Alexa leaned over and slapped the back of his head too.

"Hey! I didn't say anything."

"I can guess what you were thinking."

"You can't punish me for that!"

She got out of the car and walked over to the motel office to get their rooms. When she returned with the keys, Sam was ushered inside and forced to sit at the table, guarding the bags of food. Alexa and Dean carried the bags into the room. As soon as they were finished, she sat beside Sam and placed her hands on his broken arm. A few minutes later, it was healed. She promptly got up, picked up the bag with dinner, then her duffel from its spot by the door, and walked out of the room. The boys heard the door in the room next to them open and shut.

"Like I said, she is pissed. How's your arm?"

"It's good." Sam looked at the adjoining door between their room and Alexa's. Dean saw and told him, "Let her eat first."

"Yeah." He and Dean started in on their own dinners.

"You know she saved your life."

"I kinda figured that out."

"I gotta admit, I still don't know what to make of her, and I really wish I could shake the feeling that there's something she isn't telling us, but she's growing on me. Saving your life helps a lot, of course. I guess it's as if I have another little sister," he teased.

"Haha. Very funny."

"I do like her though. So do Lisa and Ben. We should have her meet Bobby. I think they'd be delighted with one another." He paused, watching Sam's reaction to his next words carefully. "Lisa thinks that you're maybe falling in love with Alexa."

Sam looked over at him. "Would that be so terrible?" It was almost like he was asking for permission. Dean held his gaze and shook his head no.

His brother sighed, hair falling in his face. He pushed it away automatically. "Good then. Cause I think Lisa might be right. But I have no clue what to do next."

"Go talk to her for starters. Figure out why she's so pissed at you right now. Other than the obvious reasons, I mean."

"Yeah, yeah. You're just a barrel of laughs tonight." He put the debris from dinner into the bag and asked Dean, "Lisa didn't venture an opinion on what Alexa might think of me, did she?"

His brother looked at him like he was an idiot. "Sam, think about what she did tonight. How do you think she feels? Even I can figure that one out."

"Yeah. Maybe." Sam crossed the room and unlocked the adjoining door on their side. He opened it to reveal that Alexa had already opened her side. He looked back at Dean, who shrugged.

"Maybe she isn't as pissed at you as I thought," he said.

Sam knocked on the door frame and called her name. He shut the door on her side and took another step into the room. She emerged from the bathroom, brushing her teeth. She was wearing her zombie shirt again and loose fitting cotton pants.

"Hey," he said softly.

Nodding to acknowledge him, she help up a finger and indicated she was going back into the bathroom. He heard her rinsing and then she came back out.

"Are you hurt?" She asked.

"No, I'm fine."

"Nightmare?"

"I'm not going to sleep yet. Will you come here please, and talk to me?" He sat on her bed.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Well, I owe you a thank you. And I'd like to know why you're so angry with me."

"You don't owe me anything, Sam." Somehow it seemed like she was talking about more than just tonight, but he couldn't imagine what else she meant. She told him, "I'm mad because you almost died tonight. And it scared me half to death."

"The me dying part, or the you being scared about it part?"

"You dying, of course! All I could see tonight was you in the vision, on the pavement, broken and not moving. You could have died tonight. If Dean hadn't been there..."

"But I didn't."

"But you could have! You need to be more careful. What if I wasn't there tonight? Or Dean?"

"You were." He stood and went to her, standing close, but not touching. She looked at the rug beneath their feet. He repeated, "You were there."

Looking up, eyes glittering, she said, "But I might not always be. Promise me you'll be more careful. Please, Sam. Promise."

"Okay. I promise to be more careful."

The silence between them stretched as they just looked at each other. They were standing only inches apart, but to Sam it felt like a huge gulf had opened between them. Alexa's eye were like dark storm clouds and he could practically see the emotions roiling through her. _She's pulling away,_ he thought. Instinct guiding him, he leaned down a little and pressed his lips against hers. It was a soft, gentle contact, and he was delighted when she kissed him back. He slid one hand into her hair, cradling her head. He used the other to trace the contours of her collarbone, her jaw, and when they paused in kissing, he ran his thumb over her lips. One of her hands was at his waist, the other had crept up to his neck, pulling his head down closer.

They leaned into each other, still kissing, almost experimenting with touch and texture. Alexa inhaled deeply, loving the scent of his aftershave mixed with what was just him. Sam took a step back, unconsciously wanting to see if Alexa would follow. When she did, he wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her tight against him. The kisses deepened, adding taste to the mixture, and he could feel Alexa's fingertips slipping first under his shirt, then beneath the edges of his t-shirt to skim the bare skin of his back. Sam pulled off the long sleeve button down he was wearing, trying to keep kissing her the entire time. When he reached for the t-shirt, she covered his hands with her own.

"No, Sam. Stop. We can't. We have to stop."

"Stopping is a bad idea. This is so much better." He placed her hands on his waist and began kissing her again.

"Please. We can't." She twisted out of his arms suddenly and turned away.

"Alexa, what is it? What's wrong?" When she didn't answer he stepped up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, nuzzling her neck. She leaned into him, half turning to face him.

"I'm so sorry. I don't want to hurt you. I never wanted that. But this? This could hurt you and I don't want to do that."

A terrible thought occurred to Sam.

"It's because of what I did, isn't it? Because I started the Apocalypse, and I said yes to Lucifer, and the demon blood. Is that why you can't?" He couldn't tell if he was angry or heartbroken. She caught at his hand as he stepped away from her, holding it to anchor them together.

"No! I told you before, you earned your redemption for those things. You have nothing to be ashamed of, or to feel guilty about. Sam, you saved the world! You and Dean sacrificed everything – including each other – to make sure things were right for the rest of us. Why would I blame you for that? It's me. There are things I want to tell you, but I can't. If I could tell you, it might help you understand more. And there things I don't want to say because I'm afraid you'll hate me after. Or at the very least, you won't want – any of this." She waved her other hand in the air between them, then vaguely at the bed. "Unless you know, it wouldn't be fair. I don't want to hurt you! And the closer we get, the more afraid I am that I will."

"What could you have possibly done that's as bad as all that?" He moved close again, cupping her face and bending to kiss her. For a moment, she let the kiss go on. _This will probably be the last time, the only time_... she thought, yearning, wishing. _This__ feels so right, but I can't hurt him. Better that he hate me_. That thought boiled up in her heart and she felt everything inside shredding. She kissed Sam fervently, certain it would be the last time he'd ever touch her. Eventually, she rested her head on his shoulder.

"Oh, Sam. God, this hurts. I would give anything – I just wish." She trailed off and stepped out of his embrace.

"Alexa..." he started.

"At the end of this year, the one I'm spending with you to keep the deal, what do you want to happen?" She asked suddenly.

"I haven't thought that far ahead. The way things have been the last few years, you don't think about the future much."

She nodded. "Do you think you'd like to settle a little, like Dean has? I don't mean with me, necessarily, just – having a home, a place, more of a life?"

He thought for a moment. "Yeah. Something like what Bobby has maybe. A home base, going out on cases here and there. Like what we're doing now. Seeing Dean. Having a family. You."

Alexa sat hard on the bed and buried her face in her hands. Sam went and sat beside her, but she got up as soon as she felt his weight settle on the mattress. Her back was to him, shoulders stiff.

"Part of the reason I never get to know anyone, never get close to anyone is because I have to keep leaving places behind. Because there are things after me. And because I'm hunted, anyone who gets close to me is in danger. This year is a sort of reprieve. Nothing's hunting me right now because of the deal that got you out. But when the year is up? I'm not going to be able to stay. I have to leave."

"I'll go with you."

"Leave Dean? Leave the home base and family you just talked about wanting? I won't let you do that."

"You're worth it."

Finally she turned to face him. Sam was startled to see that tears were streaming down her face, since there had been no sound or movements to indicate she was crying. Looking absolutely miserable, she said to him, "No, Sam. I'm not worth it. I'm just not. And I won't let myself put what I want before what you need. I can't hurt you that way, not after everything. I'm so sorry. Please believe me. I would give anything to change this, but there's nothing left. I'm sorry. It isn't...I can't...it hurts." The sobs seemed to catch up to her and she wrapped her arms around her sides, trying to hold them in.

He was on his feet in an instant, reaching for her. She moved away, and a whimper escaped her.

"Don't. Please. I'm not worth it. I don't want to hurt you. That's the last thing I'd ever want."

"Alexa, we can fix this. Whatever it is, we can fix this."

"Please go back to Dean. I'll talk to you in the morning. Please, Sam."

"Let me help you. If you tell me what's going on we can work on a solution."

"I can't."

Suddenly, he understood. "It was part of the deal, wasn't it? You can't tell me certain things." At her nod, he continued, "What if I guess? Can you talk about it then?"

"I could."

"So I just have to guess, right? And then we can talk, and we can fix this. It's going to be okay, Alexa. You aren't going to hurt me." He reached for her again saying, "Please, baby, stop crying. We'll figure this out. Shh." He stroked her hair gently, his hand trailing down to her cheek, wiping away tears with his thumb. For a moment, she leaned into his touch, but Sam could feel the tremors running through her. She turned her head and kissed the center of his palm, then took a step away.

"Goodnight, Sam."

Recognizing that she wouldn't talk any further, he sighed. "If you change your mind, come and get me, okay? I'll leave the door open." When his hand was on the doorknob, he said, "I don't want to leave you like this. Let me stay. We don't have to talk." But she shook her head no. He pulled the door open and stepped through, telling her goodnight. Once the door was shut, Alexa's body began to shake and she clutched her sides, feeling like she was breaking apart. Still silent, not wanting to alert the brothers next door, she cried, simply sinking down onto the floor where she stood. Half the night passed as she wept on the floor, knowing that something inside her had broken, that she'd pushed away something precious. Even though she knew she'd done it for the right reasons, the loss carved out a place inside her and settled into the hollow it left behind. She hoped numbness would follow, but the ache continued, each new minute a struggle to keep breathing. More than anything, she wanted Sam to come back, but the possibility that he might was worse. _If this is what it feels like to push him away now, how much worse would it be if I knew I hurt him in the process? At least now, it's just me._ Eventually, morning came and she forced herself to get up off the floor. Every nerve burned. She hurt, inside and out. She showered and dressed, then packed her bag. When Sam knocked on the adjoining door and opened it, he found her sitting on the bed beside her duffel, staring into space blankly.

"Alexa?" He spoke her name quietly. She got up, hoisted her bag onto her shoulder, and walked out to the car. Sam and Dean came out with their own bags shortly after. They stopped for breakfast, but she just drank a hot chocolate. The car ride back to Indiana was quiet. Sam and Dean both tried to get Alexa to talk, but she gave them one word answers, or none at all. Soon the only sound was Dean's music.

As they entered Cicero town limits, Sam spoke up. "Drop us at Alexa's first, okay?"

Dean nodded and took the necessary turn.

They pulled up in front of the house and Alexa got out, moving to the trunk for her bag. Dean opened it, and Sam pushed past her to grab her bag and his own. Then he walked up the stairs of the porch and let himself into the house. For a moment, she looked like she wanted to protest, but she couldn't seem to find her voice. Dean startled her by speaking.

"He's worried about you. We both are."

She just nodded, still unable to speak.

Dean startled her again by gathering her in a brotherly hug. Like with Hank, her arms hung awkwardly at her sides. He squeezed once, tight, then let her go.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" At her nod, he got into the Impala and drove away.

Alexa trudged up the porch steps into the house. Sam had already placed her bag in her bedroom upstairs, and his in the bedroom next door. He was in the kitchen, eating one of the cookies she'd made a few days before. She closed her eyes briefly as a new wave of pain washed over her, ripping away the shell of numbness she'd finally been able to construct on the car ride back. But she knew she couldn't let Sam see, so she tried to just let herself expand to accept the pain, accepting that this was her new normal. When she thought she'd managed it, she joined him in the kitchen.

"So I'm staying here for now. I want to keep an eye on you. Stop being in the way at Dean and Lisa's. And it will be easier with the nightmares. I won't have to worry about Ben and Lisa." He paused, waiting for a reaction. Not getting one, he asked, "Is that okay with you?"

"It's fine," she answered. "What would you like for dinner?" She opened the fridge and starting pulling together something to eat. They put together a meal without much talking. After cleaning up, they watched tv together for a bit.

"Why don't we get some sleep?" Sam asked when he noticed her eyelids drooping.

They went upstairs and got ready for bed. When Sam walked past her bedroom after brushing his teeth, Alexa followed him to his own room. He looked at her, hoping she might be ready to talk, but she just said, "Nightmare."

"You don't need to." He told her.

With a heartbroken look, she said, "I do. Please let me help you."

Sighing, he got into bed and she sat beside him, placing a hand over his heart.

The familiar warmth started and he relaxed into it aware of nothing more that the peace he felt and her hand on his chest. He drifted to sleep. Alexa brushed his hair off his forehead and kissed him softly, then went to her own bedroom. She climbed into bed, and after curling up into tight ball around her pillow, cried herself to sleep.


	13. I Will Possess Your Heart

_Whew! Thanks to my continued readers and reviewers. I swear I know exactly where this story is going (honest, I've already written the last chapter). It's just getting there! All the characters just seem to want there to be more to the story than I originally planned. But the goal is to get it done before the premiere Friday (happyhappyjoyjoy). At the very latest, it should be done by the weekend. Thank you again!_

**Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Supernatural and the characters therein belong to the actors, writers, directors, producers, and technicians that bring it to life. Rated T, because there's a bit of cursing and such.**

Alexa was invited to Thanksgiving at Lisa and Dean's, but begged off at the last minute. Sam was already there since Alexa had told him she'd follow later. When Alexa called to talk to Lisa, he was ready to get in the car and drag her over, but Lisa convinced him to give Alexa some space and sit this one out.  
Sam argued, confused about why Lisa was helping Alexa distance herself.

"She should be a part of this. I want her here. She's disconnecting from us, from me. I mean, every night she helps with the nightmares, but other than that... Can't you see it? Why are you helping her?"

"She's hurting, Sam. In a way I hoped I'd never see another person hurting again. I don't know quite why, but she is. You need to give her time. Just be there. Because I think if you push, you'll push her away."

The fight seemed to whoosh out of him. A sad suspicion occurred to him and he asked Lisa, "Who was the other person that was hurting like this?"

Lisa frowned at him, and he knew his suspicion was correct.

"How long did it take Dean to recover after I died?"

She shook her head at him. "He didn't recover, Sam. He moved on, but he never truly recovered. Sometimes, even with you back, I think he still isn't recovered. He gets this look once in a while, when he sees you, as if he can't believe you're really here and he's waiting for some horrible thing to snatch you away again." She gazed up at him. "You inspire an amazing amount of loyalty and love, Sam Winchester." This time her gaze moved to Dean, playing in the back yard with Ben. "But then, so does he."

* * *

Christmas was the next holiday that rolled around. Sam was determined not to let Alexa sit this one out. He nagged at her constantly the week before, reminding her they were going to have dinner with Lisa, Dean, and Ben. Lisa was counting on her to bring sweet potatoes and dessert, and to help cook. Ben would be disappointed if Alexa wasn't there to watch him open his presents. Ben had asked if they could invite Bobby, and he had agreed to come for a visit. Bobby wanted to meet her too.

On Christmas morning, they got up early to go over to Lisa and Dean's. Sam was in the kitchen, sipping coffee. At Lisa's request, he dressed up a little. She'd actually given him an early Christmas present to make sure. He was wearing dark chocolate colored slacks with a muted moss green dress shirt. A darker green sweater and dress shoes completed the look. Dean was going to laugh at him, he was sure. But since it was from Lisa, and it was one of only presents he'd ever received from someone other than Dean, Sam didn't care. Besides, he was pretty sure if Lisa was making him wear this, Dean would be dressed up as well. Sam had just finished wrapping up the last of his own presents to give to everyone. _It's so weird to be wrapping presents – plural – instead of just something for Dean. But nice_, he reflected. Alexa's footsteps sounded on the stairs and he turned to put his coffee cup in the sink.

When he turned back, Alexa was by the couch, putting a bag of wrapped presents down. He gulped and leaned against the counter, chest suddenly tight.

"Wow. You look amazing." She was wearing a green dress that came close to matching his sweater, but had lighter greens swirling through. The green complimented her coppery hair and pale skin. The dress was form fitting over her torso, hugging curves, but swung out just below her hips. The neckline showed off her collarbone and the length showed off the sexy chocolate boots she was wearing. Her hair was pulled back from her face, but loose in waves around her shoulders.

Turning toward him as she spoke, she said, "Thank you. Lisa helped me pick it out. She said I had to dress up... Oh." She finally got her first look at Sam. Involuntarily, her hand lifted and pressed against her sternum and she smiled at him, a little sadly.

"Lisa dressed me today too. We match." He held his arms out and grinned at her, dimples showing. "So I look okay?" He turned in a circle.

"Wonderful. You look wonderful. Just... yum. Lisa has exquisite taste. You know Dean's gonna make a comment about what a pretty boy you are, but I'm sure you can take it."

He laughed. "Did you say 'yum'?"

"What? No, I didn't." She blushed.

"Yes, you did."

"No, I'm sorry. You're imagining things. We should go. Lisa made me promise that we would be there by eight. She said it would be almost impossible to hold Ben off after that. Andiamo. I'll get the presents if you get the food."

She picked up the bag she'd just put down, grabbed the bag of presents he'd wrapped, and rushed out to the car, leaving Sam shaking his head. He got the sweet potatoes, pies, and cookies packed, then followed her out.

Ben flung open the door of the house when they pulled up and pelted out to the car to help them carry everything inside. Lisa's dress-up plan had managed to extend to him as well. He had on navy corduroys and like Sam, a dress shirt and sweater. Ben's shirt was white and the sweater red, however. He bounced around, talking almost without breathing.

"You're finally here! Mom said we had to wait until you got here to open presents and it seems like it took forever, but you're finally here, so that's awesome. Are those presents? I'll take 'em and put them under the tree so that I can pass them out. Oh – hey, it's nice to see you guys too. Merry Christmas. You look really pretty, Alexa. Mom! Dean! They're here! Can we open presents now?" As they entered the house, Ben charged off to the living room with their bags of presents to put them under the tree. Lisa came out from the kitchen wearing an apron over a white silk blouse and a grey skirt, embroidered with navy thread.

"Hey, you're here. You look fantastic! I knew that color would look good on you, Sam. Are these the sweet potatoes? Great. They look yummy." As Lisa and Alexa headed back to the kitchen with the food, Sam said, "Apparently, so do I." Lisa sent him a confused look. Alexa just groaned and muttered, "Shut up, Sam." But she smiled at him. He was standing in the entryway, grinning to himself when Dean came downstairs, Bobby following behind.

Dean started in first. "Would you look at Mr. GQ? Bobby, get a load of this one. Thinks he's going to be on the cover of a magazine or something."

Sam took in Dean's navy slacks and blue dress shirt. "Takes one to know one, bro. Bobby, it's good to see you. Lisa managed to dress you up too, huh?" Bobby was not wearing his hat, and though he still wore jeans and a plaid shirt, the shirt was tucked in.

"Well, when I saw this yahoo, I thought I should do something about my look." He and Sam hugged briefly.

"I brought those books you asked for. Any luck figuring out what sprung you? Or how this girl is wrapped up in everything?" The three of them talked as they went into the living room where the tree was. Ben had put the presents under the tree and was now sitting on the floor next to it, practically vibrating with energy. His eyes lit up when he saw them enter, but dimmed a bit when he realized his mother wasn't with them.

"Mom," he shouted toward the kitchen, "please!"

"Hang on, we're coming!"

Ben grunted in frustration, then bounced to his feet. "Okay, you sit there, you there, Bobby should sit there. I'm going to sit here." He pushed and prodded the older men into seats. Bobby ended up in the armchair, Dean on the couch, and Sam on the love seat. Ben claimed his own seat on the couch by sticking a present on it. Lisa and Alexa came in, and all the men stood up again. Sam stepped in to introduce Bobby and Alexa.

"Bobby, this is Alexa. Alexa, Bobby." He stopped, a little awkward.

"It's nice to finally meet you. I've heard so many wonderful things about you." Alexa moved first, reaching out to shake Bobby's hand.

"And you, young lady. What have these two been saying about me, huh?"

She smiled at him and said, "All the little things that explain why they love you so much and consider you family." Her words seemed to stun Bobby into silence momentarily. He ducked his head and mumbled, "Yeah, well. They're my boys." He looked up at Dean first, then Sam, just smiling. "Even if their antics might be the death of me some day," he teased. Everyone laughed.

Ben sent a pleading puppy dog eyes look toward his mother, "Presents? Please?" She nodded and he whooped. Dean leaned over to Sam and said, "He learned that look from you." Ben meanwhile nudged and prodded Lisa into a seat on the couch between him and Dean. Alexa he pushed to the love seat with Sam. Before anyone could even sit down, he was grabbing presents from under the tree and distributing them. Lisa got the first present, then Dean. When he placed a package in Alexa's lap, she was surprised.

"Wait, Ben. This can't be mine." She looked at the tag and saw her name. It was from Lisa. "You got me a present?" Her shock was evident.

Lisa smiled. "Of course I got you a present. Why wouldn't I?"

"I just never thought... I'm surprised, I guess. Christmas is about family. I haven't been given a Christmas present since I was six years old." Alexa bit her lip, aware she'd shared a little too much.

Even Ben froze at that. Being young, he was also the first to recover. "Since you were SIX?" He shouted, clearly outraged that someone could be so neglected at Christmas.

"Umm, yeah." Alexa's smile was only a little forced. "I'm sorry, I just wasn't expecting to get any presents. Don't let it... You should pass out the rest of the presents, Ben." She finished brightly, trying to direct attention away from herself.

Ben dug through the presents, no longer distributing, but hunting. When he had gathered together a small pile, he got up and spilled them all into Alexa's lap.

"These are all for you." Then he got back to work giving everybody else their presents. Alexa stared at the small pile of brightly colored packages on her lap. She sat back in the love seat, feeling a little lost and out of place. Sam had stretched his arm along the back of the cushion, and now he dropped it down onto her shoulders, a warm comfortable weight. For a second, she considered pulling away, knowing she needed to maintain the distance between them. _But not today, not for this moment, _she thought._ Today I can pretend that it's okay. Merry Christmas to me_.

Ben finished giving out the presents, and Lisa explained that everyone opened one at a time, going in a circle, beginning with the oldest. "So Bobby will start, then Dean, then me, and you get the idea."

Dean said, "Hang on a sec. Ben, there's still a present under there. I think you missed one."

"No." Ben seemed forlorn. "That's my present for Castiel. I was hoping he'd show up today."

"Oh. Ben, I'm sorry. I don't really think he'll be showing up, and contacting him can be hard." Dean told the young boy.

Alexa interrupted, "Do you still have his cell phone number? Just call him."

"What? He's back – up there." Dean waved vaguely at the ceiling. "He doesn't have the cell phone anymore."

"I'd be willing to bet he does. Angels never get rid of anything. Try it. If he doesn't answer, no harm, no foul."

"Fine. What are we betting?"

"How about dish duty tonight?"

"You're on. Make it for the rest of the week, because there is no way that dialing 1-900-Castiel is going to work." Dean pulled out his cell phone, scrolled through the numbers and hit send, muttering. He stopped in mid-mutter when he heard Castiel's voice.

"Cas? Is that you? Yeah. I'm just surprised that you still have the phone. What? No. Yes, it's important. Uh, Ben has a Christmas present for you."

In the next breath, he was speaking directly to Castiel, who had appeared in the room.

"I can't believe you kept the phone. So frickin' bizarre. And now I have to do dishes. Ugh."

Sam and Bobby were gaping, while Alexa just smiled. Lisa was busy smiling at Ben, who dove under the tree for Castiel's present.

"Here. This is for you." He handed the present over solemnly.

"Thank you, Benjamin. I've never received a Christmas present. This is a most welcome surprise." Ben again looked horrified at the idea of no Christmas presents and muttered, "What is it with you guys and no presents?"

Castiel, seeing no place left to sit, sat on the floor, trench coating flaring out behind him.

"No, Dean go get a chair from the dining room. Please, Castiel, don't sit on the floor." Lisa appeared horrified to have a guest sitting on the floor, never mind that the guest was an angel.

"I can get it." Castiel said, and a chair from the dining room set suddenly appeared next to him. He got up and sat in it. "Thank you." He said to Lisa, who nodded, a bit stunned.

"Sweet." Ben said under his breath.

"May I open my present?" The angel asked.

Lisa said, "Of course. Please, do."

Everyone waited to see what an eleven year old thought an angel needed. Castiel unwrapped the package carefully, making sure not to rip the paper. The box opened to reveal a beautifully patterned tie in shades of azure, turquoise, and teal. Threads of golds were woven through, and at closer inspection, they discovered that the gold threads were actually shaped like wings.

Ben suddenly looked embarrassed. "I just thought that your old tie was kind of boring. This one is nice."

Castiel looked at Ben gravely. "This is a wonderful surprise, Benjamin. I thank you for your kindness, and for thinking of me. I thank all of you."

"Welcome." Ben said shyly.

Castiel awkwardly removed his old tie. He seemed at a loss for how to knot the new one around his neck. Lisa took pity on him and stood to help him with it.

"That looks nice on you, Cas." Dean told him when she finished.

"Nice choice, Ben." Sam told the youngster.

"Castiel, would you like to stay for the rest, and for dinner?" Lisa asked.

"Yes. Thank you. That would be very nice."

"What comes next?" The angel asked.

"Everybody opens their presents. We take turns and go around. Bobby needs to start." Ben responded.

Bobby did, and found a fleece lined denim jacket in his first present.

"Thank you, Dean. That's really nice."

They made their way around in a circle. Dean got a multiple picture frame from Lisa. She'd placed the only picture he had of John and Mary with him and Sam as a baby in the center. There was also a picture of him sitting with Sam on the porch at Alexa's. Another picture of the two brothers with Bobby rested next to a picture of Lisa with Ben, then another of the three of them. There was even a picture of Sam and Alexa playing a game with Ben.

Lisa opened Dean's present on her turn. It was a lovely gold bracelet, decorated with a few rubies and diamonds. She gasped, and gave him a huge hug and kiss. Ben pretended to gag.

Ben's first present was the new video game system he'd been dying for, and it was all they could do to stop him from plugging it in right then and there.

Sam got a book he been trying to locate for months from Dean. "Alexa told me you were looking for it," his brother said. Alexa was next in the circle, and she opened Ben's present, finding a t-shirt reading 'Zombie Survival Plan' with four steps to survive a zombie attack. She laughed.

He made a face at her and said, "It's extremely important advice" before he started laughing too.

They continued around in the circle. Bobby got flannel shirts and a pair of heavy duty gloves. Dean got the suit jacket and tie to go with what he was already wearing. Alexa gave him some vintage cassette tapes of his favorite groups. Everybody laughed when Sam and Dean gave each other new boots and a shirt. "It's what he asked for!" They both said. Lisa got a red cashmere sweater from Alexa, with a scarf to match from Sam. Ben got her earrings that matched the bracelet from Dean. Ben got various clothes, video games, books, and a new mp3 player. He was thrilled and dying to try it all out at once. Lisa gave Sam the suit jacket that went with his outfit, the tie was from Ben. Castiel made comments on everything, and in general, appeared to be enjoying himself. At first, Alexa's present for Sam confused him. He opened it and found an external hard drive for a computer.

"Wow. Thanks. This is great."

"It's already loaded." She said by way of explanation.

"Oh. Great. With what?"

"Digital copies of old books, things like the _Malleus Maleficarum _and the Lindisfarne Gospels; there are dictionaries for Aramaic, Sanskrit, other languages. There are two translator programs. It's kind of like your dad's journal, but in digital format. The types of information you use when you research. Since it's small, it's portable. Useful for when you don't have the books handy."

"And it's full?"

She nodded.

"Alexa, this is a two terabyte hard drive. And it's full – full – of research and books and all that other stuff?" Sam looked shocked.

"I know it isn't much. I was going to get you a new computer, but you're so touchy about the one you have and I didn't want to get the wrong thing."

"Not much? Are you kidding me? Two terabytes of research, of books? Of knowledge? This is amazing!" Sam pulled her into a hug.

Ben said, "I don't get it."

Dean snorted and said, "Just ignore Sam. He's having a geek-gasm." Lisa slapped Dean's arm, scolding him.

"What's that?" Ben wanted to know.

"Never mind." Lisa told him as Dean smirked. "Alexa, you have one more present. Open it up."

Alexa picked up the package she'd purposely left for last. It was from Sam, and not knowing what was inside was scaring her. Carefully tamping down the emotions surging through her, she tugged at bright ribbons. There was a small box, about four inches square.

"Good things come in small packages," Lisa joked, holding up her wrist to flash the bracelet from Dean. Alexa smiled uneasily. Dean leaned over and whispered something in Lisa's ear. She giggled and slapped his arm again, saying "You're terrible."

Taking a deep breath, Alexa pulled open the box. Inside was a necklace. It was a silver chain, and the pendant had a dark moonstone, teardrop shaped and about as big as Alexa's thumb. Silver filigree work curled around the pendant, decorated with three clusters of amber stones.

"Oh holy hell, Winchester. This is beautiful." She stroked the moonstone gently with her fingertips. "Thank you so much. I can't believe you got this. But I can't take it, Sam." Reluctantly, she closed the box and pushed it into his hand. He didn't answer. Instead, he opened the box, took out the necklace and undid the clasp. Then he leaned forward to place it on her neck.

"You can't say no to Christmas presents. Those are the rules. Sorry." He hoped joking about it would ease her mind.

"I was unaware of that rule." She pulled her hair up and off to the side so that he could lock the clasp. The pendant settled on her neck, resting just below the hollow of her throat.

"It looks good." He told her.

"Thank you for this." She reached up and cradled the pendant in her fingers, rubbing her thumb over the moonstone. Everyone else just watched the two of them for a moment, not speaking. Finally, Lisa broke the silence by saying, "Let me see!" in an excited voice. Everyone broke apart to look at different presents, clean up, and get the meal prepared. Ben got Castiel to try Rock Band using the drum set that was under the Christmas tree. Dean sang, while Ben and Sam played guitar. Then they traded. Bobby just chortled. Lisa and Alexa moved around in the kitchen, getting everything ready. Bobby and Castiel joined them eventually, Castiel because he was interested in the cooking process and Bobby because he said he'd piss himself laughing if he had to keep watching the rest of them make idjits of themselves. He ended up helping with preparing the meal, not that he minded.

The rest of the day was happy and bright with laughter. They ate, cleaned up (giving Dean a break with the dreaded dishes), played board games, and watched Christmas movies together. They went back for seconds on dessert. At one point, Ben caught Lisa and Dean making out in the kitchen and started yelling "Ah! My eyes!" but he was smiling when he did. Throughout it all, Alexa would occasionally reach up to touch the pendant she was wearing, her gift from Sam. Castiel left after the second movie, then Lisa told Ben it was bedtime. Bobby agreed and headed up to the guest room. Lisa went upstairs to make sure he had everything he needed and to monitor Ben. Dean went out to the kitchen to sneak another piece of pie.

"So let's go home, okay?" Sam asked Alexa.

"Sure, yeah." She gathered their gifts together, putting them in the bags from that morning. Sam went to the closet and got their coats, telling Dean they were leaving. Lisa came back downstairs and they all said goodbye.

Sam drove the Challenger back to the house. Alexa sat in the passenger seat, looking thoughtfully out the window, running her fingers over the necklace. He considered saying something, but decided to wait. When they got to the house, he got the presents from the trunk and followed Alexa inside. He put them down inside the door, somehow knowing what was coming next.

She already had it off. "I can't take this." She held out her hand. The pendant and chain were curled in her palm. "I'm sorry. I wish I could. But it wouldn't be right."

"Alexa, I'm not taking it back. You don't have to wear it if you don't want to, but it's yours now. I want you to have it. No matter what happens. I'd really like to see you wear it, but you can do whatever you want."

Alexa sighed. "You're making this very hard, Sam."

"What's that?"

"Keeping my distance. Not getting close."

"Then don't." He said, closing the distance between them, wrapping her in an embrace. He rested his cheek against her hair, wanting to kiss her, but wary of pushing too hard. Her hand pressed against his chest, catching the pendant between them. They stayed that way, unmoving, for less time than Sam wanted. Alexa pulled away first, but she asked, "Can you help me put this back on?" and held out the necklace. He nodded. When she was wearing it again, he said, "Can I ask you something?" He took her hand and led her over to the couch. He sat sideways, pulling her down beside him so they were facing each other.

"Why haven't you been given any Christmas presents since you were six?"

"I haven't been close enough to anyone since then. I told you before that I moved around a lot, never got to know people. It's always been just another day. Before today, I mean. I can't believe you all got me presents. Even Bobby."

"You got all of us presents. Why wouldn't we get something for you?"

"Well of course I got all of you presents. It's a way to say thank you, to show how much I appreciate the sacrifices you've made to include me in your lives. I know it isn't easy."

Sam blinked at her. "The sacrifices we've made? I'll leave that one for a second and repeat my question. Why wouldn't we get something for you? I'm pushing you on this for a reason. It was something else you said today."

"What did I say?"

"Just tell me why you didn't think we'd get you any presents."

"Because," she said slowly, "Christmas is about family. That's all."

"And you aren't a part of the family."

She shrugged and wouldn't look at him.

"Alexa." He cupped her chin and waited for her to meet his gaze. "We got you presents. Think it through. You're part of this family. We want you here with us."

There was a long moment as thoughts sifted through Alexa's mind. "Thank you." She spoke quietly.

"I mean it."

"Okay." She paused, then said, "I had just turned seven when my family died. The Christmas before, when I was six, was the last one I had with a family." At Sam's look, she added, "Before today."

He considered pushing for more, but Lisa's words, her warning about pushing Alexa away kept him from it.

"You tired?" he asked instead.

A nod was her response.

"How about we get some sleep then?"

"Okay." She yawned and got up, going upstairs. Sam turned off the lights, checked that everything was as it should be and went upstairs. When Alexa came in for her nightly nightmare visit, he told her "Merry Christmas" and fell into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

And awoke a few hours later to a horrible keening sound from Alexa's room. Sam rushed in to find Alexa in the depths a nightmare, not a vision. He grabbed her shoulders and shook her, trying to wake her up. It seemed to take forever, but she finally surfaced from the abyss of dreams she'd been trapped in.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm here. What were you dreaming about, Alexa? Talk to me."

"It was my brothers. My parents. The day they died. When they were murdered."

"You were there? It was your whole family at the same time?" Sam was surprised. He hadn't realized that part of the story.

She curled up on her side, hugging the pillow. "I couldn't save them. I tried to heal Sebastian and Tristan, but it was too late. The... things... tried to kill me too, but my mother... I couldn't save my family, Sam. Why couldn't I save them?"

"You were seven years old. That's too much to ask of most adults, never mind a little kid. You can't blame yourself."

Sobbing, she wept out, "I tried to save Tristan. There was so much blood. I remember I was kneeling in it as I was trying to heal him. I got it on my hands, and the front of my dress. I tried, but he stopped breathing, and my mother was screaming. One of them picked me up by wrapping his hands around my head. He dragged me up to look at my face, my legs were hanging in mid-air. I was kicking and punching, but he didn't care. I can still see his eyes. He hated me. I finally managed to slap him and got a smear of Tristan's blood on his face. He dropped me then. I hate the fact that I couldn't save my family. They died. They all died and it was my fault."

"No. Shh. You were a kid, Alexa. Your family wouldn't want you to blame yourself. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm here. It's okay now." He rubbed her back, speaking soothing nonsense to her until she quieted. Moving slowly, he pulled back the covers and slipped into the bed beside her. He lay on his side and hooked an arm around her, pulling her toward him so her back was pressed against his chest.

"Sam, no. What are you doing?"

"Shh. Just rest. Try to go back to sleep." He pushed aside the pillow that she'd been hugging to her chest. "I'll be the pillow tonight."

It was a testament to how drained she was that she didn't even try to argue with him, Sam knew. Instead, she rolled to face him, letting him cradle her head in the crook of his arm. He kissed her forehead and concentrated on soothing her. Eventually, they both fell asleep.


	14. Lightning's Hand

_Well, it's back into the action (a little bit) here! Thanks to my continued readers and reviewers. I love reading your thoughts and I wish I could accommodate what everyone wants from the story. The second half of this particular storyline might actually get put up today, since this chapter is a bit more of a cliffhanger. Thanks again!_

**Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Supernatural and the characters therein belong to the actors, writers, directors, producers, and technicians that bring it to life. Rated T, because there's a bit of cursing and such.**

After that, Alexa didn't seem to try quite so hard to keep her distance from Sam, at least emotionally. The necklace remained nestled against her throat. Occasionally Sam would catch her just holding it in her hand when they were watching television, or driving, or something. She smiled with him more, and joked around. They went on hunts together and started sharing a room, just with two beds. Physical distance, however, was a different story. He found quickly that more often than not, even an accidental touch would send her skittering in the opposite direction, never mind an intentional touch. The only contact they had was at night, when she came to help him with the nightmares, which were beginning to loosen their grip. Sam was frustrated, in more ways than one. And a little worried too, about a new pattern he saw emerging.

One night in early April, he and Dean were sitting out by the fire pit. Lisa was inside with Alexa. Ben had fallen asleep earlier, so Dean had carried him into the downstairs guest bedroom, where he was now sleeping peacefully. The girls were watching a chick flick, at least as far as Dean was concerned, so he had opted for beer and firelight instead. Besides, Sam had on his bitchface more and more often now, and Dean wanted to know why.

"Spill." He said to Sam.

"Huh? Where?" His brother responded, straightening his tipping beer bottle and looking to see where he'd spilled.

"No. Spill your guts. Your Sammy size brain has been working a problem for months now and I can't take it anymore. You are not in your happy place. So as much as I hate these moments, we need to talk about what's bugging you."

"It's fine, Dean. No need to torture you with feelings."

Dean stretched out a leg and poked his brother in the shin with his boot.

"Well, since the choice is talk, or put up with your face permanently like that," he waved a hand at Sam's face, "I'm picking talk. So spill."

When Sam still didn't answer, Dean said, "Or maybe I'll start. Let's see. It's Alexa. She's making you all hot and bothered, but she's sticking to her damn guns and insisting that you need to know what she is first, meaning what she meant when she said she wasn't quite human. Until then it's hands off. Which is probably a good idea, all things considered. The problem is that your libido is getting in the way of your brain and you can't think straight anymore."

"She's convinced that once I know, I'll run the other way. It's making me crazy that I can't figure it out. I mean, it seems like it should be so simple. And it worries me."

"Because you don't want to end up with a monster for a girlfriend? Again."

Sam made a face at him.

"I'm just saying." Dean told him. He continued, "Okay, forget that for a minute. Would you run the other way? What if she was a shifter?"

"Dean, she's wearing a silver necklace I gave her. She's not a shifter."

"What if she was a witch?"

"She'd be the nicest one we ever met. And I wouldn't run."

Dean continued down the list of supernatural beings they'd encountered. Sam snorted at a few, laughed at a few others. Finally Dean said, "Demon."

Automatically, Sam said, "We know she isn't that. Hell, she painted the devil's traps at the doors to the house. She's the one who usually salts the doors and windows at the motels when we're on a hunt."

"What, did you paint the devil's traps in invisible ink or something?"

Sam grinned, "Yep. There's stuff painted all over the house in invisible ink. Shows up with a black light. It's actually pretty cool. Alexa said she's been doing it that way for years."

"God, you are such a geek. So not a demon. What then? What is she? Cause we know she sure as hell isn't all human, between the visions and the healing. And, you know, she told us so too. I'm still trying to figure out why I'm okay with this. I mean, I just listed a bunch of things that we would hunt in any other circumstances."

"I wish I could figure it all out. And she can't tell me. It's at the point where I'm ready to just start listing things. It feels like I'm trying to figure out Rumpelstiltskin's name."

"Umm, yeah. Moving on... How goes the hunting? Gonna need me for one any time soon?"

"You want to come on a hunt?"

"Once in a while. When I'm needed. After I talk to Lisa." He sighed. "A lot."

"It would be good if you could come, because I need your opinion on something. Alexa, again."

"Alexa hunting? What's wrong?"

"The last few we've been on, she keeps throwing herself at whatever we're after, like she's trying to get them to accidentally kill her. Remember the conditions of the deal? It sticks if she dies accidentally."

"You think she's trying to get the early opt-out package?"

"Yeah. God, Dean, she asked me to shoot her the first time we met. And now? She's convinced that she'll hurt me, and this is a way to avoid that. She keeps telling me she doesn't want to hurt me. I told her she's doing it now, acting this way, but that didn't work out so well. That was when she started going all kamikaze on hunts. It scares the hell out of me. She's like you when you go into overdrive."

"Real intense, kills anything that even seems a little bit off?"

"Yeah. Like that."

"You know, you've been that way a time or two yourself, Sammy."

"I know. That's part of what scares me. I know what was happening with us when we were like that. What's it mean when she's like that?"

"Let me ask you something. How much do you love her?" Dean was serious, and seemed a little sad as he asked the question.

Sam was surprised by the question and took a moment to consider his answer. "Jess is the only other woman, long-term, that I've ever been in love with. And I loved her. Part of me still does. But with Alexa, it's different. She knows all of it, Dean. Everything I've done. All the mistakes I've made. She knows what I am. The only other person who knows me as well – is you. In spite of everything I've done, all the times I screwed up, she doesn't care. She helps me, and she lets me take care of her. I feel stronger with her. Better." He paused, then scoffed, "And that's before the real relationship bonding stuff even happens."

Dean looked at him, shocked. "You mean you two... haven't?" He stopped and mimicked a few bars of music from a cheesy porno flick. Sam shook his head no, and the bitchface was back. Dean thought this time though, it was directed at him. "Oh, dude. We have got to work this problem out, or you are going to _explode_."

Oh, yeah. The bitchface was definitely meant for him this time.

* * *

Dean's opportunity to go on another hunt came a few weeks later, just before Sam's birthday. There was an artist's colony in Minnesota that was rapidly losing its residents to a strange wasting disease. Bodies of artists kept showing up completely desiccated, as if every ounce of fluid in their bodies had been drained from them.

The three of them argued about what it could be, but it wasn't until they spoke to an artist who had been attacked that the pieces fit.

"Sam, do you have that hard drive I gave you?" Alexa had been going through newspaper accounts, trying to fit pieces together with what they learned in their interviews.

"Yeah, why?" He went to his computer bag and pulled the drive out of a side pocket.

"Look up leanan sidhe. Irish spelling."

"Whosa what she?" Dean asked, looking over Sam's shoulder as he plugged in the hard drive and started scanning files.

"Leanan sidhe." Alexa answered. "They're a kind of faery folk."

"Fairies? Tinkerbell is offing these guys?"

"No, Dean. Think more like banshees." Sam said, pointing to the entry on the computer screen. "The leanan sidhe are a type of faery that feed off energy, specifically the creative energy of artists. Usually they help an artist blossom, grow into what he was meant to be. They act as a kind of muse. But sometimes, it can go bad, and they drain the artist dry. What made you think of them, Alexa? Dean and I have only seen one banshee, and we've never seen a leanan sidhe at all."

"The guy we interviewed today, the one who escaped? He said something about running into the old Callaghan mansion, right? He said he ran into the mansion, even though it seemed like a bad idea because of how deserted it was. But he didn't know what else to do. And it worked, because whatever was chasing him went away as soon as he got through the gates."

"Yeah, so? He got lucky." Dean shrugged.

"I don't think so. Look at this picture." She placed a newspaper in front of them. On the cover was a large mansion, surrounded by an old wrought iron fence.

"What am I looking for?" Dean asked.

Alexa pointed at the fence. "It goes around the whole house in a circle. The guy today didn't say that they stopped chasing him when he got inside the house. He said it was when he got inside the gates."

"The iron. Leanan sidhe are like all faery. Can't stand iron. But aren't they usually solitary?" Sam paged back through the entry on the computer.

"Yeah." Alexa said, "That's why I didn't catch it at first. Our witness kept talking about multiple creatures. But the artist's colony, draining them dry, the iron. The rest of it fits. I just can't figure out why there seems to be more than one."

"Who cares? Let's gank the bitches and call it a night." Dean said. "I'll go get the iron daggers and the axe from the trunk." He left the room to do exactly that.

Rolling her eyes at him, Alexa said to Sam, "The fact that there's more than one of them could be a problem. We need to be careful. Why do you think they're here together anyway?"

"I don't know. Maybe the artist's colony pulled them in? Right now, our biggest problem is finding where they are."

"Sam, please. Where are they always holed up when they're creepy crawly nasty things?" She raised her eyebrows at him. He thought for a second, then groaned.

"The sewers."

Alexa made a face and said, "Yep. The sewers. I'll go get extra towels."

* * *

A few hours later, they were all covered in muck and twice as smelly. They were about to give up when they rounded a corner and literally stumbled into the nest of four leanan sidhe. The creatures were hideous: skeletal, with gangrene skin stretched tight against their frames. They hissed and scuttled sideways away from the three hunters. One of them muttered "Sister," to another.

"Well, that answers that question," Sam said.

"Great. It's the banshee Brady bunch." Dean readjusted his grip on the iron axe, ready to swing away.

"Leanan sidhe," Alexa countered.

"Shut up, Encyclopedia Brown. Watch it." He pointed to one of the creatures trying to circle around.

"Got it."

Dean managed to catch the first one by surprise with the axe. She charged, he swung, and then the axe was buried in her chest. The remaining sidhe shrieked and attacked. But they didn't come head on.

"Nobody mentioned the damn things could climb up walls and ceilings!" Dean shouted.

"That's because nobody knew!" Sam yelled back, busy fighting the thing after him.

Alexa dodged the one attacking her, swiping at it with her dagger as it passed by. She nicked it, but not enough to slow it down. The warning from a vision the night before had her keeping an eye on Dean, and Sam, so she let the thing get above her on the ceiling. It leapt off, apparently intending to rip her to pieces. Alexa caught it and rolled as they both fell. The iron dagger slid under the creature's ribs easily. She angled it up, and twisted. The creature screamed as the dagger touched its heart. Alexa pulled the knife out and stabbed it straight through the heart, just to be sure. Then she whirled around, worried she hadn't been paying enough attention to the rest of the fight.

_The vision, the vision. Where the hell is Dean?_

Just as in her vision, Dean didn't see the leanan sidhe with the knife headed for him. He was heading over to help Sam, who was occupied with his own creature. Alexa simply reacted, knowing from her vision what the creature's next move would be. She ran over, shoved Dean, and turned to meet the creature's knife, forcing it to the side. The knife entered by her left clavicle, above her heart, instead of her throat. She gasped, more at the force of the impact than any actual pain.

"Alexa!" Dean yelled her name as she stabbed the creature with an iron dagger. It screamed and died, just as Sam slipped past the guard of his own creature and slashed its throat. He stabbed it in the heart too, then ran across the concrete to his brother and Alexa. As he reached them, Dean rose from the floor and made a grab for Alexa, just beating Sam to it. She forced herself to stand still, pushing his hands away. "I'm okay. I can heal it, so I'll be fine. Just give me a second." Gritting her teeth, she grasped the handle of the knife and yanked it out.

Gasping, she said, "Well, that sucked." She dropped the knife on the floor and pressed her hand against the wound. Sam bent to retrieve the knife and Dean just – broke, surprising them all.

"Why did you do that? What were you thinking?" Dean grabbed her shoulders and shook her. "Don't ever do that again! You could have been killed!"

Alexa wheezed, then gasped out, "And _you _would have been if I hadn't done something. Stop shaking me!"

Suddenly she found herself crushed against Dean's chest, completely enveloped in a bear hug of epic proportions. "Promise me you won't ever do that again."

"Dean, can't breathe."

He pulled away, looking first at her, then at Sam.

"Sorry," Dean said, voice gruff. "Just, don't. Don't do that."

"First, I can heal this more easily on myself than I can heal it on you," she told him, deciding not to mention that in her vision there hadn't been a chance to heal him because the creature had thrust the dagger directly through Dean's heart, killing him instantly. She went on, "Second, I'm supposed to protect you, remember? I know it goes against your whole 'I'm the big brother, it's my job to save everyone no matter what happens to me' mindset, but that's just too bad. Suck it up and deal, Dean. And third... I don't remember what third is right now, but my point is that I did the right thing, and I'd do it again, so quit telling me what to do!" She was shouting and panting a little by the end, surprising all of them again. Sam was about to join the fray, but Dean beat him to it.

"That is exactly my point!" Dean shouted back. "Who decided that you were supposed to protect us? When did that become your job? Especially if it means you practically getting yourself killed!"

"How do you know that me getting killed isn't exactly the way I'm supposed to help you? You just don't get it. Either of you. I'm expendable!"

Both brothers gaped at her.

"You're not..." Dean started, then stopped. He scoffed, and carded his fingers through his hair. He started again to say something, but didn't finish. Alexa, for her part, just stood there, trying to ignore the blood trickling down her chest. Sam remained uncharacteristically still, waiting for – what he wasn't sure. But it seemed like the wrong time to step between them, as much as he wanted to. Finally, some of the tension seemed to leave Dean, or maybe it was the sight of blood oozing between Alexa's fingers. He shrugged off his long sleeve shirt, and held it out to her, saying, "Press that against the wound until we can get you somewhere to heal it." He snorted. "I don't want you bleeding all over the interior of my baby." He waited until a tight smile flashed across her face then said, "Are you going to be okay?"

Pushing the shirt back at him, she said, "I'm going to be fine. Don't need the shirt, I should have the bleeding controlled in a minute. No sense getting your shirt messed up too. Just need... to take care of a few things before we get going." Moving slowly, she leaned gingerly against the sewer wall, then sank to a crouch.

"I'm going to check around. Make sure we didn't miss anything." Dean pulled his shirt back on as he strode away. Sam joined her by the wall and crouched beside her. He pulled a small towel out of their knapsack and asked, "You sure you're going to be okay?"

Alexa nodded. "Yep. The damage to the lung is taken care of, I'm getting the bleeding stopped now. I'm going to need food and sleep, but other than that, by the time we get back to the hotel, I'll be good to go." She winced as a movement made pain arc across her chest. "Well, I'll be about 60% ready."

"Your lung got nicked? Dammit, Alexa. You have got to stop trying to get yourself killed. Did the blade go all the way through?"

"I'm not sure, can you check?" As Sam angled around, pulling her shirt down in the back for a better view of her shoulder blade, she told him, "My lung didn't get nicked. It got punctured. That's why dealing with the rest of this is taking a little time. It took a lot of energy to deal with that first. The less life threatening stuff can wait."

When she said the word 'punctured', Sam's gently probing fingers stilled and clenched on her back.

"You can't keep doing this, Alexa. It has to stop." He grimaced at her, then asked, "I'll yell at you later about this. For now, are you sure you're going to be okay?"

"Fine. Honest. But don't think I'm going to be patching up your bruises any time tonight."

"I wouldn't dream of it. It didn't go all the way through, your back is clean."

"Cool. One less thing to deal with."

Dean came back, declared everything clear, and suggested they go. The entire drive back he lectured to Alexa about her various mistakes on the hunt. Back at the hotel, he stopped talking long enough for her to eat the chicken sandwich, shake, and fries they got her at the local burger joint. As soon as she finished the last bite, he ordered her to shower and then go to bed.

"Hey." Sam said, "Enough, Dean. It's my job to order her around."

Alexa muttered, "Both of you can go to hell," as she went through the adjoining door for their rooms.

"Been there!" Dean called.

"Done that." Sam finished.

* * *

The next morning, Sam woke up slowly.

"Good morning princess." Dean walked out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist and another draped around his shoulders. He scrubbed his head briefly, then snapped the towel at Sam's legs, still tucked into bed. "Did you have a nice nappy?"

"Ugh. Why are you up so early? Go back to the shower, there's something ugly on your face. Oh wait, it _is_ your face."

"Haha, seriously, it's time for us to get going. Now that this thing is taken care of we need to get home. Why don't you go check on Alexa, then take your own shower? I'll go get some coffee and breakfast."

"Yeah, okay. Good plan."

Sam pulled back the covers on the bed and sleepily made his way to the door between the adjoining rooms. Not finding Alexa in the bed, he took a few steps into the room. When he heard the shower running in her bathroom, and saw a bit of steam coming from under the door, he turned and trudged back to the other room. Stopping briefly to get clean clothes, he headed for the shower, locking the door behind him. Dean seemed in a good mood this morning. Actually, he seemed in a pranking kind of mood. Locking the door wouldn't stop him, but Sam hoped it might give him enough warning to derail anything Dean might try.

A short time later Sam was dressed, brushing his teeth by the sink when Dean returned. He tossed the keys on his duffel. Then he placed a tray of coffee and bags of food on the small motel table.

"Alexa? You want breakfast? I got you hot chocolate 'cause I know you hate coffee – you freak." Dean poked his head into her room. Realizing she was in the bathroom, he rolled his eyes. "Women. Sheesh."

"Sammy! Breakfast. Chop, chop."

Sam finished brushing his teeth and stowed his toiletries in his duffel. He pulled open the bag of food and peered inside as Dean began to eat his sausage and egg biscuit.

"There's some fruit, yogurt, and granola crap in there for you and the other sissy girl I'm traveling with." Dean finished his first biscuit and pulled a second out of the bag. This one was bacon, egg, and cheese. The bacon dripped grease down Dean's chin as he bit into it, and a piece of biscuit fell from his mouth when he tried to lick the grease from his chin.

Sam stopped eating his yogurt and made a face. "Ugh, Dean. That's just gross."

"You're just jealous. Hey, didya have a hard time getting Alexa up? She's still in the shower. I thought you said she was usually pretty quick about getting ready."

"Yeah, she is. She's still in the shower? She was in there before I got out of bed. That was almost a half an hour ago. I'll go check on her."

Dean shrugged and took a sip of his coffee.

"Alexa? You okay?" Sam called as he entered her room. Receiving no answer, he went to the bathroom door and knocked. A little steam seeped out from beneath the door. He could hear the water still running.

"Dean brought breakfast. Aren't you hungry?" The only sound from the bathroom was the shower.

"If you don't answer, I'm coming in." He heard Dean snort in the next room and was about to yell at him when he heard a faint sound.

"Sam? Help."

"Alexa? Hey, my eyes are closed, okay? Don't freak out." Sam pushed the door open and immediately felt his skin grow clammy from the moisture in the air.

"S...Sam? So cold." Alexa's voice seemed barely above a whisper.

Forgetting modesty, Sam grabbed the shower curtain and yanked it to the side. Alexa was sitting in the tub, still in her t-shirt and sweats. She was hugging her knees while the water beat down on her head and shoulders. When she looked up at him, her skin seemed impossibly pale and her lips tinged with blue.

"DEAN!" Sam yelled for his brother as he reached for the soaked woman. He jumped back, cursing at the burning sting of hot water coming from the shower head as Dean entered. Dean reached past him to shut off the water, and Sam grabbed the towel from the back of the toilet. He threw it over Alexa's shoulders, and started to pull her up.

"Come on, you've got to get out of the shower now."

Her teeth began chattering as she struggled to climb out of the tub.

"Wait a second, hon, we've got to get you out of those wet clothes first. Sam, go get her some dry clothes, okay?" As Sam left, Dean grabbed another towel, and put it in front of her.

"I'm going to try not to look at anything here, okay? Help me out, 'cause you're kinda sliding in the baby sister category, and I don't want to feel like a perv. Besides, Sammy might kill me if I got to see your, umm, assets before he did. And we do not need to tell Lisa this part of the story."

Alexa held the towel in front of her, shivering, as Dean reached for her waist. Closing his eyes, he pushed down the sopping sweatpants and underwear as she whispered, "At least someone would get to see them before I die. Even if it was the wrong brother. And you are a perv."

"Well, things can't be that bad if you can still tease me. And I'm not a pervert, I'm just always interested, but not around you, okay? Not that way."

His brain finally caught up to the rest of what she said. "Wait a minute, you mean you never, you know?"

She whispered, "No."

"Well that explains some things. Poor Sammy."

Alexa shivered and he got back to the task at hand. "Can you wrap that towel around your waist, or do you need help?"

"S'ok, I got..." She groaned as a violent tremor rippled through her body. Dean held her shoulder to steady her, then, eyes still shut, he helped her wrap the towel around her waist.

"Almost there. Just gotta get your shirt. Umm... how are we going to do this?"

"Close your eyes, pull her shirt up, and I'll hold out the towel," Sam said as he came back in with dry clothes and more towels.

"Don't have to close your eyes, not like there's anything there you both haven't seen before."

"Hush. Considering what you just told me? Humor us," Dean said. "Okay, Sam's plan on three. Arms up. One, two, three. This off," he said, pulling the wet towel from her shoulders and dropping it into the tub.

There was a wet plop as the t-shirt dropped into the tub. A moment later, Alexa said, "Okay."

Both brothers opened their eyes. Alexa was wearing two towels, one from her waist to her knees, the other tucked under her armpits. She was still shaking with cold. By her collarbone, where the knife had struck her the previous evening, there was a thick, angry red line. Purple lightning seemed to streak out away from the scar, wrapping her neck, darting across her sternum, and vanishing beneath the edge of the towel.

"That does not look good." Dean gently ran a finger across the mark. "Crap," he said, yanking his hand away, "your skin is like ice. What the hell is going on, Alexa?"

Alexa slowly got out of the tub, leaning on Sam's arm when a tremor made her slip a little.

"Can you get dressed if we leave you for a second?"

"Maybe. I think so. But not in here. If I fall, I'd rather not hit my head on something porcelain."

Sam wrapped his arm around Alexa's shoulders and helped her out of the bathroom and seated her on the edge of the bed.

"Alexa, Dean's right. Your skin is freezing. You were sitting in a shower with scalding water beating on you but your lips are turning blue. What's going on?" He crouched in front of her, looking into her eyes.

"Sweatshirt, please." Teeth chattering, Alexa pulled the sweatshirt Sam handed her over her head and pushed her arms into the sleeves.

Dean said, "Stop avoiding the question. What is going on?"

"I'm not sure. The cold is coming from last night's wound. But I healed it. I know it's healed. It seems to be seeping cold into the rest of my body though. God, I can't get warm." She hugged her arms and tried to ignore the shaking. "I was trying to think in the shower what might be going on, but the only thing I can figure is that the blade was poisoned somehow."

"Did you try healing yourself of the poison?" Sam asked her.

"Mm-hmm. Didn't work." She picked up underwear and sweatpants to put on. Both brothers turned their backs, but Sam stayed within grabbing range. After managing that feat, she looked at the socks on the bed. She sat down. It took three tries to get them on, but she did.

Dean said, "Okay. We can't stay here. I think we should call Bobby and head for home. Do the research and figure out how to stop this poison."

"I think we need to go to Bobby's. What if what we need to stop the poison is there? And it's a lot closer right now. We're only one state away. You can drop us off and then head back to Indiana." Dean looked ready to fight him for a moment, but stopped at the look on Sam's face. Pure panic, under tightly leashed control. He nodded acceptance at Sam.

"Okay. Let's get the car packed and get going. I'll call Bobby to get him started." Sam pulled out his phone and dialed Bobby, talking rapidly when the older hunter answered.

From the bed, Alexa said, "Hey, Dean? Could you get my hairdryer? I'll try to dry my hair while you pack up the car."

Fifteen minutes later, they were on the road to Bobby's.


	15. All I Need

_Thank you to all reviewers! Seriously, I turn into uber-geek girl when I read them. I get giddy with delight when people say they like the characters, or the plot, or a line made them laugh. I even like the ones that say 'hey, you should be doing...' because they make me think about alternatives. You guys are great! Cyber cookies (or brownies if you prefer) to all of you! _

**Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Supernatural and the characters therein belong to the actors, writers, directors, producers, and technicians that bring it to life. Rated T, because there's a bit of cursing and such.**

Sam kept looking at the back seat of the Impala, where Alexa lay shivering, in spite of being wrapped in a sweatshirt, two pairs of sweatpants, a hoodie of Sam's, and a blanket from the motel. They had left money and a note for the blanket at Alexa's insistence. She caught him looking, and half smiled at him as her body shook with tremors.

"Hey," she said.

"How are you doing?"

"Been better."

"Hopefully we'll hear back from Bobby soon about how to fix this. You need to hang on 'til then, okay?"

When she just nodded, Dean said, "I'm going to need a verbal confirmation on that please. The driver can't see head nods."

"If the driver can't see nods, how does he know I..." The rest of the sentence was cut off as Alexa gasped in pain. She panted as ripples of cold seemed to roll through her. Vaguely, she was aware of Sam yelling as he tried to crawl over the seat to her.

Dean shouted, "Hang on, wait, I'm pulling over!" Then Sam was in the backseat with her, pulling her trembling body into his lap. He placed a hand on her cheek, trying to get her to focus on him.

"Hey, Alexa. It's going to be okay. We're here. We'll get you someplace safe and fix this, okay? You gotta stay with us."

Alexa tried to speak, but at first she could only gasp. Finally, she looked up at Sam and said only, "H...h...urts." Sam could feel the muscles in her arms tensing and twitching in reaction to the poison in her system. He pulled her against his chest and wrapped his arms around her, hoping to give her a little additional warmth. Dean, who had watched the entire exchange from the front seat, shrugged out of his jacket and passed it wordlessly to Sam, who draped it over the huddled figure in his arms.

"I'm going to try Bobby again," Dean said.

"Yeah, good idea. We should try Castiel too."

"Okay, I'll call Cas. You call Bobby." Dean flipped his phone open and began dialing. Loosening his hold on Alexa briefly, Sam reached into his pocket and pulled out his own phone. He hit the speed dial for Bobby and listened as the phone rang at the other end. Bobby answered just as Dean began talking to Castiel on his phone.

"Sam, is that you? Where are you boys? How's the girl doing? I haven't found anything yet about this poison. There are either too many possibilities, or not enough. I mean, the symptoms you're describing, there isn't anything that quite fits the bill. Is there anything you can add?"

"Just that she seems to be getting worse, Bobby. The cold is spreading, or getting deeper, I'm not sure which, and she's in a lot of pain now. Hang on, Cas just showed up. Maybe he'll know what we're dealing with. I'll call you back, okay?" After receiving confirmation from Bobby, he flipped the phone closed and looked at the angel who had just materialized in the front seat.

"What happened?"

Dean answered Castiel quickly. "She took a knife in the shoulder for me during the hunt last night. She healed it, but this morning we found her in the shower, freezing cold. Where the knife hit her is still healing and there's purple lines radiating out from the wound."

"Show me." Castiel motioned to Sam, who wordlessly pulled aside blanket, jacket, and clothing to show the angel Alexa's wound. The purple lines had grown thicker since this morning; small thorns on the lines had become branches in their own right and were beginning to spawn additional lines.

Sam said, "We think it's some kind of poison."

Alexa's eyes opened. She smiled weakly and said, "Hey, Cas."

"Alexa, you've been poisoned. We must get the poison out of your body or it will most likely kill you."

"Poison out. Good plan. How?"

Dean asked, "Cas, do you know what kind of poison is doing this? Bobby is trying to research it, but we don't have a whole lot to go on."

"It's called Demon's Tears. It's extremely rare. It kills humans instantly. I'm sure that Alexa's – nature – is slowing the process down." Castiel fixed his solemn gaze on Dean. "If the knife had even touched you, you would be dead. It would have killed you too quickly for anyone to heal you." He turned back to Alexa.

"So my special nature is finally coming in handy, huh? Hurray." She shuddered with cold. "Or not."

"Call Bobby. Tell him to look for information on Demon's Tears. I will return in a moment with something that might slow it down."

"How are you doing, Alexa?" Dean called to the back seat as he dialed Bobby's number.

"My day sucks so far. You?" She moaned after answering and twisted in the seat. Biting her lip, she tried to curl up on her side, still leaning against Sam. He slipped a hand under Dean's jacket and rubbed her back a bit. Gasping, she jerked away.

"Sorry, Alexa. I'm sorry," he rushed to apologize.

She paused and gasped between words as she answered him, "S'ok, Sam. Not sure why that hurt all of the sudden."

Castiel, appearing in the front seat once again, answered, "Because the Demon's Tears poison is spreading. Soon, even the gentlest touch will cause you great pain. You need to drink this." He held up a bottle that looked like water. "Drink it three sips at a time. It will fight the poison and provide time to find a way to remove it from your body. When you start to get cold again, drink three more sips. You will need to finish at least this entire bottle. Probably much more."

"It's holy water?" she asked.

Castiel nodded and said, "Yes."

"Oh, this is going to suck so bad."

"Yes, it will be very painful. Because of the poison, it will be much worse than your previous experience."

"Huh? Wait. What are you guys talking about? It's just holy water. Why would it hurt? What previous experience? Somebody answer me." Dean said, clearly frustrated as he glanced over at Castiel.

Sam just watched as Alexa shut her eyes briefly in resignation, a few tears slipping from beneath her closed lids.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Sam wiped the tears away with his thumb.

"Castiel, you need to take me someplace before I drink that. Is the safe room in Bobby's basement soundproof? No, never mind, it isn't, right? Crap!" She clenched her teeth and shuddered as fresh pain rolled through her body.

"Nobody's taking you anywhere! What are you talking about?" Dean looked in the rearview mirror toward Sam, but he shook his head, indicating he didn't understand either.

"It's going to hurt, Dean! I'm going to scream, and thrash. A lot. I could kick out the window of the car. Loud screaming. I don't want you two – you guys don't need to hear that. We'll meet you." The tirade seemed all the more pathetic because it was issued in a hushed, breathless voice as Alexa fought through the pain to say the words.

"The hell with that. The window of the car can be fixed. You're staying here, with us, where we can help you. No offense, Cas, but you're not taking her anywhere unless you take us too."

"I cannot take all three of you..."

Sam cut him off, "That isn't what he meant, Cas. It's okay. He just means we're staying together. We'll see this through until it's fixed." He looked down at Alexa. "I'm not going anywhere." Then he reached for the bottle of holy water, but Alexa put her hand on his wrist, stopping him.

"Please don't do this." Alexa looked up at Sam, willing him to understand.

"I get it. I do. But trust me, it's better if you know you aren't alone. We're staying right here."

She closed her eyes again and shook her head. A few more tears fell. When she opened them, she looked up at Sam and said, very quietly, "I'm scared." Then she turned to the front and said, "Castiel, you should probably get back here and hold my legs. Sam, be careful. I don't want to break your bones or something by accident. I don't know when I'll be able to heal it." She sighed and slid her hand out from beneath the blanket.

"Give me the bottle."

Silent, Castiel handed it to her from his new spot by her feet. When her hand shook, Sam took the bottle and uncapped it for her.

Castiel said quietly, "Three sips."

She looked at him balefully and said, "Don't think the irony of that is lost on me. It isn't. Dean, you might want to pull over for a second or two." She waited until the car slowed down and they all heard the crunch of gravel beneath the tires, then said, "Cap the bottle fast. Push down on me hard so you don't get hurt."

"Ready?" Sam asked.

Alexa nodded, and he tipped the bottle to her lips. After three swallows Sam pulled the bottle away fast, handing it to Dean. Just as Dean took it from him, every muscle in Alexa's body contracted and she arched up, groaning. Her breathing came in rapid-fire, harsh gasps. She made a choking sound deep in her throat and collapsed onto her side. Mouth clenched tight, she tried to bury her face in the blanket. Castiel struggled to hold her legs still as another ripple tore through her and she instinctively pulled into a fetal position. Dean leaned over the seat to help hold her down.

Dean looked at Castiel. "Isn't there something you can do to make this easier on her?"

"No. It will get worse in a moment."

"Worse?" Sam asked, sounding incredulous. "How could it get worse?"

Castiel didn't need to answer, because Alexa suddenly thrashed, her elbow connecting solidly with Sam's solar plexus, driving the air from his lungs. The three of them struggled to hold her still as she twisted and groaned in pain. She fought them and the pain, rapidly jerking from one side to another, flailing and kicking as she struggled to break free of the agony she was feeling in any way possible. At some point Sam felt a sharp snap in his rib and a small part of his brain registered that he probably broke it, but he was too busy trying to keep Alexa from hurting herself in her struggles. Her face was tear streaked and clenched. Her breathing was coming in gasps, then she began muttering "stop" over and over. Everything seemed to intensify, building to far more pain than it seemed any person could endure. Then the screaming started. Wordless sounds of pain and horror, the screams were loud and grating. They were raw, primal screams that begged for the pain to end. Both brothers heard their own screams in Hell being echoed back at them. Then suddenly, Alexa let out one seemingly endless scream. Body rigid, head tossed back, mouth wide open, she looked for all the world like a demon was fleeing her body, except no black cloud exited her mouth. Dean winced and instinctively pulled his shoulders up toward his ears. Sam resisted only because he was afraid to let go of Alexa's arms. Finally, she just stopped. Her entire body went slack and still. Sam relaxed for only a second before he realized she wasn't breathing.

"Cas, she's not breathing. Help me move her so we can..."

Alexa coughed, then sucked in a huge quantity of air. She fell back again, panting. Looking over at Castiel, she asked, "How long?"

"Seconds. No more."

"Are you okay?" she asked the angel. Her voice was harsh and damaged sounding.

When he nodded, her head turned toward Sam. "How about you?" She closed her eyes in concentration for a moment, then frowned.

"Sam, I cracked your rib. I told you to be careful. Hang on." Sam felt a rush of warmth against his side, which had been aching the moment before.

"Stop that! You don't have the strength to be healing me right now. You're going to make yourself sick."

Alexa coughed more, then sighed. "Too late. Already done. Cas, how long do you think it will be before I have to drink more?"

Castiel tilted his head, considering. "How do you feel now?"

She just looked at him.

Sam interjected, "She feels terrible, Cas, how do you think she feels?"

"What I meant was, do you feel cold?"

"Not at the moment. The holy water burns, so I guess it fought off the cold." She closed her eyes in sudden understanding. "That's why it slows down the Demon's Tears."

"That and other reasons. When you begin to feel cold again, you should let us know. You will need to drink more of the holy water then."

"Oh joy."

Seeing the confused look on Castiel's face, Dean jumped in, "It's sarcasm, Cas. Like we talked about?"

The angel's face cleared. "Yes. I remember our discussion. I'm not sure I understand sarcasm yet though."

"S'ok, Cas. Only the best and brightest do. You'll get there," Alexa muttered as her eyes drifted shut.

Dean chuckled a bit as the confused look returned to the angel's face. Sam just pulled the covers up to Alexa's chin.

"Dean, we should probably get going again. Now, while she's resting."

"My thoughts exactly. Back on the road." Dean turned to the steering wheel, started the car, and eased onto the road.

A few miles later, Alexa's teeth began chattering. Shortly after, she reached for the bottle and took her three sips. Dean managed to stay on the road, and Sam managed to avoid getting any broken bones, but it was a near thing for them both.

* * *

Sometime in the early afternoon, they finally pulled into Bobby's salvage yard. Alexa was sleeping, fitfully. She had finished the first bottle of holy water Castiel brought and was working her way through a second. Dean thought privately that his hearing would never be the same, unless Alexa healed it. He felt sick and shaky inside. Listening to Alexa in pain had been bad, especially since there was nothing he could do to help her. _Not as bad as listening to Sam in the panic room, but pretty close._ The amount of pain she had to be enduring was staggering to him. He'd been tortured, he knew how bad it could get, and he knew what it felt like to not be able to stop yourself from screaming. He'd done plenty of it himself while he was in Hell. Alexa tried not to scream, more out of concern for him and Sam than for pride or anything so foolish. It killed him to know that she was potentially suffering even more to ease their minds and he tried a few times to tell her to just let it go, but she just told him to hush and tried to sleep. As he opened the car door and eased out, he looked through the window at Sam, cradling Alexa in his arms. Castiel had already popped out of the car and was standing beside it, peering up at the house. Sam looked... Dean stopped and really considered for a moment. He finally decided that Sam looked like he felt, sick and shaky. Watching another human being in pain and being able to do absolutely nothing to stop it? It sucked, especially when you had spent most of your life trying to protect people. He opened the door so that Sam could ease out of the car.

"Help me get her out of here, will you?" Sam pushed Alexa's sleeping form toward his brother.

"Yeah, no problem." Dean slid an arm under Alexa's shoulders as Sam started to slide out of the back seat. Awkwardly, the two managed to get both Sam and Alexa out of the car without waking the sleeping girl. Sam never fully relinquished his hold on her as he was exiting the car, and as soon as he could, he took her back from Dean.

"I'll carry her inside." He told Dean, heading for the door of Bobby's house.

"Okay, Sam. I'll get our stuff." Dean watched Sam walk carefully up the stairs, moving slowly, cradling Alexa. Memories of carrying Sam as a sleeping toddler into various motels flashed through his head. How many times had he cradled his baby brother in his arms, trying to get into the room with out waking him? Most nights, Sam woke up just as Dean went to put him in the bed. He hoped Alexa wouldn't do the same to Sam. The hope was short-lived. As the door to the house swung open and Bobby appeared, Alexa jerked awake, her head smacking against Sam's upper arm.

"Shh, it's okay, I've got you." Sam spoke softly to her when she looked around a bit wild-eyed.

She looked at Bobby in the doorway, said, "Hey Bobby, it's nice to see you," and passed out.

Bobby scowled. "Get her inside. Let's see if we can get this thing figured out."

* * *

Alexa woke up again as they put her into bed. She protested, telling them to just put her in the panic room.

"It's better. Just put me down there."

"No. Stop arguing, because it isn't going to happen." Sam was adamant. Dean avoided getting involved by going to the other bed and grabbing the blankets from it to spread over Alexa.

"But this is where you and Dean normally sleep. I'm going to the panic room." She started to struggle her way out from under the heavy covers.

"Dammit, Alexa. Lie down. Now! You aren't going down to the panic room to ride this out. I don't want you down there. I don't want to be down there. So please, just get under the covers so that we can figure out how to stop this poison from killing you." He was yelling, dragging his hands through his hair like he wanted to rip it out.

She gazed at him, wide-eyed, and crawled under the blankets and comforter. "Sorry, Sam. I wasn't thinking."

He ignored her for a moment, lacing his fingers together at the back of his head and closing his eyes.

"Sam." Dean said quietly. "Why don't you go downstairs for a while and see what Bobby has found out. Wait for Cas to come back with whatever he went to look for. I'll stay up here for now. You're better at research. Go on." He took his brother by the elbow and guided him to the door. Sam went numbly, just following Dean's orders.

Dean returned to the bedroom and pulled a chair up to the twin bed.

"How soon before you need another shot of holy water?" It was hard to tell when she was buried beneath a mound of blankets how badly she was shaking.

"I can wait," came the muffled response.

"Dammit, Alexa. Stop being such a friggin' martyr. How soon?" Dean didn't yell, but he was clearly exasperated, frustrated, worried.

Her breathing was raspy and congested sounding. "Dean, look at me. I want you to take Sam home. I'll get Castiel to take me somewhere until this is over. Just let me die. Please. I don't want to put you through this."

"Castiel left to find something to help. And you are nine kinds of crazy if you think that I could get Sam to leave you here. I'm surprised I got him to leave the room. Why do you have such a death wish, Alexa? Sam told me you've been trying to get yourself killed on a hunt, and after what I saw last night, I've got to agree with him. I mean, yes, thanks for saving my life, but stop trying to get yourself killed." He finished, and glared at her.

"Sorry."

"Stop apologizing and just don't do it anymore!"

"Dean?"

"What?"

She gasped out, "I think I need more water."

"Crap. Okay, here. I've got it." He grabbed a bottle of holy water from the top of the dresser and brought it to her.

"Thanks. You should go help Sam and Bobby. I promise I'll drink it."

"Nope."

After making a face at him, she reached for the bottle. Her hand was shaking so much Dean took it away, uncapping it and holding it to her lips. As soon as she had finished drinking, she turned on her stomach and buried her face in the pillow, holding it up to her face. It didn't do much to muffle the screaming, but it gave her something to cling to. She fell asleep almost as soon as the screaming stopped, exhausted. Dean went to the other bed and sat with his back against the wall, facing her, waiting.

* * *

In the den, Bobby heard the screaming start.

"Is that Alexa?" He asked Sam.

"She must have a pillow pressed against her face. It sounds muffled. Do you have the translation of this one, Bobby?" He held up an old book.

"Muffled. Are you telling me it's usually worse than that?"

Sam, in the process of checking a pile of books, said to Bobby, "Yeah. It's a lot worse." His voice shook, and he looked over at Bobby, eyes pleading. "Tell me you found something on this poison, or on the leanan sidhe. She's getting worse." Sam was making a visible effort to keep in control.

"I can't find much on the poison. It's obscure. Seems like it's exactly what it's named after, which is probably why it's so rare. Can't figure out why a sidhe would have it in the first place. Wait, Sam are you looking for information on the poison?"

"Yeah, of course."

"We need to be looking for information on the sidhe. Why did they have that knife? Split our efforts and figure this out."

"I'll take the sidhe." Sam said, moving to a different pile.

* * *

Dean came down about two hours later. Alexa had finished the bottle of holy water and needed more. He sent Sam up with it, volunteering to research for a while instead. Bobby sat at the table, books spread all around, going back and forth between the two volumes. Before he left, Sam pointed to a section he'd been translating. Dean sat where Sam had been and started trying to make sense of the old Gaelic text in front of him. After about an hour, his eyes were crossing and he had a headache starting at the base of his neck.

"Agh. This is why I usually make Sam do this." He griped. He flipped randomly through the pages of the book, looking at the artwork. One page in particular caught his interest.

"Bobby, come here a second. This looks like what we fought. The leeann fairy thingy. What does this say?" He pointed to the words next to the picture as the older hunter came to investigate.

"Where's that dictionary Sam was using?" Bobby muttered.

"Here." Dean shoved another volume at him.

Together they went back and forth between the two, piecing together the legend beneath the drawing. After about twenty minutes, Dean leaned back and said, "Sam is going to hate this."

* * *

He and Bobby brought the book up to Sam. Alexa was asleep again, but it was obvious from the shaking and trembling she would wake up soon. They stood in the doorway, and Sam turned to them hopefully.

"She's getting worse. The holy water isn't working as long. And look, those purple lines are spreading." He pushed back the sleeve of the sweatshirt to show the thorned lines now wrapped Alexa's arm and wrist.

"I think we found something. But you aren't going to like it." Dean told him.

"What? Why?"

Dean ignored his questions, instead asking his own. "Do you still have the dagger that the thing stabbed Alexa with?"

"Yeah. We've been making it a habit to collect any weapons and store them. It's wrapped in a box at the bottom of my duffel." Sam looked perplexed.

"Good. We're going to need it."

"What did you find?" Sam demanded.

"Here, son. See for yourself." Bobby placed the book and their translation of it on the empty bed. Sam sat down to read it.

"We can't do this. Dean, she isn't strong enough. If we do this, she could still die. Even if we get rid of all the poison, I don't think she's strong enough right now to heal herself. It could kill her." Sam looked desperately between the two other men, willing them to find another solution.

Dean spoke softly. "I don't think there's another way. We're running out of time. It's getting worse, and the longer we wait, the weaker she gets. I'll do it, Sam. You don't need to do this. I've got it. I'll go get the dagger." He left the room to go downstairs and retrieve the leanan sidhe dagger from Sam's duffel.

Sam sat on the bed next to Alexa's sleeping form.

"Wake up. Dean and Bobby found something, and I think we need to try it. I don't think we have time to look for another solution."

Alexa opened her eyes, but it was obviously an effort. She tried to talk but couldn't, her throat ripped too raw from screaming. Sam told her, "We need to use the dagger to draw the poison out of you. There's a chant in Latin that should reverse things, pull the poison back into the dagger."

She nodded her agreement. Sam paused and continued, "Alexa, we have to stab you with the dagger. The same place you got stabbed last night. Then say the Latin. Once that's done, you'll still have to heal yourself. Will you be able to do that?"

Alexa fought to keep her eyes open as she nodded at Sam again. He could hear rattling sounds coming from deep in her chest. Her head drifted to the side and a tremor ran through her. Dean came in with small cloth wrapped bundle. He handed it to Sam, who unwrapped the dagger.

"Where's the Latin phrase I need to say?" He asked.

Bobby shoved a piece of paper at him.

Sam gathered Alexa in his arms and whispered into her ear. Her hands fluttered as she tried to lift them to his arm. Dean saw her mouth the words, 'I love you' as Sam gazed at her, stroking her cheek. He kissed her gently on the lips and said, "It's going to be okay. I'm going to fix this." Sam pushed the covers away and pressed his fingers along the top of Alexa's collarbone until he found the scar. Keeping his fingers there, he said to Alexa, "Be ready. You have to heal yourself as soon as I do this. Just hold on."

Her eyelids fluttered. Sam said to Dean, "Help me keep her still. This is going to hurt her."

He waited for his brother to get a good grip. Then, eyes shining, Sam took a deep breath and plunged the dagger into the scar. Alexa bowed up in pain, only whimpers escaping her ravaged throat. In Latin, Sam chanted: _Ego dico tergum ut quod est mei_. He said it again as the blade hilt began to vibrate in his hand. He repeated it as the blade slowly grew cold, numbing his hand. Alexa's breathing had slowed to horrifying grating sounds that seemed to drag out of her. But the lines were retreating. Sam could see the ones wrapping her throat start to shrink and fade. The blade vibrated faster as Sam kept repeating the phrase. Alexa whimpered again, then stopped, frightening Sam even more. Slowly, he withdrew the blade from the wound, leaving just the tip resting against her. He watched as the last of the purple lines disappeared from parts he could see. A puddle that looked like purple ink pooled in the wound that the dagger had made and slowly sunk into the dagger. By the time it was gone, the dagger was like ice in his hand. He wrapped it in the cloth and handed it to Dean. Sam pulled down the edge of the sweatshirt to see the wound he'd made. It looked ordinary, with no lines around it. He shook Alexa's arm.

"Alexa, you have to heal yourself now. Come on. Wake up. The poison is gone. I will figure out how to make you pancakes if you heal yourself right now. C'mon, baby, please. Alexa!"

She moaned a little.

Sam watched as the puncture in her chest knitted itself closed. "That's it. Keep going. Dean, she's going to need food. A lot of it. Please." Dean was rushing out before Sam even finished speaking.

"No. No food. Just sleep." Alexa managed to croak.

"You should eat. Are you sure?"

"S'ok, Sammy. Promise. Sleep will be enough." She passed out. Sam watched the blue tinge fade from her lips. Dean came back in with two muffins, a banana, and a candy bar.

"Is she?" He asked.

"Sleeping." Sam said. "She can eat that when she wakes up."

"While we're waiting for that, Sam, I think you need to take a look at something else I found. It's about the Demon's Tears, and what it's normally used for." Bobby's face was solemn.

"In a little while, okay?" Sam asked, brushing Alexa's hair out of her face.

"Okay, son. It can wait for a little while."


	16. Revelations

_Well, I'm getting gushy at the lovely reviews you have sent me. Thank you so much! You make my day on a regular basis. So I'm not going to meet my goal of having this story done before the premiere tonight (ohboy!) but the end is nigh. Hope everyone has fun tonight seeing what Season 6 has in store.  
_

**Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Supernatural and the characters therein belong to the actors, writers, directors, producers, and technicians that bring it to life. Rated T, because there's a bit of cursing and violence in this go around.**

Alexa stayed asleep for two days. Sam was fine for the first few hours, but the longer she stayed asleep, the crankier he got. Since they knew it was anxiety, Bobby and Dean didn't take offense at his mood. When she'd been asleep for nearly twenty-four hours, they called Castiel. It was a brief visit.

"She will sleep for some time yet. Perhaps another day. It's necessary to complete the healing process. Don't worry." The angel told Sam.

"What about eating? Or after effects of the poison? Can't you just finish whatever healing she needs?" Sam was resting against the headboard of what was normally Dean's twin bed. Dean was sitting at the foot of the bed. Castiel, as usual, stood in the center of the room.

"She will need food when she wakes up, but it is fine for now. There should be no residual problems from the poison. Your method of removal was very effective."

"Can you heal her?" Dean asked Sam's question again.

"No. I regret that I cannot." Castiel gazed at Alexa's figure on the bed, then back at the two brothers.

"Is this a part of that damn deal again? No talking, no healing?" Sam asked, anger tinting his voice.

"No. It's not because of the deal. I simply cannot heal Alexa. To do so would most likely result in my being stripped of my Grace, or at the very least, cut off from Heaven again. I am sorry, Sam." With those words, he disappeared.

"He really is getting that whole 'drop a cryptic bombshell message and flee' thing down too damn well. Somebody needs to talk to him about that." Dean complained.

"You should get right on that." Sam answered.

Dean watched him for a moment, trying to come to a decision. Finally he said, "At least you know from Cas that she'll be okay. And that she should sleep for another day, more or less. So you have time to catch some sleep yourself, eat, shower. I can stay in here while you eat. I'll sleep downstairs on the couch tonight."

"Yeah, okay. Thanks, Dean." Sam continued to watch Alexa from his position by the headboard, not paying attention when Dean got up to leave the room. At the door, Dean turned back to his brother.

"Hey, did you talk to Bobby yet about that stuff he wanted to show you?"

"No. Not yet. He said it was something about the poison, right? The Demon's Tears?" Sam asked. "What did Bobby find out?"

"I'll stay up here when you want to talk to him about it."

"Dean, what did he find out?" Sam felt a heaviness settle in his stomach.

"Later, Sam. Sleep tonight, and worry about it tomorrow." With those words, Dean went downstairs.

"Now who's dropping cryptic bombshells and leaving?" Sam muttered. He decided he was too tired to deal with it now. He'd follow Dean's advice, get some sleep, and leave whatever it was until morning.

* * *

The second day of Alexa's slumbering recovery, Sam managed to eat, though Dean had to bring the food to him. Only Dean's insistence that Sam reeked got him out of the room and into the shower for a quick wash up. Bobby was waiting for him in the room when he returned from the bathroom. The elder hunter sat on the only chair in the room, studying Alexa's face, holding a few musty volumes on his lap.

"Hey, Bobby. Is she okay? Still sleeping?"

"She's fine, son. No change that I can tell."

Bobby fell into an awkward silence. Sam went and sat on the vacant bed, facing Bobby. He waited a moment for Bobby to speak.

Finally, when he didn't, Sam said, "You found something when you were researching? You mentioned it last night. Something about Demon's Tears."

After clearing his throat, Bobby said, "Yes. I found a reference to what it was originally created for, what it's supposed to do. I'm not sure how much of it fits here, but... I think you need to see it." Bobby got up and handed him the books he'd been holding. Without another word, he left the room. Sam picked up the first volume, opened it to the marked page, and started to read.

* * *

Alexa woke up early the next morning. She felt groggy, but warm. Looking across the room, she saw Sam sitting up in the other twin bed, back against the wall with a pad of paper in his lap, books all around him. He was sound asleep.

Her bladder reminded her pointedly of its existence, so she crept out of bed trying not to make any noise. She made it successfully to the bathroom. While washing her hands in the sink, she glanced at her reflection in the mirror.

"Holy hell, I look like crap." After a sniff, she added, "Ugh, and I stink. Shower, here I come." She went back to the bedroom, scouting around for her bag, which was on the floor under the bed. Still moving quietly so she wouldn't wake Sam, she gathered what she needed and returned to the bathroom.

For a while in the shower, she stood under the warm stream, just letting the water wash over her. Her fingertips moved across her collarbone, where she'd been stabbed. It was smooth and even to the touch. Realizing the water would probably get cold soon, she started shampooing her hair. She'd just rinsed the conditioner out and was reaching for her face wash when she heard the bathroom door open.

From the other side of the shower curtain, Sam asked, "Alexa, are you okay in there?"

"I'm fine. Get out of the bathroom while I'm in the shower. Please."

"Last time you took a shower I found you sitting on the floor of the tub in soaking wet clothes freezing to death. I wanted to make sure this wasn't a repeat."

Alexa pulled back the shower curtain enough that Sam could see her face. "It isn't. I just wanted to get clean. I'm okay, see?" She pulled the curtain aside a little more and showed him her collarbone. "Nothing there."

He stared at her collarbone numbly until she waved a hand in his face.

"Earth to Sam. Hello? Anyone home?"

Sam lifted his eyes to meet her gaze, and she knew. He'd finally fit some of the puzzle pieces together. He had at least some small idea of what she was. A chill ran over her, nothing at all like her recent struggles with the poison.

"Sam. Please?"

"You need to eat. I'll go get you some food." He turned and left the bathroom without another word.

Alexa finished her shower quickly and got dressed. She left her hair wet and went to find Sam. When he wasn't in the bedroom, she went downstairs. Dean was sleeping on the couch. Sam was in the kitchen. A bowl of cereal was on the table, a glass of juice, and two donuts. He was sitting across the table from the bowl, waiting. Carefully, she sat, watching his face.

"Sam?"

"Eat, Alexa. You've been asleep for two days. You need to eat."

"Two days?" Her eyes widened and she obediently picked up the spoon.

He nodded. The faraway look entered his eyes again and he stared at his hands, resting on top of the table in front of him.

Dutifully, she ate the bowl of cereal and drank the juice. After a few bites of the first donut, she set it aside and reached across the table to touch his hand. He pulled away before she made contact, then got up.

"Why don't we talk outside so we don't wake up Dean?" He left without waiting for an answer, going out to the salvage yard. Alexa followed him, feeling like she wanted to throw up. He walked deep into the yard, until they were surrounded by piles of cars. Seemingly at random, he stopped and just paced back and forth, dragging a hand through his hair. Alexa waited, afraid to say anything. Finally, her rounded on her.

"What are you?" He demanded.

"I... can't answer that. You have to tell me." Her arms were extended at her sides, palm outward. She took a step away from the anger on his face.

"Do you know what Demon's Tears is used for? The only thing it's meant for?" He was shouting, pacing again.

Biting her lip, she shook her head no.

"It's used to torture angels. That's it. The only purpose it has it to create unimaginable pain in angels. Like it did to you. But you aren't an angel, are you?"

She shook her head, not trusting herself to speak.

"That's why the poison almost killed you. And yet it caused you the same kind of pain that it would cause an angel. So that means something in you reacted to it. Are you a Nephilim?" He asked, referring to the half human-half angel hybrids. He looked angry, and hurt, and a little out of control.

Alexa swallowed past the lump growing in her throat. "No, Sam. I'm not a Nephilim."

His jaw clenched and he let out a frustrated groan. Pressing a fist against his lips, he spun and looked out at the rows of cars, thinking. Alexa stayed silent, watching him reason it out, a few tears slipping down her face. She swiped them away when he turned back.

"But some part of you is angelic. It's the only reason you would have reacted that way to the Demon's Tears. So not Nephilim. But one parent was – an angel? The other was something else."

Alexa closed her eyes as she nodded yes. She said, "My mother was in a human vessel, but she was an angel, cut off from Heaven."

"Your father wasn't human." Sam's hard voice didn't make it a question.

"He wasn't."

"He was in a vessel, like your mother."

"Yes." Her eyes were still shut.

"They were both angels in human vessels? Both of your parents?"

Miserably, she answered, "Technically." She couldn't help it, she opened her eyes to see the moment when he thought it through.

His face pinched, pained and confused. Then there was betrayal and anger. He took a step toward her, fists clenched, then stopped.

"No." He said it firmly. "You aren't. You can't be."

Softly she said to him, "You have to say it out loud, Sam."

"Your mother was an angel in a human vessel. Your father was an angel in a human vessel." He set his jaw and glared at her. Then he tilted his head to the side a bit and cracked his neck. Alexa waited, feeling everything spinning away. It was hard to breathe with him looking at her like he wished he'd brought a gun out to the salvage yard with him.

Finally he finished it. "Your father was an angel. A fallen angel, in a human vessel. He was a demon. You're half angel-half demon, in a human body. You're a monster."

Alexa blinked and the tears slipped down her face. "Yes. I am." She told him.

Wordlessly, Sam whirled and punched the hood of the car behind him. He drew back his fist, knuckles bloody, and punched it a second time, even harder.

"Sam!" She cried out.

Without even a glance in her direction, he walked away through the maze of the salvage yard back to the house.

* * *

Dean came out to the yard a few hours later. He found her sitting cross-legged on the hood of the car Sam had punched.

"How's his hand?" She asked. It was obvious she'd been crying, but she wasn't now.

"Broken."

She winced. "Is Cas around to fix it?"

"No. He hasn't been here since yesterday. Sam asked him to heal you and Cas said that he'd be cut off from Heaven again if he ever did anything like that. Guess we know why now."

"Yeah. Healing monsters is frowned upon." She sighed, and closed her eyes.

"What are you doing?" Dean asked.

"Trying to heal him from here. Lately I've been able to heal all of you without touching you. I haven't tried it from this far though, it's usually only a few feet. I figure I should at least try before, well, before I go, I guess." She shrugged.

"Healing from a distance? And what do you mean 'before you go'? Where the hell are you going?"

Alexa looked confused. "Wait. Aren't you here to... I figured Sam asked you to come out here and shoot me. You're hunters. I'm a monster."

"Sam didn't ask me to kill you." Dean looked both shocked and pissed at the suggestion.

"I can't just leave. If I leave, the terms of the deal are broken and Sam goes back to Hell. You have to shoot me. I know he hates me right now, Dean. And you probably do too, with good reason. But you can't let that override common sense. Please. Get the Colt and shoot me."

"You think I need the Colt?" He asked.

"Honestly, I have no idea. Better safe than sorry."

"Jesus, Alexa! When did this get so screwed up? Why?" Dean looked at her questioningly, rather than angrily.

"Which why do you want an answer to?" She responded.

"Why did they make you a part of this deal? Why can't we get away from this crap in our lives? Why are you so calm about the idea of me shooting you? Why are you what you are? And why the hell did you have to make me like you so damn much, then turn around and let me find out that I should have shot you as soon as I laid eyes on you?" He was finally shouting, venting his anger and frustration at her.

"I'm so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. It was the visions. I kept seeing you both and watching you struggle. And then Sam went to Hell" her mouth twisted on the word and she started crying, "and you were hurting so much. I had to do something! I couldn't save my family, but I thought there was a chance I might be able to save yours."

Dean stared at her in shock. "What did you do, Alexa?"

"I can't tell you!" She screamed it at him.

From behind him, Dean heard Sam's voice, flat and cold. "She made the deal."

Everything just stopped.

None of them moved. None of them even breathed. It was seconds, but when Dean looked over his shoulder at his brother, it felt like years.

He asked, "She did what?"

Sam repeated, "She made the deal." He stepped past Dean and approached the car where Alexa was sitting. "Didn't you?" He asked her.

"Why are you out here?" She said instead of answering him.

"Because my hand got healed and I thought you had something to do with it. I came out to yell at you about that. But come to find out I should be yelling at you about something else entirely!" He shouted at her and pressed both hands to the fender of the car.

She whispered, "I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you."

Shaking with either rage or fear, Sam shouted, "God, you did, didn't you? You made the deal that got me out of Hell. What did you give them, Alexa? What could you possibly have given them?" Sam grabbed her by the arm and yanked her across the roof of the car. She yelped as he thrust her back against the hood, one hand wrapped around her throat. He screamed in her face, "What did you give them? You're a demon! You had to give them something. How much did you sell me out for? How much!" He lifted her by the neck and slammed her head down on the car. She wasn't even trying to fight him.

Dean grabbed his arm, pulling him away from Alexa. "Sam, stop!"

Alexa slid off the car and fell to her knees in the dirt, coughing.

Sam crouched beside her. "How much, Alexa?"

"I didn't. I wouldn't do that to you, Sam. It was all about making you and your family safe. I swear." She pleaded with him, trying to make him understand.

Dean was standing behind Sam, looking into Alexa's eyes when the last puzzle piece finally fit. He knew, because he'd done the same thing himself once upon a time. For many of the same reasons.

"Sam." He put his hand on his brother's shoulder.

"What?" Sam didn't even glance his way, still glaring at Alexa.

"She didn't give you up. She didn't betray you."

This time Sam looked up at him. "Huh?" In front of him, Alexa sat in the dirt and leaned back against the wheel of the car, resting her head on the fender, pulling her knees up. A circle of bruises was forming around her neck.

Dean's voice was quiet, but it rang clearly in the eerily silent salvage yard. "The deal was her for you. She traded herself for you. Alexa's going to take your place in the Pit when the year is up."

"What? No. That can't be right." Sam fell out of his crouch, landing hard in the dirt. "Tell me that isn't what you did." When she said nothing he repeated it, louder.

"Tell me that isn't what you did."

"I'm not going to start lying to you now, Sam."

"They let me out, they agreed to leave Dean and everybody else alone because you agreed to take my place?"

"Yes."

"Why? Why would you do that?" Sam shook his head at her, forehead creased in confusion and pain.

"You didn't belong there. You already paid the price for the mistakes you made. All those years ago, I couldn't save my family, but I could save yours. And besides, I'm tired. Of being alone, of being a monster. I was tired of them hunting me, and constantly running. They hate me so much. My parents reminded them that at one point they were all on the same side. I remind them of that, so they've been trying to kill me since the first time I met one of them. I just wanted it to be over. My whole life I knew that someday either an angel or a demon was going to catch up to me, and kill me. At least this way, I get to choose how I die. It will mean something. I made sure something good will come out it. Maybe it will make up for the fact that I never should have been born."

"Alexa." Sam said.

"I'm so sorry. I never intended for you to know. I thought, when I made the deal, they'd prove that they let you out, and I'd go straight to the Pit. It was their idea to give me a year, and force you to spend it with me. I never wanted to hurt you."

Dean asked, "How did you get the angels to agree?"

"They get a piece too. After the basement gets in their licks, the boys in the attic get their shot." Alexa rested her forehead against her knees. "I'm sorry. I wish I could make you believe that I never meant to hurt you."

Sam looked at her with pain-filled eyes. "I think I do. I need to think." He got up out of the dirt and walked toward the house. Dean was left behind, staring down at Alexa. He crouched in front of her as Sam had done and rested his hand on the back of her head. Tears suddenly filled his eyes.

"Thank you." He choked out. She raised her head and looked at him, not understanding. His face tight with sorrow, he said, "Thank you for giving him back to me."

Comprehension lit her face. "You're welcome." She smiled, tears falling at the same time. "I would do almost anything, Dean. I just wish..." She put her head back down on her knees.

"I know." He shifted and sat beside her. "I know."


	17. Leave Out All the Rest

_Sorry this didn't get posted sooner! Life kind of happened this weekend and got in the way of working on this. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Things are getting interesting (at least I hope so!). Love the feedback. Thanks so much to everyone who take the time to review, or even to simply read this. _

**Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Supernatural and the characters therein belong to the actors, writers, directors, producers, and technicians that bring it to life. Rated T, because there's a bit of cursing and numerous descriptions of violence.**

After about an hour, Dean got up. "C'mon. We'll go back to the house. Maybe try Cas again. See where things stand."

"He hates me. Understandably, even rightly so. That's where things stand."

"Stop with that, alright? I'm know I'm still working this through in my head; I can't even imagine what he's doing in that gargantuan brain of his. Tell me about this stuff."

Alexa left her head tilted back against the car fender. "What else is there to know?"

"Plenty. Let's start with the fact you're half and half. So why aren't you stronger? Why aren't you the freakiest thing we've ever seen? I mean that Jesse kid was half human-half demon and the angels were worried about him wiping them out with a thought."

"Both of my parents were cut off from Heaven. My father had been stripped of his Grace. They'd been living in human vessels for centuries when my brothers and I were born. I always thought that had something to do with it."

Dean let out an exclamation. "Gah! This is nuts. How can you be – what you are? What do they even call what you are?"

"I never found a word for it. The angels call me the Abomination." She stood and absently brushed the dirt from the seat of her jeans. "The demons call me the same thing."

"Ain't that sweet of them?"

She scoffed. "Yeah, ain't it just."

Dean said, "Let's go to the house."

Silent, she walked past him. When they got to Bobby's house, she stopped by the Impala. "Could you ask Bobby if he'd come out here for a second?"

"Why?"

"I need to ask him something."

Dean returned with Bobby a moment later.

"What do you need?" The older hunter asked her.

She smiled bitterly. "Thank you. I know I don't deserve anything, but thank you. I'd like to borrow a car for a little while, if that's okay."

Suspicious, Dean asked, "What are you going to do?"

"Drive for a while. Maybe get a drink. Just breathe. I promise I'll be here when it's time to go to Indiana in the morning. Although maybe getting Cas to bring me home is a good idea – you and Sam could drive by yourselves. I don't know what I'm going to do." She stopped and met Dean's gaze. "I promise I won't do what I want to do. I just need to be – not here – for a while."

Bobby pointed to a rusted out old Firebird. "Keys are in the visor. Drives better than it looks."

"Thank you." Alexa nodded and went to the car. She got in and flipped the visor down, catching the keys as they fell. The engine rumbled and she drove away.

* * *

Before she was even out of sight, Dean was flipping open his phone.

"Answer, dammit. Answer." There was a voice on the other end of the call and Dean said, "Cas. You need to get here, now. The cat's out of the bag. We're still at Bobby's."

Even as he hung up, Castiel appeared beside him. "Why did you place a cat in a bag? Or is this another of those phrases you use which means something else?"

"The second one. Sam figured out what Alexa is. I figured out she's the one who made the deal. Why didn't you tell us?"

"The same reason Alexa could not. That first night, she told me many of the details of the deal, and of her life. But I could not share that information with you."

Dean didn't answer. He stood on the front porch of Bobby's house, thinking. Bobby went to the door and went inside, calling over his shoulder, "There's no need to stand around and catch flies all day. Come inside and we'll see where we stand on this."

Castiel followed him. Dean muttered, "Our lives are so screwed up," as he entered the house behind them and shut the door.

* * *

Bobby was sitting at the dining room table with Castiel. Dean had gone upstairs for Sam. They came in and sat down. Sam nodded his head in greeting at Castiel.

"Where's Alexa?" he said.

"She went for a drive." Bobby answered.

Sam's shoulders tensed. Dean thought he might know why and said, "She promised to be back by morning." When his brother remained tense, he added, "She also promised not to do what she really wanted to do. I'm guessing you know what that means."

The tension eased a little. Sam slumped at the table, burying his face in his folded arms. They heard a muffled, "This is so messed up," from inside the cover of his arms.

"My thoughts exactly," Dean told him.

Bobby started the questions. "Castiel, why don't the normal demon deterrents affect her? A normal demon can't set foot in this house without a whole raft of trouble."

"Alexa isn't a demon. No more than she is an angel."

Sam's head came up. "But she said her father was a fallen angel in a human vessel. He was a demon. That means she's a demon."

Castiel's forehead wrinkled. "Her father was not a demon. Demons are humans who have been tortured and punished until they are transformed. You know this. That is not what happened to her father, and Alexa's time being tortured did not change her. Therefore, she's not a demon. I'm not even sure she could ever be, because of her mother."

"What do you mean, her time being tortured?" Sam's voice was hushed.

"She didn't tell you?"

"I – I didn't give her much chance to talk. When I figured out what she was, and that she'd been the one to get me out... I accused her of selling me out. Cas, I attacked her."

"Is she injured?"

Sam looked ashamed. "Probably. I treated her like I'd treat any other demon. I mean, it's happening again, exactly what I was worried about, except that it's worse, because at least with Ruby I never really cared. I trusted her, and God help me, at the time I needed the demon blood she gave me, but I never cared about her. For a second there, after I figured it out and Alexa told me I was right... I didn't think I had that rage in me any more. Hoped I didn't. But it's still there. Guess I haven't changed all that much."

"Ease up on yourself, Sam." Dean told him.

"Would you? If Lisa told you she was really something that we would normally hunt and you went after her like I went after Alexa, would you ease up on yourself? Think about it, Dean. If we lived normal lives, what I did would be domestic abuse, or assault and battery. I'd be going to jail right now!"

"You're right, and I'm not excusing what you did. 'Cause yeah, it sucked and you were a little... we'll call it intense. But if we had normal lives, this wouldn't have happened in the first place. We don't have normal lives. And I don't think we ever will. You need to figure out what you're going to do about it from here. The deal is another four months with her. If you can't handle that, come back to Lisa's with me, and I'll just go see Alexa every day."

"And at the end of the four months she dies? I can't let that happen, Dean. How can I let _another_ person go to Hell for me? Everybody keeps trying to protect me, to save me from death or Hell. Maybe I'm supposed to be there! I mean, the angels were so damn sure I'd say yes to Lucifer, and what do you know? Turns out they were right!"

"Stop it. Right now. Yeah, you said yes to Lucifer. Not for the reasons those dicks – sorry, Cas – thought you would. You said yes to lock him back in the box. Dammit, Sammy! You fell into that hole and I couldn't stop it, and I couldn't save you, and those friggin' angels WERE NOT RIGHT!" Dean was practically roaring by the end of his tirade.

Bobby got up from the table and got a bottle of whiskey from the cabinet. He gathered four glasses with his other hand and carried them back to the table, placing one in front of each of them. Shots were poured into each glasses. Bobby hesitated, then made Sam's a double. Sam eyed it for a moment, then said, "Thanks," and downed it. He took the bottle from Bobby and poured another, downing it as quickly. Dean took the bottle away.

"Okay, that's enough of that," he said.

Sam grimaced at him then asked Castiel, "Can you tell me about what happened to her?"

"I believe if you want that information, you should ask Alexa yourself."

"Fine, okay. But you said she was tortured."

"Yes. By demons."

"And?"

"Ask her yourself."

"Cas, I don't know what I'm going to do here. She's half angel-half demon. I'm having a little trouble reconciling this in my head. I've spent my life hunting demons, and screwed up royally because I trusted one. I don't want to repeat the same mistakes."

"Alexa's father was not a demon, Sam." Castiel insisted again.

Dean interjected, "He was a fallen angel, right?" Castiel nodded, and Dean continued, "So he lost his angel mojo and became a demon. But then he lived on earth in a human vessel with a wife and kids? That doesn't make any sense."

"Not all angels who fell actually became demons. They are claimed by demonkind, but they are not the same. Some merely live as humans, cut off from Heaven and cast out. There are still a few who cannot return to Heaven, but who have never stepped foot in Hell. I was cut off from Heaven because I chose to side with the two of you. I was considered fallen because of that choice. Would you think any less of Alexa if I were her father?"

Sam's mouth snapped shut on whatever he had been about to say. Dean grabbed his whiskey and downed it. Because it needed to be asked, just in case, Bobby did.

"You aren't her father, are you?"

Castiel shook his head no. "Her father was Aaron. He died many years ago."

Remembering what Alexa had told Ben about her family, Sam asked, "Castiel, what killed Alexa's family?"

The angel actually looked sad. "We did. Angels did. Only because we found her family before the demons found them."

Dean asked, "If her father wasn't technically a demon, why are their panties all in a bunch over her being alive? Angels hating her, I get. Them, I'm not seeing so much."

"Alexa is a constant living example of the biggest war Heaven had ever seen to that point. She is both sides. Add the fact that she is human as well, the thing that started the entire problem, for some at least, and you begin to understand."

Bobby said, "For any angel or demon that meets her, it's like looking into the face of your biggest mistake."

"Yes. As she said once before, they hate her for what she reminds them of." Castiel took his shot of whiskey and downed it, surprising them.

Sam asked him, "Do you hate her? Would you trust her?"

The angel looked Sam in the eyes. "The time I spent with the two of you has shown me that humans sometimes far exceed what we think them capable of. As angels, we often expect the worst of you, but you can commit amazing acts of bravery and sacrifice. I would suggest considering everything that Alexa has done during her time with you. It is my belief she is acting with sincerity. Nor should she be punished for the accident of her birth. I'm sorry, but I have duties I must attend to." There was a rustle and Castiel was gone.

* * *

It was around 3am. Bobby got up from the couch, leaving the dozing brothers behind. Sam lifted his head, but Bobby told him, "Getting some water from the kitchen." He nodded wearily and closed his eyes again. Bobby was in the kitchen when there was a soft tap on the door. He peered out and saw Alexa on the porch. Cautiously, he opened the door.

"Why didn't you come to the front door?" He asked.

"I wanted to make sure it was okay to come in. I'll sleep in the car if you don't want me in your house, Bobby. Are they asleep?" She was whispering.

"Not really." Bobby answered. "They're in the other room, waiting for you. Get your ass in here."

She hesitated, then asked, "Is there a way to get to the panic room from here? Without them seeing?"

"Yeah."

"Would you be willing to bring me down there and lock me in? Without telling them. I can't face them right now, and I didn't think you'd feel safe with me not locked up."

"That isn't necessary. You should speak to them, Alexa. There are things they need to ask you about and things you need to hear from them." Bobby gave her his best surrogate father look.

"I know I'm being a coward. But I can't tonight. I want to try and get a couple hours of sleep before the drive back to Indiana tomorrow. Or before I see them and try to get Cas to return me home."

"The panic room is a little extreme for a few hours of sleep. And these boys are going to want to know that you're here, safe."

Alexa frowned, obviously not believing his last statement. She said, "How about a compromise? Take me to the panic room and lock me in. Then let Sam and Dean know I'm here. Tell them I said not to let me out until it's time to leave in the morning, and to get some sleep themselves. Will that work?"

Bobby grunted. "You're just as stubborn as they are. Fine. Let's go."

He brought Alexa to the basement. She stepped inside the panic room and waited for him to lock the door. Bobby looked disapproving, but he shut the door anyway. She heard him say, "Damned idjit," as the door closed and locked.

* * *

Alexa never really got to sleep, but she rested on the cot, staring up at the fan overhead, filtering air through the devil's trap. Sometime around 8am, the metal gears on the door groaned and clanked. The door swung open and Sam stepped through. He looked around the room, grimacing in distaste.

"Not my favorite place."

She didn't answer, seeming to wait for some signal.

"You didn't need to sleep down here."

"Yes, I did." She got up and pushed past him without another word. She jogged up the basement stairs, then continued up to the second floor to the room Sam and Dean usually shared. After taking her bag from beneath the bed, she went into the bathroom. A few minutes later she came out in clean clothes, with brushed teeth and combed hair. She hoisted her bag on her shoulder, went downstairs and out the front door to stand by the Impala.

When Dean came out, she told him, "I don't have a way to reach Cas other than praying, and I'm not sure that would even work. If you want him to give me a ride home, you need to call him. Or maybe Bobby will loan me the Firebird again."

"Alexa, get in the car. Sam will be out in a minute. He's getting a few books from Bobby."

She opened the door and tossed her bag inside, following behind it. Dean put his own bag in the trunk and left it open for Sam. He got in the car and they sat waiting for Sam.

There was a soft thud, and the trunk closed. Sam came around to passenger side of the car and got in. He turned around to face Alexa, but she was looking out the window, away from him. When he looked at Dean, his brother shrugged, then started the car and pulled away.

"It's a pretty good drive, Alexa. We've got time to talk." Dean said to her.

"What do you need to know?"

Sam said, "About your parents. Your family. Cas mentioned that you were tortured. Why don't we start with that? Or about the deal, Alexa. We could talk about the deal that sends you to Hell in my place. Which would you like to start with?" Sam twisted in the seat so he could watch her.

"Honestly, none of the above."

"That isn't one of the choices." Sam told her angrily.

"I figured it wouldn't be. It doesn't matter, Sam. Ask whatever you want. I'll tell you whatever I can."

"Castiel said your family was murdered by the angels. What were your parents names? What happened?"

"Their names were Aaron and Zoe. They took the names of their vessels. All my life, they taught my brothers and me how to protect ourselves. They trained us to fight, to read Enochian, how to activate sigils, make demon traps. One day, when I was seven, the angels found us. I was out in the barn with my mother. My father had taken Tris and Bastian with him. They were fourteen and ten. I was up in the loft, my mother was down below. I looked out the window and saw three strangers at the house. I told my mother and she made me hide."

Alexa sighed deeply and closed her eyes, leaning her head against the seat. She continued, face tilted toward the ceiling of the car.

"They knew her. Told her she had to come home. Told her they were going to kill my father. She told them she wouldn't let that happen, but there were three of them. And they were a lot stronger than she was, especially after so long in a human vessel. She was fighting them when my father and brothers came back."

She angled her head down away from the ceiling to look at Sam. "When they saw my brothers all hell broke loose. They screamed at my mother 'how could you create such an abomination? They can't be allowed to live.' The three of them attacked my father together and killed him. It was literally over in a second. He never had a chance. My mother grabbed Sebastian and ran for the door. She yelled at Tristan to come with her, but he wanted to help my father. One of them grabbed my mother and Sebastian tried to protect her. So the angel holding my mother let her go, reached out to Sebastian and broke his neck. Just like that, he was dead too."

The memories came back and she could see it all in her head. The life in Sebastian's eyes dying. Her mother screaming, Tristan yelling in rage and attacking the angel who killed Sebastian.

"What happened next?" Sam asked, more to break her out of her trance than to actual hear the rest of the story. He wasn't so sure anymore he wanted to hear the rest.

"Tristan attacked the angel who killed our brother. He wasn't strong enough. The angel had a sword, Tristan had a pitchfork. He stabbed Tris in the gut and told the other two to let him die slowly. They were holding onto my mother. I screamed and jumped out of the hay loft. I scrambled over to Tristan to try and heal him. He was bleeding and groaning. I was terrified. I'd never seen so much blood before. My mother screamed for me to run, but all I could think of was helping my brother. But I wasn't strong enough then. He died. I felt him die."

Alexa covered her eyes with her right hand and took a few deep breaths. "After that," she continued, "everything happened fast. The one who killed my brothers picked me up. I managed to slap him and he let me go. I think he was disgusted because I got Tristan's blood on his face. My mother signaled to me to activate the sigil we had painted on the floor of the barn. I scrambled over and put my hands, covered in my brother's blood, down on the sigil. It was like the whole world melted. When I woke up, the angels were dead. So was my mother. The sigil killed her too. I was horrified. I killed my own mother."

Alexa stopped for a minute, biting at her lower lip. She continued, "Our parents never told us that would happen. But I followed the plan. I went to a neighbor's house and stayed there for a few days until 'a relative' showed up. It was a hunter my mother had helped once. He had agreed ahead of time to take care of my brothers and me if anything every happened."

Dean asked, "How long did you stay with him?"

"Six years."

"Why not longer?"

"Because when I was thirteen years old demons found us. They killed him, and his family, but kept me alive."

"They're the ones who tortured you." Sam wasn't really asking, but he looked for confirmation anyway.

"Yep. They liked the fact that I could heal what they did, as long as they were careful. They decided to keep me around for a while, for fun."

"How did you get away?" Dean said.

"They weren't real good at keeping their mouths shut. Some angels heard the demons had found me, and came to make sure I was dead. There was a fight. I took advantage of the distraction and got away. I found out that something about me makes it so they can't find me. As long as I was careful, I stayed off their radar. I just had to make sure I killed any demons I came across so they couldn't say they'd seen me. Started moving around a lot. Stayed away from people. They're less likely to get killed that way. At least until now."

Sam was facing the front window of the car, looking away from Alexa. He shook his head slowly, and couldn't seem to find any words to say. Dean didn't have the same problem.

"Damn. I thought our childhood was rough. No offense, but your early childhood sucked."

Alexa surprised him by chuckling a little. "Yeah, it kinda did. But yours was no walk in the park either. All a matter of perspective, I guess. There's enough suckage to go around."

"I suppose there is." Dean responded.

Sam finally found something to say. "Alexa, why did you make the deal?"

"I told you. I kept seeing you both in visions, what was happening to you. My family died. But there was a chance I could fix yours. I chose to take that chance."

"You didn't even know us then. It doesn't make sense." He seemed genuinely confused.

"How is it any different than what you do when you hunt? You risk your life for people you don't know, who will most likely never know that you helped them. Because you see a chance to make things safer. It's no different, really."

"You aren't risking your life here. You're condemning yourself to die. There is a difference."

"I was always going to die. Eventually, one of them would find me and it would be all over. I'm just letting the inevitable happen on my terms. At least this way, I get something out of it. As long as they keep to the deal, you should all be safe. Be careful in 10 years though. Just in case."

Dean asked, "What happens then?"

"Ownership switches sides. I wouldn't put it past the demons to try and find a loophole at that point. Just be aware."

Dean nodded, but Sam looked sick. "10 years? They're going to torture you for 10 years. That's over a thousand years down there!"

"I know, Sam."

"No. No way. We are finding you a way out of this deal. I am not going to let this happen again. Nobody else is going to Hell because of me."

"Sam, look at me." Alexa spoke firmly, commandingly. When he was facing her, she said, "I will not let you break this deal. You are not going back to Hell. End of story. No matter what you think of me now, I am sticking to this. I am sorry. Sorry about all of this. Sorry about being forced into your lives and that knowing me is making things worse. But I am not sorry I made this deal, because it will keep you safe. And that's the only thing that matters."

"I want you to be safe too." He told her.

"Oh, Sam." She looked defeated and unhappy. "Just hate me. This will all be so much easier if you just hate me." She shook her head at him sadly.

His mouth twisted a little as he looked at her. "I can't. I can't hate you. It's too late for that." He shifted so that he was looking out the passenger side window. Grassy fields rolled past as the Impala sped toward Cicero.

Dean glanced in the rearview mirror at Alexa. She had her head against the seat cushion and was watching Sam. He choose to let them sit in silence, thinking hard instead about what he could do to fix this mess. They stopped for gas. No one had any appetite. They were about an hour outside Cicero when there was a familiar rustle of air. Dean glanced again in the rear view, expecting to see Cas. It wasn't him. Alexa gasped out, "Ahadriel," before the angel in the back seat placed his hand around her neck and over her mouth, pulling her tight against his chest. Sam turned at the sound and immediately pulled out the Colt. He leveled it between the angel's eyes.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded.

"I came to discuss a family matter with Alexa." He looked at the two in the front seat with scorn. "So you're the famous Winchesters. Hmph. Can't see what all the fuss is about, really."

"No? Well, maybe I can enlighten you." Sam cocked the hammer of the Colt.

"Careful, boy. I'll snap her neck before you can pull the trigger."

"You won't kill her. That would break the conditions of the deal. But I will shoot you if you don't get your hands off of her." The gun held steady. Dean had slowed down and was pulling over to the shoulder of the road.

The angel smiled. "Perhaps. Would be a shame to waste a bullet though. That gun won't work on me. Don't worry. I'll have her back in time to keep to the deal. There's a lot we can talk about in twenty-three hours and fifty-nine minutes." Alexa's eyes widened and she had just enough time to scream "No!" from behind the angel's hand before they both disappeared. Sam yelled, "Alexa!" then cursed, looking wildly around.

"Call Castiel! We've got to find her." He got out of the car before Dean had even fully stopped. Dean flipped open his phone as he put the car in park. Sam put the Colt away and started pacing.

"Cas. Some angel just took Alexa." He spoke rapidly into the phone.

Castiel appeared outside the car next to Sam, who grabbed him by the trench coat. Dean jumped out of the car and ran around to the side.

"Where is she? Where did he take her?"

"Who took her? What did the angel look like?" Castiel asked. Sam winced as Castiel put pressure on his hands and then easily peeled them off his trench coat.

"She said something like 'hat trail' before he got her." Dean told him.

"Ahadriel. She said the name Ahadriel." Sam corrected.

Castiel looked worried. "He's an enforcer. He was in the same battalion as Alexa's parents." He told them. "What – exactly – did he say? This is very important."

Sam told him, "He said he'd have her back in time for the deal. That they had a lot to talk about in twenty-three hours and fifty-nine minutes. What does that even mean?"

"He won't kill her. But I don't think he'll return her until he absolutely has to."

"And she has to see us at least once every twenty-four hours or the deal is broken. But if he's the one to break it, then what? Sam stays out, Alexa doesn't go to Hell?" Dean asked.

"In theory, that might be possible."

"Never mind that right now, Cas. Where did he take her?" Sam asked urgently.

"I don't know. I have no way of locating him. You should drive back to Indiana. I will try to gather more information. I'll let you know what I discover." He disappeared without another word.

"Cas!" Sam yelled. "What now, Dean? Two days ago she was nearly dead from Demon's Tears. Yesterday, I wanted to kill her because I thought she betrayed me. What the hell are the angels going to do to her today?"

"You heard Cas. They aren't going to kill her. We've got to get back and wait for him to bring us something. At the very least, she'll be back in twenty-four hours."

"You hope." Sam said.

"Yeah. I hope."

They finished the drive. Sam went with Dean to Lisa's, but when Cas returned the next morning with no other information, he got Dean to drive him to Alexa's. He spent the day pacing and hacking at trees in the backyard with an axe, trying to get rid of the helplessness he felt. Mostly he screamed at the sky, shouting insults at Ahadriel, asking God for help. By the time evening fell, he ached everywhere, he was covered in sweat, and his voice was rough. Dean came just before the twenty-four hour time period elapsed. When it had been precisely twenty-three hours and fifty-nine minutes, they both heard a crash from the front of the house. Running outside, they found Alexa on the crumpled hood of Sam's car. It looked like she'd fallen on it from a building a few stories up. She was unconscious, and her back was covered in blood.

Sam rushed to her and tried to pick her up. She screamed in pain as soon as he touched her back, but didn't regain consciousness. "What did they do? God, Dean, what did they do to her?"

"Let's get her inside, Sam. We'll take care of her. Come on, inside. Careful now."

Together, they managed to carry her inside, opting to put her in the downstairs bedroom rather than risk carrying her upstairs. They put her on her stomach. Sam left the room to get emergency supplies. Dean tried Castiel again.

"Meet me at the front door." The angel told him.

Confused, Dean went to the door and opened it. Castiel stood there expectantly.

"What are you doing? Come inside." Dean held the door open.

"I can't. There are sigils over every entrance to the house."

Sam, in the kitchen where the first aid supplies were, came to the door. He took his sleeve and scrubbed briefly in the top right corner of the window.

"She said once if that one got erased you'd be able to come in." He didn't wait to see if it worked, just went back to the bedroom with the supplies, knowing Dean would figure it out if Castiel still couldn't get in.

Dean said, "So did it work?"

"Yes. I think so." Cautiously, the angel stepped over the threshold. Nothing happened. "Where is she?" He asked.

Dean just crossed the main room and went to the bedroom. Sam was in the process of cutting Alexa's shirt off and peeling it away from a dozen bloody wounds spread across her back. He looked up when they entered.

"Tell me you can heal this, Cas." His voice was low and threatening.

"No, Sam. I cannot."

"That's bull, Cas! Just because of what her parents were? You said it yourself, she can't be blamed for that. An angel did this to her!" Sam was wild-eyed and raging.

"That is precisely why I cannot heal her. Ahadriel made it so that I cannot. No angel could. He wanted these wounds to leave scars."

"Son of a bitch." Dean whispered.

His baby brother looked at him, glassy-eyed. "Help me. Please."

Dean moved to the other side of the bed. Together, they got Alexa's shirt cut away from the wounds, and cleaned the blood away. A few of the marks were still oozing. The wounds looked both carved and burned into her skin. They were deep, but fine and thin-edged. The scars they left behind would be delicate, almost like traces of writing left on her skin. The three of them stared down at her back for a moment before Sam said, "They look Enochian."

"They are." Castiel said.

"What do they say?" Dean asked. Sam was rubbing ointment gently over the carvings. Castiel didn't answer right away. He could tell Sam was listening intently.

"Cas. What do they say?" Dean asked a little more forcefully.

This time the angel looked at Dean. "They say Abomination in Enochian," he told them. "Ahadriel branded her with the name the angels call her. He would have had to carve them first with a dagger, then pour holy fire over them. Lighting the oil would ensure that she will carry these scars for the rest of her life."

Sam's fingers clenched on Alexa's back and she whimpered in response. "Shh. It's okay now." He went back to smoothing the ointment over her wounds.

Dean hissed and said, "I'm going to kill that son of a bitch."

In a cold, empty voice, Sam said, "Get in line."


	18. Start Again

_Well, the good news (or bad news depending on your viewpoint) is that I'm listening to my character(s) and this is going to be going on a bit longer than I thought. I just don't feel right rushing to the end. Hope you don't mind coming along for the ride. Thanks so much to everyone who take the time to review, or even just to read this. Your feedback is greatly appreciated!  
_

**Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Supernatural and the characters therein belong to the actors, writers, directors, producers, and technicians that bring it to life. Rated T, because there's a bit of cursing and descriptions of violence.**

Alexa woke up a few hours later. Dean was asleep in a chair, his feet propped up on the bed. Sam was sitting by Alexa's head, holding her hand. She blinked her eyes and tried to say his name. Immediately, he was leaning down to meet her gaze.

"Hey. You're safe. I've got you." He told her.

She nodded slightly, wincing when it stretched some of the damaged skin on her back.

"Alexa, can you heal any of this? We asked Cas, and he said the angel who took you made it so he can't help. Can you do anything to make it better for yourself? If you're strong enough right now."

Her eyes opened and closed as she fought to wake up. "Maybe... later." She answered. "'m kinda – not up to it – right now."

"Yeah, I can understand that. Did he say why, Alexa? Why did he do this to you? Or how he found you?"

"A reminder. Said he didn't want me to forget what I am. Thought I might be... getting above myself or something. Followed Cas to Bobby's house, I think. Hard to remember everything he said."

"Shh. It's okay. We don't need to worry about it now. Focus on getting better and getting strong enough to heal this. We'll deal with him later."

"He's an angel, Sam. What're you going to do?"

Sam rubbed his thumb over Alexa's palm. "Show him why we're the famous Winchesters."

"Oh." She said quietly. "Sam?"

"Mm-hhm?"

"I'm really thirsty."

He smiled at her, dimples popping. "Be right back."

Alexa watched him leave, then struggled to sit up, keeping the sheet pressed close to her front. Dean woke up halfway through her attempt and jumped to his feet.

"Whoa! Hang on there. What are you doing?"

She took several deep huffing breaths. "Sitting up. Trying to, at least."

"Bad idea. Stop moving. You need to rest." He was trying to get her to lie back down, but couldn't figure out where to touch her without causing her more pain.

Sam came in with a bottle of water. "What are you doing?"

"Jeesh. Question of the day, that is. I want to sit up and drink my water. Please and thank you." She held out her hand for the bottle of water, inordinately pleased with herself when her hand didn't shake. Sam passed it to her and the bottle slipped through her hand when she tried to grasp it.

"Crap. I was so happy my hand wasn't shaking too." Her eyes filled with tears, but none fell. She looked up at the ceiling and panted a few times. Sam picked up the bottle and pushed it into her hand. He wrapped his hand around hers on the bottle. In his other hand, he presented her with two pills.

"What are those?" She asked.

"Antibiotics and a painkiller. You need both, at least for now."

"No painkillers."

"You aren't Dean. Take the damn thing." Dean made a face at his brother.

"What? You never want to take them either." To her, he said, "Take them."

"Nuh-uh. Not the painkiller."

"Alexa," Sam started.

She cut him off, saying, "I won't be able to wake up if I take that. I need to be able to wake up. And they always make me sick. I am so not interested in trying to vomit up pain meds while I'm like this."

Sam gave an aggravated sigh. "Fine. Just the antibiotics. It's the big white one. Here, drink some water, then lie back down. You have to take this slow." He helped her get the pill to her mouth, held the bottle while she drank, then put it on the nightstand. Standing there, he stared at her until she sighed.

"Fine. I'll lie back down." Awkwardly, she got back on her stomach, hissing sharply once when the movement ripped open closing wounds. "Well that sucked," she muttered when she was finally lying prone on the bed again.

"I bet. Quit moving around. Let these heal. If you aren't strong enough to heal them later or if you can't because of what he did, we're finding you a doctor."

"Have fun explaining this to a doctor."

Sam said, "Shut up and go back to sleep, Alexa," but there was no anger in it, just concern.

"Okay, boss." She kept watching him.

Dean motioned to Sam, indicating they should step out of the room. Alexa said, "You're coming back, right?"

Sam stopped at the door and looked at her. "I'm coming right back."

"Bad things come in threes, don't they?" She asked him.

"Huh?"

"That's the old superstition, isn't it? Bad things come in threes? So this was my three for the week. I'm done now, at least for the time being, right?" She was trying to joke, but her voice held an edge of desperation.

"Done for the week. Definitely. Back in a minute."

This time she closed her eyes like he wanted her to and tried to get some rest.

* * *

She slept until early afternoon. At first, she wasn't sure what woke her. Lying still, she tried to assess what had pushed her out of sleep. Then she turned her head to the other side, her cheek pillowed on her hair, and it hit her. Gagging, she thrust herself quickly off the bed, ignoring the pain that rippled over her. She draped the sheet over her shoulders to cover up and went out to the main room.

"Hey, what are you doing out of bed? I thought you'd sleep a few more hours at least." Sam was at the table, finishing up a sandwich.

"Shower." Alexa walked to the stairs and began climbing. She bit her lip as the skin on her back shifted and stretched. Spots of blood began seeping through the sheet.

Sam made a face she didn't see and quickly went to the stairs. "Alexa, wait. Taking a shower is not a good idea right now. You're feeling weak and you're hurt. You need to eat and get more rest. We should clean your wounds again and put more ointment on them. Tomorrow you can try to heal what you can. Until then you should just lie down and rest. C'mon." He reached up and caught her elbow, since she'd only made it up three steps.

Alexa moved so she was facing him on the stairs. She looked angry and terrified and desperate. A few tears slipped from her eyes as she said to him, "I need to take a shower, Sam. I can smell him on me. I can smell the Holy Fire. The burning smell when he lit it. It's in my hair and it's soaked into my skin. I feel like I'm going to be sick. It's making me crazy and I have to wash it off!" Hyperventilating a little, she backed up another step, but Sam hadn't let go of her elbow, so she fell backward on her butt.

"Alexa! Crap. Easy, just take it easy. I get it. We'll get the smell off. But there's a shower down here, remember? And you're going to need some help. Let me call and see if Lisa is around." He pulled out his cell phone and showed it to her, holding her still with a hand on her knee. As he waited for someone to answer, he watched Alexa force herself to stop crying. He shook his head at her and squeezed her knee.

"Dean. Do you know where Lisa is? Of course, I should have thought of that. We could kind of use her help here, that's all. What? No. Alexa needs to take a shower – yeah, Dean, I know – listen. She _needs_ to take a shower. Uh-huh. I was hoping Lisa could help out. Have her call. Yeah. Thanks, Dean."

He hung up and lifted Alexa's chin. "Okay. Lisa's at work right now, of course. Dean is going to have her call here when she's done. It should be a just a few hours. How about we get some food into you, clean up those wounds and see what time it is."

Panicky, she shook her head at him. "I can't. The smell. I'll just throw up. It's everywhere! Smell!" She thrust her hands toward his nose and repeated, "Smell." Just to appease her, he caught her hands in his and brought them to his face. Kissing gently, he inhaled.

"I don't smell anything."

A low moan of desperation and panic escaped her. She grabbed a hank of her hair. "Here. Smell my hair."

"Alexa." He gently admonished.

"Sam, please!" Grudgingly, he put his hands on the stair to either side of her and leaned forward. One of her hands wrapped in his shirt, tugging him closer. She pressed her forehead against his and pushed several locks of her hair to his nose. He inhaled deeply, expecting the clean light spicy scent he always associated with her. Instead there was – burnt oil, seared flesh, blood, pain. It reminded him of how Hell smelled.

"God." His voice was shaky. "I smell it."

"Please. I want it off me."

"Okay." He kissed her forehead, repeating, "Okay. We'll figure out how to do this now. Come back down the stairs. The bathroom here is closer."

He led her to the downstairs bathroom, easing her along as best he could. They stopped inside, Alexa leaning her hands on the sink for balance.

Sam took a deep breath and asked her, "What are you going to need from upstairs?"

"Shampoo, conditioner, bath gel. A comb. Face wash. Toothbrush and toothpaste. Clean clothes. Probably need first aid supplies too. For after." She concentrated on keeping her balance.

"Don't move. I'll be right back."

"Knock please. I need to go the bathroom."

"You sure you can handle that?"

"I'm hurt, not dying. Besides, if I'm going to take a shower, I should be able to handle going the bathroom."

Sam paled. "Don't. Don't joke about it. Not when you're like this." He paused, then added, "I don't care if he's an angel. I'm going to kill him." When he left to get what she needed, Alexa stared at her reflection in the mirror. "Not if I get to him first," she told the glass. She looked for a moment longer, noticing the tight lines of pain around her eyes. She stuck out her tongue at her reflection and then took a step toward the toilet. With a small amount of difficulty and a larger amount of pain, she managed going to the bathroom. She left the filthy jeans she'd been wearing on the floor, along with her underwear. Wrapping the sheet around herself, she slowly made her way to the shower stall and reached to turn it on.

There was a knock at the door and Sam said, "Coming in."

He put the clothes, toothbrush, and toothpaste on the back of the toilet, then put the shampoo and other bath needs in the shower stall on the shelf.

Turning to her, he asked, "How are we going to get this done?"

She shrugged, wincing when it hurt her back. "Ouch. Um, I'll get in and see what I can do. Just leave the door open. I'll call if I get stuck."

"So you can be stubborn and push yourself until you pass out? I'm not leaving you alone in here. I'll stay and talk to you. At least then I'll be able to gauge when you've had it and need help."

"Sam, I'll be fine. If this had happened at any other time in my life, I'd have to do it alone. I can get by."

"You aren't alone." He said it with such earnestness that Alexa couldn't think of a response. Instead, she rolled her eyes and told him, "Fine. Turn around while I get in the shower." He put his hand over his eyes and held out one arm.

"In case you need it for balance," he said.

She got in and started the excruciating process of taking a shower. Everything about it hurt. The water hitting her back burned and punched at her, working its way into her wounds and making them bleed again. Lifting her arms to wash her hair was exhausting, and the shampoo stung her back when she rinsed it out. It took half an hour to finish everything, and the water was edging from lukewarm to icy when she finally turned the faucet off. Sam kept up a steady stream of dialogue the entire time she was in the shower, pausing occasionally ask how she was doing. He told her funny stories about hunts he and Dean had been on, explaining what prank wars were, talking about things that happened when they were young.

"I'm coming out now. Leave so I can get dressed."

"We need to clean up your back and bandage it before you can put a shirt on."

"Crap crap crappity crap."

She could almost hear the smile in Sam's voice. "We're back to that, huh? Now I know it's bad. How can I help?"

"I can't think. It took all my energy to shower. Pass me a towel at least, I'm getting cold."

"How about this? Put this towel around your waist, like we did the other day." A towel appeared on Alexa's side of the shower curtain. She took it as Sam said, "Put this one over your front, but don't touch your back, that will just stick and make things worse. Then you can sit on the edge of the tub and catch your breath while you brush your teeth. Sweats on after that, and we'll get you back to the bedroom. I can bandage you up there and you can put a shirt on." A second towel appeared, and Alexa took that one as well.

"Can I open the shower curtain?" He asked.

Alexa tugged it to the side. Sam was right by the tub, waiting.

"Feel a little better?" He wanted to know.

"A little."

"Good. Okay, be careful getting out. Step out, yeah, like that. Don't slip. Whoa. Alexa?" She stepped out of the tub and straight into his body, pressing into him. Her arms were wedged between them, holding the towel and she pushed her head against his shoulder. He started to put his arms around her, but didn't want to touch her exposed back. He finally settled with one hand low in the small of her back and the other stroking her arm.

Voice muffled against his chest, she told him, "I thought he was going to kill me. It kind of pissed me off, because I realized I wanted the last four months I had with you. Then I found out what he had planned was so much worse."

A single choking sob escaped her and she tapped her head against his chest a few times. She kept herself from crying, hoping tears were exhausted for the time being, but tremors started deep in her core, passing like phantoms under her skin. Visibly, she wasn't moving, but Sam could feel the storm raging inside her body. Awkwardly, he pulled her closer, holding her head next to his heart. Finally, he just stayed still, anchoring her. It was the comfort she needed right now, not the words. Though it ripped him apart inside to not be able to help her more, he pushed his feelings aside for the moment. Once the storm tapered off, she stepped away and sat on the edge of the tub.

"Can you bring me the toothbrush and toothpaste please?" She stayed on the tub while she brushed her teeth, then combed and braided her hair. The sweatpants were pulled halfway on, then she stood up. Sam held the towel, eyes closed while she pulled the pants up. Then she took the towel back.

"I think I need to go back to bed." It was now an hour since she'd tried to go upstairs and take a shower.

"We'll take it slow. I'd carry you, but I can't figure out how to do it without making things worse."

"Sweetest thing you've said all day."

"You're teasing me. Now? With all this?"

"Yep. Defense mechanism. It's that or go crazy." She stopped herself from shrugging at him just in time.

He shook his head and rolled his eyes. "You are a nut."

They made it back to the bedroom and got Alexa onto the bed. Sam got the first aid supplies and spread them out next to her, within easy reach.

"I'm going to make sure everything is clean first, then use the antibiotic ointment. Bandage everything after that and you should be good to put your shirt on."

Alexa made a small sound of agreement, her head turned away from him. For the second time in an hour, Sam kept up a steady stream of talk, none of it important, simply designed to keep her distracted. She twitched occasionally while he cleaned and spread the ointment, but otherwise stayed quiet. When he was smoothing a bandage over the next to the last wound, she spoke.

"How bad is it?"

"They look better today. I think once you get your strength back, if you can heal some of the surrounding damage it will be easier for you. The scars shouldn't be a problem. Physically at least."

"Cas saw them, right?" She asked.

"Yeah. He was here last night. I erased the sigil in the corner of the door and he could get in. That's just for him, right? It doesn't let anybody else in?"

"Only him. Little trick I learned along the way. I should put one on the car, come to think of it. Did he tell you?"

"What they say? He told us. And he told us how." Sam bandaged the last wound, waiting for a response.

"Branded a monster, for all the world to see. Well, all the world that can understand Enochian." She scoffed and moved her hand up to her face.

Sam pulled her hand away. "Hey. The one who did this to you? He's the monster. Not you. I'm sorry, Alexa. About before. The way I reacted. The idea of going down the same path as before scares the crap out of me, and when you told me, I could just see it all happening again. But it's not the same. The way I feel about you changes it. You aren't what your parents were, or weren't. You're not a monster." He considered saying more, but worried she was too hurt right now to really listen. Instead he stood up and picked up her t-shirt.

"You ready to try getting this on?"

She pushed over to her side and sat up slowly. "Let's give it a go."

He pushed the neck hole over her head, then held the sides of the shirt as she guided her arms in, keeping his head turned to the side.

"Such a prude, Sam." She teased, trying to distract herself from the ache.

He tugged the towel out from under her shirt and gave her a slow, teasing smile in return. "That isn't why I'm not looking." Placing his hands on either side of her, he leaned down, his face a hairsbreadth away from hers. "You are too hurt right now to be able to accommodate what I want and what I need from you. And I am far too much of a gentleman," he paused and raised his eyebrows when she laughed, "too much of a gentleman to be thinking about my desires when I know how much pain you're in. But if you mix together how concerned I am about you and how much I want to comfort you and make you feel better – however I can – with the fact that you were naked in the shower just a foot away from me today? I admit it made for an interesting thought or two. So you focus on getting better, and I'll focus on keeping thoughts that would make Dean blush out of my head. At least for now." He touched his lips to hers, kissing her with gentle pressure a few times. He lingered for a moment before pulling away, and straightening up.

Alexa touched her lips and gazed up at him. "I didn't think you'd ever do that again. Not after you found out."

With a half smile, he asked, "Glad you were wrong?"

Nodding slowly, she said, "Think so." His smile blossomed into a grin. "I'll take that as a yes. Now stay here while I go make you something to eat. Then we can take a nap together. Sound like a plan?"

"Sounds like a plan."

* * *

Lisa called a couple hours later, waking Sam up from his nap. He told her thanks, but everything was taken care of. After checking to make sure Alexa was still asleep, he dialed Bobby.

"Hey, Bobby. What did you find out about our friend?"

"He's bad news, Sam. Like Castiel said, he's an enforcer. Basically he goes around making sure everybody is following the rules, punishing the ones who aren't. Whatever punishment he sees fit. Looks like he was commander of something called the 'lost battalion'. The all either died or switched sides or just plain vanished during the war. I've got rumors and legends dating back to the Sumerians about angels from this battalion – not that the Sumerians called them that. Even found reference to two angels I think might be Alexa's parents."

"Find any way to summon him?" Sam asked.

"Why in the hell would you want to do a damn fool thing like that?"

"Dean didn't tell you exactly what the bastard did to her, did he?"

"Just that he took her for a while, and she was hurt. Said I should find out what I could about him. Is Alexa alright, son?"

Sam sat on the couch and related the extent of Alexa's injuries to Bobby. There was a long pause on the other end of the phone, and Sam heard Bobby suck in a breath.

"How is she doing?"

"She's... coping. I think tomorrow she might be strong enough to try and heal a little of this, so that should help. But he got into her head. The signs are there. I should know. I see them often enough in the mirror." Sam paused, then said, "They're supposed to be the good guys, aren't they? How do they justify this?"

"Righteous indignation, maybe? I don't know. Sam, how are you doing?" Bobby's tone encompassed all aspects of the question.

"Good and bad, I guess. I want to find him and pin him down by his wings like a lab specimen and let loose this rage inside me. I want to rip him apart the way it's ripping me up that I couldn't protect her and I can't take away her pain now. I want to convince Alexa that I understand she isn't evil, that being with her isn't a repeat of the mistakes I've made before. Maybe I succeeded a little with that last one today. We'll see."

"Okay. Take care of yourself. And her. I'll call you later."

"Thanks, Bobby." Sam hung up.

* * *

Sam woke up the next morning expecting to see Alexa still asleep beside him. When she wasn't, he padded blearily out to the main room. He found her sitting at the table, eating toaster waffles with bananas and syrup. She had finished a glass of juice.

"What're you doing out of bed?"

"I needed to eat something."

He furrowed his brow, considering for the first time what she was eating.

"Dammit, Alexa. How much did you try to heal? You should have woken me up. I take it you were able to deal with some of it."

"I think so. It's hard to tell, but it doesn't hurt as much. I don't think the wounds are open anymore. Feels stupid to be going right back to bed, but I'll need to sleep again. Sorry."

"What are you apologizing for? I mean, if you couldn't heal yourself, you'd be in bed right now recovering. Which is where you should be anyway." He shook his head at her. "Are there any waffles left in the freezer?"

"I just feel stupid, no weak, sleeping all the time. And yes, there are more waffles. There's a whole other box."

Sam busied himself with breakfast. Alexa stayed at the table when she finished, waiting. After Sam had finished one of his waffles, Alexa cleared her throat. "Umm, Sam?"

"Mmm?" He took a swallow of water from the glass he'd brought over.

"Getting the bandages off and seeing how much more healing I need to do is a little difficult for me."

"Is that your way of actually asking for help?"

Alexa ducked her head and mumbled, "Maybe."

"After you wake up from the nap? Or before?" He flashed a half smile at her.

"After is okay."

"No problem. When you're up to it, I need you to tell me as much as possible about this angel. Everything you know."

"Sam, stop. How are you going to kill Ahadriel?"

"I thought a straightforward approach might be best. Get Cas to loan me his sword, get Ahadriel in the same room, let nature take its course."

"Uh-huh. Good luck with that plan. Let me know how that works out for you."

Sam stopped eating and put his hand on top of Alexa's. "I can't let this go. What he did to you..."

"Was torture. It was horrible and it was terrifying. Worse than anything the demons ever managed. He could see inside me, what I was feeling, so he knew exactly what to say, exactly what to do to make it – the single most awful experience of my life. I don't know if I will ever feel completely comfortable with someone standing behind me again. Time and memory are already splitting into before and after in my head. That happened before some crazed angel used my back as an etch-a-sketch. This happened after."

She checked to see if he was listening, understanding. Because she needed him to understand this part especially. "But I refuse to shut down and stop living. Focusing on revenge isn't living. I'm not saying I won't take the chance if I get it. I'm just saying that I have more important things to dwell on. I have lived more in these last eight months with you than I lived in my entire life. I will not let that bastard take away these last four months by being consumed with hatred and need for revenge. The focus needs to be on something else. Something better, ástin mín."

"There you go again with the foreign languages. Someday I'm going to get around to looking up these things and figure out what you keep calling me. Where'd you learn it, anyway?"

"Bartender I used to know at a place where I sang. We'd talk about guys. She'd tell me stories about her boyfriend. She was from another country, originally."

"Yeah, which one?"

"Nice try, Winchester." She smiled at him.

"You call me that all the time too. Someday I'm going to figure it all out."

"Yep. Someday. Right now, I'm going back to bed. Again." She groaned theatrically as she got up. Sam noticed it seemed a little easier than the day before for her to get around and hoped that maybe things could get back to normal. Or at least as normal as anything in his life ever got.


	19. Back in Black

_Sorry, sorry this took so long! I'm trying to speed up again, I swear! Thanks so much to everyone who takes the time to review, or even just to read this. Hope you all enjoy the latest chapter! _

**Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Supernatural and the characters therein belong to the actors, writers, directors, producers, and technicians that bring it to life. Rated T+, because there's a bit of cursing and some sexual situations this chapter.**

It took the rest of the week and a number of healing sessions for Alexa to physically recover from what Ahadriel did to her. She slept for a lot of the week, which she hated. Grumbling and complaining became the order of the day, but since she didn't direct any of it at Sam, he ignored it. Mostly, it reminded him of when Dean got sick. Coping with the aftermath was a little more difficult. On Friday morning, Sam walked up behind Alexa in the kitchen to put a cup in the sink. Though she knew he was there, she was momentarily distracted by her thoughts as she gazed out the window at the trees. When he'd gently asked, "You okay?" she'd jumped and dropped her mug of hot chocolate. Both of them ended up splattered with cocoa when the mug hit the edge of the counter as it fell.

"Sorry! What a mess. Did you get burned? Sorry." Alexa grabbed for the paper towels on the counter and began swiping up the liquid from the floor and the cabinets. She looked up at Sam, who was holding his soaked shirt away from his skin.

"Nope. Just wet." He brought the trash barrel over and helped her clean up. "I didn't mean to sneak up behind you. Sorry about that."

"I know you didn't. It's me. I have to get over this."

"Give it some time."

"I just hate being weak like this. Vulnerable." She threw the paper towels into the trash, then wet one to clean up any sticky residue.

"You aren't weak. I've got your back, so you're not vulnerable. Dean is our backup. I've been studying the sigils and practicing. Dean already agreed to them going on the Impala, as long as no one can see them. When we go on our next hunt, I'll be able to put them up in the room. I had a thought, too. Dean and I got these tattoos a few years ago," he tugged aside his shirt to show her, "and I was thinking maybe you might be able to get a sigil tattooed on so he wouldn't be able to grab you again."

"It's a good idea." She considered for a moment. "The only ones I can think of right now would be hard on Cas too though. Unless I got one that had to be activated with blood. That might work. Something to think about, at least."

"Feel like watching a movie?" He asked, helping her get to her feet, then putting the trash barrel away.

"Another one? No. I'm movied out. Research. I'm going to go see if I can find us a case to go out on. Before I go stir crazy with cabin fever."

"It's been about a week since you almost died. Maybe you could give yourself a break?"

"Or not." She smiled at him and went upstairs to retrieve her computer.

* * *

Saturday morning she insisted on a sparring session.

"I need to make sure that all the muscle damage is healed. I don't want to be in the middle of a fight with something and find out that – oops – that move won't work anymore because my arm gives out, or something equally stupid." They were out at the back of the house where there was a large stretch of flat land before it tapered off into woods.

"I'm only agreeing to this on the understanding that the second I decide it's too much, we quit." He raised his eyebrows, giving her what he hoped was a stern look. Apparently, it wasn't.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say. Let's go." She used a leg sweep on him, knocking him to the ground.

"Oh, you're in trouble now." He told her, getting up.

"Uh-huh. Big words, Sasquatch. Oh – wait. What was the thing Dean said he used to call you when you were training together as kids? Dammit, he told me it was from a show and it used to make you so crazy mad. What was it?" They circled, making jabs at each other.

"You think you're going to trick me into telling you? Forget it. Not happening." Sam used his longer reach to easily block the swing she took at him.

"If I could just remember the name of the cartoon. He said you were obsessed with it when you were little." She ducked and swung around behind him, giving him a shove. He twisted and caught her wrist, yanking her down with him. She elbowed him in the gut and rolled away.

"Thundercats! That was the show. He said when you were really little he called you Thunderkitten because you used to run around growling at everybody after you watched the cartoon. Then when you got older, he did it just because it ticked you off." She got to her feet as she spoke. "So how bad did it tick you off, Thunderkitten?" Alexa teased.

"About this much," Sam said as he hooked a foot around her ankle and tugged. Alexa whumped down onto the ground, flat on her back. While she was trying to catch her breath, Sam straddled her and pinned her arms to the ground.

"Say uncle." He told her, smiling.

"Ha. Not on your life, Winchester."

"I've got you pinned. What are you going to do?"

"You only pinned one leg. Sloppy work. You should know better." There was a flurry of movement and they were both on their feet again. Alexa was grinning. "This is so much better than sleeping or watching another bad movie."

Sam shook his head at her. "If you say so. I think you're a little crazy, myself."

"Mm-hmm. Can you blame me? Look what I have to put up with." She didn't even see him land the blow that knocked her to the ground that time. Laughing, she rolled away and they kept practicing.

* * *

About a half an hour later, they were both soaked in sweat and sore, but laughing.

"Ugh. We both reek. You especially pretty boy. Let's go get cleaned up."

"You're just jealous." He tossed over his shoulder as he headed for the house.

"Listen to you with the trash talk. Scary." She jogged past him. "I call shotgun!" She raced for the front door.

"Hey! What? We aren't going for a drive." He picked up speed.

"To be first in the bathroom!" She yelled as she charged up the porch steps. He laughed as he watched her race inside the house.

"We have two, you know," he told no one in particular. Taking his time, he walked to the house and upstairs. Alexa bumped into him in the hallway as she came out of her bedroom and headed for the bathroom.

"I'm going to go downstairs. Just let me get my stuff out of the bathroom, okay?"

Toiletries and jeans in hand, Sam went to the downstairs bathroom to shower. Once done, he dried off, then he pulled on clean underwear and the jeans he'd brought down with him. He towel dried his hair and ran his fingers through it to neaten it up a little. Barefoot and shirtless, he went back upstairs to finish getting dressed in his room.

Alexa was standing in her bedroom. She was facing away from him, her shirt lifted in the back to expose the scars that now trailed over her skin. She was trying to look at them in the mirror, twisting a bit and shifting her bra straps out of the way to see different angles. The hand not holding up her shirt traced the spiderweb thin scars where she could reach them.

Not wanting to startle her again, Sam stood in the doorway, one arm braced on the top of the frame, just waiting until she noticed him. When she did, her reaction wasn't as dramatic as the day before, but was still unexpected.

She saw him out of the corner of her eye first, and turned her head to say hello. Once she caught a good look at him, her jaw dropped. The jeans that he'd casually put on rode low, exposing the ridge of muscle over his hips. By placing his arm up on the doorframe, he'd unconsciously flexed muscles in his chest and arm. Completely overwhelmed by the sight, she whispered, "Ho-lee hell, Sam. Are you trying to kill me?" Abruptly, she sat on the edge of the bed, staring.

He didn't get it.

"Are you hurt? I told you it was too soon for sparring." He lowered his arm and took a step into the room.

"No, it wasn't the sparring. I'm not hurt."

"Then what?"

"You! You're standing here looking like," she motioned up and down his body with her hand, "THAT and it was just... I mean, damn. Give a girl a chance, would you? Go put on a shirt if you want to talk to me, cause if you stay like that, I'm not going to be able to manage much in the way of coherent speech."

He chuckled, low and deep, then took a few steps closer. "Oh, really? That's an interesting bit of information to have. Alexa's very admirable brain turns to mush when I take my shirt off. Good to know." He kept getting closer to the bed.

"My brain did not turn to mush! It's a purely scientific admiration, or perhaps an artistic one. You look good, that's all."

By now he was standing right in front of her. She scooted back on the bed a little, trying to gain a little space. Leaning forward, he said, "You know, both scientific inquiry and artistic appreciation require a much more 'hands on' approach. Don't you think?" He caught hold of her hands and pulled them to his waist, then let go to see what she'd do. Her fingertips lightly traced the muscles over his right hip, then slipped upward with a feather light touch over his abdomen and ribs. Stretching her arm to its fullest length, she traced the pattern of his tattoo. The movement shifted her closer to him and he could feel her hair brush against his taut stomach.

He groaned and said, "You're killing me here. Killing me." Closing the space between them, he kissed her. Her fingers slid down his torso and hooked the belt loops of his jeans, tugging him forward while she kissed him back. They ended up prone on the bed, Sam's hips pinning Alexa to the mattress while they kissed. She kept running her hands over his entire frame as the kisses grew deeper and more urgent. When he slid his hand under her shirt and caressed her waist and stomach, she moaned softly and whispered his name.

"Shirt off." He said, lifting the edges and pushing it up toward her head. She raised her arms over her head so he could push it off. When she lowered her arms, he pushed the bra straps down and kissed the contours of her collarbone. Her pendant nestled in the hollow of her throat and grew warm with his breath.

"Sam. Wait."

"Not this again, please, Alexa." He started kissing her mouth again, hoping to distract her.

"No, it's not that. I think I heard the Impala." She turned her head to the side, listening.

Sam tilted her chin back toward his lips and resumed kissing her, punctuating the kisses with the words, "Not possible. The universe would not force me to kill my brother after everything else we've been through."

They both heard the tell-tale creak of metal and a car door slam. Then Ben's excited voice and Dean's deeper tones.

This time Sam's groan had nothing to do with Alexa. His head sunk down next to hers. "I'm going to kill him. I'm just going to have to kill him."

Alexa chuckled and kissed his cheek. Pushing at his shoulder, she told him, "Don't be silly. You aren't going to kill him. C'mon, get off." She pushed a little harder when he still didn't move. "Sam, move, I need to get my shirt back on." In response, he put his hands on either side of her face and kissed her, hard. As the knocking on the door started, he deepened the kiss, pressing her closer to the bed and pulling her toward him at the same time. When she was clutching at him and panting, he raised his head.

"Just so you don't forget where we were." He kissed her on the tip of her nose. "We're finishing this later. After I get a shirt on and go kill Dean." He got off the bed and then said over his shoulder as he left the room, "You should put your shirt back on and answer the door before he breaks it down. And maybe warn him."

Alexa pulled her shirt on and went down to the door. She didn't tell Dean about his death sentence, but she caught the look that passed between the brothers when Sam came downstairs, fully clothed. _Pretty sure Dean knows_... she thought, distracted from her conversation with Ben, who was filling her in on the details of his lacrosse game that morning. Dean glanced over at her, then looked back at Sam. He smirked and shrugged at his baby brother, who mimed cutting his throat. Dean just laughed and went to stand beside Lisa and Ben. He slung an arm around Alexa's shoulders and pulled her close to his side. He pressed his knuckles into her head, rubbing, then kissed the top of her head.

"Hey! Quit it." She slapped him on the arm.

Dean rubbed his arm and jokingly said, "You fight like a girl."

"I am a girl, you troglodyte." But she was laughing. Dean leaned over and poked her in the arm with a finger, then did the same to Lisa.

"No way, buster! Leave me out of this." Lisa laughed and backed up. Dean flicked his eyebrows at Ben, who helped 'sneak attack' Lisa.

By the time they got everything sorted out, Dean was complaining about bruises, Ben was begging to be taught 'that move', and Lisa suggested they all go out to lunch to celebrate Ben's win on the lacrosse field and Alexa's recovery.

* * *

Lunch turned into showing Ben a few moves and discussing research on cases with Dean. They finally left just before dinner, Lisa insisting that two meals in one day was pushing it.

"After all, you're still recovering. You probably need to get some sleep, right?" Lisa said as she gathered her things to leave.

Alexa groaned from her position at the kitchen table and dropped her head down to smack against the wood. "No more sleep. I'm tired of sleep. Sleep sucks."

Ben, sitting beside her, laughed at her theatrics. "You could always set the alarm clock so you wake up in the middle of the night and play video games like I do," he whispered to her.

She lifted her head and gazed wide-eyed at Dean, who had come up behind Ben without his notice. "You are so busted, young Jedi."

Dean's hands came down on Ben's shoulder, squeezing lightly. "So video games in the middle of the night, huh? That would explain why we have so much trouble waking you up some mornings. I'm guessing the game system is leaving your bedroom for a while, buddy. You better hope your Mom doesn't ask me to toss it in the trash. Cause I will."

"No, Dean. Please! I won't do it anymore. You gotta make sure she doesn't get rid of it. Punishment is good. Extra chores..." Ben's voice trailed off as Dean walked him out to the car, talking to Lisa along the way.

Just as Sam was about to shut the door, Dean called, "Sammy. Need to talk to you for a second."

Sam looked puzzled and went out to the porch. Alexa could see them through the window, talking. Sam shrugged and Dean scowled at him. Dean pointed to the window, toward where Alexa was sitting. He said something emphatically to Sam, then looked through the window. He saw Alexa watching and gave a goofy somewhat guilty smile. He waved his fingers briefly at her, then continued his rant at Sam. Finally Sam held his hands up in the 'I surrender' stance. Dean tapped him on the arm and walked to the car. Sam stayed outside to watch them drive away, then came back inside and shut the door.

"What was that all about?" Alexa asked.

"He wanted me to ask you something – a few somethings actually. About the deal, about you, about the angel. But he wanted to tell me something he figured out while you were hurt, after the hunt with the leanan sidhe. Just wanted to make sure I knew." He approached her at the table.

Alexa blushed and dropped her head back onto the table. "This is so embarrassing."

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's – interesting. Surprising actually. Why haven't you ever been with anyone?"

Head still down, she told the table, "Because one night stands are dangerous when there are things constantly trying to kill you. And I avoided letting anyone get close enough to even be friends, let alone more than that, in order to keep them safe. Until now, I guess." She finally lifted her head and told him, "Sorry."

"For what? I just wish you'd been able to have more friends. I know how lonely it can get, that's all."

"What did Dean want to know about the deal, me, the angel?" She asked him.

"Do I know everything about the deal at this point?"

When she shook her head no, he gave a frustrated hiss. "Same thing, I have to guess?" He asked her.

"Yep. Sorry."

"Are we talking major information, like the fact that you made the deal and we have to figure out a way to get you out of it before they send you to the Pit for ten years in my place? And quite frankly, seeing what the angels are capable of, I'm not sure I want you with them for any length of time either." Sam made a face.

"Wouldn't worry about that, if I were you."

Sam looked at her sharply. "That's a hint, isn't it? You're trying to tell me without saying anything."

Alexa bit her lip and raised her eyebrows.

"Okay, let's see here. I said something about you in the Pit, then that maybe the angels were worse. So it's something about the angels, and what they plan to do to you, because you said not to worry about them. Am I right?"

She nodded.

"So I don't need to worry about them torturing you because they won't be doing that?"

"That's true."

"This really sucks as a method of getting information. I mean, why? Why did they put this restriction on you, forbidding you to talk about it unless somebody guessed first?"

"I would imagine because they know how deleterious keeping secrets can be." This time she shrugged.

"Having fun with word of the day?" Sam smirked.

"You bother looking things up in a translator program yet?" She shot back at him.

He grinned. "I've been kind of busy. Besides, why would I bother looking up what I already know?"

Alexa's face was a perfect picture of disbelief. "You don't know what I said. You told me you'd get around to it _someday_."

"You were sleeping a lot this week." She growled at him when he mentioned sleep and he laughed. "Maybe I found the time. Maybe I didn't." His dimples flashed and he continued, "Anyway, back to the question, as well as my complaint. Finding out the information like this, dragging it out of you, is crap."

"I don't disagree with that statement. Doesn't change the fact that this is the way it is."

"Uh-huh. So the angels won't be torturing you. Are they just going to lock you up in Heaven's prison?"

"No."

"Give you a piece of Heaven, let you see your family again?"

"My family isn't in Heaven, Sam. At least from what I understand."

"Why would they be in Hell? Well, maybe your father – sorry, but I get the possibility – but your brothers and mother? Doesn't make sense."

"They aren't in Hell."

"Well they aren't on Earth, are they? I mean, you told us they were dead."

"I did. They are."

Sam made another frustrated sound. "Okay. I'm going to need to think about this one for a little while. Any clues you can give me?" He asked hopefully.

She thought for a moment. "Nothing comes to mind."

"Crap."

"Yep. You said that already."

"I'm not going to like it when I figure it out, either, am I?"

Her face sober, she answered, "No. I can't imagine that you will."

* * *

They put together something for dinner and talked about other more mundane matters. The topic of the deal or Ahadriel was put on the back burner for the moment, by unconscious mutual choice. But Sam was mulling over what Alexa had told him the entire time, trying to figure out the solution.

After dinner they cleaned up. Alexa dried her hands on a towel and started to move around Sam, who was standing close beside her. He shifted quickly so that she walked into him and wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Hey, what gives?" She asked him.

He bent a little to whisper in her ear. "Forgot already where we were? Let me remind you." With those words, he pressed light kisses down one side of her neck. Tilting her head up, he let his lips hover over hers, not touching, just near enough to feel. He waited until she opened her eyes and looked up at him, then gave a satisfied smile. His lips moved against hers as he finally indulged by kissing her on the lips.

Alexa swayed into him, stepping closer. She slid her hand under the hem of his shirt and pressed her palm into the heat pooling at the small of his back.

"Your skin is so hot." She said, sliding her hand to the front, running it across his abdomen.

"We should go upstairs. Now. Now is a good time." He took a few steps backward, pulling her with him.

"I like upstairs." They were trying to kiss and climb the stairs at the same time. When Sam almost tripped and fell, Alexa said, "C'mon. Stop for a second so we can get upstairs in one piece." She took his hand and moved past him, letting her arm stretch behind her as she led him up to the bedroom. Once through the door, they resumed kissing. They made it over to the bed and got mostly undressed before sliding beneath the covers. Pressing close, they touched and kissed, caressing naked skin, learning the curves and contours of one another's bodies.

"I have the horrible feeling I'm going to regret asking this, but are you sure? I don't want you to feel..." Sam stopped abruptly when Alexa's lips covered his, then trailed over to his ear.

"Shut up, Sam." She whispered, then bent to nuzzle his neck. After that, they didn't need words.

* * *

In the morning, Alexa woke slowly, surrounded by warmth and the scent of Sam's cologne. They were lying in the center of the bed, spooning. Sam had one arm wrapped around her waist, holding her securely against him. She sighed contentedly and shifted a little. His arm tightened in response and he muttered sleepily.

She tried to figure out how she could roll over and face him without waking him up, but realized quickly that between his grip and his hunting instincts she'd never manage it. So instead she stayed still debating the merits of waking him up or letting him sleep and just enjoying the moment. She'd just decided to simply enjoy when he started to wake up. His hand flattened against her stomach then slid up to her ribs. He kissed her shoulder and murmured, "Morning."

Confident he was awake, she turned over and burrowed into him. Inhaling deeply, she told him, "You always smell so good." She placed a gentle kiss on his chest.

"Yesterday you told me I reeked." Her hair tickled his face as he spoke.

"No, I said we reeked. And we did. But underneath it all, you still smelled good. It's a bit annoying actually, because even if I'm mad at you, I still think that."

"More good things to know. Besides, I never do anything to make you mad at me."

She tilted her head up and mocked gaping at him. "You are the second most stubborn person I know. Trust me, that alone is plenty enough for mad making."

He grinned. "Who's the first?"

"Do you really have to ask?"

They spoke at the same time. Alexa said, "Dean," while Sam said, "You." He laughed when she gaped at him again, though it was real this time. He said, "Dean, yeah, I guess he qualifies too."

"I am nowhere near as stubborn as the two of you!"

"Sweetheart, you are in a class all your own." Sam kissed her to deflect the sting of his words and distract her. Before things progressed too far, he asked, "Are you okay? This hasn't hurt you or anything, has it?" She smiled into the kiss she gave him. "I can heal myself, remember? I'm fine. Better than. Bring on round three."

"Your wish, my command." He told her. They stayed in bed quite some time, then showered together. Sam traced the Enochian scars on her back while the water sluiced over both of them.

"This isn't you. You aren't what he did to you and you aren't what he said you are."

"I am a little bit, Sam. I mean, I am an abomination. But it's okay. I know what you meant." She shifted and caught his hand, stilling it. Smiling, she said, "The water's going to get cold soon. We should get out and get dressed. Who knows when Dean might show up today?"

* * *

It turned out that a phone call from Bobby was the major distraction of the day instead. He had a case in North Carolina that he was hoping they could take. It seemed like something was hunting children in a small rural town on the coast.

"I can't get there in time to do anything useful. I'm over in Montana, but an old friend called and asked for help. She's a doctor there in the town and she can't figure this one out. Your dad and I helped her out a long time ago, so she knows a little about hunters. Is Alexa up for this? How's she doing?"

"Better. We've got it covered, Bobby. Do you think it's a shtriga?" Sam asked.

Alexa stopped typing on the computer and looked concerned. "Shtriga?" She mouthed the word with a questioning glance. Sam held up a finger while he listened to Bobby on the other end of the line. He motioned writing something down and she shoved a pad of paper and a pen at him. He quickly wrote a few words and a phone number.

"Okay, Bobby. Let her know we'll be there sometime tomorrow. I'll give you a call when we get in. Sure thing. Thanks."

He hung up the phone and said, "Probably not a shtriga, based on what's happening to the kids. But definitely sounds like a case. How long a drive will it be to North Carolina? Near the marine base and the national park. On the coast."

"Who's driving?"

"Both of us, I would guess."

Alexa checked an online map quickly. "About 13 hours. Not counting gas stops."

"Let's get packed up then. I'll call Dean and let him know." Sam keyed Dean's number into the phone and let it ring through as he headed up to pack his duffel.

"I'm going to check the car first, make sure we're fully stocked." She called up to him. He waved to acknowledge her, then went into his bedroom. A few minutes later she headed up to her own bedroom to grab her bag. Sam went around the house, closing windows and double-checking salt lines. They met at the front door.

"Ready to go?" He asked her.

"Yep. Very ready. I'm not happy these kids are being hurt, but I am happy not to be stuck inside sleeping." She practically sneered the last word.

"Let's go."

They tossed the bags in the trunk.

Alexa slid into the driver's seat and started up the engine. Her mp3 player was already plugged in. Smiling, she dialed up a song and pressed play. With a grin at Sam, she turned the volume up nice and loud. She rolled her window down as the opening chords to the song started.

Sam groaned as AC/DC throbbed through the speakers. "Seriously? This?"

"Oh yeah, baby. This. C'mon, Sammy. Sing with me. I know you know the words. 'Back in black, I hit the sack...'" She grabbed his leg and shook it.

Alexa drove up the long driveway to the road, dancing in her seat and singing the entire time. Sam made faces at her, but was happy to see her feeling better. Somewhere around the "nine lives" line, he joined in singing. When the song ended, Alexa paused the player, laughing and trying to catch her breath.

"Gimme your phone." She demanded.

"What? Why?" He asked as he took the phone out to give her.

"Because I have to call Dean and tell him what you just did."

Sam snapped the phone out of her hand. Their mood remained a little silly and upbeat all the way to North Carolina.


	20. Dirty Deals

_Okay, I officially give up trying to predict when I will finish the next chapter. Things just keep getting in the way, much as I try not to let them. I will say however that I am working diligently and I promise that as soon as I finish each remaining chapter and proofread it (at least once) I will post it. Also, we are getting near the end, for those of you looking for the light in the tunnel. Thanks so much to everyone who takes the time to review, or even just to read. Hope you all enjoy this latest chapter! _

**Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Supernatural and the characters therein belong to the actors, writers, directors, producers, and technicians that bring it to life. Rated T, because there's a bit of cursing and such.**

They called Bobby's friend early the next morning from their motel room. Dr. Andrea Johnson agreed to meet them at her house first, then have them join her on her rounds if they deemed it necessary. Sam stopped the car in front of the house and told Alexa, "Dr. Johnson said she'd be around back."

"Okay. Let's go, then."

They followed a path around to the back of the house and knocked at a gate. Immediately a chorus of barking greeted them.

"Move, hounds!" A woman's voice ordered good-naturedly. "How am I supposed to let our visitors in for you to jump all over if you don't get out of the way first? All of you, sit!" Alexa was smiling, imagining the antics going on behind the gate.

The wooden gate swung inward and Dr. Johnson was standing behind it. The dogs were blocked temporarily by the gate. Dr. Johnson turned out to be a very pretty brunette in her late forties. She had sparkling green eyes and a friendly grin.

"Sam and Alexa? Bobby's friends? Actually, you're one of John's sons, aren't you? He talked about you a great deal – how proud he was of you. How was Stanford? Come in, please, before the dogs get antsy." She ushered them into her yard and closed the door behind them. Once she closed it, they could see the source of the canine maelstrom earlier. Three dogs sat in a row, just behind the door.

Meanwhile, Sam blinked in surprise at her questions about college. "Stanford was a lifetime ago, now. But good. Thanks for asking, Dr. Johnson. It's nice to meet you, by the way." He held his hand out to her.

"Andrea, please. You aren't patients." She shook Sam's hand, then Alexa's. "Neither of you have a problem with dogs?" She asked. When they both shook their heads no, she said to the dogs, "Okay kids, say hello." Immediately the big, blocky chocolate lab raced over to them, toy in mouth, practically vibrating with eagerness. He was quickly followed by an equally sized golden retriever. The two dogs pushed against Sam and Alexa's legs, panting and displaying goofy doggy grins. An extremely large black shepherd took a few steps toward them, then sat back down.

"The lab is Banjo, and the golden is Murphy. He's a rescue, and he has Murphy's luck. Hence the name." She pointed to the shepherd. "This fine lady is Shiloh. Also a rescue, and a bit wary sometimes. Don't be insulted if she doesn't visit with you while you're here. Some people she clicks with, others she doesn't." Sam and Alexa both crouched down to pat Banjo and Murphy. After a few moments of attention, Andrea called the dogs away with a "that's enough." The two dogs backed away, allowing Sam to rise to his full height again. Alexa stayed crouched down and spoke to the shepherd, careful not to make full eye contact.

"Hey, Shiloh." She said softly. Shiloh's ears perked up and she regarded Alexa with curiosity. "Good girl," Alexa told her. Shiloh's tail thumped against the ground. "Yeah, you're a good girl." The shepherd trotted over to investigate. Alexa stayed in her crouched position, not moving. Banjo and Murphy had circled back over to Sam for more attention. Shiloh was only a few feet away from Alexa. She held out a hand, but didn't try to touch the shepherd, instead letting the dog come to her. Cautiously, Shiloh sniffed at Alexa's hand. The dog pushed her head under Alexa's hand and leaned into the caress Alexa gave her. Suddenly she took a few steps closer, nudging Alexa's shoulder with her head and kissing her chin.

Alexa crooned at her, "You're a beauty, aren't you? Just a little shy, that's all. You should go see Sam there, pretty girl. He's a good guy and he likes dogs too." Sam laughed delightedly when Shiloh turned and greeted him as well. Even Dr. Johnson smiled.

"You've really got a way with dogs, huh? It's pretty unusual for her to respond to people quite like that." She told Alexa.

Alexa rose from her crouch slowly. "I've always had a knack with animals, especially dogs. I guess I just understand them, that's all." She looked at the shepherd, now basking in Sam's affection, then asked, "Dr. Johnson, what can you tell us about what's been happening to the children in the area?"

"Come around back and I'll fill you in." She walked through the yard, speaking as she went. "Last week, two mothers brought their sons in. Both boys were exhibiting extreme mood swings, aggressive behavior, dehydration, high fever, and signs of exhaustion. The next day, a little girl was brought in with the same symptoms. I've got over a dozen patients now, male and female, ages ranging from two to fourteen years old. Some are siblings, some have no contact with one another that I can find. Well, they all go to school at the same place, since we're a small community, but they're in different grades."

"Did Bobby ask you to look for anything specific? He had a few ideas of what his might be?" Sam asked.

"Yes. Something called shtriga and something about changelings?" At Sam's nod, she continued, "I don't think I even want to know what those things are, but he ruled out the first one, because the children are still awake and moving around. Also, whatever is happening isn't occurring solely at night. Bobby told me to check their mothers, but I didn't find any wounds on their necks, or anywhere else. I'm at a loss. The dehydration and exhaustion is taking its toll on the children's health. They're also starting to suffer from malnutrition. My patients are dying, and I can't figure out why." She looked plaintively at both of them. "Please tell me you can help."

Alexa smiled at Dr. Johnson. "That's why we're here. We'll do our best." They spoke a few more minutes, patting the dogs, then arranged to meet at the hospital and follow Dr. Johnson on her rounds.

As he drove away from the curb, Sam said, "Hopefully some of the parents will be at the hospital and we'll have a chance to speak to them as well. There's got to be some connection between these kids. Do you think it could have something to do with the school?"

"It's worth checking out. We have to find whatever it is that connects them and shut it down fast, before more kids get sick. If you can, when we get to the hospital, give me a minute with one of the kids. I want to see if there's anything I can do."

"Alexa, no. You just recovered yourself, and if you need to spend the whole time we're here sleeping, it won't work. Healing these kids can't be the priority. Finding what's after them and killing it has to be."

"I know that. I'm not going to try and heal any of them. At least not yet. I'm hoping maybe I can get a read on what's happening. Something that will point us in the right direction. But if one of them is on death's door, and I can stop it, I will. I'm sorry, Sam, but I won't let one of them die if I can prevent it. And technically I don't have to sleep. I just won't feel good for a few days if I don't. But I'll still be able to hunt with you." She turned in the passenger seat to face him.

He glanced over at her and nodded. "Okay. That's fair. But if you do have to heal one of them, you're sleeping for a few hours. I want you at one hundred percent."

Alexa gave him a thumbs up. "Got it, boss."

"Ha ha. You're hysterical." He paused, then said, "On another note. I have a question for you. Back at Andrea's house, Dr. Johnson, I mean, did you talk with Shiloh? Can you talk to animals?"

"You mean am I Dr. Doolittle?" She almost chortled. "No, Sam. I get images from animals, the same way I do from people. So I got some images from Shiloh, and sent back some of my own. Angels can speak to animals, and supposedly Nephilim can too, but not me. You're outta luck, buddy."

"No, it's fine. I just thought maybe with the way Shiloh responded to you that you could. That it was one of the things I hadn't guessed yet."

"Oh. Sorry. That isn't it."

"How come she came right over to me when you told her I was a good guy?" Sam asked.

"Easy. I sent her an image of you giving her a belly rub."

* * *

At the hospital, they interviewed the parents who were there. Alexa checked a few of the children and found that they were all infected with the same unidentifiable illness. "Definitely supernatural," was all she could say. Though they were all dying, none of them appeared to be in any immediate danger, so she kept her word to Sam and didn't try to heal any of them. After speaking with the parents and a few of the children, they were no closer to figuring out the connection between all the cases however.

"One of us should hit the library and one of us should go to the school. Which would you prefer?" Alexa asked.

"I'll take the school. Drop you off at the library first."

"Sounds like a plan."

Both the library and the school proved fruitless in terms of leads. They were back at the motel. Alexa was sitting at the table, flipping through books she'd checked out, occasionally looking something up on the computer as well. Sam had checked in with Dr. Johnson and was now talking to Dean.

"So no connections between the kids that you can find. How about the parents? Lisa has this school parent committee council something or other thingy that she goes to once a month for Ben's school. Are the parents all on the same committee? Or do they all work at the same place? Maybe the connection isn't the kids." Dean said.

"Yeah, no. We can look into that. I know based on the interviews the parents don't all work for the same company or anything, but the committee thing might pan out. We'll check that in the morning." Sam scrubbed the back of his head with his free hand. "How are you doing with that little project I asked you about?" He asked, turning away from Alexa.

"No closer. Based on what Bobby found out about this dick being commander of a battalion and all, I'm thinking one on one is not the way to go. That sigil Alexa's mother taught her – probably like the one Cas used that time – would work, but first we have to get him there, get him to hold still. I'm working on it. We'll get him, Sam. Don't worry." Dean's breath huffed over the phone. "How's she doing anyway?"

"She's good. Researching at the moment. I have another question for you. Maybe you can ask Cas, too."

"Sure. Shoot."

"Where else could a soul go? If it isn't in Hell, or in Heaven, where else could it be? Does Purgatory really exist?"

"Okay, why do you want to know that?"

"Something Alexa said. We were talking about what happens when the angels get her, after. I asked if they would just put her in their version of prison, or would they let her see her family again. She said her family wasn't in Heaven, wasn't in Hell, and wasn't on Earth. So what I want to know is, where the hell are they? Any ideas?"

"Huh. Maybe. Sparks a memory or two. Let me talk to Cas first if I can, see if I'm right about this. I'll get back to you."

"Okay, thanks."

"No problem. Take care of yourself, Sam. And of her."

Sam was walking toward Alexa. "I will. Bye, Dean."

"Bye, Dean!" Alexa called when she heard Sam.

Dean chuckled on the other end of the phone. "Tell her I said bye too. Talk to you later."

After tucking the cell phone away, Sam leaned over the back of Alexa's chair and asked, "Find anything?"

"Nope. Nada." She pushed the chair back away from the table a bit.

"Well, crap." Sam responded.

"My sentiments exactly."

"How about we get a bite to eat at the bar down the street? Dean had a few ideas about connections between the parents instead of the kids."

"I could eat. Let's go."

* * *

The bar was actually more of a restaurant with a large bar area. They sat in a booth, eating and brainstorming ideas about the case. Suddenly Sam sat up straighter and made a puzzled face.

"What?" Alexa asked, looking around.

"Over there, at the bar. Isn't that the father of the cute little girl we saw today? Kimmie?"

"Mr. McLeod? I spoke with him. Where?" Sam pointed to a corner of the bar. "Yeah. That is him. What's he doing here when his daughter is in the hospital?" Alexa asked.

"Good question. It would appear he's flirting with the bartender."

"That it would. Idiot. I'm going to go get a refill and see what I can overhear. Be right back. You want another beer?" Sam shook his head no, so Alexa gulped down the rest of her Coke and walked to the bar with the empty glass. She stopped a few barstools away from Mr. McLeod and waited to catch the attention of the blonde girl behind the bar. While she was waiting, she listened in on what she could hear of the conversation. _Yep. Definitely flirting. I wonder if he and Mrs. McLeod are split up? _The bartender finally looked away from McLeod and Alexa raised her glass, smiling. The blonde sauntered over.

"Another Coke?"

"Please, that would be great."

The bartender took her glass and refilled it. Alexa put money on the counter.

"Thanks," the blonde said when she noticed the tip.

"No problem. I've worked in my share of bars, I know how lousy the tips can be. Unless the guys are hitting on you, huh?" Alexa nodded her head in the direction of Mr. McLeod.

The bartender grinned. "Yeah, they always tip well when they're trying to get into your pants. Guess they don't realize they're essentially telling you you're a whore by paying you for sex."

Alexa forced herself to laugh. "No, I don't suppose they think of that. I never thought of it that way either, actually, but you make a good point. I'm Alexa, by the way."

"Kate. Nice to meet you. Hey, you said you worked at bars. Are you looking for work now? We're short a bartender."

"Maybe. Can I get back to you on that?"

"Sure thing."

"Excuse me, Kate? I need a refill over here." McLeod lifted his glass, so focused on the blonde bartender that he didn't even notice Alexa.

When Alexa rejoined Sam at the booth, he asked her, "Find out anything good?"

"Well, he's definitely planning on getting into the bartender's pants. My feeling is she's either going to let him, or she already has. He's still wearing his wedding ring, so it would appear that Mr. McLeod has got a little something on the side. And Kate, the bartender, offered me a job."

Sam raised his eyebrows. "A job. Really? That's interesting. What did you tell her?"

"That I'd think about it and get back to her."

"So follow them, see what happens? Maybe this Kate is the connection."

They stayed until last call, then went to the car to wait. About an hour later, Mr. McLeod and Kate left the bar together. He had his arm around her shoulders, she was tucked into his side. They stopped at a car and kissed briefly, groping at each other. Kate smacked McLeod's backside as he got into his car. She blew him a kiss as he drove off, then got in her own car.

"I'll give you three guesses what they were doing inside for the last hour and the first two don't count." Alexa said to Sam.

"Yeah. Doesn't take a genius. We need to find out if this place is a connection between any of the other families."

"Let's go get a little sleep and we can get right on that in the morning."

* * *

The next morning, they interviewed the fathers of all the sick children. Though each man at first denied it, they all eventually confessed to having dealings with Kate, the bartender. For some of the men, it was a one night stand, for others, it had been a more ongoing arrangement.

"So she's the connection. It has to be her. The question is, what is she? If she's sleeping with the fathers, why are the kids getting sick? I think I should take the job at the restaurant. Maybe it will help us figure her out."

"I don't like it. What if she figures out you're spying on her? I'm not going to be able to spend every night there with you until we figure this out."

"Well, first off, I don't need you to babysit me, Sam. I've managed my whole long life before we met, I can handle this now. Don't get me wrong. It's kind of sweet that you're all protective and whatnot, but knock it off. We have a job to do." She stopped for a moment, considering. "Actually, I might know of a way you could be there most nights. A way that would help get Kate on my side, maybe. Do you think Lisa would send us some copies of Ben's baby pictures?"

"Probably. Why?" Sam looked perplexed.

"How do you feel about being a daddy?"

"Umm, I'm not following you."

Alexa rolled her eyes at him. "We'll use Ben's pictures to pretend we have a kid. You can be a stereotypical jealous type boyfriend, so it will give you a reason to hang out at the bar. Maybe she'll hit on you and we can figure out what she's doing to make these kids sick. If she needs to know where he is, we can always lie and say he's living with your brother in another state because we couldn't provide for him."

"Not a bad idea. I'll see if Lisa and Dean will go for it." He dialed the number on his cell phone and talked to Dean while Alexa kept looking through the database, trying to figure out what Kate could really be.

* * *

Two nights later, Sam left the bar early and went back to the motel. He'd tried to keep his jealous boyfriend routine to a minimum, but he thought he might be getting on Kate's nerves. Since the place was practically empty anyway, he hoped that if he left, Alexa might have a chance to do some chatting with Kate and find something out. There were still too many possibilities of what kind of creature she could be. They needed to narrow down the list.

Around 1:30 in the morning, Alexa came back. She looked tired.

"Hey," she said. "I smell like cheap stale beer. I'm going to take a quick shower."

"Want some company?" He called to the closed bathroom door.

She stuck her head out. "Haha. But I do have something that might be a lead. Maybe. I think. I'm not really sure. Give me a minute."

Ten minutes later she sat down on the bed in pajamas, drying her hair with a towel.

"There was a guy at the bar tonight, hitting on Kate. Wedding ring, same deal as McLeod. This time though, she freaked out when he pulled out a cigarette. Hand rolled, loose tobacco kind of thing. It was almost as if she was afraid of it. Make any sense to you? I'll take that as a yes." She said as Sam grabbed for the laptop and began clicking and typing furiously.

"I saw something about that. I was looking at information on white ladies, but that legend didn't really fit, so I put it at the bottom of the list. Where was it...? Here. Sayona. It's from Venezuela originally, sort of their version of a woman in white. According to the legend, it's the spirit of a woman who believed her husband was cheating on her. She killed him and their son. Supposedly, if you keep a few leaves of tobacco in your pocket, the sayona will leave you alone."

"Why the hell would something afraid of tobacco come to a place known for growing it? Doesn't make any sense." Alexa looked at the computer screen.

"Maybe the forest drew her in. Although it isn't a South American jungle, the forest here must be a little more inviting to her than a city."

"I guess. So how do we kill it? Is it a spirit, or a creature? I mean, are we talking a salt and burn here, or a hack and slash?" She tapped at the computer, looking for more information.

Sam pushed her hand away and she went to sit back down on the bed. He told her, "Although the legend tells the story of a spirit, based on everything here, I would guess the sayona is actually a creature. Killing it could prove tricky. We'll have to look for more, because I haven't seen anything on that just yet. Did she go home alone tonight?"

"Yep. The tobacco guy really seemed to freak her out. She booked it to her car, solo, as soon as we closed the till."

"Good. We don't have to worry about any other kids getting sick tonight then. I'm not sure why the kids are getting sick though. Why the kids and not the dads? I'm mean, they're the ones screwing around." He shot a puzzled look at Alexa. "Make any sense to you?"

She started to shake her head no, then stopped. "Punishment. It's punishment."

"Huh?"

"She's punishing them for cheating by hurting something they love. She can't kill them, but she can make them feel pain. Think about it. The things you love make you stronger, but they also make you vulnerable. Going after the kids hurts these guys so much more than anything she could do to them."

"Maybe. It's a good theory at the very least." He tapped on the keyboard a few times, looking at the entry for the sayona.

"How are the kids? Did you talk to Andrea? I was thinking I should stop at the hospital tomorrow."

"Doc says the kids are still getting worse, but no one seems critical. Why don't you catch some sleep? I'm going to see if I can find something about how to kill one of these things."

"I'll help you look." She went to her bag and began to set up her laptop.

"Hey. You need to get some rest. You're still recovering, and you worked a shift at the bar tonight. Get a few hours of sleep and you can help with this in the morning."

"You need to sleep too." She stuck her tongue out at him.

He smirked. "You know what Dean would say about that. Put it away unless you plan on using it."

"Really? You're bringing Dean into this discussion? And you're thinking about him now? That's just weird, Sam." She laughed so he knew she was teasing.

He chuckled and gave her a look. "Go to sleep, brat. I'll join you in a couple of hours."

Alexa set her computer down opposite him on the table. "You are not the boss of me, Winchester. We can both do a little research, then we can both get a few hours of sleep." She stuck her tongue out at him again for emphasis.

"I'm going to hold you to that later," Sam said.

* * *

It was the next night. They had figured out how to kill the sayona. "Gruesome," Alexa had remarked. They had seen the children and Dr. Johnson that day, confirming that though they were getting sicker, none of them was yet in imminent danger. Alexa told Sam that if they didn't catch the sayona tonight, she would be healing – as much as she could – at least two of the children very soon. "They need the boost, or they might not make it much longer. They'll start to spiral down, and I won't be able to stop the progress of what she's doing to them." Sam was determined to get the sayona tonight. They decided they would try and get Kate to take him home. Alexa would follow them and together they would take care of the creature. It didn't work out that way. Both the bar and the restaurant were almost empty, and though Kate seemed on the prowl, she only spoke with Sam briefly. At the end of the night, Sam and Alexa followed the bartender back to a house on the edge of the woods. She parked in the driveway, then took off around the side of the garage, presumably off into the forest. They tried to follow her without any success. Worried that Kate would come back and notice the Challenger, they headed back to the motel for the night.

The next morning, Alexa told Sam, "I think we need Shiloh."

"The dog? Why do we need the dog?" He looked genuinely confused by her statement.

"She can track Kate through the forest. Some of the images I got, I think she used to be a tracker of some sort. What? Stop looking at me like that. Do you have a better idea for how to follow her through the forest?"

"Yeah. Keep her out of the forest. Listen, based on when the kids were getting sick, she was going after someone every night. These last two nights have been the exception, because there wasn't anybody around. By tonight, I'm guessing she's going to be pretty desperate. I think we should fake a fight at the end of your shift tonight. You storm out and I'll stay behind. Kate will make her move and I'll get her to take me to her place. Once we get there, the two of us" he gestured back and forth between them, "will both take care of her."

"That is the stupidest plan I have ever heard. Seriously. How did someone so fricking smart come up with such a ridiculously stupid plan? What if she doesn't want to leave the bar, Sam? She and McLeod never left the bar the other night. Maybe she only goes for married guys and that's the reason why she hasn't been going after you. Maybe it will turn out she's incredibly strong and she'll do something horrible to you before I get there. Are you insane? There is no way we are following this plan. No way." Alexa was prowling around the room, alternately lecturing Sam and yelling at him.

"Yes, way. We need to kill this thing, before any of those kids get any sicker. Their lives are in danger. I'll be okay." Sam tried to reason with her, which just made her angrier.

"Don't you dare use your 'I'm being perfectly reasonable voice' on me! This is not reasonable. This is crazy talk. Your plan is nuts."

"Fine. Then come up with a better one." He held up his hands, eyebrows raised. Alexa stuttered to a stop in the middle of the room, glowering at him.

* * *

In the end, Alexa couldn't come up with a better plan, so the Sam-as-bait plan went into effect. Just before closing that night, Sam grabbed Alexa's arm as she passed by his spot at the bar.

"We need to talk about this." He told her.

"No. We don't. There's nothing to talk about. I can't believe that I let you do this to me again. You promised me. And now look. Another broken promise, one piled on top of another. I'm such an idiot for believing you. But I'm done. No more talking." Kate watched the exchange with mild curiosity, pretending to be cleaning a few glasses when Alexa bent and grabbed her bag from beneath the bar counter.

"Kate, I'm really sorry, but I need to go. Right now. Is it okay with you if I dump the last few minutes of my shift?"

Kate answered, "Sure. Whatever you need." At the same time, Sam said, "Hey, wait. C'mon, don't go. We need to talk about this." He stood up as Alexa shoved past him, saying, "I told you. I'm done talking." She stormed out of the bar and went directly to the Challenger. After gunning the engine, she peeled out of the parking lot, making as much noise as possible. When she was certain anyone inside would be convinced she was gone, she pulled into a secluded spot where she could watch the parking lot. She took out her cell phone and sent Sam a text message. _Shift ends in fifteen minutes. If you aren't out in twenty, I'm coming back in. _

Back in the bar, Sam read the message and sent back a quick, _I'm fine_. Focusing on the sayona, he said, "Can you believe she did that? Here I am, trying to apologize and she tosses that at me? We have a kid together. What's she going to do, leave?" He pretended to take a swig of the beer in front of him, putting his tongue over the mouth of the bottle.

"What did you do that you need to apologize for?" Kate asked him.

"Nothing, really. I was talking with this girl, that's all. Maybe a little more than talking. You know how it is. Ever since we had our son..." Sam let his voice trail off and shrugged.

"All the more reason why you shouldn't be talking to other women. You never know when something might come along and take that away from you. Cherish what you have. Because it can all be ripped away in an instant." Kate moved around the bar, locking things up and putting glasses away.

"Is that what happened to you?" Sam asked.

Instead of answering his question, she asked, "Do you want to get out of here? If you're going to screw up your life, you might as well have a little fun in the process, don't you think?"

Sam tilted his head to one side, trying to look a little surprised. "Are you offering what I think you're offering?"

"I'm offering a one night stand, no strings attached. Except for the guilt that might punish you later. But that's your problem." She looked him straight in the eye.

Looking back, he answered, "Let's go."

Kate searched his eyes for a moment, then nodded. "Just let me lock up here."

When she turned away, Sam send a quick text to Alexa. _Get ready_.

He followed Kate out to her car and rode with her to the house he and Alexa had followed her to the night before.

Once inside the house, he sat on the couch while Kate went to get beer from the kitchen. "Do you want anything to eat?" She called from the next room.

"No, I'm good." Sam called back.

She sauntered into the room. "Hmm, I certainly hope not. Good is a little too vanilla for my tastes. You look like more of a bad boy. Besides, you're here with me, aren't you? So you can't be all that good." Approaching him on the couch, she passed him a bottle of beer. When he reached to take it, she pushed his arm off to the side and straddled him on the couch, sitting on his thighs. She put both beers on a narrow table behind the couch. Threading her left hand in his hair, she pulled his face close to hers and kissed him hard. It was an aggressive kiss, and felt a little bit like she was trying to eat him alive. He turned his head to the side, trying to hide his disgust.

"Having second thoughts?" She asked him.

"No. I just like to take things a little slower, that's all."

"Sorry, that's not going to happen tonight. I need what you can give me, right now." She swooped down for another hard kiss, grinding her hips against him at the same time. Her right hand pressed down on his chest, over his heart. She continued with the kiss, seeming not to notice his lack of response. Suddenly, she stiffened and her fingertips dug into his chest.

"Where is it? I need the connection, why don't you have a connection?" She muttered, flexing her fingers. He grunted a little at the pain.

"What? Connection, what do you mean, what are you talking about?"

"Your son! There's no connection in your heart to your son. I can't feed off it unless you have a connection. You don't have any children. There's no connection in your heart to a child." She shoved herself away from him. "You tricked me! What is this?"

"It's the end of the road for you. We aren't letting you hurt any more children." Sam pulled the small pouch of tobacco leaves from the pocket of his jeans and opened it. He grasped the dried leaves and blew them in her face. Immediately, the petite blonde before him transformed in the sayona. Her skin turned the sick ash brown of a corpse. The blonde hair grew thin and dull. Her eyes filmed over. Her body shrank as it became skeletal.

"You'll pay for that," she said, then backhanded him across the room. He hit a soft arm chair, which flipped with the weight of his body. Alexa burst through the door as he stood back up.

"Sam!" She yelled, tossing him a machete. She emptied the contents of her backpack in the sayona's face. Dozens of tobacco leaves, freshly harvested that morning, fluttered around the creature. Shrieking, the sayona backed away from Alexa. It backed right into Sam's swing at her neck, decapitating her.

"Ugh." Alexa said.

"Yeah. I know." He stared at the headless corpse for a moment. "C'mon. Let's finish it."

Together they cut the arms and legs off the sayona. They dug a grave in back of the house and put the body parts in. After lining it with more tobacco leaves and a generous amount of salt, they lit the entire mess aflame. When everything burnt out, they covered the grave with dirt and went back to the motel.

* * *

Sam talked to Dr. Johnson the following evening. She called to let them know that the children were all recovering.

"Something happened early this morning. They all started responding to the treatment. All of them are getting better. Thank you. I can only assume you and Alexa had something to do with that."

"You're welcome, Andrea. We were happy to help. Let us know if you need anything else. We'll probably leave in the morning to head out to our next case."

"Thank you again, Sam. And be sure to tell Alexa I said thank you as well. And Bobby."

"Will do, doctor. Take care of yourself. And your patients." Sam hung up the phone and told Alexa, "She says thank you. All the kids are recovering, having mysteriously started responding to treatments during the night."

"Good." She looked up from her laptop. "Are we going back to Indiana before we go on another case?"

"We don't have to. Or we can if you want to. Whatever you want to do."

"Mmm." Alexa looked back down at the computer.

"What's wrong?"

"You just looked pretty cozy with that thing last night."

"Are you kidding me? I was trying to go with the story and wait for you to get there with what we needed."

"Ha. A likely story." Alexa's face was covered up by her hair as she bent over the computer.

"Alexa, please. Look at me for a second." He was about to say more when she turned to look at him. There was a huge smirk on her face.

"Gotcha." She said.

"Are you kidding me? The jealousy thing was an act? You are going to get it." He wrapped an arm around her waist and hoisted her out of the chair. Shrieking with laughter, she yelled at him to put her down. He tossed her on the bed in response, then started tickling her. She squirmed, not putting too much effort into trying to get away. More effort went into trying to tickle him. She was more than a little frustrated to find out he wasn't very ticklish.

Finally, she gasped out, "Stop, stop. I can't breath! Uncle, mercy." She rolled onto her back on the bed and he flopped down beside her.

"That was mean." He said.

"Sorry. I just couldn't resist. I know that I'm weird, and I have the self-esteem of a toad, and I suck at dealing with people. I mean, I'm the Abomination. Sounds like a bad wrestler name. So yeah, I had a moment of doubt when I looked through the window and saw her groping you. But then I remembered that it was you, and I knew it was okay."

"Because you'd kick my ass if I stepped out of line?"

Alexa laughed and threaded her fingers together with Sam's. "Don't be silly. It was more the feeling that no matter how messed up I am, you still kinda like me. So maybe I'm not as messed up as I thought. Or something deeply philosophical like that. Now I feel like an idiot saying a whole bunch of nonsense." She blushed and pushed her face into the mattress.

Sam chuckled at her. "Oh, you're messed up. Trust me. I know the signs. But so am I, which makes us kinda okay, I think. And getting better, maybe, with each other's help. Or something stupid and deeply philosophical like that."

Smiling, she muttered sleepily, "Night, Sam."

He tugged the blanket over both of them, then caught hold of her hand again. "Night."


	21. Just Breathe

_Thanks so much to everyone who takes the time to review, or even just to read. Knowing people are enjoying the story really brightens my day. Hope you all enjoy this latest chapter! _

**Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Supernatural and the characters therein belong to the actors, writers, directors, producers, and technicians that bring it to life. Rated T+, because there's a bit of cursing and just in case.**

They were in Maine, just ending a case with a wendigo at Acadia National Park. Alexa had insisted on staying for an extra day after the case so they could go to a lobster co-op and enjoy the local tastes.

"Love lobster. Love it. Yummy." She crooned, dipping pieces of her lobster meat into the melted butter and popping one into her mouth. She licked the butter from her fingers and said again, "Yummy."

Sam's laughed at her. "You like lobster. Got it. Where to next?"

"How about back to Cicero? It's been a bit since we've actually seen Dean and Lisa and Ben in person. You must be missing Dean. I just need to make a quick stop in Massachusetts to deal with some paperwork."

"Paperwork?" Sam asked, taking a bite of his own food.

"Mm-hmm. Bank stuff. An old account to get transferred to Indiana. Then I want to put your name and Dean's on the account in Indiana, when we get back there. Should only take a few minutes."

"Why are you putting our names on your bank account?"

"So you'll be able to use the money once I... go." She finished the sentence awkwardly, obviously unsure of what euphemism they were using to discuss the deal.

"I don't want your money. Besides, we're going to find a way out of that. We'll figure something out." He pushed his food away, suddenly no longer hungry.

"Sam, if you don't sign the paperwork, I'll just forge your name. Or get Dean to do it. Or forge both your names if he won't help." When she saw him getting ready to argue, she said, "Sam, I want to know that you have access to the account if it turns out you need it. Humor me, okay?"

They paid the bill and left Maine, picking up a blueberry pie in Wiscasset for Dean. When they reached the bank in Massachusetts, Alexa transferred her account to a new bank in Indiana. As predicted, it took only a few minutes. As they crossed into New York, Sam broke his silence to ask a question.

"Are you still having visions?"

"Welcome back. I was wondering how long you were going to stay lost in the super computer."

Sam pulled a bitchface. "What super computer?"

"The one in your head. Although maybe I overestimated it." She teased.

"This is serious. We need to talk. I have to try and figure some stuff out so that we can find a way to keep you out of Hell. It's only about two months now. And I haven't forgotten about Ahadriel either."

Alexa turned the mp3 player off. "Yes. I still have visions occasionally. Mostly warning about hunts. Bits and pieces. They've tapered off since I've been spending so much time with both of you. It makes sense really, why would I see what's happening in your lives when I'm there as part of it?"

"The things that I don't know yet, are they about you specifically, or are they about the deal?"

She shrugged at him.

"So they're about the deal. There are parts of the deal I still don't know about. Will they help us figure out a way to keep you out of Hell?" Sam asked.

"No. Not in any way that I can think of."

"Okay, the deal. I don't know yet about the angels side of the deal. Cas wouldn't be able to tell me, would he?"

"He isn't allowed to tell you either."

"I figured. Well, Dean is working on that side of the problem." When she looked surprised, Sam said, "He had a few ideas when I told him about our conversation about your family and where they are. Actually, I think he has it figured out and just won't tell me over the phone. It's good that we're checking in at home base for a few days. We'll have a chance to talk."

Alexa raised her eyebrows. "Are you sure you want to know?"

Sam looked surprised. "Of course I want to know. Why wouldn't I?"

"Nothing. Just that sometimes it's better not to know, I guess."

"Not in this case. Everything we know is a step closer to keeping you out. Focus on that."

She nodded at him and pursed her lips.

"What?" He demanded.

"Nothing." She said again.

He snorted at her. "Bull. What's bugging you?"

"I'm just worried, I guess." She murmured.

"About what?"

"You."

"There's nothing wrong with me. What are you talking about?"

"_Right now_ there's nothing wrong with you. But I've seen how you can get. Visions, remember? I'm not Dean, I know that, so I don't expect you to go off the deep end when I die. I will confess to being a little worried about how you're going to react though."

"You aren't going to die." Sam said stubbornly.

"Sam..." Alexa started.

"You're not dying!" He spoke through gritted teeth.

"This is what I'm talking about. This is what has me worried."

"What do you want me to say? That I'm okay with the idea that you're going to spend the next ten years in Hell to protect me and the rest of my family? And then, who knows, because I haven't been able to guess that yet. Screw that! I'm not okay with it!"

She waited until his breathing had evened out a little, then spoke. "What if I were dying of a terminal illness? What would you do then?"

"Find a way to save you. A supernatural one if necessary."

"And if you couldn't? Sometimes there isn't an enemy to fight. People die, Sam. Even with all the times you and Dean have come back, you've still lost people."

"I don't want to lose _you_."

"I know, Sam. I know." She fell into silence after that, staring at the road ahead, trying to think of what to do.

* * *

They got back to Cicero later that day. Dropping the pie off to Dean turned into dinner and a long conversation as they told him about the hunts they'd worked in the past few weeks. They made plans to get together the next day, since it was Saturday. Finally, Sam and Alexa went back to the house, dragged in their gear, and crashed. Sam kissed Alexa awake early the next morning.

"I need you." He whispered in her ear. Alexa knew he meant more than just his current caresses. She kissed him fervently, trying to encapsulate all her love in each kiss. They clung together, wishing time could just stand still, knowing that it wouldn't. They fell back to sleep, still wrapped up in each other, waking when Sam's cell phone rang.

"Dean's ring tone," he muttered, trying to get disentangled and get to his phone. It stopped ringing and Sam rolled back toward Alexa. Her phone started up when she leaned over to kiss him.

"Dean's ring tone." She told him. Alexa had better luck getting to her own phone. Just before the ringing stopped, she hit a button and said, "Hey, Dean."

"How come Sam didn't answer his phone?"

"Didn't get to it in time."

"Oh. We're on out way over. You need us to pick anything up? Lisa's working, so she'll be over later."

"There's nothing to eat in the house. You want to go to the grocery store?"

"Negatory."

"Thought not. Come on over. I'll go. Maybe Ben will want to come with me."

"See you in fifteen."

"Dean?" Alexa stopped him from hanging up.

"Can you swing by Dwight's and get some muffins and hot chocolate? Coffee too?"

"Yeah, yeah. Fine. See you in twenty, then."

"Take your time." She told him, hearing him chuckle as she hung up. To Sam, she said, "He'll be here soon with Ben. We need to get showered and dressed."

"Time for anything else?" He asked, sliding an arm around her and tugging her against his side.

"Yep. This." She kissed him deeply, then rolled away from him and off the bed. "Now shower and get dressed."

* * *

Later that afternoon, Dean and Sam were in the house, enjoying a rare moment. They were lounging on the couch, watching a game on television and drinking beers. Alexa and Ben had just come back from the grocery store, and Alexa was putting everything away. Ben was out in the yard, hunting for snakes again. She didn't even bother to ask Sam or Dean for help, knowing that they needed the time together and that the novelty of watching a game was too much to resist.

Then there was a crash and they both heard Alexa yell, "No!" As she ran from the house, she called over her shoulder, "Call Castiel. Tell him to come in ten minutes." As they both jumped up, she rushed toward the back of the house, vaulted over the porch railing and charged across the yard. Sam grabbed for his phone, calling Castiel while Dean followed Alexa across the lawn toward Ben. The child was just at the tree line, speaking to someone. The figure turned and waved to Alexa, allowing them to see his face.

Dean cursed, putting on an extra burst of speed. Sam followed quickly behind him.

Alexa reached them first.

"Ben! Come over here a sec, would you?" She tried to calm her breathing.

"Check out this awesome snake, Alexa. Your friend helped me find it." Ben held up a medium sized, mottled brown snake, wrapping over his wrist and hand.

"He's a beauty. Why don't you bring it over here and let me take a look?" She wasn't looking at the snake, but rather at the angel standing beside the boy.

When Ben took a step forward, the angel clamped his hand down on Ben's shoulder.

"Let him go." Alexa said firmly.

Dean and Sam stepped up behind her.

"Glad you could join us, gentlemen. Ben, lad, why don't you put the snake down now? We wouldn't want him to get hurt accidentally." Looking confused, Ben let the snake slide off his hand into the undergrowth at his feet. He tried again to step away from the angel, but winced when the grip on his shoulder tightened.

"Get your hands off him." Dean ordered coldly and moved toward them. The tone of Dean's voice frightened Ben and his eyes grew wide. With an uneasy glimpse behind him, he tried to pull away. When he started to struggle, the angel easily slipped his arm around Ben's throat, pulling him in close to his chest. He settled his other hand across Ben's forehead. Dean froze, knowing with one movement the angel could snap Ben's neck.

Alexa caught the angel's attention. "Ahadriel, you're breaking the rules. According to the deal I made, you can't hurt him. Let. Him. Go."

"I can't kill him, that's true." He patted Ben on the cheek and slid his other arm down over Ben's chest, still holding the boy against his side. "But I can take him away. Someplace you'll never, ever find him. Wouldn't that be sad?" Ahadriel's lips twitched in a slight smile as he gazed at Alexa.

Dean fought the urge to rush him, trying to wait for an opening. He looked Ben in the eye, nodding for him to stay calm. Ben gulped and nodded back. Sam started to move slowly, trying to circle behind the angel and the boy.

"Stop playing games. What do you want?" Alexa asked.

"I'd like you to pay me another visit. We ran out of time during your last appointment. Family is so important, don't you agree?"

"I do agree. But you aren't my family. You're just some cretinous celestial bastard who get his rocks off torturing people."

"Not people, Abomination. Just you." He paused to tousle Ben's hair, tsking when the youngster jerked his head away. Looking back to Alexa, he said, "You remind me so much of your mother. She never knew when to hold her tongue either. Perhaps we'll remedy that situation for you with today's visit."

"If I agree to leave with you, Ben's free to go?"

Ahadriel made a sour face but nodded his head at her. "Come with me, and I let him go." He held out his right hand, keeping his left arm around Ben.

Dean said, "Alexa, he's lying."

"Actually, he isn't. Unfortunately. I've got this. It's going to be alright, Ben." She nodded at the youngster reassuringly. He gazed back, pupils huge, then glanced at Dean.

"She's not going anywhere with you." Sam took a step forward. The angel disappeared with Ben, only to reappear a few feet away.

To Sam, he said, "Did you really think I planned to let you get much closer?" He tilted his head to one side, then continued, "As a matter of fact, why don't I make sure the two of you don't interrupt me again?" The fingers of his right hand twitched in the air. There was a gunshot sound of limbs breaking and both brothers fell to the ground, legs snapped.

Ben yelped out, "Dean!"

"Oops. Three places per leg. You boys need to be more careful where you leave your toys." Ahadriel patted Ben on the head.

Watching Ben, Dean said, "It's okay. Don't worry." He grunted as he tried to move, dragging his legs. Sam rolled up off his back, trying to push himself to his feet.

"Stop trying to get up!" The angel shouted, and there was another crack.

Alexa motioned to both of them to stay down. "You son of a bitch," Alexa cursed. "Heal them right now and let him go."

The angel countered, "Only if you agree to come with me."

"Heal them, right now, and let Ben go. I go nowhere until that's done." She said more forcefully.

"You can't go with him." Sam was panting in pain on the ground. Dean gritted his teeth and merely spoke her name in warning tones. Ben struggled a little, trying to get to Dean. The angel held him without trouble, focusing on Alexa.

"It's okay. Trust me." She looked at Sam, pleading.

"You aren't the one I don't trust." He told her.

Ahadriel snorted. "This is all heartwarming. I'll let the boy go when you drop the knife you're holding behind your back and take a step forward."

Alexa glared at him. She extended her right arm and let the knife she'd been holding fall from her grasp. Then she took a step toward them, now within grabbing distance.

"Don't, Alexa." Sam tried desperately to move toward her. She motioned for him to stay still.

To the angel, she said, "I dropped the knife and took a step. Now let Ben go. And heal them."

"Take another step." He countered.

"Your turn first this time. Heal them and let Ben go."

"You presume to give me orders? Perhaps you need a reminder of exactly what I am." Ahadriel told her. He made a motion and Alexa dropped to her knees, choking back a scream as the scars on her back opened. Blood seeped through her t-shirt. Both Winchesters yelled her name, struggling to get up.

"Don't! I'm fine." She heaved in a breath and pushed herself back onto her feet. When she was standing, she scowled at Ahadriel. "I want you to heal them and let Ben go. Then I will take another step forward. I don't care how mouthy you think I am, do it now!"

"Fine, if you insist. We'll have our own fun later." The angel said with a chilling smile. He waved his hand again. Dean and Sam sighed in relief and stood. Ahadriel released his hold on Ben, giving him a nudge in Dean's direction. Ben ran the few steps to Dean, slamming into him and holding on tight. Dean wrapped his arms around the boy and backed up a few steps, turning his body away from the angel and shielding Ben. Sam tried to take a step toward Alexa, but found he couldn't move.

The angel said, "You stay there until my business is concluded." Then he said to Alexa, "Come along. I'm anxious to finish where we left off." He gestured at her.

"Go to hell," Alexa said to him, stepping around his outstretched arm and slapping her left hand on his forehead. Blood dripped down as the sigil on her palm activated. She turned her head away when he screamed briefly and glowed, then disappeared in a burst of light.

"That won't hold him for long. And he'll be pissed when he gets back. Get Ben to the house. I need the keys to the car. Hurry!" Alexa was running for the house.

"What did you do?" Sam yelled as he raced after her.

"Carved a sigil on my palm while he was paying attention to you. It will only banish him for a minute or two. Not enough room on my hand for the one that would have killed him."

They got back to the house. Dean shoved Ben into the closet, which was painted on all sides with sigils. He cut his arm and let a little of the blood drop onto Ben's palm. Pointing to a particular sigil, he said, "If anyone you don't know opens this door, slap that blood on this mark, okay?" Eyes huge, the eleven year old gulped and nodded.

Dean nodded back and tousled Ben's hair. "I love you. I'll be back in a few minutes." He closed and locked the closet door and looked around for a weapon. Sam had a duffel in his hand. He pulled an angel's sword out.

"You're going to need some help if you're going to try and gank him with that." Dean told his brother.

"Got a plan?" Sam asked.

"Maybe. Where's Alexa?"

"She went to the trunk of the car. I'm not sure what she's getting."

"Let's go find out."

Alexa slammed the trunk of the Challenger shut as they joined her. In her hand was the dagger that they'd taken during the leanan sidhe case.

"Whoa! What are you going to do with that?" Dean moved away from the blade.

"Planning on using it. On him. It should be loaded with Demon's Tears, right?"

"Yeah. Should be." Sam said.

"So, I let him get close. Stab him with this. Then you two use the sword and the Colt. Voilà. No more problem with Ahadriel."

"Short, simple. Better than my plan. I like it." Dean said, popping open the cylinder of the Colt and checking everything was set.

"I don't. You're hurt and he might be able to get the jump on you." Sam responded.

"I know, but we don't have a choice. Unless you can come up with a better plan in the next thirty seconds, because I'm pretty sure that's about all we have. He wants me, Sam. He'll come after me." Alexa said.

"He wants to kill you. Or torture you again. Neither of those alternatives is appealing to me – how about you?" Sam snapped at her.

"Nope. Definitely do not want more playtime with Ahadriel. But I also don't want him popping up whenever he damn well pleases and threatening the people I love! So this is the plan. Deal with it." She grabbed the front of his shirt and tugged him closer for a quick kiss. "Don't miss." She told him.

"I won't."

She turned to Dean and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "You either."

"Not a chance. Be careful."

Alexa nodded and jogged a few feet away, slowly turning in a circle, waiting for Ahadriel to come back. Dean and Sam hung back, weapons ready. They wanted to give her just enough room for the angel to feel comfortable attacking her, but not enough for him to get away.

It seemed like it was forever, but in less than a minute, Ahadriel was back, hurling invectives at Alexa.

"You brazen vermin! You lied to me!" He grabbed for her, but she ducked out of the way.

"Nope. Sorry. You have me mistaken for somebody else." She twisted out of his reach again, happy that his rage seemed to be a detriment to his fighting skills, at least for the moment.

Dean and Sam circled while Alexa kept the angel's focus on her.

"I never actually said I would go with you. I just let you believe that I would so you'd let Ben go. You're just pissed because you know you were breaking the rules and now you can't go whine to anyone about the fact that I tricked you. Because then all the rest of the angels would know that you broke the rules. Again." This time his lunge was fast enough that he caught hold of her, yanking on her arm so that she slammed into his chest. Rather than resist, she went with the motion, keeping the sidhe dagger close to her side. When she was pressed against him, she jammed the dagger into his side, between his ribs.

"Happy birthday," she told him as she yanked her arm from his grasp. He backhanded her and she flew through the air, landing on the trunk of the Challenger. She slid down to the ground and shook her head to clear it. Dean pulled the trigger on the Colt, and a blossom of blood appeared over Ahadriel's heart. He stumbled and looked down at the blood. When he looked over at Dean, it was with pure hatred.

"When Lucifer told you that the gun wouldn't work on him, he didn't mean because he was the Light-bearer. It won't work because he's an angel, fool."

Dean shrugged, tucked the Colt into the waistband of his jeans, and pulled out an angel's sword.

"I have a feeling this will." He smiled and waved the sword. Ahadriel thrust out a hand, and Dean was sent flying through the air, landing hard against a tree.

The angel turned to Sam. "Now then. Your turn, you mockery of a vessel. Destroyer of celestial intent. Because of you, none of this is over. If you had just done what you were supposed to do, we would have had our war and it would be ended by now."

"I've heard this all before. Same song, different day. You want me? Come and get me." Sam held his sword at the ready, watching for Dean and Alexa at the edges of his vision, knowing he probably wouldn't be able to kill the angel alone.

Ahadriel changed fighting tactics, disappearing and then reappearing suddenly in front of Sam. He grabbed Sam by the throat and lifted him up, so his feet were dangling off the ground. Sam swung the sword at him, but the angel blocked it. Sam's vision was beginning to go black at the edges when the angel dropped him, looking down at the dagger still in his side. He touched the hilt and withdrew it, staring at the blade.

"What did you do?" He asked Alexa.

She stayed where she was, kneeling in the dirt beside her car.

"It was coated in Demon's Tears." She told him.

The laugh that came from him was one of pure madness, but it turned into a scream of utter anguish as the pain finally hit him. He spasmed and fell to his side.

"I'll kill you for this. Then I'll bring you back, just so I can kill you again. I won't let them obliterate you until my vengeance is satisfied." Though he was writhing on the ground, he managed to push himself closer to her.

"You will do no such thing." Alexa touched the blood on her back, then pressed her hand to the sigil she'd drawn in the dirt just as Sam drove the angel sword into Ahadriel's chest. With a final scream, he blasted from existence. The shockwave knocked Sam from his feet and Alexa unconscious.

* * *

Alexa came to with Castiel carrying her up the stairs.

"Where's Sam? Is he okay? Put me down. How long was I out?"

"He's fine. He went to get first aid supplies. I told him I could carry you in without hurting you. You were only unconscious for a few minutes. How did you know that the sigil wouldn't kill you as well?"

"It didn't kill me last time, so I figured it was okay this time too."

They reached the top of the stairs, he lowered her legs to the ground and let her stand. "How do you feel?" Castiel asked her.

"Good, considering. Ahadriel is really gone, right? We don't need to worry about him putting anyone else in danger?"

"No. He is no more."

"Thank god." Alexa said.

Castiel's lips twitched in a small smile.

"Ben!" She suddenly yelled, surging toward the closet. She stopped when Ben came running out of the house, grabbing her in a hug.

"Are you okay? I'm so sorry! I didn't know that he was a bad guy. It's all my fault he hurt you." Ben was hyperventilating, panic setting in now that the danger was passed and the adrenaline drained from his system.

"Easy, buddy. I'm okay. Shh, Ben. This wasn't your fault, it's okay. Hush now. You're going to make yourself sick." Gently, she stroked his hair and muttered more soothing words as he clung to her, tightening his hold whenever she made a move to pull away from him.

"He did that to me when I first opened the closet door a few minutes ago, but then he heard you yell." Dean told her, stepping onto the porch. "How you doing?"

"I'm good, actually."

"What about your back?" Dean asked just as Sam rushed out, first aid supplies in hand.

"My back? Oh, yeah... why doesn't it hurt more?" She craned her head over her shoulder, trying to get a look at her back.

"I healed you." Castiel told her.

"What? Cas, no! You can't get kicked out because of me. Put it back. Unheal me or something. Don't be stupid!"

His blue eyes twinkled as he said, "I do believe that is the first time anyone has accused me of being stupid." He stopped to look at Dean, considering. "Or perhaps not. Regardless, I will not lose my Grace for this. Because of Ahadriel's interference and putting Ben in danger, it was deemed acceptable for me to heal you of what he did. This time only."

"Oh. Wow. Thank you. Are you sure? You aren't lying to make me feel better?" She narrowed her eyes at him.

"I am incapable of such subterfuge. And you are welcome. Take care of yourselves." There was a rustle of feathers and he was gone.

Alexa twisted, tugging her shirt up a little to look at her back. She let out a squeak of surprise.

"What?" Sam said moving toward her.

"Look. They're gone." She whirled around and pulled the blood soaked t-shirt up a few inches more. The skin of her back was smooth and unmarked.

"Your scars. When he healed you, he really went all out." Sam touched the skin of her back hesitantly, afraid of hurting her.

"Ha! They're gone." Alexa's grin was huge. She grabbed Ben, wrapped her arms around him and spun in a circle. Breathless with laughter, they danced on the porch together, celebrating. Alexa began singing "Ding-dong, the witch is dead" exhorting Ben to sing along. He gigglingly refused. Dean caught Ben before he could fall down the stairs and hugged him close, tousling his hair. Alexa jumped up on Sam, wrapping her legs around his waist, pressing her hands to either side of his face. He tripped and they both ended up crashing to the porch floor, laughing.

"Crap!" Alexa suddenly yelled.

"What's wrong?" Ben asked.

"I'm going to have to throw this t-shirt out." She scrunched up her nose and made a face. "I really liked this t-shirt."

"We'll get you a new one." Dean and Sam said simultaneously, shaking their heads.

* * *

That night they had a small celebration party. Lisa was filled in on the details of what had happened, or at least as much as she wanted to hear. About a quarter of the way into the story, she told them to stop.

"You got Ben to safety as quickly as you could?"

They all nodded.

"And he can't come back ever again to hurt anyone else?"

They all shook their heads.

"Then I don't want to know the rest. At least right now. Because the fact that he was in danger scares me to death and I don't want to do or say anything I'll regret later." Her hand shook as she lifted her beer to her lips. Dean sat close beside her, just leaning.

She looked at him, just nodding and trying to breath evenly. "He's safe. That's what's important. The rest can come later."

* * *

Later that evening, Alexa went out to sit by the firepit alone. Eventually, Dean joined her.

"Sam tells me you have some paperwork you want us to sign?"

"Yeah. Bank stuff."

"You don't think we're going to figure out a way to keep you topside, do you?" Dean looked over at her, the flames from the fire casting shadows across her face.

"I'm being realistic. I knew when I made the deal I wouldn't be getting out of it."

"You said you expected them to take you the same day, as soon as the deal was made. When that didn't happen, didn't you let yourself hope a little that maybe there was a way you could get out of it?"

"Nope." She leaned back and took a sip of cola.

"Why not?" Dean looked confused, and a little surprised.

Alexa sighed. She set the bottle of Coke on the ground next to her seat and pulled her legs up. Staring into the fire, she spoke softly. "Since I was seven years old, I've been living under a death sentence. There is no way I'll ever live out my natural life. Not when both Heaven and Hell want me dead." She paused and glanced at him.

"I resigned myself to a brutal, painful death a long time ago. But I hated the thought that it would be meaningless. Helping both of you was a chance to keep that from happening."

"We found a way to stop the Apocalypse, Alexa. Give us a chance and maybe we can find a way to keep you out of Hell without breaking the deal."

"You never found a way out of your deal. And Sam died to stop the Apocalypse, Dean. You almost did too. Sometimes you wonder if part of you did die, the same way he wonders about himself." She unfolded her legs from the chair and used a long branch to nudge one of the logs deeper into the fire. After watching for a moment, she continued, "Even if you did manage to find a way to break the deal without sending Sam back to Hell and the rest, it wouldn't matter. They'll still come for me." She shrugged and fell silent for a moment.

Her tone was matter of fact when she began speaking again. "I'm the Abomination. Living here, with all of you, would not be an option. Being in contact with you would not be an option. If Sam wanted to come with me, he wouldn't be able to talk to you without putting all of us in danger. He'd have to choose one of us, and break contact with the other. I could never let him do that. I'd just disappear instead, so your reasons for wanting to keep me out of Hell would be pretty pointless. Someday, they'd find me and do exactly what they're planning to do now anyway. Except that I wouldn't get to choose it then. This is my way of going down swinging, Dean. I'm making it cost them. Does that make any sense?"

"Too much." Dean's jaw clenched. He took a swig of beer and tapped the bottle on his knee.

The flames flickered as they both watched. Finally Dean looked back at Alexa. His expression was tight and unhappy. "Will they send hellhounds for you?" He asked.

Startled by the question, Alexa met Dean's gaze. The pendant from Sam sparkled in the firelight. "No. I'm supposed to go back to the place where I made the deal. I'll meet – well, not sure who now that Ahadriel is dead, probably Micah, his second – and a crossroads demon there. If I don't show, they'll consider it reneging on the deal and Sam will go back to the cage. The rest of you will be fair game."

Dean nodded, then huffed. "Alexa," he started. When his voice caught in his throat, he swallowed hard, then began again. His eyes glittered. "Whatever they offer you – you take it – the first time they offer. They want you to pick up a knife and torture someone yourself? Do it. No questions asked. Avoid whatever pain you can. I've been thinking about it. I know what they're going to do to you down there, Alexa. Give them whatever they want. Cas doesn't think you can be made into a demon, because of your mom, so that part doesn't matter. Even if they do, the angels will still come for you at the end of the deal, right? So it doesn't matter. Don't let them..." He clamped his jaw shut as a tear slipped out.

Alexa smiled sadly at him. "Dean, don't. Don't think about that. Worry about yourself. Take care of Sam and your family. Don't worry about me. Please."

He bit down hard and shook his head at her. "Tell me you'll do whatever they ask and I'll let it go."

"You want the lie or the truth?" She asked.

"Truth." He said quietly.

She stayed silent.

"They aren't going to offer you a damn thing, are they?"

She still didn't answer, shrugging instead.

"Dammit," he whispered, looking up at the night sky.

"Even if they did, I wouldn't want to take it. Not until I couldn't say no anymore."

They sat quietly, looking up at the stars. After a while, Alexa said to him, "That's my one real regret. Well, one of two."

"What is?"

"That it's causing all of you pain. Hopefully not much, but any pain is too much. I hate that. I wouldn't give back this year for anything, it's been the best one of my life, but I hate that it might cause any of you pain."

"What's the other one?"

"Wondering if maybe I should have found you sooner. Back when I first started having the visions. Sometimes I wonder if things might have been a little different had I gone looking for you. But I worried then that I'd just make things worse. More angels or demons on your doorstep was not what the two of you needed." She chuckled wryly.

"Uh, no. Definitely didn't need more of them." Dean quirked an eyebrow at her.

"We'll never know how it would have been, because I didn't make that choice. I made this one. Can't say as I regret it though, knowing that all of you will be safe."

"Thanks for Ben today, by the way."

"Welcome." She took a sip of her Coke.

They settled back into silence. Dean wanted to ask Alexa more, but didn't want to push too much tonight. _There's time_, he told himself, knowing that time was running out.

Sam walked over, carrying two beers. He put one beside Dean to have later and sat beside Alexa, facing them both. He leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees, holding the beer bottle loosely in one hand.

"Where's Lisa?" Dean asked.

"In with Ben." Sam answered. "I've got a question, and I don't think you're going to like it." He said to Alexa.

"Shoot. I'm guessing it's the same question Dean has been working up to."

"You caught that?" Dean looked a little sheepish.

Alexa nodded.

"What did Ahadriel mean when he said he wouldn't let them obliterate you?"

She sighed deeply. "Exactly what it sounds like."

"That's their plan? That's why your parents and brothers aren't anywhere? They don't exist anymore?"

Dean grunted. "I hate it when I'm right."

Sam said, "You knew?"

"No, I didn't know. I guessed. When Anna came after you – Cas told me that's what her plan was – to erase every molecule. It was the only way she could guarantee that Lucy couldn't bring you back. Never got a chance to confirm or deny my guess. And it isn't something I wanted to discuss over the phone."

Sam hung his head for a second, looking at the bottle of beer between his knees. Talking to the ground, he said, "This just keeps getting better and better, you know? They'll torture you for ten years, then wipe you out of existence. And for what? Because your parents were the celestial version of Romeo and Juliet. This is such crap."

Alexa and Dean waited for the explosion of anger, but it never came. Instead, he lifted his head and focused on Alexa. He looked heartbroken. "This just sucks. And I'm starting to think there's nothing I can do to stop it. I don't want to believe that."

Swallowing hard, Alexa said, "Sammy" in a plaintive whisper. "Don't do this to yourself. Please. I don't want you to hurt like this."

He smiled, but there was only pain in it. "How can I not?" He got up and dropped the beer bottle into the firepit, watching the contents spill from the broken glass. Walking away, he told them, "I'm going back to the house."

"Sam." Alexa whispered.

"Let him go." Dean told her. "You can talk to him in a little while. If you go now, it'll just be worse."

She nodded, acknowledging he was right.

"Promise me you'll take care of him, Dean. Please?"

"You know I will."

"I do. I just hate to see him like this. And know that it's my fault. If I'd just stayed distant, kept him at arm's length, maybe it wouldn't be hurting him."

"Maybe not. Or not as much. But you didn't, and I for one, am glad. It's been good, these past months, to see him this way. I didn't get a chance to ever see him at Stanford, so I don't know how he was with Jess. I was thinking about it the other day – this is the first I've ever really seen him happy. Content."

"Until I mess it all up."

"We'll get him through it. And ourselves, too. Cause we're going to miss you. Lisa knows, but we haven't told Ben. I don't know how to."

"When the time come, just tell him the truth. He'll be able to handle it."

"Yeah. Yeah, I suppose he will. Let's get back inside. I'll see if Lisa's ready to head home, or I can kick your butt in a few hands of poker."

"Not likely, old man." Standing, she held out her hand, hauling Dean to his feet. He groaned appropriately, then chuckled. Slinging an arm over her shoulder, they walked together back to the house. Eventually Lisa and Sam joined them in a few rounds of poker.


	22. Time has Come Today

_Okay everyone, here we go. I've posted the last three chapters at once because they fit together and I didn't want to make anyone wait anymore for the end._

**Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Supernatural and the characters therein belong to the actors, writers, directors, producers, and technicians that bring it to life. Rated T.**

A month later, Sam and Alexa were sitting at the table, eating cereal. Sam was also working on his laptop. They'd just come back from a short case. The previous month, Dean had asked that any cases they took from there on out were short ones. Both Sam and Alexa understood the reason behind the request and simply complied. Two cases had come up, both requiring only a night away, or perhaps two. Ben was out of school for summer vacation and spent many days at the house when he wasn't off with his own friends. Alexa was teaching him to play guitar. She was rushing a little now to finish breakfast so she could shower before Ben came over for a lesson. There were books piled on one side of the table and on the countertop next to the table. Another pile had migrated to the floor. Sam's laptop was nestled in and amongst the books, allowing him to research and eat his cereal at the same time. He was trying to find a way to keep Alexa out of Hell.

Looking at her across his bowl, Sam asked suddenly, "What if we got you pregnant?"

Alexa inhaled in shock and starting choking on a mouthful of cereal. She coughed hard, tears streaming from her eyes as she tried to clear her throat. When Sam leaned over to thunk her on the back, she moved away and wheezed out, "Give me a second." She spent a moment breathing deeply, then took a sip of water.

Finally she recovered enough to answer Sam. "Okay, first of all, who is we? I know you and Dean are a package deal, but I'm not interested." She coughed again. "At least not in him being part of the package that gets me pregnant." Frowning, she said, "Wow, that sounded so much less dirty in my head. I've been hanging out with Dean too much." She ignored the face that Sam made at her innuendo, instead continuing, "What exactly, would my being pregnant accomplish?"

"Can they take you to Hell if you're pregnant? Would the angels let them take you if it was destroying another life?"

"They've spent my entire life trying to kill me because of what I am. What do you think they'd want to do to a child of ours?" She pointed back and forth between them. "A quarter angel, a quarter demon, one half human hunter who stopped the Apocalypse. A kick-ass kid all around, but not one I think they'd appreciate. Besides," there was a pause as she took another sip of water, then began again, "I thought you and Dean agree you weren't ever going to have children. To make sure that the Winchester curse ended with the two of you. Are you sure you want to change your mind about that? I'm not saying that you shouldn't, just that you need to really think about it. There are good and bad reasons for you to have a child. I'm not sure saving me is one of the good ones."

Sam covered his face with his hands and scrubbed it a few times. "I'm sure. But when you put it like that, I mean, the rest of it..." His voice trailed off.

"Yeah, I know. Kinda sends the rest of the plan spinning into the stratosphere, doesn't it?" She paused, smiling suggestively at him. "Too bad. It would have been fun trying."

He slapped a hand down on the table, sloshing milk out of the cereal bowls. "How can you be so nonchalant about all this? Joking around? Doesn't it matter to you?" Real anger, tinged with frustration crept into his voice.

Startled, she said, "Hey." Alexa slid off her chair to stand beside him. She nudged him, saying, "Push back." Reluctantly, he shoved his chair a few feet away from the table and embraced her when she sat sideways on his lap. "I'm mad at you," he told her. She nodded, and facing him, brushed his hair off his forehead, resting the other hand against his collarbone.

"You have every right to be. But it does matter to me, Sam. The idea of what's coming scares me to death, to use an unfortunately apropos turn of phrase. I joke with you so that I don't start shrieking and throwing a tantrum like a two year old. I want to yell at the sky, stomp on the ground, blame my parents, beg someone – anyone – to stop this. I don't want to leave you."

She took his face in both hands and made sure he was looking her in the eyes before she repeated, "I don't want to leave you. It's going to be the hardest thing I've ever done. The only pain that compares to this would be watching my entire family get murdered and being helpless to stop it. But I made my choice. I'm doing this."

The anger eased out of him slowly as he considered her words. Pulling her closer, Sam said, "I won't let you. I'm going to take your place."

Alexa yanked back, almost slipping from his lap. "You'll do no such thing." She said sternly.

"It's my choice. You can't stop me. I was supposed to be there in the first place."

Jumping out of his lap, she shouted, "For the rest of eternity! I'll only be there for ten years."

"And then the angels will make it seem like you never existed. You'll be gone! If I go instead, maybe you and Dean can figure out a way to get me out."

"Listen to yourself. If you go to Hell, the deal is broken. Lisa and Ben will be in danger. So will Dean. But he'll stay here to protect them. I'll have to run, because both sides will come after me. They'll still want me dead, Sam. That won't change. I'll still be hunted." She took her soggy cereal from the table and moved to the sink, needing something to do with her hands.

She emptied the bowl and washed it while she spoke to him. "I won't be able to contact Dean or Bobby without putting them in danger. Which means I won't contact them, to keep them safe. I'll be alone again, like I was before, except this time, I'll know the difference. I'll know what it's like to actually have people who care whether I live or die, people I can lean on. But it won't matter, because being anywhere near them will get them killed. Oh, and add to that the fact that the man I love will be dead! I'll have nothing to live for anyway. Nothing! Exactly the same situation as before, except that it will hurt even more."

The cereal bowl was clean and she put it on a towel on the counter to dry off, then turned to face him, leaning back on the counter and drying her hands. "Don't you get it, Sam? When I made the deal, I wanted to die. Suicide by demons. All I wanted to save you first. Why do you think I asked you to shoot me the first time we met? My plan was to save all of you and die, because as far as I was concerned my existence was pointless. What I had wasn't a life."

Sam inhaled, startled by her admission. Before he could speak, she advanced on him angrily and told him, "If you contact them and take my place, I'll just make a new deal. Except I'll insist that they kill me right away this time."

"That's blackmail," he said, frowning.

Alexa shrugged. "I suppose it is, but it's also the truth."

He looked at her intently, trying to read her mood. She was obviously angry, but there were unshed tears in her eyes as well.

Quietly, he asked, "Is it really that bad?"

Confused, she said, "What do you mean?"

"Being with me. Apparently you'd rather be dead and tortured by demons than stay here with me. I didn't realize I was that bad."

"God, no. Is that what you think?" She studied his face for a moment, then frowned. "The guilt card? Really, Sam? You're playing the guilt card with me about _this_? That isn't fair."

"None of this is fair. But it doesn't make what I said any less true."

"You know damn well that I'm not leaving because I want to. Or because of anything you did or didn't do. I love you, idiot."

He groaned and tilted his head back. "I know."

She waited a beat to see if he would keep talking, then asked, "Would it be better if you forgot? I could ask Castiel to make all of you forget me after I'm gone. It would be easier for you, maybe."

"What? No! I don't want that. That's a terrible idea." Sam's head snapped up. He seemed genuinely shocked at the proposition. "Don't ask him to do that."

"I won't, if it's not what you want. But it might be easier. Less painful for all of you."

He looked away, gazing out the window instead of at her. "It shouldn't be easy. And it should be painful. You're dying. It's supposed to hurt like hell."

Alexa couldn't think of an answer to that. She watched him stare out the window. Finally he looked back at her.

"Ben will be here soon. You should probably go get ready, shouldn't you?"

"Yeah. You're right." She went upstairs to shower, leaving Sam at the table, back to staring out the window.

* * *

Alexa and Ben were sitting on the grass in the yard, legs crossed, guitars cradled in their laps. Chords were written on paper, propped up on the lid of Alexa's guitar case. They'd been practicing for about half an hour. Ben was working on learning songs to surprise both his mother and Dean.

He stilled his hands on the strings for a moment. Eyes downcast, he mumbled, "Alexa, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, what do you need to know?"

He hesitated, started to talk, then stopped. After taking a deep breath and exhaling, he fumbled again, unable to get started.

"It's okay. What is it you need to ask?" Alexa rested her hand on the body of the guitar, waiting for him to gather his courage.

Fingering the guitar strings, he looked over at her. "I heard Dean and Mom talking about you."

"Okay. So what's the question?"

"The things they were saying... it sounded like they were talking about you dying."

"Ah. That." She set her guitar in the case before she answered him. "You weren't supposed to know about that."

Shock colored his expression. "It's true then? You're dying?"

"Sort of."

"What do you mean, sort of?"

"Ben, I... You really should talk to your mother and Dean about this. They didn't..."

"No. No! I want to talk about it now. Mom still treats me like a little kid. And Dean, he follows her lead, because he doesn't want to upset her I guess, I don't know. But I need to know." His voice was shaking.

"Okay. But if you get me in trouble with them, I'm blaming you," she joked.

He muttered petulantly, "I'll throw myself under the bus."

"Fair enough." She made a disgusted sound, mostly at herself. "I don't even know where to start. About a year ago I..."

"Are you sick? I mean, I don't understand how you could be sick since you can heal yourself. Are you sick, though?"

"I'm not sick."

"Then what?"

Alexa pulled a dandelion from the ground and rubbed it back and forth across her palm. "I made a deal with some things."

"Things? What you guys hunt. Those kinds of things?"

"Yeah. It was to protect people. In exchange for the protection, I have to die. They gave me a year."

"What does that mean? They gave you a year to like, live?"

"Yeah." She answered quietly.

"When is the year over?"

"About a month."

"You're going to die in a month?" His voice cracked and broke on the last word.

"Ben."

"I don't want you to die!" He shouted.

"I wish I didn't have to."

"Who are these people?"

"The ones I made the deal with?"

"No! The ones that you're protecting. Who cares about them? They don't need your help, we do. We need you here. I heard Dean say it. He's worried about Uncle Sam. And Mom was talking about how nice it was to have you around. She said you help her understand Dean and Sam a little better." Ben was wavering between tears and anger, but anger seemed to be winning out. He was shouting, hands fisted at his sides. Sam and Dean had come out to the porch, alerted by his shouts, but they didn't interfere. They couldn't make out what he was yelling about just yet.

"What do you know about where Sam was before he came to stay with you last year?"

"Nothing. All Dean said was that he was away someplace bad and he didn't think Sam would ever be able to come back."

"Yeah. Someplace really bad." She paused. "The deal that I made, part of it was to get Sam out of that place."

"I thought you said it was to protect people."

"He was one of those people."

"Oh." Ben seemed to deflate a little as some of his anger drained away with this new information. In cautious tones, he asked, "Who are the other people?"

"Dean. Bobby. Your mom. You."

"You didn't even know us then."

"I'd never met you, but I kinda knew you. I had... still have, visions. I used to see Dean and Sam, then you and your mom when you were with Dean. I saw you all and I needed to protect you."

"Dean protects us."

"I know. And he does a great job."

"Sam protects us too. And he protects you."

"He does."

"And you protect him. I know you saved Dean's life too; they were talking about it a few months ago. So you protect us."

"I try. But sometimes I mess up. This might be one of those times: telling you now about all of this. Your mom and Dean are not going to be happy with me." She ducked her chin down so she could look him in the eye. "I'll tell you a secret. I made my choice about this deal and I agreed to everything that I agreed to, but I wonder sometimes if I made a mistake. If I should have fought harder for different circumstances. I never dreamed my dying would hurt anyone. I'm sorry, Ben, about dying."

"Yeah. Me too. I'm really gonna miss you. Dean sucks at video games and Sam's too serious. He plays 'em okay, but you're the only one who really has fun with them. And you don't treat me like a kid, much. You're teaching me guitar." He kept his head down, tearing bits of grass out of the ground, then shredding them.

"Well, thanks. It's good to put everything in perspective that way." She looked slightly askance at how easily he was adapting to the news. Then he looked up at her and his face was a portrait of adolescent pain.

"I really wish I knew a way to protect you, Alexa. Because I don't want you to go." He pushed his guitar from his lap and leaned over to her, silently asking for a hug. She enveloped him in her embrace and held on while he clutched at her, saying, "I don't want you to die. I want you to stay here."

She could only repeat, "I know, sweetie. I'm sorry," as she rubbed small circles on his back until he was finally ready to let her go.

* * *

Tomorrow would be the one year anniversary of the day Sam had been released from the Pit. They were at Lisa and Dean's, although they weren't really celebrating. No one could forget that in ten days, it would be the anniversary of the day they'd met Alexa. Which for them meant in eleven days she would be fulfilling the requirements of the deal in the Pit, unless they could figure a way out of it. Food on the grill, games, an easy, slow, late summer day. Everyone focused on that, rather than the circumstances bringing them together. They ate a late lunch, or early dinner depending on who was asking and were now in the family room talking and watching Ben play video games.

"We should play Rock Band so I can show off my new guitar skills." He turned off the console and changed the game, then gathered guitars, drums, and the microphone.

"I call drums." Dean said.

Lisa announced, "Alexa should sing."

"Yeah, cause none of us want to suffer through Sammy's singing if we don't have to." Dean smirked when Sam made a face at him.

"Works for me." Ben said, shoving the microphone into Alexa's hand. "Sam, you want the other guitar?"

"Sure."

"Okay buddy, you get it set up and we'll be right back. Anybody want drinks?" Dean said, motioning for Sam to follow him to the kitchen.

Ben scrolled through the song selections, working on getting things set up. He consulted Alexa, discarding some because Dean would hate them, others because he didn't think Sam would know them. Some he declared not worthy of his new guitar skills. Finally, his eyes lit up.

"This one. It's an awesome song. They'll both know it. You know it, right? And it has plenty of guitar stuff for me to do."

Alexa nodded that she knew the song and Ben shuffled around on the remote, muttering to himself. "Expert for me and Alexa, easy for Dean and Sam." The two brothers came back from the kitchen, carrying sodas for everyone.

"Got everything ready yet?" Dean asked.

"Yep. Grab a seat by the drums." Ben handed the guitar to Sam, who strapped it over his shoulder. Dean laughed at him.

"What now?" Sam wanted to know.

"Thing just looks so tiny when it's strapped on your shoulders, Sasquatch."

Sam grimaced at his brother, which only made Dean laugh harder. He gave up, then rolled his eyes when he saw both Lisa and Alexa snickering.

"Hey Ben, put Dean's on expert so that he fails out right at the beginning. Alexa's too." Sam said.

"Alexa's is already on expert and I'm not putting Dean on expert because I want you guys to finish the song. It's more fun that way. Get ready. Alexa sings first for a second, then we come in." He grinned and pressed a few buttons.

The game started up and words appeared at the top of the screen. Alexa began singing.

_Carry on my wayward son, there'll be peace when you are done. Lay your weary head to rest, don't you cry no more._

They made it through the entire song, both Dean and Sam failing out only once, but saved by Ben and Alexa. Lisa laughed and cheered, especially during Ben's solo. Sam smiled and laughed with everyone else when they finished, but he had a hard time shaking the melancholy feeling created by Alexa's singing. _We have to figure this out. We're running out of time_. Ben picked another song and they all joined in. Eventually, it was time for Ben to go to bed. The four adults sat in the living room, talking, sharing company. Around midnight, Alexa got up, stretched, and said, "Probably time for us to be getting home, don't you think?"

Sam nodded his agreement. Alexa gave Lisa and Dean both hugs before leaving.

They chatted on the drive back, joking about the video games. Back at the house, Alexa curled against Sam in their bed. She kissed his neck and sighed.

"I love you, Sam. Just so you know. I'll keep loving you."

"Stop that. We might figure something out still. Ten days is time."

"I know. But I still wanted to tell you that I love you."

"I love you, too." He pressed his cheek to her hair, breathing in deeply.

"No nightmares." She told him, brushing her fingertips over his tattoo.

"They've been a lot better lately. I think they're tapering off."

"Good. Let's make sure though." The familiar warmth started where her hand was touching him, spreading outward gradually.

He pulled her hand away. "Let's not go to sleep quite yet." He rolled onto his back, pulling her with him. "There are other things to do first."

Alexa smiled and kissed him tenderly. "I like the way you think."

* * *

Sam was sleeping beside her, as he had been all night. Alexa had foregone sleep to watch him, trying to memorize every detail. _Strange_, she thought. _I never noticed before how we always maintain a touch when we're sleeping. We each migrate to our own side of the bed at some point, but there's always a point of contact between us. A hand, or a leg. Always a connection._ Her chest got tight for a moment. _I can't do this. How can I leave you? And how can I not?_ Just before dawn, she caressed his cheek and pressed her lips to his shoulder. Then she eased out of bed, careful to not wake him. Quietly, she slipped into jeans. Her hand hovered over her shirt, then picked up the one Sam had been wearing the day before. _Sorry love, you won't be getting this back_, she thought. With her boots and socks tucked beneath her arm, she went downstairs. She took a legal sized envelope bumpy with contents from where she'd hidden it in the guest room the day before. After placing it on the table, she quickly wrote out a note, addressed it to Sam, and leaned it on the envelope. Then she put on her socks and boots.

Taking a deep breath, she looked around, making sure nothing was forgotten. With a last look upstairs, she eased out the door, locking it behind her. Once in the yard, she spoke.

"Castiel. Hello, Castiel. This is me, praying for you to show up. Please and thank you."

Alexa heard the familiar displacement of air behind her and turned to the angel.

"It's time." She said.

He nodded gravely and held out his hand. She took a deep breath then stepped forward to grasp it. Castiel gave her a small, reassuring smile.

"Thank you for doing this. I appreciate you bringing me there."

"It's my honor, Alexa." With another soft rustle, they were gone.

* * *

Sam woke slowly the next morning, suffused with warmth. At first he thought Alexa was taking his nightmares in her sleep, but when he reached for her hand, he touched his own bare chest instead. Sleepily he opened his eyes, wondering where she might be. It was too early to get up, especially on a Sunday morning. He rolled toward her side of the bed, frowning when when he noticed her jeans and shoes were gone. She was up for the day.

He got out of bed and pulled on his own jeans, chuckling softly when he noticed his shirt was missing. _She snagged it again_, he thought to himself. _I'm not going to have any left if Alexa keeps taking them to wear herself. _

"Hey, Alexa? What're you doing up this early?" He called out from the hallway balcony. Getting no answer, he continued downstairs. "Alexa?"

A sense of dread began to gather in his belly. She wasn't in the house. The door was locked, but the salt line was pushed back. It was then he noticed the legal sized manila envelope propped up on the table. The dread sank to his gut, clenching like a fist inside him. A piece of paper with his name was propped against the envelope. He snatched it off the table as he sank to the chair. Then he read.

_Sam, _

_ My year is up. I'm sorry I let you believe that the clock started ticking the day we met, rather than the day you came back, but it was a necessary deception. You cannot be there when I die. I can't tell you why, but suffice it to say that it would be bad. I didn't think I'd be able to convince you to stay away, so I let you think we had more time. Rotten trick, I know, and I'm sorry for it. The trick part, not the part about keeping you away. Please forgive me. What's in the envelope is for you. _

_ Love you, _

_ Alexa_

Suddenly the room was too cold and he couldn't breathe. Heaving air into his lungs, he scrambled for his phone, hit the speed dial for Dean, screaming for Castiel at the same time. Dean answered, sounding groggy and still half asleep.

"She's gone. The year was up today, not next week. It was a year from the day I came back, not the day we met her. There's a note here; it says not to follow her. Dean, help me. We have to do something."

"Hang up the phone. Get dressed. I'll see if I can get in touch with Cas."

A few minutes later, Sam was dressed, armed, and pacing when Castiel appeared in the room with Dean.

"Cas! Do you know where she is?"

"Yes. I do."

"Great. Take us there." Sam stepped forward even as the angel stepped away.

"That is not what Alexa wishes. She asked me not to bring you to her."

Sam shouted, "I don't care! I'm not letting her die alone. You have to bring us. Please, do this for me." He grabbed the lapels of Castiel's trench coat. "Cas, please. Don't let it happen this way. Help me."

"There is a reason for you not to be there. Either of you." Castiel responded.

"Does this have to do with the damn deal again? Is it the final thing she couldn't tell me, the one I never figured out?" Sam was pacing again.

"Yes."

"I don't care what it is. Just take me to wherever Alexa is. Dean – please – you wouldn't let me die alone, even when they all told you there was nothing you could do. We can't let Alexa die alone. I have to at least be there."

"Cas, if we go, is anything going to try and kill us? Is that the reason Alexa didn't want us there?" Dean asked, holding out an arm to still Sam's pacing.

"No. You should be safe. That wasn't the reason."

"You can't just tell us the reason, right?"

"No."

"Will it reverse the deal she made?"

"It shouldn't."

"Can you take us to her?" Dean asked quietly.

"If that is truly what you wish. But you should know Alexa is trying to protect you both by going alone. She does not want you there."

"Maybe not. But she needs us there. She's just being a friggin' martyr again. Sort of." Dean made a face, half grimace, half pained confusion. "Take us. Please."

Castiel stepped toward them both. "Of course."

* * *

Alexa was standing in the middle of an empty dirt field in the middle of nowhere. Two others were with her, a demon and an angel. The demon was leaning against the hood of his car, surfing the internet on his cell phone. The angel stood. Just stood. His eyes were closed and he was completely motionless. Alexa walked in slow circles around the car, waiting for one of them to speak to her.

"Look, can we get on with it? I'm here. The deal is good. Kill me already." She stopped in front of the demon, throwing her arms out to her sides. "What is the problem?"

With a shrug of his eyebrows, the demon said, "Talk to him," and pointed over to the angel.

She grunted in frustration and went to stand by the angel.

"Micah, what are you waiting for?"

"Ahadriel's orders were to wait until the end of the day. To give the Winchesters time to arrive."

"Yeah, well, he's dead. Surprise. You don't need to follow his orders any more. Try thinking for yourself. It might be a nice change of pace for you." She scoffed at him.

He opened his eyes and gave her a calm, rather derisive look. "His death does not negate his orders. Seeing as you were the cause of his death, I'm not terribly inclined to listen to your opinion on the matter regardless."

The demon chuckled. "You need to get out more. They haven't spoken like that down here in about a hundred and fifty years."

"Fine. I get it. He's following orders. What's your excuse? I'm supposed to go with your side first anyway. Let's go." Alexa advanced on the demon again. He was still resting against the car fender, phone in hand.

"I'll wait. There's nothing urgent on my schedule today, and I admit my curiosity is piqued. Will they show up? Won't they? What will happen when they do?" He open his eyes wide, mocking her as he glanced up from his cell phone.

Alexa slapped the device out of his hand. "I told you already. They aren't coming."

"On the contrary, darling. They're here." He pointed behind her and bent to retrieve his phone.

Whirling around, she looked out over the no longer empty field. Sam was standing with Dean and Castiel about twenty feet away.

"Nonono," she almost moaned the word. "Get out of here. I told you not to come – leave."

Micah finally moved. "If they leave now, the deal is broken." He strode forward to meet Sam and Dean as they approached. Making a show of flipping his sword around, the angel held the weapon out to Sam, hilt first.

Sam looked askance at the sword. "Why are you handing me that?"

"So you can kill her." Micah answered.

"What? I'm not going to kill her."

"No? You, then?" The angel held the sword out to Dean, who shook his head no. "Is the deal being broken then?"

"No!" Alexa screamed the word and ran over to them. She grabbed Micah's arm. "They don't know. I couldn't tell them about the conditions of the deal. They have no idea what you're talking about."

"You have my permission to enlighten them." He handed her the sword and took few steps back.

Before she could even look at them, Sam had wrapped his arms around Alexa and pulled her tight against his body, pressing her face to his shoulder. "There is no way I would let you go through this alone. Even if I can't save you, I won't leave you alone to face this."

Wordlessly, she wrapped both arms around Sam's neck, dropping the angel sword on the ground before grabbing him. She clung to him for a moment or two. Then she tilted her head up, wrapped one hand in his hair, and kissed his fiercely. When the kiss had gone on just long enough to have Dean clearing his throat, she stepped back and punched Sam on the arm, hard.

"Dammit, Winchester. Why do you have to be so stubborn? God, just this once I wish you had listened to me. I wasn't being a martyr by coming here alone. I was protecting the two of you. Ahadriel had one last condition on this deal that you never guessed and I didn't want it to happen. Crap!" She moved to punch Sam again, but there was no force behind it, only despair. He caught her hand easily. Dean moved beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders even as Sam took both her hands in his.

"I think I guessed, but let's make sure here. We showed up, and now one of us has to kill you. Am I right?" Dean asked.

Miserably, she nodded, looking away from both of them.

"Ahadriel really was a son of a bitch, wasn't he?" Dean muttered.

Shock, tinged with horror colored Sam's face. "I can't kill you. I can't."

"I know, Sam. But now one of you has to. Argh! Castiel, why did you have to bring them here?"

"They asked. I explained you didn't want them here, but they asked."

Alexa screamed in frustration, stomping her foot like a child.

"Are you going to throw a tantrum? This is fascinating." The demon slid the cell phone in his pocket and strolled over.

"Shut up, cretin," Alexa said.

"Tsk. Name-calling will get you nowhere."

"Are you offering a solution that doesn't involve one of them having to kill me?" She asked him.

"I could take Sam home instead. We've missed him down there."

"No." Alexa and Dean said simultaneously.

"Then no. I've got nothing."

Sam was about to say something when Alexa slapped her hand over his mouth. "Stop. Before you say a word, remember what we talked about. I'll just make a new deal. Would you really condemn me to a life on the run? I'll have nothing. Don't do that to me, Sam. Please."

She watched, pained, as the last light of hope seemed to dim in his eyes. He bowed his head, and she slipped her hand to his cheek.

"I didn't want this. I'm so sorry. I wish there was another way. But I want you to live." She rubbed her thumb over his cheekbone and closed her eyes against the wave of pain she felt inside.

Slowly, Alexa crouched and picked up Micah's sword. She held it, hilt out, between the two brothers, waiting to see which would reach for it first. Sam did. He grasped it tightly in his fist, staring into her eyes.

"It's okay, Sammy. You'll be okay. I love you." Alexa smiled at him, but her eyes were filled with the sadness of what this was costing him.

Hand shaking, he held the sword a few inches from her torso for a long minute. His gaze flickered down to the sword, then back to her eyes. He started to breathe hard, and said brokenly, "I can't do this."

Dean reached for his shoulder, saying, "It's okay. Let me..."

Alexa clasped Sam's wrist and stepped forward, impaling herself on the sword. She turned slightly to the side, intentionally causing more damage.

"No!" The word torn from Sam's throat was more a howl than a scream. He caught her as her knees buckled. Kneeling in the dirt, he cradled her in his arms as the blood oozed from her wound with each heartbeat.

"Why did you do that? Why, Alexa?"

"Couldn't let Dean do it. He'd feel bad, and you'd always remember. This way, neither of you is guilty. It's done."

Micah cut in. "I believe, technically, by stepping into the blade, you committed suicide. Which means the deal is off."

Castiel voice was steely when he responded. "Sam was holding the blade that killed her. Only his hand touched it. The terms of the deal have been met. There will be no further discussion on the matter." He stood a little straighter and seemed to grow in stature as he looked challengingly at Micah.

The other angel just shrugged. "That's acceptable, if you have no objections?" He directed his question at the demon.

The demon also shrugged. "No objections here. Rather cleverly done actually." He pulled his phone back out and began tapping the screen. "Let me know when you're done."

Alexa reached down and yanked the sword from her gut, increasing the blood flow from the wound. Sam pressed one hand against the wound, trying to staunch the bleeding. She pulled his hand away, holding it securely in her own.

"Baby, stop. You have to let me go now. Remember that I love you. Forget about all the rest. You can get through this, Sam. I know that you're strong enough." A few tears slipped from her eyes. The pain there wasn't from her wound, but rather from seeing him hurting, and Dean too.

Dean crouched down and grasped her free hand. She smiled, weakly. "Hey, big brother. Take care of him, please. And the family."

"You know I will. That's my job."

"Take care of yourself, too."

"Got it." Dean clenched his jaw and shook his head at her. "I'm really going to miss you."

Gasping a little, she said, "Miss you too."

She turned back to Sam. "Wish I knew a way to make this easier. Better. I'm so sorry." Her breathing was ragged now, and the blood from the wound stained both of them with darkness.

"I don't want you to die." He squeezed her hand and bent to press his forehead against hers. "I love you." Her grip on his hand weakened and faltered as she answered him.

"Love you." There was crackling, congested rattle as she inhaled. She whispered, "goodbye," then exhaled one final time.

Sam pulled her up, clutching her tight against his chest, murmuring "No" and "please" over and over. Dean still held her hand. Eyes glittering, he asked Castiel, "What happens now?"

The demon answered him. "I take her soul with me for fun and games. In ten years, one of them," he indicated the two angels, "will come and collect her."

"What about her body?" Dean asked.

"Don't need it. Take it. I'll just take what I came here for and leave." He motioned to Alexa's body.

Sam snarled at him, holding her closer. Castiel placed his hand on Sam's shoulder.

"If you don't let him take Alexa's soul, she will have died for nothing. You'll also trap her soul here, and she'll become something you would need to hunt. Staying with her body now can only cause her pain. Please. Let me." Sam looked up, ready to snarl at Castiel too, but the angel's blue eyes were pleading. Castiel's sadness resonated somewhere deep inside Sam, breaking through his grief for a moment. He looked at Dean, and saw that he was suffering as well.

His brother said to him, "Listen to him. Please, Sam. I hate to say it, for so many reasons, but you have to let her go."

Sam loosened his hold slightly. Gently, Castiel eased Alexa's head back so that he could touch her temple. A soft bluish gold light began to gather in his cupped hand. The demon pulled a small, silver hinged box from his pocket and pulled it open. Castiel walked to the demon. He placed his hand over the box and tilted it as if he were pouring water from his cupped hand. The glow slipped into the box, settling at the bottom, pooling like blue gold mercury.

The demon smiled as he snapped the box shut. "A pleasure doing business with you. See you in a few years then." He walked to his car and drove away.

Micah said, "Goodbye brother," to Castiel and disappeared without another word.

There was a smear of blood on Alexa's face from Sam caressing her cheek. He didn't speak, just rocked back and forth with her in his lap, whispering to her. Dean watched him for a moment, then asked Castiel, "Can you please take us home?"

"Of course, Dean." There was a rush of displaced air and the dirt field was empty again.


	23. Dreaming with a Broken Heart

**Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Supernatural and the characters therein belong to the actors, writers, directors, producers, and technicians that bring it to life. Rated T.**

Dean stood beside Sam as they watched the flames lick at the funeral pyre they'd built for Alexa. He hadn't spoken a word since bringing Alexa's body home the day before. He'd sat beside her all night, staring at her, holding her hand. When Dean had talked to him about the pyre, Sam had simply reached over and taken her necklace off, tucking it in the pocket of his jeans. Then he'd wrapped her body in a sheet and carried it out to the edge of the yard. Together, they built the pyre while Castiel invisibly kept watch, making sure the smoke wouldn't attract unwanted attention. Now his baby brother stood at the closest edge of the flames, just a little too near. The heat made the skin on his face tight and soaked into him.

"Sam. Take a step back. C'mon." Dean tugged a little at Sam's elbow, pulling him away. When Sam turned to look at him, his eyes were empty. He looked lost and broken.

"Don't do this to yourself. Alexa wouldn't want this for you. She did all this to protect you, to protect us."

"She was wearing my shirt."

"What?"

"My shirt. Alexa had on one of my favorite shirts. She was doing that lately. Wearing my shirts – especially ones I'd worn for a little while. Actually, a couple times I wore one for an hour or two, then took it off, so she could grab it. Never told her, but I liked seeing her wearing them. She said they smelled like me, and it made her happy. Yesterday, she had one on when she died. When I ki... when they... all this. I can't do this, Dean."

"Let us help you. You aren't alone."

"She's gone. Gone."

"I know, Sam. I know. I'm so sorry."

He exploded into movement, stepping toward Dean, then back to the fire. Every part of him was tense, edgy. "Why does everything I touch go to hell? I screwed up my life. Almost destroyed your life, got Mom and Jess and probably Dad killed. And now Alexa's dead. Because she was protecting me. She's gone!" He was raging, wild-eyed. He paced in circles, running his hands through his hair, practically ripping it out by the roots.

"I know. Please, come inside. Let us help you."

Without answering, Sam turned back to the pyre, where Alexa's body was no longer distinguishable from the logs they'd used to start the fire. Stillness returned and he stared into the center of the burn, face riven.

Dean was at a loss. He had no experience with Sam like this. Yes, baby brother had been miserable when Jess died, but it hadn't been like this. According to Bobby, he was a lot like this when Dean himself had died, but Bobby had no ideas on how to help. Sam had taken off shortly after they'd buried Dean, and Bobby didn't know what had worked him out of it, or if he'd ever really worked his way out of it. _Maybe Lisa will be able to help_, he thought hopefully. _When she's not busy trying to help Ben. And me. And herself. _He sighed. _Son of a bitch, we're all grieving here._

With that thought, he knew, at least in part, what to do. He stood beside his brother and reached out to place his hand on Sam's shoulder, giving it a squeeze. For the next few hours, they watched everything burn, silent witnesses to a life gone by. When everything left was embers, no longer active flames, Dean took Sam's elbow again, gently leading him away. This time Sam followed for the first few steps. When he stopped, Dean turned back to look at him, only to find him looking over his shoulder at the remains of the pyre.

"Sam." He said quietly.

His brother faced him again. Still without tears, now Sam wore a look of haunted pain that made Dean's stomach twist. Before he could think of what to say, Sam spoke.

"She's gone." His voice was flat and empty sounding. Without another word, Sam crumbled to his knees, wrapping his arms around himself, trying to find something to hold, a way to keep from shattering with the force of pain he held locked inside. His head began to bow toward the ground, but Dean was there, kneeling in front of him. An anchor. Finally, Sam gave in and let the grief overtake him. He sobbed brokenly against Dean's shoulder, feeling like a child again. The weight and warmth of Dean's hand on his back comforted him, the way it had always done. In his head, the refrain repeated, _She's gone. Dead. What do I do now? Without her? How do I keep going on when she's gone?_

He sat back on his heels, tears drying on his face, staring vacantly at a spot over Dean's shoulder. A thought occurred to him and he said, "I want to know what she put in the envelope." Surging to his feet, he rushed toward the house. He burst through the door, startling Lisa and Bobby as they conversed in the living room. Ben jumped, nearly dropping Alexa's guitar, which he had been quietly strumming. Sam paused in his headlong drive to take in the sight of Ben with her guitar.

The boy stammered, "Sorry. I know I shouldn't have, but I wanted to hear it. Hear her. I thought, maybe. I'm sorry."

Sam told him, "It's okay, Ben. She wanted you to have it. It belongs to you now. You don't need to apologize. I miss her too." He tousled Ben's hair as he passed by, then went upstairs to the bedroom he'd shared with Alexa. On the dresser was a large legal sized white envelope, bulging with its contents. He sat on the bed, then ripped the envelope open and spilled everything onto the mattress.

He sat on the bed and started to sort through the items. Her mp3 player was there, with a sticky note reading, 'Playlists for Sam'. Powering it up, he scrolled through the playlists and found a number apparently addressed to him. One called 'when Dean is in the car' made the ghost of a smile slip across his face. He tucked the headphones in his ears and hit play on the list titled 'for a sad Sam'. Instead of the melancholy tones he'd expected, something mellow, but leaning toward upbeat, played. He left it on and looked at the rest of the items. Alexa's keys to the Challenger and the house were there. Sam had his own set for both, but seeing hers there, knowing she wouldn't use them again made him ache with loss. There was a set of legal documents, a bank book, and two letters. One addressed to him, the other to Dean. He flipped open the letter for him and began reading.

_ Sam, _

_ Ástin mín. I hate to start with something melodramatic like 'by now I'm gone', but it's true. I am gone. Please know that I love you. Always did. Hopefully, my plan to keep you away from the end of this worked. Cas will explain why to you. If it didn't work and you were there... let's just say I really hope that didn't happen. Please let that not have happened. _

_ I left a few things for you. The car and the house are yours to do with whatever you want. Keep them, sell them. Doesn't matter. Whatever makes you happy. I wanted to give you the option of having a home base for yourself. But I'd understand if you didn't want one, especially this one. The money in the bank account is yours. Thank my parents, not me. It belonged to them. My mom, back when she made arrangements for that hunter to take me in if anything ever happened, left him word of it. He was a very honest guy. He used only a little to take care of me and made sure I knew about the account. Brought me to the bank with him a few times as well. After he and his family died, and I got away, I went back and got it. It's yours now. Share it with Dean, give it to charity, do whatever you want. I bought the house from Hank a few months ago and_ _put it in your name. _

_ So that's the business stuff out of the way. And now I'm at a loss. Words don't really measure up here. They don't cover this. I want to say something amazing to let you know how much I love you, something that will ease any ache in your heart and let you go forward without any pain. But those kinds of words don't exist. Or at least I can't seem to find them. _

_ Instead I'll offer you this. Remember the time we looked at the stars in Lisa and Dean's backyard? I told you I thought the stars were hope, because maybe the one you were wishing on was still there. And maybe they were proof that things can live on, long after what created them has died. So look at the stars. My love will stay, even though I'm gone now. Live, Sam. Know that I love you, and live._

_ Alexa _

He put everything back in the envelope and carried it downstairs. Everyone looked at him as he stood there in the middle of the room, motionless.

"She, uh, she left this. Alexa. There's a letter for you, Dean. And some other stuff." Lisa edged closer to Dean on the couch and patted the cushion beside her. Sam walked over and sat down heavily, suddenly exhausted. Dean took the letter and read it. Silently, he passed it back to Sam when he finished.

"No. It's okay. She wrote it to you. Maybe later I'll read it." Sam told him.

Dean nodded and placed the letter beside him on arm of the couch.

"What's the rest of this stuff?" Dean asked.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about." Sam dumped the contents of the envelope a second time and showed his family what Alexa had left behind.

* * *

Later that night, in their bedroom, Sam pulled the mp3 player out again. Lisa and Dean were sleeping in his old bedroom next door. Bobby was downstairs in the guest room and Ben was on the couch. He reclined on the bed, earbuds in his ears and scrolled through the playlists Alexa had created. He took note of 'really sad songs – honest' and ignored 'to make you laugh' for the moment. At the end of the lists, he found one titled 'when you want to hear my voice'.

Breath catching in his throat, he pressed play. A guitar started playing, then Sam heard Alexa's voice singing. It was the same song he'd heard her perform at Charlie's, the first night they met. When it finished, she began a second song. He shut his eyes, focusing on the sound of her voice in his ear, letting it lull him to sleep.

The nightmare started the way they almost always did. He couldn't tell at first if it was real or imagined. Sam watched Ahadriel plunge a sword into Alexa's heart, unable to stop him, to reach her. In the moment before he realized that he was asleep, he felt warmth spreading outward on his chest and Alexa's familiar touch over his heart. He relaxed into it, knowing that she'd help the way she always did. Slowly he eased up out of the dream into wakefulness. There was an instant of peace before the reality of it all slammed into him. The nightmare was real. Alexa was dead. He rolled out of the bed and fell to his knees when his feet got tangled in the sheets. Dean was suddenly in the room next to him, bracing him so he didn't face plant on the floor.

"You okay?"

"I fell out of bed. Was having a dream and fell out of bed when I tried to get up too fast."

Dean pushed out his lower lip and lifted his eyebrows. "Fair enough. Let's get you back into bed." He hoisted Sam up by putting a hand under his armpit. When Sam swayed, Dean put a steadying hand against his chest.

"Dude, you getting a fever or something? Your chest feels warm." Dean splayed his hand against his brother's chest for a second, then touched it to Sam's forehead.

"What? No, I'm fine." Sam touched his chest, feeling the warmth Dean spoke of. He sat on the edge of the bed. "Huh."

"What does that mean?" Dean asked.

"Dunno. I was having a nightmare. Then I could feel Alexa there, taking it away, like she's been doing for the last year. It felt so real. And now this." He lifted his hand to his chest again. "Do you suppose she did something before she left?"

"Maybe. I wouldn't put it past her."

They sat side by side for a moment without talking. Finally Dean asked, "Can you go back to sleep? You didn't get much."

"I'll try."

Dean paused by the doorway. "We'll get you through this, Sammy. You aren't alone. We're all going to miss her. Not like you will, but, well, you get it."

Sam nodded sadly at him. "I know. Thanks, Dean. I'll see you in the morning."

"Okay."

Alone again in the room, Sam straightened the covers on the bed and slid beneath them. He curled onto his side, hands pressed to his chest, feeling the slowly fading warmth there. Closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply, breathing in the scent of Alexa's perfume on the pillow. Heart aching, he surrendered to sleep, knowing that in the morning he would begin life yet again, this time, without her.


	24. Ten Years Gone

**Disclaimer: Only the idea is mine. Supernatural and the characters therein belong to the actors, writers, directors, producers, and technicians that bring it to life. Rated T.**

The phone call with Dean was brief.

"Hey, it's me. Hunt's done. I got it. I'm fine."

"Good, Sam. That's good." There was a pause and his brother asked, "Are you going to be back here tomorrow?"

Sam sighed. "Yeah. I'll be there. Home base. See you." He hung up without waiting for Dean's answer. Then he drove all night to get back to the house he called home base, the one he'd shared for a short time with Alexa, all those years ago.

* * *

Dean showed up with Lisa and Ben early in the morning. Sam gave them all a hug, talking to Ben about senior year in college and what graduate programs he was considering applying to. They continued to talk, and he let himself fall out of the conversation, pretending to listen. He noticed finally they'd stopped talking and were watching him.

"Sorry. Got distracted. You know what? I'm going to go outside for a while, sit by the fire pit. You guys stay here, we can have lunch later." He stood up and headed for the door.

"Sam." Dean said behind him.

"I'm fine, Dean. It's fine." He answered without turning around.

* * *

Out by the fire pit, he sat back in the chair and stared up at the sky. _Will there be a falling star when they finish it? Will there be any sign at all she's gone? I know it's today, but when? What if it was last night, while I was driving? _He wondered. His jaw clenched and he closed his eyes. _Still hurts_, he reflected. _Still hurts as much as the day she died. She was right about that_. _It doesn't ever really go away. You just expand with the pain until it becomes your new normal._ A gentle breeze brushed his hair off his face. It carried the smell of the pine trees and another scent: familiar, light and spicy. Fingertips caressed his cheek, traced his jawline.

Startled, his eyes snapped open and he bolted upright in the chair.

Alexa was standing beside him, smiling. The clothes were the same she was wearing on the day she died. She looked much the same as that day, except for her eyes. Her gray eyes were haunted with shadows and storm clouds. Castiel stood silently a few feet behind her.

"Oh my Sammy." She whispered to him. "It's so good to see you. But why are you out here all alone?"

He gasped. "Is it really you?" He glanced back at Castiel. "Did they – are you free? Are they letting you go?"

She took a deep, steadying breath, her smile wavering a bit. Shaking her head, she told him, "No. Cas asked to be the one who got me back from the Pit. He asked if he could bring me here to see you one more time and say goodbye before we finish up the deal. They said yes. I wasn't sure it was a good idea, but he thought it would be. And I admit it, I let him convince me, because I selfishly wanted to see you one last time." Sam looked over her shoulder at Castiel, who nodded his head once, solemnly.

"I'll come back later." He vanished.

Sam hesitated, then tentatively reached toward her hand. She entwined her fingers with his, laughing a little as tears began to slip from her eyes. "I've missed you so much, Winchester. Every day for over a thousand years." Grimacing at herself, she said, "I feel so stupid, crying this way when I'm really so happy to see you." Sniffling, she wiped away the tears on her cheeks.

He tugged her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her face to his. He was relieved that although she looked somehow insubstantial, he could still feel the strength in her body. "Alexa," he whispered. She placed her hands on either side of his face, brushing his hair back with her fingertips again. "Ástin mín," she whispered back. "You still need a haircut."

He laughed. "You know, I did look that up. Even before you died. That and the other thing you always used to call me. It means my love. The other one means handsome."

"I knew you'd get around to it eventually, Stanford. And you are."

"Which one?"

Her tears fell a little faster and she smiled a little harder. "Both, of course. Silly Sam." She leaned down and kissed him gently, the softest of touches. Then she whispered against his lips, "I still love you. Never stopped. I thought of you every day while I was gone."

In answer, Sam wrapped his hands up in her hair, pulling her closer, kissing her hard, urgently. "I've missed you so much. You can't leave. I love you."

"Shh. Hush now, love. It's going to be okay." She pulled his head to her shoulder and pressed her cheek against his hair. "I just wanted you to know that it was all worth it. All the choices I made, I don't regret them. The year I spent with you was the best one of my life, Sam. Remembering you, knowing that you were safe? It kept me sane down there. No matter what they did, they couldn't touch me, not really. Because I knew you were safe. I know that it hurt you and for that I'm so, so sorry. But not for the rest of it. I love you. No matter what happens to me now, that will never, ever change. I love you, Sam Winchester. So much."

"Please don't go."

"I have to. If I don't go when Cas comes back, then I break the deal and this was all for nothing. The last ten years, everything we went through would be for nothing. I'm not going to do that."

He looked at her determinedly. "Then Cas needs to take me too. I'll go with you. I can't lose you again. It hurts too much. Only losing Dean hurt more, but I got him back. You never came back. And you can't come back from what they're going to do to you. I don't want – I can't do this again. I thought I'd learned to live with it. Guess I was wrong." He turned pleading eyes up at her, breathing hard and shallow.

Alexa bit her lip and shook her head. "I shouldn't have come. I'm making this worse for you. I'm sorry. You can't come, Sam. You have to let me go."

"The first year without you... I woke up every morning wondering how they were torturing you, what kind of pain you were feeling. I still do, a lot of mornings. Sometimes, on a case with demons, I'd ask if they knew you. Where you were, how you were. But I couldn't ever believe what they said. I still ask, sometimes. And I still never believe them."

Whatever answer Alexa had planned to make was interrupted by a loud whoop. She looked over toward the house and saw a tall young man racing over to them.

"Is that Ben?" She asked Sam.

"Yep. It's him." Sam pushed her up out of his lap and stood himself.

Alexa took a few tentative steps in Ben's direction. When he reached her, he grabbed her in a hug and twirled in a circle, laughing. After about a dozen circuits, he put her down again.

"Look at you. You're all grown up!" She grasped his chin and tilted his head from one side to the other.

"Ten years will do that to a kid." Ben said, smiling. "What are you doing back? I thought..." He paused to look at Sam, who shook his head.

"Just a quick visit, in between. Cas dropped me off."

Ben looked around the yard. "Castiel was here?"

Lisa and Dean joined them, staring openly at Alexa. Dean spoke first. "Is it you? What happened?"

"Cas brought me. He thought I might want to say goodbye. He'll be back later. I'm starting to think it wasn't such a good idea though."

"What? Why?" Lisa asked.

"You've all moved on." She looked at Ben. "Grown up. Being here is just a reminder of things you're better off forgetting."

"Alexa, shut up." Dean said jokingly. "We've got this time with you and we're taking it. End of story." He stepped forward and placed his arms around her in a gentle hug. He squeezed tighter after a moment, turning it into a bear hug.

"Missed you." He whispered into her ear.

"Missed you back." She said.

Lisa spoke up. "My turn for hugs, please." She poked Dean in the shoulder and he transferred Alexa over to Lisa's waiting arms. The other woman embraced her, smiling.

"It's so good to see you."

Alexa pulled away, stepping closer to Sam. "It's wonderful to see you all, but I feel terrible. I don't want you to think this is a reunion. I can't stay. Cas is coming back for me. Coming was a mistake, I should have just left you to your lives. I'm sorry." She rested a hand on Sam's chest. "I'm sorry. I should go." She started to call Castiel's name, but Sam placed his hand over her mouth and pulled her against him.

"You're here. Stay until he comes to get you. Please. Just stay as long as you can."

Wide-eyed, she nodded and he took his hand away from her mouth. He wrapped his arm around her and asked, "Anything special you'd like to do?"

"Just be here, with all of you." She replied.

* * *

Alexa spent the day listening to stories of the last ten years. No one asked about what had happened to her, and she didn't volunteer anything. Except once. She got up to get a drink in the kitchen and Dean followed.

"Hey, little sister. Tell me it wasn't that bad. Lie to me."

Her answering smile didn't reach her eyes. "It wasn't that bad. I got through it."

He studied her face for a moment, waiting. She met his eyes, knowing he was waiting for the truth now. She shook her head a bit.

"How bad?" He asked.

"Bad," she whispered. "I think I went insane a few times. I never knew it was possible to feel that kind of pain. But thinking of Sam, and all of you brought me back. Leaving today, this will be the hard part. Please don't tell Sam."

"I won't." He looked at her with serious, sad eyes for another long moment, then kissed her on the cheek.

Shortly after dinner, Lisa nudged Dean and motioned to Ben.

"We're going to go. Give you two time to say goodbye. We'll be back later."

"You don't need to leave." Alexa was blushing.

"Yeah, we do. There are things you and Sam might want to talk about that we don't need to be here for. We'll come back in a few hours to say goodbye. Call if Cas shows up before we get back."

They each gave Alexa a hug, then left. She made a quick face at Sam.

"That was embarrassing."

"Mm-hmm." He murmured, stepping closer to her.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"Lots of things. But for now, just this," he said, gathering her in his arms and bending his head to kiss her. It was a long, lingering kiss, wistful and melancholy. She rested her head against him, softly pressing her lips to his neck.

"Sam, I'm not sure this is a good idea. I don't want to make this any harder for you."

A huge grin covered his face.

She shook her head at him, but smiled a little. "Pervert. Stop channeling Dean for a second. I'm being serious. Coming here... maybe I shouldn't have. I don't want to make this worse. This was a mistake. You've moved on and I'm dragging you back into the past." She made a grunt of frustration and turned from him.

He moved up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. She jumped a little, then relaxed into his embrace.

"It doesn't make it worse. You got through it. Ten years down there. And I get to see you again. Maybe it will hurt more later, to lose you a second time. I don't know. Right now, you're here and I'm happy and I don't want to waste it."

She huffed at him. "That isn't what you said earlier. I'm just worried, Sam. Worried about what this will do to you. I'm such an idiot. I thought maybe, somehow, if I saw you one last time... Such an idiot."

"No, you aren't. Here. Put this on." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black pouch. Opening it, he slid Alexa's necklace into his palm.

"You kept that?" Shock laced her voice.

"Of course." He fastened the clasp and let the necklace rest against her collarbone. Then he bent and swept her into his arms.

"Hey! Put me down."

"In a second." He carried her up to the bedroom and placed her on the bed. He reached for the buttons of his old shirt and eased it from her shoulders.

"I love you," he told her.

"Love you too, Sam." She answered.

* * *

A few hours later, Sam was back out by the fire pit, alone again. Castiel had come moments before to take Alexa and conclude the deal. As soon as Alexa was gone, Sam had left everyone behind in the house and gone out to stare up at the stars.

There was a rustle and he turned his head, looking into Castiel's blue eyes. Without speaking, Castiel held out his palm. Alexa's necklace dangled from his fingers.

In deep, sonorous tones, the angel said, "She wanted you to have this."

Sam tucked it into his shirt pocket.

"Was it quick?"

Castiel sat in the seat beside him. "Yes. It was. There was no pain for her."

"Good. That's good." Sam fixed his eyes on a particularly bright star, fighting tears. He could cry for this fresh loss later, when he was alone. Then he would expand to hold it inside and go on living, the way she would have wanted.

"There's one more thing you should know."

"What's that?"

"Something brought her back."

Sam's heart skipped, then steadied. He sat up a little in the lounger. "What?"

"Alexa was destroyed. But something brought her back together. She's in Heaven. No angel could have done that, Sam."

"So someday, maybe?" His voice choked a little as he looked at Castiel hopefully.

The angel smiled. "She told me to tell you to take your time. Live first. She'll wait."

A bright and melancholy laughter filled the darkness, rising up to join the stars.

* * *

_A final thank you to everyone who has reviewed or written to me regarding this story. I hope you all enjoyed it. I welcome any comments, good or bad, you would care to make. It all helps the writing process. Also, a few people have contacted me about the chapter titles/song titles. If anyone is interested, I'd be happy to send a message with the titles and artists (or just post an addendum if there's need). There is also the possibility of a few more stories with Alexa – those hunts that I glossed over in previous chapters. It depends on my other projects and your interest levels. Thank you all again for your support and regard. It's been a privilege._


End file.
